Thursday, April 4, 2013

And The Days Goes By - With Nothing Else To Do...

Ah, anyone that happens to be a huge fan of my greatest "mentor", the one person I have I guess you may say "idolized" for many years, she who inspires me, the one that gives me words, when it seems they fail me, and she is so much of a mystery, yet so open to me, Stevie Nicks. The "Title" of this blog, is a portion of one of her songs, and I shall let those that know her well guess which song...

My writing today, consists of some relief, some concern, some disdain, a great deal of aggravation. and I guess the list goes on, as to what feelings I am coping with today.

After a year or more, after 6 or 7 Doctors (I have lost count), after endless tests, blood work, CT's, eye exams of every kind, some I have never knew even existed, after even being put to sleep and have a "temporal artery biopsy", going through Neurologists, and even Higher Specialists, the news yesterday about the "double vision" I have been experiencing for a year was a relief first of all. But talk about feeling also feelings of "I told you so", I knew It all along, I said it in the beginning, what a waste of our time, our money, and much aggravation... we find out that more than likely the Lupus, along with some of my other chronic health issues & medications are the culprits. From the beginning, I had said I felt it was just one more symptom of the Lupus, MTCD etc. Yet, there I went through the most extensive work up any one person could go through... with the exception of BRAIN SURGERY!, every damned test that could possibly be ran was done. The new doctor yesterday, another "Neuro-Ophthalmologist", confirmed my suspicions. He did more testing himself in the office, and ones that I have never encountered. But, when I began to look them up. they also were very specific for double vision, and how to correct it with the proper "prisms" in my glasses. Well, that was the very first thing my own Ophthalmologist did when I saw them. They "corrected" the double vision by putting prisms in my glasses. they at the time I think suspected it to very well be something to do with Lupus, but due to my health issues, and the complications  I have they felt a specialist needed to go into further testing to make sure I was not dealing with yet another chronic illness, like MS, Myasthenia Gravis etc. or also as the idiot, insane doctor did the biopsy on the temporal artery. I got the impression that this new doctor yesterday may have ran some of the tests that I have had, but I gather he may not have went into as much depth as the others did. We were of course relieved at first. But, we were also disgusted, pissed, upset, disappointed, and a number of other things that first of all, I thought it all along, and should have "listened" to my own feelings about all of this, plus if one of these others would have made a damned "diagnosis" rather than continue to jerk me around all over the universe with this. it could have and would have been over months and months ago! The amount of stress, trauma, testing, money and time that went into all of this was ridiculous! I "get" that with my amount of complications they take "extra" precautions, but I feel that this went far above "normal" precautions. Second of all, of course, there is no "cure". My only way to resolved the "symptoms" is to wear the "prismed glasses" which will "trick my eyes" into thinking the brain is sending the signals correctly and my muscles will be tricked into looking both the same direction. What is happening is that the signals go to the eyes from the brain, so the muscles of the eyes will line up the same, and you see one image. My eyes due to a weakness of muscles especially when I am more tired, can't hold the 'signals" to be straight together, thus one eye travels off a different way slightly, causing the double vision. The doctors "goal" is to give me the proper prism and proper amount in my glasses so I never see double vision when I wear them. So, I already have a prism in both of mine now, and I have a new prescription that will be a stronger prism, plus my vision has changed a little, thus correcting the double vision even more hopefully, maybe enough that this does the trick for good. But, there is much more he can add if need be.
All of the crap I endured, and both of us, plus my Mom and family endured to find out it is what I thought anyway. Then they wonder why people don't like going to the doctors and dealing with all of the "drama", time and expense. Often it is just like this incident, it winds up being something you already knew and it is a "benign" situation anyway. Other than my regular eye doctor not being able to say for certain it was the Lupus, they "corrected" the issue from the beginning, and probably could continue to "upgrade" the prism as needed in the future if it is needed.
Our part did come in and it fixed my clothes dryer problem!!! HOOOOO RAYYYY!!! Now I have to catch up on all of the laundry... not too bad with the two of us, but more than usual of course.

The weather SUCKS! Yesterday a.a. on the way to Dallas it really sucked. The rain was so bad, along with the blowing wind and it still being so dark, you could barely see the road and I saw several getting off to wait until they could see to continue on. Of course we had rush hour traffic to deal with, and needed to be at the doctor online, thus we marched on, and got there without any problems, but on the other side of the highway as we reached downtown Dallas, they had a major pile up!!!! A Fed-Ex truck, and several other huge trucks were jack knifed, and then many cars also wrecked. So, that was not a pretty sight for sure. That is why I HATE DRIVING IN BAD WEATHER!!!!! Especially in lots of traffic and on busy highways.. it is just pure dangerous...
Needless to say, I am worn to a frazzle today. Everything on me hurts, and my mind, body and spirit are all just exhausted. My plans are to NOT leave this house, but do laundry, and rest today. I have to get to feeling better so I can sew on my quilt and work on my book!!!!! I still intend on making my deadline!



The other issue of course is North Korea. I am just all up in arms over the entire thing. I feel their "leader" is a total raving insane lunatic! And I am not very optimistic. As I told my husband last night, all of us better have "our" business straight with our "Maker". I am feeling that a nuclear or chemical weapon situation is upon us, or close enough to us with allies that we WILL feel the effects of it. I see it turning into WWIII honestly. This guy is totally psychotic, and he has brainwashed an entire country to totally believe him! Talk about one scary situation! Those people hate us, and they do not know one speck of the truth about us, about any of the world, etc. All they know is lies that have been fed since birth. I feel he has no remorse, and no "feelings" for humanity. IF he harms his own along the way, I feel he could care less. It is truly unbelievable that situation is such dire straits. But, my thoughts are I take it very seriously, and feel that as I said, we better have our hearts set in the right place. I do not want to sound like some kind of weirdo saying "The end is near"... but I tell you I am totally beyond a little leery about all of his threats....



I end today with did you "find out the Song" the name of this blog today lyrics are from by Stevie Nicks?
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