Friday, June 21, 2013

Being "Wowed" by A Few Wonderful People!

Wow!!! Yes, how about that, 2 "wows" in a row from me this week! honestly, I can hardly contain myself at the moment. You would be totally shocked at what a few wondrous people on FB give to me through their sharing, watering my plants, and then my walk this morning, (as I am still dripping with sweat) gave to me!!! I realized so much through those minutes that I am not sure if I can get all of it written down the way my thoughts were going. First of all, I just figured out (and I knew it but it just hit me in a much different way), how much my Mom is proud of me. I also understand now that because of things she tells me now, she wants me to know that their life when I was a child was not all a "fairy tale" as I thought it was. They came from such a different realm of time due to when they were born (The Depression, farms, one room school houses etc) and even though I was a child and did not realize it, Mom so wished she would have "stood up" more for herself and me. Dad also was 13 years older than her. So, he came from a time that women did nothing but stay home, cook, clean, raise kids, work on the farm... they did not work away from home, they did not go to college, they did not do the things that women do now everyday. So, he often treated our home like it was back in the days of when he was young. He though he "ran the house"... I always tell this and it shows just how "backwards" our home life was at times. My Mom till this day, CANNOT PUT GAS IN HER OWN CAR! He never taught her... she never took care of the bills, she never did so many things that I have done all my life. Daddy tended to "be the "man" of the house" and what he said, went... I had to ask him to drive the car to school, or go out. She never made a decision. He felt me being in the band, or even when I went to college after I was an adult, grown and married... he thought that was a waste. But, he was not being "mean" it was just the way he was taught and raised. Well, Mom kind of in the same thing, women did not at that time "stand up" as much for themselves. So, she went along with what he said. The funny thing things really did not change for them until way after Dad RETIRED after 45 years on the same job, and he was older. Then he began to do things differently. But, now when she tells me certain stories about their past, she wants to let me know she wishes she would have did things a lot differently. Especially when it came to me... my clothes, my hair, me going to ball games (Dad would not let me), and just many things we wished she would have stood up for us and changed things for the better. As I told her, "you did what you felt at the time was right". Up until these last few years after being alone, now is when she has come to realize things could be been different. Life at the time, was because that is how it was...
All of us that come from what a friend of our used to call "Gen X"... we are not "birthers", or "Baby boomers" etc... or any of those era's ... we are kind of in between... thus being born in the time of around 1960 until about 65 or so, our lives were in a much different generation. We have watched so many changes, and also we are young enough to experience them also... cell phones, the internet, hell computers themselves (look HOW MUCH) they have changed and changed our lives, flat screen TV's, gosh everything from the front load "steam" washing machines, to ordering from Amazon anything your heart desires... staying in touch by email, FB, or talking to one another through Skype, or Messenger... look at the camera's from just 20 years ago... our cars... you name it, we have watched from the time "we walked on the moon", and now we are "roving on Mars". We are an amazing generation... and here I am at 53 years old (damned I hate to admit that) and the number of things that I have had the opportunity to do and watch are stupendous. When I was 13, I never dreamed I would have a book published, not truly. I dreamed it in the sense of hoping I would be "discovered". But no way would anyone even 10 years ago thought how inexpensive it could be... even in the "self-publishing" era a few years ago, the expense was in the thousands.... now we can have our things online, on blogs, on social media places, on web sites, on heck our own website (i have had several), on Amazon for sale, on an I-Pad, Kindle in "digital" form. So, the blessed journey to get where I am today... yes maybe I did not realize my life could have been different at times, but it has brought me to where I am right now, at this moment, with this breath and the next. Mom questioned me about marrying so young... well I thought that is what I was supposed to do... it was the only thing I had seen... yet so many of my fellow class mates attended college, and are veterinarians, and have made incredible lives for themselves. Some left this small town, and others stayed. The Class of ’78 certainly did spread their wings and fly! I chose a road, but one that took me to work full time, go to college part time, get my associate degree after what seemed like years in accounting. Sometimes I wonder why I did not choose to go into the writing classes, since writing was my ultimate passion, even though I loved accounting.
I went onto discover many other things about myself. Actually I am quite a good painter, in oil paints. I have had many, many compliments on my paintings. I still have some piano and keyboard skills, and even though I am a little rusty, I can pick it back up with a little practice. I also play the drums, learned I can write lyrics, and even put music to it and have an entire song. My health always kept me from “climbing” the corporate ladder. Of course, I never had those skills anyway. I could not be a back-stabbing, back-biting, stepping on others to get what I wanted witch. I could not sleep my way to the top, not my style. Thus, illness in my life was also a journey that lead me other places and to learn other things about myself and life. Without my first two marriages, I would not have my two incredible grown kids. Without my times of being abused, I would not have learned that I am a survivor, and it also taught me to reach our and help others. I never “ran from” anything, but “ran” to something instead. Many thought I ran away from TX, in ways I did, but I actually ran towards a “LIFE” that finally was one that was my own. No one else was telling me how to live. I could continue on with this and I may on my blog, but I don’t want to lose what I want to say here…

I am blessed… I have several women here that inspire me so much more than you could ever know … I have been elated so much with the trust, truth, and the way we open up to one another, and bear our souls… raw… yet in a way of healing. We life each other up, or I certainly know you lift me up… and make me feel alive again, when these disease want to bring me to my knees. I feel incredible fortunate to have you in my life, and it is as if you are right here next to me so many times. Thank you… thank you so much for what you have given of yourself, and asking nothing in return… for that I just could not ask for more, than what we share… Luv you, Rhia
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