Moving Forward.... thru the realms of Life, where it takes us, chronic pain, family, and all of the things we "learn" along the way..... Alzheimer's

They did not give Morphine due to Mom being allergic to Codeine, but Dilaudid instead and since I know more about that medication, I am glad they chose it. They also gave me "Ativan" that I can give her, and then a combination of meds in a "cream" that goes at the pulse points for nausea, agitation, and to assist in breathing... so far, Mom has been able to swallow just fine, but they gave me the Atropine because it may get to where she does have problems swallowing, and that is what is another part of the "comfort medications". I am able to give her the Norco just as before, she now has really stopped eating all together, which as they said was "normal"... and she still gets a dry mouth of course the medications themselves can do that, so she will drink of all things it is so funny, Mom never drank any type of "Cola's", or carbonated drinks... but when this first began, she wanted nothing but Diet Dr. Pepper, Sprite Zero, and sometimes Diet Pepsi.... 

so if she does tell me she wants a drink it is usually the Sprite Zero, with some water in it, so it is not so "strong" with the carbonation. I changed her a couple of hours ago, and got her all on clean and dry sheets, and a dry night shirt, and her diapers on, then they gave me some cream I put on the heels where the blisters were... actually the nurse told me unless they are "weeping", to allow them to "dry"... rather than put anything on them... so really the one heel is the only one needing much care... 

most of the other places where her skin is so thin, and like me, she has very huge places that appear almost like "blood blisters" but flat, and not blisters, just more broken blood vessels... and the Lupus causes me to have those... I told her that I had to look at those "new" types of diapers, because it has been so long since I used diapers on my 2 kids I was out of practice... LOL... and I told her that I wished we were at the Casino, and that everyone here online, and around town that knows tells me to say hello and tell her they are praying for her... but I try my best NOT to disturb her... 

I realize she "hurts" all over... and just even trying to roll her gently from one side to the other to change a sheet, diaper etc.. just plain hurts... so I give her the pain drops, and meds, and then I try to clean her good, but not put her through any more misery of being tossed and turned in the bed... and today she said "ouch" a few times, but I would tell her it was me, and that I was trying to do a "better job" that the aide as far as not making her hurt worse... and by the time I had her dry, cleaned up and gave her meds, she was asleep and peaceful again.... I don't know whether I should be "posting" this stuff or not, BUT it "helps" me honestly... have some way to "say" the feelings and emotions.... and then I am not so "frazzled" - thus the posts help.... my back is so messed up, I could sit in my floor, scream, cry, and gripe due to the intense burning in my hips and down both legs.... 

I may have to go to my pain doctor if I can next week and have him "up" my pain pump meds until I can get into surgery.... but we shall see.... As I said in another post, I continue to "learn" a great deal from those from Hospice, and I have a high and new found respect for the people that I have been in contact with so far.... they are definitely Angels... what a difficult "job"... that has to be.... Anyway, back to the sofa for me... I have to try and get my back to calm down a bit... I did not sleep well at all last night, and had severe nightmares all night long... so I am drained......

Sonograms!!?? Why have Doctors NOT already done these???

This just totally blew me away! I've fussed and griped for YEARS about how each and every time I've had to have a "joint surgery" and how badly I was in pain; plus do to my joint history, the, the DJD. the DDD, the RA, Lupus and the list goes on and on, when I go in with a joint hurting, it usually means we are destined for surgery, maybe even replacement. I recall when my left elbow gave me so much trouble, and not long after my left shoulder began to drive me insane with pain, loss of range of motion, stiffness, and the entire gamut. I went through all of the tests, the MRI's. the CT's, with and without "contrast", X-rays, medication and nothing usually worked.  I may have some relief from a corticosteroid injection into the joint, and that may last for a day, month and sometimes even a year. On my right shoulder, I had several rounds of injections, way before we did any type of arthroscopic surgery. Yet, even though all of those "expensive" tests, that were supposed to be the "gold standard" when it came to diagnosis, may show some damage, spurs and so on, BUT, when every surgeon that did my various surgeries actually got to "see" the massive amount of damage in the joint, they then understood why I was so adamant about NOT using those tests as much, as more "heavily weighing" from my long term symptoms, them actually getting worse than ever better, and that there much more damage in the joint than any type of scan, MRI, and so forth ever would show them. In fact, my orthopedic surgeon who did both my complete right reverse shoulder replacement and my 4 level cervical neck surgery, told me himself. The damage was so deep, and it was extremely bad, but there was no way it would have shown on any test. Sam thing with my neck, it was the same with my elbow on the left, my shoulder on the left, and both knees. It never failed that the doctors would always tell me that what they actually saw by doing the surgery, was far more worse, than any type of a scan, MRI and so would have ever shown.

I have also said that I felt that any "scan", MRI, X-ray and so forth is only as "good" as the person it with experience and knowledge to read them. I can just tell, from all I've heard about and read, that often things are NOT found, or they are far worse, than what the "radiologist that read them said.

It just stands to reason, if someone has the "education" yes, that is a huge part of it. But, when you are looking at something as complicated as the inside of a joint, or any organ for that matter, if you don't have not only the knowledge but experience to totally "see" all of that entire ordeal, then all too often, I felt things were ""missed" because of whomever read them, didn't have enough experience or possibly training, to not miss something. Again, this is not just joint related but any type of scan, and so forth, things could be missed, and could cause serious issues if they are not caught in the beginning.

Same way with "blood work"... they are coming to find with many diseases, that all too often that "blood work" again that is supposed to be another "gold standard" for diagnosis, MAT NOT BE accurate. It could have been not processed quickly enough, or no refrigerated in time, or blood work has been known to get "mixed up" and maybe what was read had nothing to do with you. Many may not realize it, but on some of the very complicated blood work that they do, it may be actually "shipped" even out of state to be processed. Some of these tests either take extremely high dollar equipment, time, and the person to make sure it is done accurately. Again, there can be a mix up, something not processed in time, left out too long, or any number of things could "go wrong" before the actual test is ran, and the outcome that is "right", could be wrong.

I know I am NOT the ONLY PERSON who has been through this very issue. Even when I had the double hernia's. I had 2 doctors, a sonogram tech, a PA, ALL miss the HERNIA"S!! I knew they were there. I even told them exactly how to locate them, and why they would not locate them if I lie down, they would kind of "settle" down into my abdomen, and then they were difficult to locate. Yet, I have one huge lump on the left, and the one on the right had just began to show. I finally went to a regular SURGEON. He "found" them immediately and said I needed to have them both repaired before they got worse. The one on the left was already getting fairly large and the right one was headed that way.

Yet, even with a sonogram, 2 doctors, and one PA all doing an exam, none of them found them whatsoever. Yet, I was persistent, that I would NOT take "no" for an answer. I had at least ONE hernia, and I planned on getting someone to freaking listen!

Well the week after seeing the surgeon, I went in and had a double hernia repair.


So, went it with my elbow, my knees, both shoulders.... no matter how many scans, tests, reports, experts, and all that are involved WE, KNOW our BODIES better than anyone else. And if YOU FEEL SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT, then do NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER! CONTINUE TO go onto other doctors until someone can give you an explanation that at the very least makes sense!!!

This day and age about "people" not being "educated" about medical problems, especially chronic ones, has far past us. The majority of this nation and around the globe, with the internet, and so many "reliable" web sites, doctors, specialists, documentation, everywhere can absolutely have a great deal of information about "possible" things that could be wrong, to others letting them know possibly how they dealt with a certain treatment, or surgery... and YES, there is also some BAD information out there too You must use you "brain and common sense" when it comes to weeding out the "good info" from the 'bad info"....

So, I totally understand doctors that get a bit annoyed with a patient that comes in and begins to tell them they know what is  wrong with them, because they read it online, they heard it on day time TV, or several of their online friends have the same issue.

I get their point. But, when I go in, I don't begin to "rattle off" what I've found online, I usually go in with a "list".... and I ask questions, about certain things I may have read online. Yet, I try not to put my foot down and say "I know what it is because I found out about all of it, here, there or yonder. But ALWAYS TAKE A LIST!!! I can guarantee even though you may have a photographic mind, and like myself I used to be able to do all kinds of things and multitask. Yet, now days, as soon as I walk into the doctors office, I've without a list I would forget have of what I went to ask about. Thus that list helps to keep YOU focused, and also let them know what kinds of things maybe going on with you, that can help them to make a better "guess-ta-ment" or find the answers to whatever is going on with you and your health.

So, now I get to the article below. Which talks ALL about the VERY thing I've been fussing and griping about!!! A very SIMPLE test, that is certainly NOT INVASIVE, and it MUCH CHEAPER than many of these other tests, that give the doctors, a much better look at what might really be going on, especially when it comes to joints, inflammation and on forth.

So, PLEASE take a moment, and read this below!!! Then PLEASE share it with your own friends and those who have been through hell and back, sometimes for YEARS trying to get a right and accurate diagnosis!

I have already got it where I can print it and take it to my own doctors!!! I think they all need a "wake up" call.

http://rawarrior.com/professionals-call-for-ultrasound-use-in-rheumatoid-arthritis/

New Post - My Letter to Congress in Regard to Arthritis, Autoimmune Illnesses, Medicare, Advantage Plans, Medicaid & Just How We Lack All We need to have a "Quality of Life"

I just completed this email below. I've been working on it for what seems like weeks. Due to ALL of the doctors visits, Jim going to Rehab twice weekly, my visits with my dentist to get my dentures (which I am already having "flare" issues I think with the Lupus, Sjogren's and RA) & numerous other things that have had to be taken care of, I've had to write this in between all of that. Finally, this morning around 1:30am I woke up needing a drink of water. Not realizing my foot was so "asleep" I got up and immediately went to the floor, with a very "twisted" left ankle, that left me in tears. I tried to go back to bed, but there was no use. So, at 4 am I got up, and decided to finish the email, and try and get some things done on the computer and on line that have had to be put on the back burner due to all else going on.

I am sharing the email with you. I am also sending it to my own House Representative, and to several others in the Federal Government that I feel can and may try to do something to help not just myself but ALL of us. Here is the email. My hopes are that YOU will write your own and also email it. The Arthritis Foundation sent out a newsletter about 10 days ago asking for us to all send in our stories to the email address that will be listed below this one I sent....

Good Afternoon to All In Congressional Representatives,

First of All, I want to thank, House Energy and Commerce Committee Chairman Fred Upton (R-MI) and Rep. Diana DeGette (D-CO) recently who announced a bi-partisan initiative, called the “21st Century Cures: A Call to Action”. This will certainly help to shed some new light on chronic illnesses, and especially those new diseases and illnesses, that at this time, like many types of Arthritis, (Rheumatoid, Osteoarthritis & Juvenile to name a few), that have NO cure at the time, little known about “why” those who all of a sudden get the diseases, why others may not, what medications we need in the future to either put these illnesses into remission, OR CURE them…. even STOP them before they ever do the severe damage they do to all of us suffering daily dealing with ALL of this issues these horrid illnesses bring into our lives. I hope many of our other Congressional members will stand beside HECC Chairman Mr. Fred Upton and Representative Diana DeGette and help to make this “Call to Action” a huge success for the thousands and hundreds of thousands suffering from various forms of Arthritis and Autoimmune Illnesses.

I am an “Arthritis Patient", that suffers from several various forms of autoimmune arthritis, as well as osteoarthritis. My list of diseases, illnesses and syndromes; Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA), Sjögren’s, Pernicious Anemia, along with many issues brought on by thee illnesses, such as a heart attack at 40, severe pain, swelling stiffness that all have consumed my quality of life at times so much, that I feel the diseases rule my daily living. At the age of 15 I had my 1st knee surgery. At that time, they knew little about Juvenile Arthritis (JA), and the experts really did not know much about RA, and all of the other arthritic and autoimmune illnesses here in our nation. So, I went for years from one physician to another, trying to find out why all of my joints were “falling apart”… by the time I was 40, I had already had a left elbow repaired, a left shoulder repaired both knees had surgery at least twice back them, plus all of the other “symptoms” that most doctors at the time “blew off” especially when it came to women. They for the most part thought if I woman complained about aches and pains, she was either nuts, a hypochondriac, was having “female” issues, or was depressed. That was the huge one. The answer from most doctors to a woman with “mysterious” health issues was to determine they are depressed and fill you full of anti-depressants that did nothing for the “physical issues” that overwhelmed you. Still I would hear, even with the severe migraine headaches I had, the weakness, & still other signs and symptoms that should have never been looked over, but taken seriously.

In 2009 I FINALLY began to get some “answers” that made sense. I was not nuts, depressed, making it up, had female issues etc…. I had an “autoimmune issues or issues” that were ruining not only my joints, but also causing he severe fatigue, all of the joints and surgeries I was having… including both knees completely replaced and my right shoulder had to be replaced, along with a 4 level cervical surgery, for degenerated disc disease, and now my thumbs, fingers, toes, and ankles are “eaten up” by RA.

I’ve jumped through hoops and hoops for a very long while over my medications for these diseases. When you have a serious illness, and medications come out that may “halt” or at least give you a huge percentage of reprieve, so your quality of life comes back & your doctor feels the medication is necessary, there should be NO ONE at an insurance company, or throughout Medicare to tell your doctor differently. These ridiculous amounts of forms, paperwork, having to be put through 4 or more medications that DO NOT work before the ONE that does can even be considered, makes for a patient becoming worse by the day, paperwork and red tape costing precious doctors time, insurance people who have no clue what the entire thing is all about, and it is a vicious cycle of “stuff” in order to finally either get the medication you NEED OR be turned down, which really is asinine. I have been through I cannot tell you how many “pre-authorizations”, sending medical records, my doctor having to fill out forms which they should not have to, talking for literally hours on the phone trying to get to ONE PERSON who can “fix” the problem… and on the computer sending emails, sending messages, and as I said, all the while suffering from these horrid diseases that each day wreck my joints and my body a bit more each day. Any type of “autoimmune arthritis” such as RA, effects NOT JUST the joints. They are “ systemic” in nature & can effect the heart, lungs, kidneys, your hearing, your eyesight, your memory, your blood, your stomach, intestines, and so on. Just about every part of the body can be effected by any type of autoimmune illness, and can reek havoc in just a short time without proper care.

One of my horrors with one of these “Autoimmune Arthritic” diseases is Sjögrens. This is just one that they do not know nearly enough about. The doctors know it effects the mucous  membranes, which we have all over our bodies. Our mouth, which is how saliva is formed. It keeps our eyes moist, our intestines, and many “linings” in our organs have these types of member in them. Without them, organs like the inside of the mouth, dries out so badly, you cannot even speak, swallow, and the worse cause horrendous “dental caries” and other issues! Yet, I was not informed of just how quickly and how badly my teeth might be effected. I brushed daily, tried my best to chew sugarless gum, sipped on green tea all day long, and used the special toothpastes and all of the “remedies” for dry mouth. Yet, about a year ago, all of a sudden one evening we were eating dinner, and an entire back of a molar just fell off in my mouth! Within the course of 3 weeks I had 3 more teeth with break off at the gum line, or a half of a tooth break off. Then suddenly almost every tooth had either a large cavity in it, OR would crumble off on the edges, and I knew I had to get assistance quickly because I was losing all of my teeth, and in a time frame that was not going to allow me to wait even a month or two.

So, I began trying to find an “Oral Surgeon” and/or an Oral Surgeon/Maxillary surgeon that would take my Medicare Advantage Plan “Humana Insurance”. Well, I have yet to find ONE dentist, oral surgeon, and so forth that will take my insurance, EVEN THOUGH this problem is caused from a physical ILLNESS, NOT just regular dental caries. This is a serious matter, that I spent weeks and weeks calling dental offices, and researching online, first of all, WHAT I truly needed done, and a Dental Doctor that could do the procedure, and try to help me get some of it paid for by my Medicare Advantage Plan. I literally spent days and days sending emails, making phone calls, sending messages to dentists offices, all to no avail. In other words, (unless you have had to price these types of dentures called “mini implants”) I was going to have to cough up anywhere from $8,000.00 to some the charge $16,000.00! Now these are the dentists that have been through enough “training” to do certain types of “oral surgeries”, not the Physician Dentists, the true Oral and Maxillary Surgeons MD. I am sure when you look at the fact they usually put you under complete anesthetic in an operating room, and have several nurses and so on assisting them, they charge I would say $25,000.00 and UP! By the time you pay his services, a anesthesia doctor, all of the charges for an “outpatient” stay at a day surgery or hospital setting, I know from the extensive surgeries I’ve had due to all of these horrid, life altering chronic illnesses, it certainly would be a great deal more than $8,000.00. And “they” MAY be able to get my Medicare Advantage Plan to “pay”… with some pushing, pulling, red tape, & lots of time before I could have anything done, BUT the insurance ONLY PAYS 60% of any type of “dental” procedure no matter if the problem has been caused by an Illness! So, that means by the time you added up all of those “extra’s” involved where I would have to travel back and forth from Dallas many times to get it all done (so far I have had about 5 appointments to do all of this, and still have another at least 3 to go)… thus you are looking at the cost of gas, parking, and what if something happened after hours or a weekend? Like a dry socket, of which I had one, and also the start of an infection. But, I am within 5 minutes of my dentist/oral surgeon, thus I can be in there and getting care within an hour or two. And I am sure if something happened over the weekend that called for attention, he would go to the office and see me. Now, as it is, after an almost “deadly” car accident that my husband (who more or less has been my “caretaker” now for almost 10 years) last March. An 18-wheel tractor trailer “ran over” him from the back. Aa of now he is barely able to walk, much less drive anywhere. So, I have only myself to depend upon. My 2 children live 8 or more hours away, and my Mom, who I am “watching after” and helping out at times, can barely drive to the grocery store and back home that is about 10 blocks or less, thus there is NO way I could have been going to Dallas, being “put under” and driving myself home.

This part of my story only touches the “iceberg” of what I’ve had to endure. Lupus, RA, Sjögren’s, Raynaud’s, Osteoarthritis, Migraines, two heart attacks, one at the age of 40 (now they think the Lupus may have caused them, but that was years ago before I was diagnosed), plus all of the complications that go along with these illnesses. They can “attack” just about any part of the body, from the brain, to kidneys, to your heart and lungs, blood vessels, skin, and that list just goes on and on. As I have come to find out also, once they “finally diagnose” you, more than likely you have “several AI’s, causing the problems. (AI- Autoimmune diseases). We NEED HELP! WE NEED more RESEARCH, TRAINED PHYSICIANS ON THESE ILLNESSES, including DENTISTS, MORE MEDICATIONS, TO BE DIAGNOSED EARLY BEFORE all of your body is falling apart from them. We need to find out what causes these chronic illnesses, whether heredity, or caused by something later in life. The number of people (WOMEN rank MUCH HIGHER in getting any of these than men), grows each day. Some of us, like myself, may have been ill for many years, 10 years, or more BEFORE they finally get a doctor who takes the time to sit down, and put together the pieces of the puzzle of someone with one or more of these illnesses. But, doctors are overwhelmed, underpaid, and just do not have the time, even as specialists, like Rheumatologists, to really EXAMINE a patient, and there past medical issues to find out their patient is ill with a disease that could have been there for a decade or more, By the time mine were found out, I had already had both knees replaced (after several arthroscopic surgeries), an elbow surgery, arthroscopic surgery on both shoulders, my right one now replaced completely. I have osteoporosis, and mine is “severe” in range. I have the bones of someone 80 plus years old.

This past 6 weeks have been especially an extremely fought time for me. Due to the Sjogren’s literally eating away from the inside out, and no one knowing it until it was too late, I have had to endure having two sets of 5 at a time teeth pulled, much of it difficult due to the teeth being so brittle, thus difficult to excise, then after going through a couple of times trying to make sure the complete regular dentures will fit right for now, I went through a couple of visits for that. I finally got my “new teeth” just this past week on August 12th, 2014. Yet, I still had 11 teeth that had to be pulled all at once, then my gums were sutured shut, after my dentist had to do some “filing” to my bone so the dentures will fit properly, and then my gums were sutured closed in the front, top and bottom. I did then immediately get my dentures put is, but of course with extremely swollen gums, suturing and a great deal of bruising due to all of the local anesthetic being put in the syringes, then the extracting in itself, my gums developed some very sore spots, and even several mouth ulcers. Those I get with Sjogren’s to my dismay. I HAVE to be able to wear these teeth, since I have none of my own now. And I cannot have them “modified” to be held in with the “mini implants” until the bone is completely healed from where all of the teeth were extracted first. This process could take 90 to maybe even 120 days. My problem is trying to have my own mouth accept them, due to the issues of ulcers, and other problems I develop in my mouth due to the Sjogren’s. Then even at that there is already over $4,000.00 paid all of my pocket to get this far with the dentures. Then in another 90-120 days, there will be another $1200.00 (what was “left off accidentally the original treatment plan to pull all of the 11 teeth left) that we were not expecting, then another over $3,000.00 just to have those four “mini-implant posts” put into place in my gums, then the dentures modified to fit properly on those posts. If I could wear the dentures as they are now, I may not have to incur the last $3,000.00 plus BUT I can already see since I am suffering from ulcers, (probably a bad flare of the Lupus, Sjogren’s, and RA) from all of the trauma to getting this far with the dentures, and all of the other very stressful things going on in my life at the present, it has brought a bad flaring up of the autoimmune illness. When this happens, I can have everything from those types of very painful mouth issues, severe Lupus Headaches, severe fatigue, swelling of my joints, the “mylar rash” on my face, & numerous other symptoms that are from these illnesses. It is shameful the amount of time, the loss of quality of life I have sufferer and continue to suffer, the lack of enough research, medication, doctors, and other medical items that may help to put these illnesses in permanent remission, or not get them at all, then I have to fight “tooth and nail” (no pun intended) to get my Medicare Advantage Plan to pay a dime, especially when it comes to anything to do with the huge burden of expense of all that I have endured with my mouth, and the Sjogren’s that causes it. I want to see this change, for myself, and also for many others, some I have met recently that are going through the same situation that I am. Most of them like myself, really taking on a very heavy financial burden because they cannot get Medicare or a Medicare Advantage Plan to cover any of this even though it is a “medical” problem, not dental per se. For some $9,880.00 plus (because I already had several teeth that rotted down to the gum and had to be pulled before the procedure of getting my mouth ready for the dentures) may not think that is a great sum some of money. BUT, someone living on Social Security Disability, and the spouse (my husband) that had been my “caretaker” for the most part, then he was in a severe, almost life taking vehicle accident on March 26th, 2014 and spent almost 4 months in the hospital, with many complicated injuries including his spinal cord. Thus now he had massive health needs, puts even more of a burden on my life and on his that I an barely begin to tell about. He was hit from behind by an 18 wheel tractor trailer that day, and rushed to Baylor Emergency in Dallas, where he was operated on for basically a “broken back”, 7 broken ribs, and the list of injuries goes on and on. So, us trying to take care of one another is a daily struggle. Again we begin all over to try and find proper physicians for him through the system, and much like I have come to find out, many doctors are refusing to take any Medicaid patient, and now even worse, are refusing to take Medicare patients, due to not getting paid properly, and in a reasonable time length.

I would like to see for one Medicare or these Medicare Advantage plans cover MORE on something such as Sjogren’s, that is not “dental” in nature, but caused by a physical illness. I would also ask that rather than put up a road block, where the patient cannot get through to anyone at Medicare to explain the problems, or be able to get our doctors and dentists to be able to help get these types of things paid for just as any other type of chronic illness. I cannot express enough the huge amount of emotional, physical, mental, and financial anguish I have been through, and still have more to go just to be able to eat. But, my teeth are what can sustain my life, and without them, I am at risk for all types of other physical and emotional issues.

I realize we have many people in our nation, and around the globe in need of all types of medical attention. Yet, in a great nation such as the United States, our people should not have to bear such a hardship, and not have anywhere to turn to get any type of financial assistance with something so critical as your teeth. I did NOT cause this, the disease did.

I ask you to see if there is a way to change this system, give help to get things like this paid for or at least a good portion paid for by Medicare and/or a Medicare Advantage Plan. I ask you to get the funds out there to get more specialists, so we have enough doctors to are qualified and trained, that have went through a major study of these life altering illnesses, and can give us back our quality of life, and find these illnesses and have the ability to treat them before 5, 10, of more years go by and the damage has already been done.

I feel I do my part by voting, by participating as a volunteer, activist, and Ambassador for several organizations that are trying to change the face of Arthritis, Autoimmune Diseases, and all of the other medical problems that come with them, I sign petitions, I send letters, make calls, and send emails. I am somewhat limited to do what I can medically and monetarily, but in the ways I can try to stand up and make a difference, I give it my all. Now, I ask you do to the same. Stand up for all of us that want our quality of life back, to be able to do the simple things in life like eat, do a hobby, work in a garden, or whatever you may want to do, by giving the way with funds, research and voting for bills that will reduce the terrible burden off of those like myself.

Thank you for your time and for listening. I hope my “one” voice can help to make a difference.

Doctors, Patients, Medical Staff.... We Must Stand Together, Hand In Hand... and NOT Allow this "ship" of Medical Needs Sink

In this day and time, when SO MANY of us NEED doctors, medications and care, of the very best, what happens...POLITICS happen! I realize the VA has been an extremely huge mess for many years. I had watched my ex Father In Law go through that entire "system" when he had a brain tumor, and it is insanity. But, Medicare and ESPECIALLY the "Medicare Advantage" Plans are in the realm oer ever WORSE than the VA's nightmare. Our physicians are falling out and "opting out" of taking anymore patients by the dozens. In TX alone we have the HIGHEST RATE of doctors stating they are opting out.. because they are NOT getting paid, OR like a doctor told me, it literally took him 2 YEARS to receive payment for two surgical procedures that were done, and it was not until it WENT in front of the Cort of Appeals, the judge FINALLY paid him what he was owed. Of course what about all the time he was waiting to get paid? Who is "soaking" up these "unpaid" and underpaid bills the physicians wait literally for years to get paid for???? So, when you begin to "hear" the real stories of the doctors and medical staff that are there everyday working in the trenches, with the ridiculous amount of red tape, tangled and mangled "referral" for this doctor, and a "referral for this one, and another one"... and it goes on and on. And where are we when all of this "Waiting" is going on???? The patient suffers also.... somethings cannot and should not be put off due to "money".... so it is a two way street.... I don't blame the doctors for wanting to "jump ship" yet I also cannot fathom having honestly to CALL 32 DOCTORS OFFICES as WE have this week and NOT ONE will take the "State Funded Care" that Jim has to be on now, until settlement comes in from the wreck. So, even though this is a "state" by "state by state" situation, it is all the same! Patients suffer, the medical professionals suffer, and those sitting in the "big house" on the Hill are not "concerned" because they know THEY are taken care of the rest of their lives. I know there are some "good people" in Congress.
There are some that are fighting day and night, tooth and nail to CHANGE, UPGRADE, get patients taken care of in a manner they should be, but also get the hospitals, all of the medical staff, and doctors paid what they are truly "Owed" .... I am enclosing a part of the AMA Network Newsletter I get Monthly... down on the side there is one article talking about just this... but I feel you will find this horrifying when you begin to really take it all in.... where will "Medicare" being in 10 years, 20 years, 50 years... I doubt our kids will even see anything called "Medicare".... if we as a country continue to allow this "bad" business to go on... ALL of us shall suffer needlessly....





http://www.patientsactionnetwork.com/lets-work-together-to-fix-medicare-now/

Life, Lupus, Symptoms, RA, and Coping... (My Own Pretense Portion 1)

(Portion 1) I began this weeks ago. So, I've decided to post it, some at a time, rather than one huge post... Maybe I, can find some "reasoning" for things that I have questioned through my own writing.... so here it is .... the first portion....



Even though the "title" of this only names "4" items, there are SO many more, that if I posted it all in my title would be as long or longer than my blog post.

Rather than bore myself and everyone else with some title, I much prefer to get right into the "meat", heart and soul of writing this. Many of you have followed my "trail" for a rather long time now. Well, before I had a great deal to so the Facebook, or truly decided to delve into the realms of blogging for a good reason.

As with life, and everyone else, I have underwent changes.... changes in illnesses, changes in life, changes in the way I feel about life, what I want to "accomplish" during the rest of my time here, and we ALL have lists and lists... and if you are anything like myself, I have another list to keep up with the lists. Humans are just that, humans. As I began this, my first portion said we all change our minds, we all have things we have to live with, tolerate, long for, debate, are stubborn about, will give in, and some things in our lives , we tend to have a firm stance, and like that tree with the larger trunk, than any other near it, nothing will move it - not until the heavens and Earth someday are moved.

I've gone through SO MANY "adaptations" since my RA/Lupus/
Sjogren's/Raynaud's.... and oh how the list tends to grow along this past 7 to 8 years. Blood work, physicians, specialists, MRI's, CT's, EMG's, NCS... and it seems those tests with the initials also go on forever. You finally come to realize you are thrilled with you type EMG or any one of the other numerous "initials" for tests that someone, everyone knows what you are talking about! Finally you have found somewhere you don't have to try to type out an entire 15 letter word for a diagnosis or test! Boy, though when you reach that place, sometimes it smacks you right back into thinking, damned this is seriously becoming a way of life. When I know as much about the tests (or at least what those initials mean) as the doctor does, or understand all I am reading about in an article online without having to flip back and forth to "Google" a word, you have reached the point of "Face it, You have one or MORE Autoimmune Illnesses"!

So, we put up with the poking, scanning, tiny little needle like electrodes being put into your muscles, injected, directed, and all types of waves going through you... to this place you think, okay, that has to be the "last one". The last test, the last diagnosis, the last new medication, and NOW finally I can go on with my "life" as I had planned it before all of these turns in the road took place. Guess what? Nope! Not yet! Although maybe, you reach just a couple of things, that need a couple of scans, and only 1 new medication for now.

My body feels like it is on its last "leg"... my mind feels like I have thought every thought that have a been thinking seems as if it leaves me with no other thought that would possibly be "different" or of my own.

I feel submerged in a "vat" of vastness, not knowing if I can breathe or not, do I actually "see" something, feeling something, taste or touch an item, hand, piece of fruit, a fork, spoon, or a human? I am just a wanderer now... wondering as I wander about, never knowing from one moment to the next how to think, what to feel, whether I should "act" normal, or sometimes act as crazy as I have felt in the past two months.

I wished I knew more answers to so many questions that I have "backed up" in my mind. There is this place that seems to be over wrought with all kinds of questions, from things about the wreck, to things about my Advocacy and Ambassador in the Arthritis Foundation.... to my own illnesses... my teeth just seeming to fall out of my mouth due to Sjogren's, and the $8,000.00 it takes to get them fixed.

Even with insurance the BEST I can get would be 60 percent of it paid. Yet, that means trips to Dallas, multiple trips... whereas I already have enough trips there due to the Lupus and RA. There are all of these "new" symptoms, yet I have not been able to be given "why" they are here... why am I so terribly weak, why do I find myself more stiff, and feel as if I can't walk very far without falling... why are all of those happening...

Then there are the brain issues, the forgetfulness, the fogginess, the ability not to spell correctly, and the problems typing that I never seemed to have found out as to why... and I fall asleep all the time... I can be having a conversation and I fall asleep.. I try to watch a movie and I fall asleep... I have found myself just standing on the front porch or deep in thought in the yard and I have literally stood there and basically fell asleep standing. It makes no sense... some seem to think it is lack of sleep for me, but I get more sleep now than I have in a very long time. So, I cannot fathom it being a "lack of sleep".






























                                                             

(Part 3) My "intuition" was right... it just never ends... I feel as if all my life will be one big ball of a foggy brained, Autoimmune RA/Lupus/Sjögren's and who knows what else of a disaster...

Part3 - How many Opinions does it take from who many "Physicians" before you feel at ease? Peering into the Looking Glass of Autoimmune Illnesses, and deciding where to begin.... and where to END? 

Can you put your "health" in the hands of those that are supposed to be "educated", who have been through testing, who have taken a "vow" to  - "Do No Harm?" - and these days what does that small sentence truly mean.... "Do NO Harm"?

Trust... Trust who? Well from what I've experienced over the past 3 to 4 weeks, I am not sure who is the real insane person around? The doctors, the insurance company, me... or whom... but I do know NOTHING is getting better at all.

I called my pain physician's office yesterday. The pain that has decided to plague my body for a 3rd time in about 18 months has reared its ugly head again. I tried to tell him last week, when my medication for the pain pump to be refilled was NOT THERE! It was sitting in some office in Phoenix AZ! So, I go without my "extra boluses" so I do NOT run out over the weekend and the pump start "beeping"... and run out before Monday. I had already been "hurting" worse for days before that. Given the fact that I was NOT given my biologic when it should have been given, then surgery, then not being able to do anything for 6 weeks because of the surgery, then I got sick and was ill for weeks, turned around and low and behold the beginnings of not just ONE flare but TWO! RA and Lupus! Then another 14 days to try to get SOME KIND of BIOLOGIC the insurance WOULD pay for, and then waited for the prior authorization that went to the wrong pharmacy. So, that all had to be redone and sent to the proper place. All the while I knew my body was in the stages of rebelling. I felt it each day getting worse. Worse to the place, that once again I could sit in this floor, scream, cry, and beg... but that would not do a thing, but cause me to hurt worse.

So, after NO call back from my pain doctors office yesterday, I knew something was "wrong"... where his head is, and why after going through ALL he has watched me go through. Knowing my extreme health issues, or supposed to be knowing them, I get a call from his "nurse" who is a jackass anyway. I already had issues with her a couple of months ago over NOT getting my medication called in, before I ran out. Well, today was the day for me to call it in. When she called, I knew something was up. She goes on to tell me, that my doctor is calling me in some.... and he thought it would help with the "inflammation"... Well red flags went up everywhere... so out of my mouth came is it an NSAID? She paused, said wait a moment, and of course came back to say yes, Well, right back at you NO! Now this doctor has been seeing me since 2008, knowing ALL of my issues, and he knows I've had not just ONE heart attack but TWO! That is NOT including the GERD and all of my stomach issues. So, why the hell he became so "weird" about all of a sudden NOT upping my pain meds for a month is beyond my capacity to understand at this moment. After ALL he has watched me go through, and also portions of this beyond my control, their own crap with my medication not being there, thus I had to cut my meds "way back" for like 5 days... I already was in severe pain due to the entire biologic stuff... and now all of a sudden, for no reason, he decided to try to give me an NSAID? Hell, I would BE ON THEM, IF I could! I just looked at the phone as she said, well, I will call your other meds in Monday? What the hell? I am supposed to run out Monday, and they MAIL THEM FROM DALLAS! She knows that she cannot wait until the last moment to do that. OMG, I was ready to explode! Conveniently, he is out of the office "today". mmmmmm, he always is when you "need" something. I am still just blown away by his attitude, and I had even picked up on it, when I was at the office both times. Something at his office seems "off" now too.

What the hell is up with doctors all of a sudden? I've never seen so many weird changes of attitude, of how they treat their long term patients,  and the plethora of "lack of caring"... that I've witnessed in just three weeks.

Honestly, I trust my OWN judgement at this moment. more than I do several of my own physicians. I get the impression that their "realms" of health care have just about flown out the window when it comes to any patients who are on Medicare, Medicaid or a Medicare Advantage Plan. I've said it once, twice, and three times, plus... the government has their fingers so tied into all of it, that doctors cannot possibly do their jobs taking care of patients, all the while either the DEA, FDA, Medical Board, Medicare, Medicaid, other insurance companies, the government as a whole as ALL breathing down their necks.

I believe at last count, I've seen and heard at least 5 or 6 articles about "bad pain medication" in just the past week. Everyday over the course of this week there is yet another "gripe", whine and bitch about "pain medications" and addictions. Let me tell you right now, unless you have walked for ONE DAY, hell ONE HOUR in the severe amount of ever growing pain that myself along with so many of us deal with, you cannot imagine what that feels like, You cannot imagine in any way shape or form, how your entire body feels like it is a hot burning coal of fire.... from the tip top of your head, all the way down into the bottoms of your feet.

Then let's see. You have a job, you need to go to work. You need to take care of your home, your kids, your LIFE! HOW can anyone stand up and "deny" something for someone that they know will IMPROVE their quality of life?

The saddest thing about all of this.... it is just getting worse day by day... you have no where to turn anymore... family gives up, spouses leave, you are in nothing but a place of despair. Where do you go, which direction will lead you to an answer?

NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE should have to SUFFER THIS TYPE OF PAIN! Not one soul, should have to endure the kind of brain rattling, aching, like someone took a baseball bat and beat you from your toes to your head type of pain.

Our bodies are marvelous machines... when they are well oiled, taken care of , don't get knocked out of alignment, they can do some magnificent things. Yet, you allow your body to  get run down, draw upon some strange illness, whether it be a bacteria, a virus, some kind of chain reaction in our nervous systems, or just decides it is just going to run on 4 cylinders instead of 6 or 8, you are in one screwed up mess.

Just as I took a break for a few minutes, I saw an email come in from MedPage. I had been taking their newsletters for a long time, then stopped for awhile. About 2 months ago, as the latest and greatest news kept breaking about this, that and the other, when it comes to the health care industry (should say profession)... industry... yes, just another "brickness" in the wall I fear...

I come across this article. Much of it sums up exactly what I have been trying to portrait through my own words in these (parts... up to 3 now) posts about all of the crap that flies around throughout the entire medical world.

I will post the URL in this when I get my own "fogged" wisdom out of a brain that feels as if it has been drug through the mud... and not much med for sure... Why is it that Medicare in itself had doctors spend BILLIONS of dollars on "electronic systems" that now cause MORE red tape, MORE work, MORE PAPER, more time... and MORE Of everything BUT the ONE thing doctors are to do. spend TIME with their PATIENTS! In the "age of technology", when "phone" messages fly through the air, and not over a wire... when you can connect your computer to the internet and never plug in a wire, does it NOW take more papers than ever to see a doctor? I've been seeing my same pain specialist now for at least 6 years, for all of the exact things... yet I had to "fill out" an entire new set of paperwork that was about 10 pages of crap, they already knew and had on me. It was a waste of time, money, and they probably never looked at it what so ever. I would be willing to bet it went right into the recycle bin. Now my husband is a first time patient, and he sees the doctor for the first time, I can see "filling out" forms. But, my gosh, about 10 pages of that was just "stuff" to either initial or sign. And it is just exactly what the article I read talks about. MORE of a doctors and the professionals time spent screwing around SIGNING CRAP that means nothing to a patients level of care! When your physician has to spend more time looking down at a "whatever kind of lap tablet" that thing is they carry around now typing on, rather than examining you the patient, listening to you the patient, checking your heart, lungs, looking over your skin, everything else on you.... but honestly, I have watched my doctors lately squirm when they see me coming with my yellow or hot pink piece of paper they know is "my list", I can see them wanting to jump out of the window and run. Mine know I am GOING to have questions that I fully intend on getting answered before they leave that room. No more of going "unprepared". When I am off to the doctor, especially for a follow up that I've had the appointment for now for months, or I am seeing a new specialist for new symptoms, I will have them in that office until I feel I am satisfied with the answers. Yet, I've watched my own PCP one time set there and talk for an hour with me, then the next he stands with his hand on the door knob just waiting to catch a moment, that he can quickly escape. I realize he has other patients. I also know he does, thus I will not "over step" my grounds. But, I feel I deserve my "allotted" time. What they do though, is "allot" that same amount of time to about 6 patients, then that is there fault. If they overbook, just like the airlines do, then someone is going to have to either wait, or be hurried through. Normally, I find I am either the one being hurried through, OR I am the very LAST one called in for that "time slot" for sure. And what about this new thing of bringing you back to spend another 2 hours in that damned ice box cold exam room, when you could be sitting at least out in waiting area, catching everyone's germs as they come in! Nothing burns me up than for me to walk in, and 3 or 4 people come in behind me, all stating their appointments are scheduled the same time as mine! Hell, mine can't even see me and make a decent diagnosis and treatment plan alone with just me, much less 4 or 5 other "sick" people in the mix. Then of course here comes the nurse, asks all the questions, half way gets down what you say, takes your vitals, and says "okay" I will get all of this logged in and he/she will be in within a bit.... yeah right.... a bit my butt... more like 2 plus hours later, you have worn the seat completely out of your pants,  you have stretched, walked, watched the same pictures of their kids go by in a digital frame that have been there for years, looked out the window, listened to their elevator music/radio and all of the whispering, crying, hollering, and just about the time you are ready to explode, here they are "cordially" explaining about the emergency, and being "sorry" for being late... yeah right where the hell is my $25.00 you would charge me for being late? Some how that shoe never quite fits over on your foot, but it certainly does theirs.

I am so totally, utterly, completely, within, without, absolutely SICK AND TIRED... OF THE ENTIRE MEDICAL SCENE, that I could literally jump off this house, land on my two damned hurting legs... and I probably would feel better than I do right now!
What makes this even worse for me, is that this time the "brain fog", is more like a brain super mud... no transparency, no light, no even haze, just a thick mass of, I am not sure what I am saying or meaning from one moment to the next. I am catching myself repeating things in my postings, emails, even to what I say to Jim and Mom. Honestly, I cannot remember that I did just "write that" in the last post. Or that I told Mom that on the phone yesterday. I can't remember I saw this movie a month ago, or there would be no way for me to ever get home without a list. Whether I need 5 things or 50, nothing seems to "stick". All just seems to be sucked in a black, muddy sludge... along with all of the intense physical pain that surrounds me, and engulfs me.

I know people must be just thinking "oh, she is just having a bad few days", I am not one to "repeat" myself or forget what I just said. I do at times, but this is so much different...

continuing now on Sunday the 9th of March

I've tried to decide exactly how I want to handle the several glaring issues staring me down this next couple of weeks. I've  thought about everything from getting my teeth fixed, and how the heck I was going to get into that specialist in Dallas BEFORE they all fall completely out! This is NO LIE! I put the coffee on at 2:00 am this morning... yes the clocks rolled back and rather sleep you would think, but nope not me, I am wide awake. I happen to hear some of the neighbors coming home, opening car doors and slamming them, and their music just a blaring... yet my household, other than myself knew nothing. Jim has been "ill" again with flu like symptoms, so I decided or we decided I did not need to be exposed anymore than I had to. So I've been disinfecting everything. So, I went to take yet another BC powder, and I always have to have a small bite of something after I take one. they are quite unpleasant especially if any of it does not go down with the first drink. So, I grabbed a tiny piece of dark chocolate that was sitting there in the fridge. Now of course it is cold so it is a bit harder than not being out for awhile. But, just as I put it in my mouth and began to chew down on it, I felt something hard in my mouth. Well, it was not that bite of chocolate, because nothing was in it. So, I go "digging" around and find an entire back piece of one of my top back jaw teeth out. About the time the coffee is ready, I pour a cup and still something felt "odd" about that time I feel another piece of something hard, like a little sliver of some kind. Yes, sir it was another piece of tooth, BUT it came from a different tooth on the other  side of my mouth. Then I got to my computer, went to take one of my medications, and again I feel something "hard" in my mouth (not the pill) ... and again for a 3rd time off of another tooth, a chunk fell out! 
So, here I am at 2:30 am standing in my kitchen, literally watching my teeth fall apart. That was NOT the way I intended on spending my Early Sunday Morning. In fact, I had the intention last evening of possibly going to a new church this morning, depending on how I felt. This severe pain in my legs has just about sent me to the nut house, honestly. My head is not on straight, the brain fog is just beyond belief, and I am so utterly disappointed with the entire world right now, I am not sure where to even begin, 
My story sounds like child's play compared to some I realize. But, I tell you when you have been through what I've dealt with in the past 8 weeks or so, and don't forget it is just now a bit over 6 weeks since I had double hernia surgery. In fact this is really the 1st weekend I've been able to feel like I can do some things I had not been able to yet. I did vacuum the house, and I've done some bending over and picking things up out of the yard, trimming back some of my bushes that will hopefully come out soon... I still have not been on the exercise bike yet but that is due to the leg pain. I fear that my legs may hurt worse. With the entire situation with my pain doctor and his witch of a nurse, I assuredly do not want to get to hurting any worse if I can help it. 
I have SO MUCH I NEED  & MUST get done, or I won't be able to make the trip to DC. That will just break my heart. I've even thought about shortening the trip for myself, and coming home Friday. then let Jim stay until Sunday. That way the dogs only have to be watched after on Thursday and Friday until I get home whenever, and then Jim would fly in on Sunday and I'd have to go and pick him up. I am just not sure I can go yet at all, not in the shape I am in at this moment. But, it could be I would be able to at least make the Fly In... get to meet his Mom, and then they could have a really good visit, and catch up. It's been over 10 years since they have seen each other in person. So, it is totally important for him to try and go. Of course he also has so many issues with health, mainly severe arm, neck and back pain, I am not sure he will go and can withstand the trip either. 
His idea is "well I hurt if I am at home or in DC... well that is true but when you are at home... you can have your own "nervous breakdowns" without someone else knowing it. 

There is a great deal more I want to say here; so this post may have a 4th portion to it. 

I am not sure if I will do it that way, or just call this one "finished".... and begin anew ... probably begin new. Due to "perspectives" I realize that not everyone will "agree" or "disagree" with me on some things I've said, and believe.... 

But, I do believe that "WE" all of us .... talking now about the Chronically Ill Patients,  with illnesses that take away all that is good in our lives, and turn us inside out and upside down... Autoimmune Arthritis... and all of the other Autoimmune Illnesses... along with Chronic Pain, people suffering from FM (which I still believe is an autoimmune illness)... Chronic Fatigue Syndrome... and the other things like my friend just discovered... she has "Chiari"... where a portion of her brain stem is literally gone down into her spinal canal and is being "crushed"! It has taken all of her life of fussing, crying begging, screaming, tests after tests, and in a "test" for something else, they "found" this syndrome she was born with. 
due to the nature of this malformation... and the unbelievable story that it has taken over (I think she is about 50 years old, but she looks like she is 35) :):) for them to find this... she also has Lupus...  of which she is being treated for... Here is a link that explains this malformation... she does not know yet if she faces surgery or what... but by gosh anyone would be totally freaked out if they got this diagnosis after all these years.

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/chiari/detail_chiari.htm

Please comment.... I want to hear from YOU!!!!

Do Your "trust" your Own "instincts" Over some of the Medical Professionals (AutoImmune Illnesses or Not)

Being Caught in an Upheaval Between An Insurance Company, A Physician's Office, My Own Autoimmune "Flaring" Body, A Pharmacy, and What to Trust? Myself, My Doctor... Any of us... we are all susceptible to "Medical Mistakes"... And How do We Avoid those? Or Can We?

I will always be one of the first to admit, "no one" is perfect. We don't live in a "perfect world". Everyone of us are human beings. It matters not whether we are highly educated professionals, or a Mom or home maker. Whether you are the President of the United States, a banker, lawyer, and of course a DOCTOR, even though we want to "think" these people are more "immune" to errors, and yes they should be, we live in a "too fast" paced world, that for the most part offers "little" time to try and "double check" every thing we do in a day's time. 

I will also say that for the most part, I "trust" my physicians. If I didn't then I would and I have moved on before. If you "lose faith" in someone whether it be your physician, a banker, or anyone you do business with, must confide in, or within the very people that you have to rely on to sustain daily life necesseties, where do you turn to, and where do you go from there?

 I was so totally hopeful that the new year would bring "hope", a new vision, less symptoms, more ability to help make changes in this system of errors when it comes to ALL of the horrid evils of autoimmune illnesses, medications, insurance, or lack thereof, doctors, pharmacies, and the entire realm of what the hell is happening to cause such grief with those that seem to just NOT care about patients, about their own people, and how we are supposed to try and "cope"? Each day seems to be worse, not better. Things seems to go from hoping it will be "less complicated", to more red tape, and less reasoning with any human beings when it comes to the health rationalizations of life. Never have I seen such a lack of regard for "humans" from the medical world. I sound like I am on one of those "rampages". But, it is very difficult NOT to feel that way, when each place you turn to, each physician, each pharamcy, every phone call to your insurance company, every email you send... each medication, every step you make, turns around to slap you in the face, and make you wonder is any of the struggle worth it? I cannot possibly be the only one feeling the overwhelming stress of things getting worse when it comes to our health, and our health care workers. More and more I see doctors who are supposed to have taken an oath to "help humans", turn their heads and watch people become more ill. When you are reading daily, that those in dire need of medications such as the biologics trying to cope with THOUSANDS of Dollars of out of pocket costs due to this once again "tier system" of how we are "told" we can have medications, it makes me literally sick! Who, and mostly NONE of us with chronic illnesses can afford to pay $5,000.00 a MONTH out of pocket to get the one medication that may help keep you able to just live your life?  It is total insanity. I realize I am NOT the only one! That makes it even more difficult to deal with. Day after day, month after month, rather than watch "head way" being made, what we see is a government that absolutely DOES NOT care about their own people! Anyone that can take office, and turn their backs, to line their own pockets, in the name of cutting benefits so much that in 2015 Medicare Advantage Plans will CUT paying physicians/medical professionals (the "term" used in the original article was "insurers". That is so it does NOT sound like it is our doctors/medical professionals that are getting cut - another "loop hole for them) 20%! How can I (WE) even begin to rely on that kind of nonsense? What happened to taking care of your own people? It is very obvious greed, greed, greed and more greed fills our nation and our world. I was going to put this up on another "friends" feed, but there is no reason I should "push" my own issues off on those that may not feel the same way. The entire dilemma that has prevailed over my life in the past 3 months, is one that sounds like it belongs in a tale of horrors. Even when I "KNOW" for a fact everything I am "saying" is true; as I go back to either read it or email the ordeal to a friend, it is so hard for me to say "yes" this is really how it is! Where did we as a nation and world go so horribly wrong? When did it get to where "money and power" rule over it all? And where do you really find answers? I of all people, have always been able to "stand" within the power of faith and hope. I don't pretend to "cram" my own beliefs down anyone else's throat. Never have, never will. Everyone has their own personal and private feelings when it comes to how they view hope, faith and all of what might be considered "religious" in nature. But, the problem I feel is the "lack" of it all. There is little hope left. Medically speaking, is just one issue. Turn on your news every day. What do you hear that gives you any kind of true hope? Because we are finally backing out of wars, where we probably may have stayed out of them in the first place? Thousands that die daily due to lack of water, lack of food... and now we face yet another HIGHER scheme of things on the very thing that sustains us? FOOD!? Why? Because we lack water, we are facing drought circumstances that we have never seen in our own country since before the 1800's.... how can our "elected" officials sit around on Capitol Hill and justify the ridiculous insanity of "cutting" benefits for those that can barely afford to buy decent food to sustain us, much less "pay" for medications that although should be considered a "necessity" become things that are more a luxury. 

Those of us on a "regular salary", or disability, or making minimum wages... even those making a bit better salary, cannot possibly afford to pay THOUSANDS, even HUNDREDS of DOLLARS a month out of pocket for medications! I often wonder whose fingers are in whose pockets? If you could be one of these "minute" insignificant "bugging" devices that could fit in a clock on a wall, or under a lamp in some of our places in government, in our local doctor offices, within the pharmaceutical companies in the world, in the very places that things such as "lack of caring" goes on, how shocked would we be? How shocked would you be, just like a dear friend of mine told yesterday on her FB page. Her doctor wants her to have a "special type" of MRI on her heart. Yet, when the doctor calls the order in at the hospital, he is told, "that procedure" can't be done there. Now you tell me, if he is a doctor and he is that has been dealing with a hospital, outpatient or whatever type of facility in the same area for any length of time, he knows "what procedures" that place can do or can't do. Doctors are around for the most part long enough to know whether they need to send a patient to a "special facility" for a specialized type of MRI on the heart or not. SO, why all of a sudden does he get this type of information, that he must relay right there to his patient? He has to tell her that "I'm sorry"... for "some" reason, I can't get it done at that hospital? Then do they fully expect for us to say, Oh, Okay, well, if you find some place that it can be done, give me a call? How ridiculous does that sound? 

Just as ridiculous as a NURSE in my own PCP office, that has been seeing me now for well over 4 years, "hide" and NOT intervene as that nurse basically is allowed along with a "PA" there to tell my husband "well, if you don't like my care, take "her" meaning me, to the ER! What the hell kind of doctor is that? Talk about losing confidence in your physician! Then he is not even courteous enough to "check" on the situation and try and find out what the hell went wrong, and why the hell would ANY "PA" get her "feathers so ruffled" due to a patient and her spouse being concerned and just questioning why a certain treatment would be given, when there is a very strong chance that very type of medication is exactly what got me in the situation I am IN in the first place? If a doctor, or PA, or nurse, is that big of a "chicken" and they are NOT willing to try and get hold of the matter to straighten it out, and thus TAKE CARE OF THEIR PATIENT, who should have been NUMBER ONE, then how the hell do you trust any of them? If this had just been one incident, or a "new doctor" or someone "not familiar" with my complex case, I "may have" been able to justify a portion of their lack of brain power and intelligence. But, when you cannot even have your physician call you, return a call from you, trying to find out what the heck is going on, why would I bother to put my life in this medical "so called" professional's hands? 

I've written an email to a friend of mine explaining the total amount of crap I went through over the past about 7 days! I am going to post most of it here, and I know you are going to think I have to be making this story up! But, BEFORE I get more into that, let me tell you what just happened! Here it is BEFORE 8AM in the morning. My phone rings, and guess what? It is from LEXINGTON KY! NO NAME on caller ID, just that town name. A "woman" announces she is from "Humana" and asks for my Humana ID number!.... in the first place, it is BEFORE 8 AM CENTRAL TIME! IN THE 2ND PLACE, WHY WOULD I (I did NOT call them) give out my insurance ID number to someone I have NO idea is, what they want, and why they would call ME at this time of the morning? I told her I WOULD NOT give out that information, and in the 2nd place I AM SICK! Where were they this past two weeks when I tried to get them on the phone and get my ENBREL??? You sure can believe I jumped through 50 hoops to get anyone on the phone, it took them 10 days or longer to even get medication to me that I should have had 7 weeks ago or more. I probably WOULD NOT BE SICK, if HUMANA would have DONE THEIR JOB! Now, I hang up, and I call THEM BACK! Guess what they tell me... THEIR OFFICE IS CLOSED! NOW how can "they be closed" when they just called me and asked me for my ID number? Ever since I FINALLY GOT MY ENBREL LAST THURSDAY, I have had A PHONE CALL EVERY DAY SINCE FROM THEIR PHARMACY wanting to TELL ME HOW THEIR NEW SERVICES COULD HELP ME!!! THEY COULD FREAKING HELP ME BY DOING THEIR DAMNED JOB, GETTING ME my medications and not delaying me to the point that I am almost to the place of being ill enough to go to the hospital! THIS is the very KIND OF CRAP THAT I HAVE HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH OF! 

How funny it is WHEN I NEED THEM... forget it... you cannot get anything off of their website (although they always say go there), you can't get anyone on the phone, but boy they surely can call you day, night and weekend to tell YOU about HOW THEY CAN HELP YOU!!! 

Now, back to the Other issue at hand.... I've told most of the story... from this, I did NOT get my Rituxan.... due to HUMANA NOT wanting to pay at they should... the entire 'BIOLOGIC" ISSUE. So, when I am severely ill, with flares 6, 7, 8 weeks later, at my doctors office... and the PA decides even though I say nothing about any type of "infection"As far as I was concerned showed no and had no signs of a "sinus infection. Yet, she insists on giving me an antibiotic, after I am already very immune compromised due to NOT having my medication, having 2 flares, and she gives me of all things "Omnicef"! Now I am not sure how many of you check out medications. I am sure for the most part, all of us, or the majority of us with these autoimmune issues DO watch what we are given as far as medications. In the first place, many of our "autoimmune medications" do NOT mix well with other meds. It can cause all types of complications, thus we are probably for the most part pretty good about double checking medications, especially "new" ones we are given. BUT, as I say, what about those that are elderly, or they don't have access to look up medications, or they just "trust" what their doctors say, and take the medications. We are supposed to be "pro-active" about our own health. Yet, as I have found out, being pro-active with some physicians is just like stabbing yourself in the foot. They HATE patients that are educated! They DO NOT want to be questioned, and they fully expect US to believe them hook, line and sinker, without any disagreement. 

Well, even though I did NOT think I had this "sinus infection" I began the antibiotics a week ago, tomorrow. I took 2 that day, and Friday morning I took one. By Friday evening, something was just not right. I could tell my stomach/intestines/colon were not "happy". Of course antibiotics, many of them can upset your stomach. Sometimes if you "eat" with them it is better, but sometimes you are NOT supposed to eat with them. This happened to have been one that still I was quite disturbed over getting. Without being extremely ill with signs of an infection, it still did not seem right I would be given such a broad spectrum, high powered medication. I even mentioned that it had been YEARS since I was given these type of meds. The ONLY time I've taken them is when I go to the dentist and I am having work done. He prescribes "2" for me to take one hour before I go in for dental work. He does that due to me having "knee implants", shoulder implant etc.... Dental work "can" lead to an infection sometimes of those types of implants. BUT mine have been in place long enough now, that really it is not a huge concern. In fact the other dentist that does other dental work on my teeth, says that taking those now is kind of "old school". He does not even prescribe them, unless the implants are very new, less than a year old, or there is major dental work, that could possibly lead to a greater chance of infection. So, even with two dentists right here in town, there are two totally different opinions about giving this even when it could be "slightly necessary". Well, within 24 hours of taking these antibiotics, I began to have what I consider not just slight diarherra, but what I consider a type of "colitis' symptom, due to the medication 'Killing out" all of the needed bacteria in the colon. I went through this in 2010. After several abdominal surgeries, due to an issue with my gall bladder, and a collapsed bile duct, that landed me in the Methodist Hospital in Dallas for over 6 weeks... I got this type of colitis. I will NOT go into the gory details of it all, but I will tell you that I had NO CONTROL over it. I literally woke up wrapped in blankets, cold, and was covered from head to toe with diarrhea... this happened night after night... and I was so ill, I could barely even stand... the nurses would try and put me in the shower, half cold water, and had to clean me up, head to toe, several times a night (and I was NOT eating anything)..I was totally being fed with an IV line...

Well, that experience all came rushing back into my head once I realized that the antibiotic I had been put on is one of the worst for causing this type of colitis.....

Here is more information on it:   http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/antibiotic-associated-diarrhea/basics/definition/con-20023556

this is just one article. There is LOTS more, just do a Google Search if you would like to found out more....

Needless to say, I was very FAMILIAR with the signs and symptoms of this potentially can be "deadly" type of colitis.  It is NOT something to mess around with, especially if you already have a severely compromised immune system. At this time, mine is certainly severely compromised. So, as you or anyone in my situation would do, of course you are going to "question" why would you try and put me on yet another "same family" of antibiotics that COULD be causing this? Here they are as  I have in a redundant way said trying to treat me for a "sinus" infection, and I am worried about this type of bacterial colitis! thus coming back to me on the phone Monday morning and saying the PA is calling in "Keflex" was not what I expected to hear at all. I thought I was going to hear at the very least they would put me on Flagyl or Vancomycin, and then also possibly do the "test" to see if I indeed had this type of bacterial colitis. Never did I expect that she would in an almost flipant manner tell me that "the PA went to school, and SHE knows better"! Well, ummmm let's see here... did I excuse anyone of NOT knowing their job? NO what I was "questioning" was "what she was treating me for and why?"... Are you giving me "more antibiotics" thinking okay well the "sinus infection"??? Yes, again, the nurse NOT taking the message stating THE PATIENT IS CONCERNED ABOUT whether she has a colon problem, a stomach bug problem, or is it antibiotics causing this.... not one word of "can we try to see who is asking what" and "why" one person in an entire office can't put two plus two together to get a proper message through.

Now comes another issue in all of this. For six WEEKS, I have non-stop tried to get through to Humana about the Rituxan, what the deal is, why they are NOT paying as they said they would.... and  you can bet I heard everything but the right answer. Most of the time, I was either speaking with someone who has NO CLUE about a "code", about it being used for RA, or even what it was used for. After I finally drove the infusion center, and my Rheumatologist's office nuts trying to get SOME TYPE OF BIOLOGIC to take.... knowing that each day that passed meant me having more and more change of a severe flare, I worked my fingers to the bone trying to get medication, it was days and days and days and more days of waiting, paperwork, more waiting, more paperwork.... and then FINALLY last Thursday it comes in. I take it about the same time I the appointment to try and get the flare under control, before it got worse.

NOW, every freaking day, sometimes twice a day, and like this morning BEFORE 8AM my time, Humana (wow they really exist) CALLS ME! They leave messages, they want to talk to me this morning BEFORE 8AM, and the "woman" asks for my ID number before she even told me who she was,  or what she wanted. I politely, told her I was SICK, and they sure as heck did not make any connection with me while I needed them, yet now all they do is call day and night with their stupid automated calls, wanting to have me "call" them back"... for what????  there is NOTHING they can do or say now that will "fix" what I did need, when they cared to not even answer me back or call me back.

Yet, the huge looming question remains, how the heck do "we" fix this? Unless you have money, power, people you know.... and whatever else it takes to "get" what you "need" out of this kind of issue.

I am so totally disgusted with all of them.... and as far as how to "handle" any of getting these issues fixed... I am at the place, that I honestly don't see that anything will get better for us... only worse.....

With my "current health" as it is, and NO support from the very physicians that SHOULD be giving me support, I may not be able to make the very trip that I've looked so forward to and that is to go to DC in 4 weeks to give my "story", just so others someday do NOT have to deal with these things. Yet, I can't go if I am too ill to go!

I am so totally and utterly upset over the entire ordeal, that I am to this place that I am ready to give up! WHY! should I FIGHT for something that I have NO WAY of  Winning???? As far as I am concerned ALL of my efforts, ill or well.... sick, or feeling good are all for none.... This battle is just not one to win....

I am not sure I even want to continue to post on this blog, or FB, or participate in any type of organization anymore.... It seems it causes more aggravation, All I see is doubt and dismay in others eyes, and I hear it in their voices and I see it in what they are going through....

For me, I am beginning to feel and see this is a no win situation.... and for others they may have far better luck than I... but I know when it is time to throw in the towel....

Where Do You "Turn" When you are already "Char-Broiled" by Illnesses, the Insurance companies & Our Medical "Entity"?

How To Turn Over And Change A World of "Not "for" the People, but for The People's Money?

There was a time that I felt "age" and technology moving so very rapidly caused many to not "get the drift" of insurance, medical charges, medical information, & all that goes with that. Well, I am here to tell you right now "age" has nothing to do with any of those things being "confusing". I've found out quite recently, even the medical facilities, doctors offices and insurance companies themselves have no clue as to what they are doing! I've had to get a "crash education" in "diagnosis codes", in the "technical parts" of insurance, medical billing and coding just to get my bills coded, and paid correctly. Two of which I had dealt with since LAST AUGUST~ After 3 APPEALS including myself, my husband, and 5 other people at the University Hospital, working on these, WE NEVER did get Humana to pay those 2 infusions correctly! They continued to try to bill the "Rituxan" as "Part D", which is NOT CORRECT, and then they billed again, and Humana tried to code it strictly as if it were for Cancer, not RA, so that screwed everything up. Alas finally last week, after resorting to ALL avenues even the hospital threw in the towel. They helped me with financial aid for those two bills totaling over $3,000.00!!! They also have me "approved" NOW for the Rituxan infusions until August of this year. After Humana pays all they are going to the hospital will pick up the balance for me. :) Which is awesome news! BUT, in the mean time I was 7 weeks or more late with any biologic! I came down totally ill with two different flares, RA and LUPUS! Along with all of this serious dental stuff that is going to require a Dental Surgeon to probably have to pull all of my teeth, put in a couple of implants, and then put the teeth onto those implants! I go tomorrow to the dentist, but I know just from what I feel and see, I doubt there is anymore "patching". My teeth literally one day seem fine, the next they are breaking off at the gum line, splitting into halves,   and they are almost like coming apart, pieces sloughing off, and it just happens. No rhyme, nor reason. It is the Sjögren's, but all of that was discovered too late. My teeth were already headed down that road probably before 2008, when I first was diagnosed with these Autoimmune illnesses. Plus there is "little" they can do for Sjögren's. There are two pills, I've tried them both. I am still on one of them, but it is not helping really. I constantly have to sip on green tea or something, and I have to constantly chew gum (sugar free and with xylitol" in it) or my mouth is so dry, I cannot swallow, talk, nothing... plus I am constantly having ulcers, sores, sore throats, you name it... . I've already lost 4 teeth in just about 6 months, and I know right now, if these cannot be fixed tomorrow, I could lose at least 4 again, if not more. Now to find an Oral Surgeon, that can "file" this as a medical condition, which it is and it is well documented with ALL of my doctors and now two dentists, that Sjögren's is the issue, and I did have a woman at Humana TELL ME yes they will cover this IF it is a medical condition... and I even got so far as to having them send me a letter stating they will... I may still face having all of my teeth pulled, two implants put in top and bottom, then they almost "snap" the plates in on those to hold them. Regular "dentures" are not the answer for anyone with Sjögren's. Due to no saliva they will not hold in place, and would make my mouth probably less wet, etc. I also have osteoporosis, and it is in the "severe" range. So, that will also be a factor as to how they fix the problem. I could have to have "bone grafts" or some way to fix the bone, if I have lost enough that the implants may not be able to be put in! This is a living nightmare! And the sad damned thing is NOT ONE doctor, or really dentist until I began to discuss it, has tried or talked to me about this horrid disease. Yes, I have it. Yes, it is reeking havoc with my mouth, teeth, bone and gums, but till this moment has anyone offered a "real solution". The ONLY person who has even attempted to find out what HAS to be done, is ME! Plus, this is like major surgery. I am sure the oral surgeon has to put me to sleep, pull those teeth, and then I am not sure about the implants from there, and putting the teeth in. That all depends on my bones in my jaws, as to how it all plays out.... and now I face a major trip 4 weeks away to DC! I certainly cannot go with my teeth literally falling out of my mouth daily now a piece at a time! But, trying to get ALL of this done... no way, no how in 4 weeks! Plus, if things are not bad enough, I have this flare, I was put on steroids again, after an injection, the PA thought I have a sinus infection, which has been wheezing. So, she put me on "Omnicef" but a generic form of it. Well, I have not had any of the "Keflex" type of medications for many years. So, I am on it since Thursday. Friday I noticed my stomach not "right"... but it has not been anyway with the flare mess. So, I take the antibiotics, and by yesterday I have such a horrible, horrible scary case of the big "D" word, I cannot stay out of the bathroom! So, I get concerned, look it up and come to find out, this is probably a "form" of colitis, a secondary infection in my colon, due to it allowing other bacteria to take away too much of my "good bacteria" out of my intestines! I was not that concerned, but it kept getting worse and worse... and it is just I won't even go there... but BAD!!! So, I had already taken some Imodium a couple of times, then read this morning it is better to "talk to the doctor" BEFORE taking any of the anti-diareall's !!! Well what another mess we have here "Sherlock"! I certainly can't even leave the house like this, and now I have another problem on top of everything else. My Enbrel came in Thursday and I took it. But now I woke up yesterday feeling like someone literally knocked me on the ground, and took a baseball bat and beat every muscle in my body. There is NOT ONE place I can touch myself, that does not "hurt"... it is insanity! And who knows, is it one of the flares, medications, something new I am developing???? No biologic for too long, then a new one that I've never had??? I can guarantee "my guess" is probably better than the doctors as this point! That does not include everything that is on the "books" for me this coming month! I honestly fear I will be having to miss the DC fly in. I just don't think with my mouth situation, the flares as bad as they are, and everything else going on with me, I can take a chance to fly to a strange city, going through a 3 day seminar, then stay on through the following Sunday to see Jim's Step Mom. Hell, I can't even go to the store as I am this morning, much less drive to even Dallas! These diseases can really make your life a living hell. When you add on top ALL of the STRESS, with insurance, bills, just having surgery 5 weeks ago, and a few other things going on with "family", that I just found out yesterday, and that I am extremely upset about, my brain is at either go insane completely, throw in the towel, and cover me up for good. And NONE of this includes Jim's ENTIRE ORDEAL with a neck that probably needs surgery, a lower back problem that is not much better, and NO INSURANCE! And don't get me started on the "Indigent" Health help in our county!!! Talk about a joke! That is another complete chapter for my book, if not two chapters. SO!!! IN A NUT SHELL NANCY! You are correct, and it is even WORSE than many know. I just read yesterday afternoon, that "Obama Care" due to the "new insurance crap" may even make getting anything paid through Medicare, and especially Medicare Advantage Plans (i.e. Humana, and the others) even more difficult. They are planning to pay the providers "less"! Well hell, they don't "pay" them as it is. That is why our doctors are starting to not accept them! Because they bill for a 100.00 office visit, and the insurance pays them $3.00!!! or something ridiculous! I realize the medical system is screwed, doctors, facilities all of that is WAY< WAY over priced. BUT it is because the insurance companies PAY NOTHING, thus the circle begins, round and round. And who is stuck in the middle of it? Well us for one as patients! BUT who is it FUELING THE FIRE??? THE GOVERNMENT, MEDICARE! Absolutefrickinly! Yes new word... we have our dear CONGRESS and our Centers for Human Services (not Humane", but Human) to thank for this bill pile of bureaucratic bull red tape. And then it all falls on our shoulders, and we bear the scars all over us where they have just "shredded" humans out of any kind of true health care! It is a total fly over the planet, into another universe, complicated, ridiculous, "corporation greed" let's make money, NOT HOW WE CAN HELP PEOPLE! Thank you to ALL of our Congress, and I mean all of them... local, state, federal.... we vote them in and they vote us as "null and void"....

"How Serious" is "Lupus/RA/FM... MS.. and so forth "Brain Fog"!?

Brain? Fog?   I Can't remember!?

I know for myself, I've tended to make a "joke" here and there... blaming something I misplaced, or did not remember on the "brain fog". I think in the RA... Lupus and all Autoimmune World, we use that not in a "joking" manner, to really joke about it, but because I can bet, like myself in the last few weeks, my "Brain Fog" has turned into no laughing matter.

I am in the very worst flare of a combination of Lupus/RA right now that I believe I've had since diagnosed 4 or so years ago. I mean from fatigue that makes me not able to barely drag myself around my tiny home, to so bad, I cancelled my birthday trip last weekend, to I just do not feel like do anything. The Lupus Headache  - nothing will get rid of but a huge dose of "corticosteroid" and even though I could barely do it, I managed to take a shower, and go slowly into my doctors office to get some medications. Not bad enough I have flares of both, but also a sinus infection plus some "wheezing" she was very concerned about. I had told her I have been "wheezing" for a bit, but just thought it could be allergies, so I didn't let it concern me much. I have an inhaler here, so this morning I decided to use it. I would not tell her that I've been having times of "shortness of breath" the past 4 weeks or so. I could not withstand another test, walk to get an X-ray or anything, so I left with injection done, called in scripts, that I have to pick up today... and got myself home.

I've had all of the signs and symptoms, from low grade fever, mouth breaking out, the Lupus Migraines, the severe fatigue, every joint, even the bottoms of my feet hurt, thumbs, all of my joints are stiff, swollen and hurt. I think I've gotten so accustomed to these stupid symptoms, I "forget" they are symptoms. I just assume they are things I have to live with. But, the one that has really set this flare apart, from every other, is the torrential "Brain Rain" not just a haze or fog... but the horror of ALL of my brain seems to be aged into the 100's or something. I can barely remember my name. I've decided I've got to make MORE lists, for the ones I already have. I cannot recall words, or remember what day it is. I can't spell words, or I forget the word I wanted to use. I have walked around now for the past 7 days in such a spell bound haze... going into a room, and not knowing why... misplacing things, can't remember if I took my meds, or a shower even. My concentration is none... I am barely able to read something and "have any retention" of what I just read. My husband "talks" to me, and I cannot recall in two minutes what he told me... I type everything wrong... misspelling, typing backwards, or just not typing right at all... There are just a NUMBER of "brain" involved things that I have never HAD such a horrible time with before. Sure I might have a bit of an issue at times, with something like a word, or the name of something. Yet, never have I saw myself in this horrible of shape as far as the brain portion of Lupus etc....

My fear, and I even feared looking it up, is that either the Lupus has done something MORE to effect my brain now.... or there are other factors such as MS, Myasthenia Gravis. I have not really came right out and talked about just how I fear what is going on to anyone other than my husband and Mom. I don't want them overly worried, but I've had to let them know that I may "act odd" or say something weird, OR I may just have to get on the sofa, and rest all day. I do have my Enbrel coming in finally tomorrow... BUT, if it has not been for HUMANA messing me around, I could have already had my infusions 6 or ore weeks ago, and I may not be in this kind of condition. That in itself is another story, and I believe I've hung that one out on the line to dry enough, that everyone is sick and tired of hearing my FIGHT with the insurance over my Rituxan.

So, today, or so far this morning, I've read more about the Lupus/Brain situation, as well as what do to, which much of which involves all of the horrible symptoms I've been having. Along with that, a variety of ways to "help" yourself with the pangs of "Lupus" and so forth.
Most of us are aware of some of the brain fog... as I had said above... it kind of becomes a ''running joke" when we forget etc.... most of the things I already do... lists, stickies, I-cal, and more lists. Making me more specific lists I think may help me. Of course as one of the articles said, if you DON"T write it down immediately, then you may lose what is was;)

I've also found myself, mumbling more, which I've "talked" to myself forever, but this is different. It is like I am almost in a hallucination of sorts. I've noticed I tend to be sitting somewhere, like the doctors office yesterday, and in my "brain" almost this odd movie plays... does not have a thing to do with what I was there for, or listening to.... yet within my mind, almost an hallucination WAS playing... so much and frightened me badly. It made me think I was losing my mind! You fear mentioning it, thinking someone will really think that the "padded" cell is where you need to be.

I find myself thinking I am between "asleep" and "Awake".... I know what is going on around me, but yet it is almost as if my brain took a quick trip somewhere else....

Which has been the most frightening symptom... Plus I find myself wide awake one moment, and within a moment..... it is just a very strange place to be..

Anyway, even though I should be either "here", writing on my book, or working on some of my Active Volunteer stuff, I think I am headed for the sofa for now. I feel like I can't hold my eyes open.... so, I shall possibly rest for now... and try doing something a bit more "prosperous" in a while....

Feeling As If I am A "Deer" in the "Headlights" - Autoimmune Life

The Shadows and Inner Glow of An Autoimmune Life

For days now, I've again been struggling. Struggling in my own mindset. Struggling into between those shades and shadows, where there truly is no "black", nor white.... only shades and hues a what is a gray tone in a life that I so felt like had returned to colors.

Several months back, even just a couple of weeks back, I had found what thought was my precious "voice" again. Not the one that blabs at my Mom, nor fusses at my puppies, or rants and raves over stupid people, stupid insurance companies, and all of the wrapped red tangled web of a life called AutoImmune.... Life... that it maybe. I felt that just maybe I had unraveled some of that tangled, mangled ideology from my own soul, notice I think I still have one of those, yet sometimes it surely evades me. I was running in and out of the shadows, seeking where I felt I had found what I had been searching for now for more than a year. I can't really give you a "look" into the looking glass of those panes that I so seek, but when I find them, you too shall know it.

For then is when the words of wisdom just flow onto the screen. I type them, not even thinking about what the next word might be, not ever thinking will this sentence sound off, or will the audience that reads this "get it". None of those empty spaces even enter my somewhat empty head. Because, from my heart comes the words that are pure gold. That gold that the very streets of heaven are paved in. Yes, I do believe that the streets of heaven are paved with the purest of gold. I don't talk much about what most call "religion" or religious "beliefs". I have found just as many say, you never discuss religion or politics, hell not even on the internet, lest you want to cause the fight of your life, run your blood pressure sky high, and still be not able to have anyone "see it your way".... kind of like the humor in the fast food restaurants burger in the drive thru.. "Oh, yes you can have it "your" way"... well you may be able to have it your way... but I often wonder when you ask for yours to be unique or different, to be the "troublemaker" in the long line, what happens to that burger as they are preparing it for "your way"? Scary enough to wonder what they do with any of the food during the course of a day, much less when I am that troublemaker. I have to have "MY english muffin" without cheese and just the sausage. And yes I want strawberry jam. I sometimes wonder if they don't scrape that cheese off on the bottom of their shoe, wash it down, and throw the sausage down on it, then put it on the griddle quickly to "dry it off"!!! I have to laugh, because of the horror stories all of us have heard about where people get upset with the boss, or want to be a smart ass in Jack in the Crack, or CracDonald's as we like to call them, and do some thing hideous to the food. It happens. I just pray it is not going on where I stop and get my food from.

So, raising cane with anyone in the political or religious walk of life, is like stepping into a burning bunch of coals. I believe every one of us have a tad bit different view on both subjects. Thus I try to avoid the discussion of either as much as possible.

I have learned that the "loudest barking dog" gets noticed more. Or the person that puts their face, their name, and their own accomplishments especially those that one feels are true talents out on the internet for billions to see, may just be fortunate enough to be SEEN!!! It has SO worked for me lately. I have gotten into the "right click" (I hate that word "click"). It gives me connotations of the cheerleaders all standing around the lockers in high school making fun of all of us "homely girls". So, even though click may fit, still not in that stand point. Certainly not a bunch of snot nosed, immature, girly girls, with their short skirts and the large "pom-poms" (interpret that one as you see fit)... but more like this entire group of women and some men also, that have been brought together in a commonality of making illnesses that are still not getting enough "attention" out there for MORE research, MORE educations, EARLIER detection, when means a greatest chance of LESS damage to the entire body.... surely the JOINTS for one!

I've been dealing with once again a "loop" .... caught between the "doctor" and what he KNOWS IS BEST FOR ME! What the people down in their "pre-determination" of insurance should be trying to get straightened out, not take "no" for an answer, call the patient and tell them, you will owe 3,000.00. Your "insurance " said, you will "owe a co-pay" on the medication? This is crap!!!! If they would even bother to wake up they should know I DO NOT pay a "co-pay" or might I say "co-insurance" on an outpatient treatment. I DO pay I guess what you would call a "co-pay" which is $100.00 for an outpatient procedure that does NOT involve surgery, MRI, CT scan or a nuclear test. It   is very plain and simple as they nose on their faces. They cannot give me this line that they don't know... bull, I am NOT the only patient with the Humana plan I have. There are MANY patients on a Medicare Advantage Plan like Humana, and they know for the most part what benefits are before they even bother to call. What the DO NOT do, is get their "diagnosis" coding, and proper wording from the doctor done, THEN call. So, when they do not have the proper "type of procedure" coding for an "infusion in an infusion only setting, for medication that is a "biologic" that I CANNOT administer to myself. So, since they don't have their own paperwork in order, my insurance tells them I owe of course, as I said my $100.00 co-pay. But, due to the nature of how the "infusion" medication has to be coded, Humana comes back with well the patient will owe 20% for the MEDICATION! NO, I do NOT pay separate for a medication I cannot administer myself. It is NOT a Part D drug!!! It must be given in an infusion center, through an IV process. I surely am not going home with an "IV kit", a bag of lactate ringers (or whatever they use now), an IV pole, a bag of Rituxan, and am going to put the IV in and give myself the medication over a 5 hour period!!! In the first place that is about the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. In the 2nd place why are people that have NO CLUE what these medications are, what their use is, how they must be given... why are none of them educated???
You can believe when I was a "Patient rep" at the hospital for 6 years, I better "know" my stuff. Including what certain medications were for, how they were given, and what things meant as a whole for a patient whether surgical, illness, ER... of course I was not a nurse, BUT I was expected to be "educated" on much of the terminology and how some procedures were handled.

If that is not bad enough it is almost unbelievable what I have gone through this past three days just trying to get our local Wal-Greens pharmacy to "fax" my Enbrel Sure Click script over the the "Right Source Speciality Pharmacy".... I have been on the phone with this pharmacist at LEAST 7 times...
What part of "Fax" the script over does he not understand!??? I had called the Right Source, asked them exactly what they needed. They told me to have this pharmacy just fax over that script, that the "prior" authorization was probably already in the "Humana" system, thus they can get that and they can fill the script and mail it to me... for some reason, one that baffles the hell out of me, this idiot here at WG KEPT trying to run it THROUGH WAL-GREENS!!! Each time it denied it! And I kept seeing emails coming in and for my own sanity, I was just about ready to jerk his head off his neck through the phone, when I CALLED for the 8th TIME today! Thank goodness one of the girls answered the phone, took down the information and said she would make sure it got handled tomorrow. The only ridiculous thing she said was that it was "against the law" for them to "fax" a script over???? BULL!!! I've had them had to "fax" scripts over to other pharmacies when maybe one does not have the medication, so they "fax" it to one that does... or maybe it is cheaper and/or so forth... and there was never a problem... hell most of the scripts they get now are either "faxed" OR send via the computer, from the doctors???? Anyway, the phone rang about 15 minutes later, it was guess who??? I would NOT answer it, because if it was him, it was NOT going to be pleasant, not for him at least... so my husband answered it... "he" told my husband he had "faxed" it at 5:06 yesterday afternoon... well why did you try at 4:56pm try to put it through WG again!????? He waited until they were closed there, then faxed it... again it is delayed due to stupidity!!! What is worse, this man is supposed to be a PHARMACIST!!??? If he cannot understand the simplicity of "fax a script" how they heck will we trust scripts to be right????? Frightening thought at the least.....

Well, I am saying... this is an end to this post... I am a BIT CONCERNED that all of a sudden all my new traffic I was having suddenly just took a nose dive.... within a few days... anyone know possibly why???? Maybe not enough of my "own posts" and more about other stuff???? I have no clue, but it does concern me...

I am actually working on my book. I have about the first 10 paragraphs that I began on it late in the evening yesterday. But, this freaking bad headache from hell is giving me the blues... it is truly messing with my eyes ... and just reeking havoc with my vision... but at least I HAVE BEGUN!!!

I have NOT announced the name of it yet, BUT I am seriously thinking about putting the name out... I shall give it some thought... My fear at first was someone would try to "steal it" from me... but, I really don't think so...

Rhia

One morning early a couple of years ago, when we were heading for OK for the day to take Mom to the Casino!