Showing posts with label making your place in this world. Show all posts
Showing posts with label making your place in this world. Show all posts

Monday, November 7, 2016

Monday's seem to "hit" everyone in some type of lousy way, no matter who, where, when or why it is what it is.... & throwing our Circadian Clocks OFF

Well, between Monday's usual errands etc, I think I finally got caught up on my WEGO Health Bloggers Month Long Challenge! I am still NOT feeling all that well. I know part of my problems with feeling lousy is because I have "overdone" it and probably WAY overdone than I care to admit. I've thrown out old furniture, moved furniture, cleaned, dusted, been trying to get a couple more of my "inside" windows not stuck anymore. I have "storm windows", but before they put them on, I did not get a chance to really make sure the inside old windows were not painted shut, or just plain stuck because of the age of the home. So, it has taken me several months in all to get about 11 or 12 that I can open up the inside windows and then get to the storm windows and open them when the weather is nice, and get inside, in between those also... I have one very, very STUBBORN ONE over my kitchen sink. I finally was hurting so badly I sprayed it down with WD-40 and left it last night. I've not tried it yet today. 

We have really wet, dreary, weather so the wood is also swollen which makes it harder to work with. Then I spent an hour or more yesterday trying to get the small "cracks" sealed up on my front storm door. I had some of the rubber put on the bottom, but it was not really long enough, so I put a new strip on that has the longer rubber on it. Then I had to put one on the outside, plus put a piece on the side where the screen latches. This house has settled so badly, that it also why I have issues with these windows. It needs to be leveled, BUT THE COST OF HAVING THIS HOUSE LEVELED NOW PROBABLY RUNS ABOUT $15,000.00! It was about $10M when we checked on it years ago. They have to get under it, pour concrete posts, then take out the old creosote posts that are under there then try and shim and level it up. It sucks also because this house happens to be on ground that has room to get under it on one side, and then the other is very, very low to the ground. It would be a nightmare.... it was not a true "peer and beam" but just more like the "beams" under it. 

There is SO much that needs to be done to the house, that it makes my head hurt and spin just thinking about the cost of some of those things, like the foundation, and a new fence in the back, that requires cutting down trees MY NEIGHBOR NEVER CUT DOWN WHEN HE PROMISED HE WOULD AFTER TAKING A BUILDING DOWN THAT WAS ON THE PROPERTY LINE, TO BUILD A BIG HONKIN' GARAGE THAT IS LARGER THAN MY OR THEIR HOUSE, AND LEFT THE TREES, ONE HUGE AND ROTTEN. Half of it is laying in my back yard.... and that expense is astronomical to have someone cut down those trees. Some of them are small enough I can get rid of most of them, but about 3 or 4 someone would have to come in with a chainsaw to get them down. As MANY things as I STILL DO, ANYTHING TO DO WITH A CHAINSAW is where I DRAW THE LINE! I do okay with my "pole trimmer/cutter" and most everything else, but the "saw zsaw" and any kind of chain saw I know I would never be able to handle. I've lost so much strength in my arms, hands, wrists, especially my right one, and my fingers, thumb and hand is so swollen it almost kills me to sit and type. BUT, I make myself, so I hope that they don't get even worse, which I need to go back to my Rheumy. 

The MTX is NOT WORKING. and in fact I stopped taking it as of today. I was taking it once weekly on Monday, but I decided it was not worth it, since it's not doing a thing for the RA. It is much worse in my hands, fingers, thumbs, and now my neck, and lumbar spine and hips are just "on fire" they hurt so badly. So, I hope we will try Xeljanz next, but I am not liking my Rheumy's NP at all. She is wishy washy and said that was what she would do last time I was there, and then went back to the MTX after my Rheumy had stopped it a year or more ago, at that time due to me having so many infections.  I NEED the cervical neck and lumbar spine surgery..

A great deal of my pain I feel is due to my spinal issues. But, there are times just like when Mom became so ill, I had to put off having those surgeries, because she needed me during those months. I could not have helped her, had I went ahead with cervical neck surgery, and/or lumbar sacral surgery. So, we do what we can do in life, and at times that means putting up with some unpleasant times, and things. Hopefully making the "sweeter" pieces all that much better!

Monday, July 25, 2016

Trying to put words to "feelings" - A New Chapter of my Life, yet like "writer's block" I am having "Life block"

All too often any of us as author's, writer's, bloggers, and so forth can develop usually suddenly, what many refer to as "writer's block"...

I've been through those "challenging" time on several occasions myself... like my "voice, or we sometimes refer to as "Muse" is just not happening...

For days, perhaps weeks now, I've had a challenge even larger than any writer's dilemma. I find myself with I guess you could call "Life Block"... I cannot find where "I should be", "where I belong", what to do with myself, so I spend my days rambling around, painting the house #2, and knowing that house #1 needs lots of work also... Life in itself feels "surreal"... not realistic, like I've missed that last train into my next chapter... now I am lost, in between a "breath's space", and at times I am not sure I even know who I am... or what my next step should be....

I had heard several times about "dementia" and at 1sst they said "brain exercises" were helpful. Then about a year or two ago, they came out and said "exercising the brain" with reading, puzzles, games and so forth, does not "harm not help" Then on the evening news it was brought up after extensive research that exercising the brain, like any muscle does tend to keep you "fit" mentally... that you are less likely somewhat to develop a type of dementia... I always thought that way anyway... I watched my own Mom. do NOTHING, no hobbies, did not like to get out and window shop, never belonged to any of the groups around town, or even helped out as a "Room Mother" when I was young... till the day she passed away, June 9th, 2016, she COULD NOT PUT GAS in her own car!

As many times as I tried to get her interested in one thing or the other, she just was this type of person, that all in life like that was either "frivolous" or a waste of time and money... or she just was not "smart enough", educated enough to "get it"... whether it be a new microwave, or reading a book....