Saturday, November 17, 2012

As time is Fleeting...

It seems each moment we are here, taking a breath, time is just a fleeting "realm" for us. There must be some reason why when we are younger, it seems we have "all the time in the world", or so we think we do. In our younger years we tend to put things off that we probably should do, or choose to do certain activities we want to do rather than really put our noses to the grind stone and get those thing done.
I realize it is a cliche' to say the time gets shorter with age. Yes, that is certainly a fact for us, that a we get up in years our days "seem" more numbered, and the more than likely are than someone young. Even though none of us are "stamped with a guarantee" or "Warranty" of how long our service "Life" is here, we expect those that are younger to have many more years ahead to experience life, than those of us that have already lived for 5 decades, or already past half of their life more than likely. Many things play into the fleeting time for us. Being busy is one. When we are busy times seem to just take wing and fly. Yet for the older ones, even though we may not be "as busy" as someone younger, it takes us longer to accomplish what we do, than it did when we were younger.
I used to be able just a few short years ago, to study my college classes, clean my entire home, do laundry, get the market shopping over with, and be dressed and ready to go out on Saturday night to dance the night away! Now, it takes me three times as long just to do laundry or fold clothes. Cleaning the house may mean a whole day, and part of another one. Whether I am baking something, doing laundry, getting dressed to go out, or whatever task I may be doing at that time, you can bet there is no way I can finish it as quickly as I did just a few years back.
We begin to think about our "mortality" when that "half-century" and damned does that sound old!, mark rolls around. Something else that can hit us right between the eyes is suddenly our own illness coming along that changes our entire quality of life, or taking care of a sick loved one, or the one that had really gotten to me lately is seeing classmates that I went to High School with passing away. That truly is kind of a shock into reality to know we are really getting up to that place things like that are possible, more of course than back when we were "wild and crazy"...
I had spent several of my what I think of as "prime years" in my mid-30's with online groups, lots of online friends, chat rooms, and that whole "new way" to meet people from all over the globe, when it was the 1st time of being a real "hot rage". Now we still have it, but it is different from those first chat rooms we had, on "dial-up" internet at that, but we certainly had fun. There were night I stayed up all night long "policing" mine and talking to friends from all over the world. There are some that I still keep in touch with, and some we still email every once in a while and check on each other. Of course the first ones, like MSN's groups, that were kind of the "original" and I guess "AOL" had theirs also, but I never really got into those. have faded away. But, I had one "group" from a older site that kind of took over after some of those like MSN, Yahoo, AOL, and a few others sold out, closed down, and we were kind of lost out in the array of technology, hoping to meet one another somewhere else one day. And I have done just that. I still run into a person or two on Face Book, or some other blog, etc. and get to ask how they are doing. Amazing what knowing people all over the world feels like. But, this morning as I decided to go log into the old group, I knew it was the very "last blast" at my younger past. IT was a piece of the puzzle of life, that time has changed forever. I will never be that "person" again, for I have evolved and changed. Oh, of course we always keep bits and pieces of our "original" selves around, but we grow, we evolve, we move forward, we make new friends, have new jobs, careers, families, or choose other path ways, that just a few short years back we may never even guessed we would be doing. When I first got to Seattle on October 31 2001,never would I have dreamed how much in the next 10 years my life would change. IF someone would have been able to look into the "crystal ball" of my life and tell me I would be where I am, done what I have done, been through and survived all that I have survived, I believe I would have told them they had to be mistaken. Never in a million dreams did I think I would be back in Texas, in my hometown of all places. The night I made it to Seattle on that bus, and I got off of it, I felt "at home". I cried this morning because even though I have been away from there now since 2005, I still miss it everyday. Life has its own way of taking us where it wants to take us. All too often we may not realize the "why" at the moment. Sometimes it is years before it is "revealed" as to all of the questions to be answered when we find ourselves moving quickly in the opposite direction we really wanted to.
They say if you are "still" too long, just like water, you become stagnant, thus our lives do move as a river, sometimes, slow, winding, and with a small, pleasant breeze. Other times, those waters are like white rapids, rushing us to and fro, jumping over rocks and crevasses, leaping into the air, like salmon on a run up stream, and making us tired of the fight uphill against the currents. Yet, we must continue our climb. We look for faith and love to guide us. Yes< I miss those pieces of my life. I am happy with others that I have now, that I did not have back then. I got accustomed to being "alone" without being lonely. I was liking taking care of myself, all by myself. Even though that did not last for long, there were many lessons learned from that entire experience. From the moment I climbed on the bus in Dallas, made that 3 day ride to Seattle, and arrived at 8pm on Halloween night, 2001 until we climbed into the U-Haul truck from Everett WA, made a short 3 month stay in San Pedro CA, and then got here the 19th day of December 2005, I learned so much more about myself than in all of the other years put together. For that and forever my life is so purely blessed. I would do it all over again if I had the same choices. Although, I still as I have mentioned above, wished at times I was in Seattle, and I miss those times, I realize we don't always understand what is in the works for us, but must accept it with open arms, an open heart, and definitely an open mind.

FB Post About Being A "Published" Author and the Way You Make It to That Point Emotionally


We had been discussing having the "strength", wear-with-all, tenacity and actually having the "nerve" to publish your work and put it out there for all the world to see. That can be a very scary thing to do. It is okay for friends, family, and spouses to see it, but to have the entire globe out there to "critique" your work is something that you must be willing to stand up to, and know inside what you write is good. It may not be awesome to some people, but for others it may touch them deeply. So, this was a post from this morning about my feelings of finally becoming published...

I have written for many, many years, as the information said, since I was 13 actually. Yet, I was in fear of being rejected for a long while, thus I did not have anything published. About 6 years ago, I bought a book with all of the publishers in it, and how to send your poetry to them, and details of just what they wanted, when, how and so forth. It has not been that long ago that even "self-publishing" was extremely expensive. Just to get a book published in that way may cost upwards of $800.00 and possibly much more, then you had to buy a certain number of books to even be able to get through all of the process. Things are so much easier now (there is still lots to go through, especially if you design it all yourself), but you can do the majority of the work yourself, and the costs have went down so they have made it more affordable for those that may not have found it that way just a few years back. When I went through the entire process of mailing my poetry off to different publishers, that was a nightmare honestly. Many of them of course were rejected, for one reason or the other, others I never heard from, but I did have one publisher, that even though he rejected a poem I sent in, he took the time to actually in his own hand writing, give me some suggestions, and told me to resubmit my poetry at a certain date. He was very interested in it, and would consider publishing me the next time around they took poems in. that process really is for someone that can stand rejection and not take it personally. Kind of like Tom Clancy, whose first 3 books were rejected when he submitted them. Then someone lied his 4th book, and what happened? Not only did it get published, but so did those other 3, that previously were rejected. So, it takes a great deal of tenacity, and the ability to know your work is good, but it may just not be what they are looking for at the moment. I finally got some poetry published online through a gentleman that still does a monthly newsletter. He posted several of my poems monthly, along with some of my other writing. After that, I became ill with the Lupus (or was finally diagnosed with it the RA, possibly FM, and went into 7 surgeries in a year, along with several more after that). I was not able to sit at the computer for very long. So, I had to put off the publishing portion, but I still tried to write daily. Many of my pieces are current, and then others are some from a few years ago that are my favorites in this first book, "Ramblings of A Seasoned Soul" - Brush Strokes of Life in Words. I think I relate writing in many ways that I do trying to have the stamina, the strength, the internal power, with out eyes on the "goal", of living! We must fight these illnesses from moment to moment, kind of like writing is a daily process that takes a great deal of the same things... you have to find that inner part of you that just will not give into the nightmare of pain and chronic illness. So, we have days that we find ourselves riddled with all kinds of doubt and dismay. So, we have to find our way out of that black hole, and into the light again. Same way in writing, days it feels awesome, and other days you feel like you cannot write a word. But, we do it, live, write, whatever we do, we pull out that part of us that in i the very core of our being. I hope all of you ow just how strong you are, that you are fighting the "good fight" as the saying goes, and you are truly worth it. May you be blessed during this holiday season, and find all of the pure and true reasons you are thankful for.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Those That Can Give "Until Our Cup Runneth Over"

"Rhia, congratulations on this special compilation of your poetry. I write poetry as well & know your work has rendered me 'to do something' for self-publishing as well. My story is a bit different but has to do with pain as well. Your brushstroke of words are appealing, raw, and true. You will be reaching many who need the encouragement to feel, keep moving forward, and to enjoy life as fully as possible. You are gifted & I will pray for your success with this project. You are already successful as a poet. Not everyone can be a poet & so much of what we write is for our own journey and healing--it's a deep, deep place to go. I'm glad you are sharing & I'm really praying for God to give me the GO and the HOW to get my poetry out there as well. God bless you..."

The beautiful and thought provocative words above come from a dear lady on a group that I belong to on FB. I was so touched by her sincere and heart felt post about my poetry and my 1st book, that I cried tears of joy when I read this last night. I had to share her words with all of you also. This is what my writing is truly about. If I have reached out and "painted" a brush stroke of encouragement to one person, then I feel my "job" in life is complete. I shall leave her name off for now, but I will ask if I can put her name in. She is also a writer and poet. I would love for her to share with me, if she would like some of her work. :)


Rhia

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

This Makes me totally Ashamed to be from my Own Home State!

http://www.sfgate.com/politics/article/Texans-petition-to-secede-from-U-S-4035480.php

Honestly, I am SO ASHAMED of my OWN STATE! I HATE SAYING I AM FROM HEAR!!! And then we find out the Idiot of a Governor we have (thank goodness not PRESIDENT) is responsible for spreading this rumor!!! Here is THE TRUTH! Of course I cannot
fathom Texans would even think about signing this.... give up our Federal Benefits, Social Security, Medicare, help with all kinds of infrastructure, health care for the disabled and elderly, help with our schools, colleges, can you imagine a state on its own trying to "police" itself and pay for everything???? this is total insanity!!!! I am s freaking appauled I could just spit!!! Like I said this just is the kind of mess that causes me to feel totally ashamed of my accent, and my heritage in this state. What happened to PRIDE!!!! What happened to being the "United States?" I feel we can blame that idiot in Austin, and the GOP for this one... 
Believe me I definitely have lots more to say on this one... but I want to get the initial post up and try to save "face" for those of us, that do NOT agree with this madness!!!

Friday, November 9, 2012

Keeping you "up to date" on Ramblings of A Seasoned Soul

First of all, here is a "shorter link in amazon.com to get to my Author page and book, both Kindle and the book versions.

https://www.amazon.com/author/rhiasteele

Secondly, I want to give a huge Thanks out there to all that continue to send praises about my poetry, my very 1st published book, and just how proud they are of me. Even several of my doctors, and others around in our community that know already have given me congrats! cards etc. I am so filled with positive emotions to have people take the time to tell me how they feel! I am still busy trying to get it into our newspaper. We have not had time this week. After doctors visits 3 days in a row, along with everything else, I am hoping to get more done over the next few days and I am really thinking about getting another group of poetry together and go ahead with a 2nd book soon. I am working on writing my 1st "book, book", as I call it. I have several titles in my head, but I am not sure yet, thus I just say "THE BOOK" LOL!!! Again, I am so appreciative of all the wonderful things all are saying... Hugs Rhia

Thursday, November 8, 2012

When Your "Gut" Tells you something is wrong, listen!

I just have to tell you very early this morning (my dog actually woke me up, so I just stayed up) . I had a visit to my Rheumy yesterday. I was telling him the entire ordeal about the double vision, and about the "specialist" that I went to, and he had this strange look on his face. Comes to find out, Jim and I were very "hit the nail on the head right" about that entire thing!!! My Rheumy was VERY FAMILIAR with this other doc. He had seen patients before that went to him and they had gotten caught into the same web if crap I did! First, the "HIGH" number of the "blood test" ran that this eye specialist did, was THE WRONG TEST! I had thought so. It tests more about inflammation and what it has to do with the HEART, not the temporal artery! 2nd of all this HIGH was NOT that far from NORMAL! He told me ay number of things could have caused that small of a shift in the inflammatory part, of which I HAVE, Lupus, RA etc. Then the BIOPSY was a total waste of TIME, MONEY and should not have been done unless other things indicated it really needed to be done. It was an invasive procedure, that is safe, BUT it can have its complications like anything else, like paralysis on that side of the face if they cut a nerve! One more thing, usually "eye specialists" do NOT treat Temporal Arteritis! It is an autoimmune disease that Rheumatologists usually treat!!! That other idiot should have sent me to my Rheumy with it. He said it is one of the most wrong diagnosed things, because many doctors often do not do the correct test and do not understand the numbers "that are off" enough to indicate this AI illness. We were both just about ready to fall out of our chairs when he told us all of this. Here we were basically saying the exact thing, I even hesitated twice and cancelled the biopsy, because I felt it was not needed from what all I had read. But this guy has you by the "ba-0s!) he is telling you that you could go blind, etc and making it sound like if you do not go through with the biopsy something bad will happen, and so forth, pressuring you to say you will have it done!!!! And here the guy is with a waiting room FULL OF PATIENTS, many I bet are not needing to be there, or may not be getting the proper treatment and so forth! Any doc that says he "sees" a 100 patients in a DAY something is off! I am starting back on the Humira and stopping the Orencia. He told me often people with chronic pain go through this issue. I had gotten some relief from the Humira, but the daily pain in general makes it harder for us to feel whether a new medication is really helping or not. We may think it is not, and then discover if you switch to something else, the first one WAS making a difference more than the 2nd one. Which is probably what happened in my case. I just thought the Humira was not helping as much as it really was until I tried a different biologic. Now I can tell it was helping me much more than I thought. Now that is not counting the ridiculous unprofessional situation I went through in the OR as I was just waking up from the anesthetic!!!! As we thought, that was over the top, and should not have happened whatsoever. I just felt like I as going through de ja' vue when I heard my Rheumy talking about all of this. We both looked and him and said thank you for verifying that we were not crazy, and all of our instincts and information we went through was correct! I never did really get the correct testing not diagnosis because all that was done was probably wrong. So, if we are well educated, and not stupid people, and it happened to us, can you imagine how much he makes off of those that do not go and research their own medical stuff? Or check out whether what a doctor is telling you sounds reasonable or ridiculous? IF your first "gut" instinct says something is OFF, than some is really more than likely, off.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Ready to end this Election Season...

I am sure I am not the only one sick and tired of the way we have been inundated with enough election media and information to last us at least another 4 years! It seems when we feel it cannot get any worse as far as media and some of the worst "lies" that ever comes from politicians mouths, the next election brings even more. This whole ordeal with "big corporations" being allowed to "foot the bill" on their favored candidate is a bunch of "Malarky" as VP Biden put it. What ever happened to the people having the say as to whom runs our nation??? Well, when a choice few with the big bucks can have more pull than the everyday people who are the ones that keep this nation running, then this world has turned upside down and inside out! I am so hoping, (and I know it ion the bottom of the totem pole list of things to do) that their is an overhaul of just how the election process is ran by the time another 4 years rolls around. We need some people in a group that are totally non-partisan, to get some road rules of the game set up where everyone is on an even playing field money wise, and this wanting an "id" to vote business, as well as lots of other issues that get swept under the rug after the election is over type thing. You can also probably ask 100 people on the streets about the "electoral vote" stuff, and none of them could tell you exactly how that is ran and what happens, and why it is supposed to work, as far as the election of our President goes. I think it is a totally antiquated system, that for the most part not one person in the everyday world really gets. Plus, I also do not think it is fair for one party to be able to cough up millions of dollars more for ads that should not even be on television, much less to have more pull just because of "monetary" means. OF course we all know the "GOP" loves the fact that the are the rich old cronies, that do have each others backs (even though they also stab each other in them)... and it just leaves an even keel when it comes to people and our voting rights. NOT ONE DIME OF MONEY should be able to influence an election. It should be totally decided by the people, and give them an open without cost (FREE ID'S if you need one to vote), plus if things like this electronic voting is causing longer lines where the elderly, as well as others  that are ill and so forth, the exact same level ground to place their vote, and that their vote counts the same as the person next door. To me, this electoral vote thing is an old and outdated way of allowing the GOP to have their fingers in the cookie jar as they usually do. They have done it since the beginning of time, and it is going to be that way forever unless we stand up and say we have had enough!!! I am also puzzled beyond belief that women would ever stand up and be counted in for Romney. He is a "womanizer" from way back. He would hurt his own Grand Mother if he thought he would benefit from it. He could car less about women's rights, from birth control to rape, and all of the things we, as women are entitled to. He could care less about Medicare, Social Security, Medicaid, helping the elderly, or anyone that is in a "minority" situation. That man is for MONEY, GREED and Power!!! (and I am still writing on my "Greed" Post)... As I see it, I vote for who I feel can DO THE JOB as best as possible. I don't care if they are GOP, Democratic, or the neighbor down the street. As long as they can get our country out of debt, our people back to work, get Medicare and Social Security solvent, get us out of the war zones, help get more money in medical research and development, and truly handle what is important to the middle class, the working people... his "political race" does not matter to me. It is how he conducts his business when it comes to going about helping to put our business back in order.
I am sure I am stepping on some toes, but this is my feelings, and I am not going to dismiss yours at all. i just wanted to tell it from my point of view. I am ready for 4 MORE YEARS TO ALLOW PRESIDENT OBAMA, to straighten out more of the stuff in this nation that was screwed up YEARS BEFORE HE BECAME PRESIDENT!!!! As of late I have gotten to the point I feel the media has gotten so greedy also, they tend to stand more on the lines of "not really telling it all like it is". If they can manipulate a story or sensationalize it, then they get the attention, thus more money. I half way do not trust much of what I read or hear from our news media these days. It is just a matter of many of the "big wigs", have well forgotten us everyday folks, that want a home, a job, a car, to be able to take care of us and our families, and not be lied to, taken advantage of, neglected or have the life we work so hard for taken away by those who like reeking havoc around the globe. So, with the elections over tomorrow, my hope is that our President will be able to once again concentrate on what is truly important, jobs, housing, gas prices, food prices, education, our infrastructure, new and alternative energy sources, much more research for so many health problems, help for the elderly, disabled and less fortunate, getting our troops home, keeping our nation safe, keeping open lines across the globe and allies that are true to their word and want to help to make things safer and more peaceful. As we close the process tomorrow may we find a new direction, a new light, and a sense of some kind of peace, looking for a new dawn, and moving..... FORWARD!!!!!