Saturday, September 7, 2013

More on Chronic Pain Awareness Month...





There are many things you can do to bring more awareness as to how this illness brings life down to "Zero" at times when the pain is bad. It harms not just the person with it, but their entire lives. family, friends, activities... relationships... everything suffers... jobs, schooling... whatever you are doing in your life is effected by this horrid disease.  The issues remains even many doctors have no clue how to address these types of issues. There are many underlying causes of chronic pain, and chronic illnesses... all of which can be complicated, and can be piled one on the other. If you have Lupus, then more than likely, you can have RA, Raynaud's, Mixed Connective Tissue Disease, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, FM, and the list goes on.. all of which have their own set of side effects and symptoms from rotting your teeth, to severe unyielding pain at times. You can be severely fatigued for weeks, days, or months. You can gain weight or lose weight. You can have such brain fog you are unable to even think, much less do a job right... all in the name of Chronic illness and pain... so we MUST get the word out... more and more of everyone need to know and UNDERSTAND the workings of these... without that research, hope, and a cure will never exist... so take a moment to tell someone, put signs in your car windows, I did. I printed these we have online and taped them in my back car window last night, along with on my front door at home... make flyers if you can put them out... hand out a card you make, take a flyer to doctors offices for them to hand out... do something, sign a petition, make a petition, write your own letters, or emails... make a call... do something... there is lots you can do, right at your own desk, that can make a difference... share the pics on FB with your friends.... but just do something!

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

When you run out of Words... When What you "say" does not makes sense... When Life seems So "Blown to the Four Corners of the Earth"

I am not sure why I am even trying to "write" today. I have not admitted it to myself yet, and most assuredly not admitted it to anyone else, but I feel I have "nothing" to put down in words that anyone, even myself cares to read, much less understand. I have lost all ability to truly share of my feelings. I fear sharing all of them, because I would never want anyone to deal with the frightful pain this place inside comes from. It is a wound that continues to grow... like a hole in a sweater, you pick on, and it becomes larger, and rips more every time you touch it. My thoughts are so jumbled, my spelling so "off", from the tips of my toes, to the very "synapses" in my brain, nothing is working properly. I can't even look past the emotions that bind me, and try to see anywhere I will recover. All I can do, is barely keep my own self "watered". Much less try to water my outside plants in the early morning light. The very things I used to love, all seem futile. Anything I have ever enjoyed doing, seems hopeless and useless. Where do you go, what do you do, how do you get over... feelings of absolute despair? I thought I knew... and maybe I do for others, but not myself.

My son made a comment to me on the phone yesterday that really hit me hard. He said he wished sometimes I would just say to him, "Things are going to be okay"... they will work out... and I always thought I did say that... to him and his sister, but I guess I was wrong... and for that I am even more saddened. I thought I had "supported" them, and given them legs to stand on, and a foundation to build upon. Yet, now I find out, that I may have not given them half of what they needed from me at all. I thought I have told them "it will be okay"... throughout their lives, when things just go awry. But, after the long conversation I had with him yesterday, I came to realize that sometimes I treat them too much like "adults" in many ways... rather than treating them like they are my kids, even though they are grown. I have always felt like I did not want to "tell them what to do" when it came to them being grown, and having lives. I never wanted to be one of these Meddling Mom's" that was always right up in their business. I had a parent like that, and boy did I ever run the opposite way... with my own. I won't even give them my advice, even when I feel maybe I should. I fear they will not appreciate my view on things, thus rather than "run them off", I have kept quiet and only offer what they ask of me. Now I see I probably have stood off too far, and been more distant than I have wanted to.
I can't go back and change what is the past... but I can change what happens in the future... and I hope they know I always feel like I told them, that things will be "okay"... I just say it in a different way than I guess I should... so I shall try and make that different for them... they both have lots of stuff in their lives that also cause ups and downs... one raising three kids... and the other recently out of a very long term relationship, now with a new job, in a new part of the state... and that is a very, very, difficult place to be. I know... I was there... with a new place, not knowing anyone, new job, out of a home, and a relationship, that even though sucked, I was not alone... and that loneliness sucks... it takes time to meet others, to get used to a new part of the country, to get used to a new job, to find somewhere you can call home... I did it, and I know they can also... and it will one way and one day soon, be just fine... and it will be totally okay... but when you are first there in it, and out of the old... it is just not a pleasant place to be. I can say it was one of the best conversations we had in a very long time... and for that I am blessed...
I am still reeling from my own crap... I am very concerned about the physical issues that face me, and feel all of the doctors have just "missed the boat", on part of what my health issues are... but we know our bodies better than anyone else... and I think they possibly due to it being so difficult to diagnose, have missed out on the fact that many of my symptoms lead to MS. Even my Rheumatologist was in agreement with me two weeks ago. Fortunately, the Rituxan is not being used on a trial basis for MS, thus as he said, possibly we may "kill" two birds with one stone...
My son made another very good point, when it comes to be "lack luster" thought about my writing... it is time for me to "re-invent" myself... my writing... I need to find a new way to express my thoughts, a new reason to write... some other way to bring out what I want to say... and he is right... I think I am bored with my "old ways"... I am sick of my illness, yet I want to help others... I am sick of speaking the same old thing, day after day, and it seems no one gives a damned... yet I write for me... and he is right there... I always began writing for my own self... and then later it became a place that I wanted to share with others... I had written thousands of things well before I shared many with anyone...

So, for all out there... I want to try and give this month over to "National Chronic Illness" Month and Invisible Awareness Week... I am not sure how much I will feel like doing on either, but I began yesterday, by "sharing" the information on FB, and here on my blog...

I will try and get more involved... for 3 years past, I did get a proclamation signed by our Governor of TX. But, somehow I missed doing that this year. I have done it for Lupus also. Of course this year they have a place to post those on their websites for these occasions... and of course this is the first year I did not get one done. I guess with all of the things happening health wise I missed it. I am looking to see if I can still get one signed by our Governor... it is a way of getting our information out there in the public eye for sure....

I hope you also find some small way, or some huge way to also give a moment of yourself to these two special issues... for they are both so critical... and for all of us with illnesses ... we totally "get" both... why do people say "you look good"??? when they do not know... and just the chronic daily grind of being chronically ill...

I hope you also find your niche... your place... your own way... into the light... and out of the dark... I am still feeling around in the dusk... not seeing light just yet... and I pray the words finally come again... my greatest fear is I will lose... my voice... forever... and that frankly scares the hell out of me... for where do I go... what do I do... without it???


Tuesday, September 3, 2013

September 9th through 15th also National Invisible Illness Awareness Month

Another subject we are all too familiar with and that is "invisible illness". It happens to be National Invisible Illness Awareness Week next week, and falls into National Pain Awareness Month. Here is a good website out there, and I am sure one of many about how YOU CAN make a DIFFERENCE! We sit around thinking we are just "one" person, so how can we make a difference? Yet with one voice, becomes, another, and then 10, and 50, and before you know it, we can have thousands out there telling the stories that need to be heard!!! Please post your own story, your own special sites you like, someone else's story you know about... all of it does matter....

http://invisibleillnessweek.com/

National Pain Awareness Month and What you Can do...

All of the links below are about September being National Pain Awareness Month! It is a very special time we can all cry out in ONE VOICE, and be heard through out the nation and the world! I hope you join in, even in your own small way, or huge way to help us get the word out there. We are not some "idiots", or "junkies" looking for medications. We are not "lunatics", "depressed", "hypochondriac's" wanting attention, we are not "doctor seekers" just needing a doctors attention, we are not trying to ruin anyone's lives, or make yours worse... we are true chronic pain patients, no different from diabetics, those with high blood pressure, or any other type of "chronic" life long, life altering illness. The ONLY issue with us is that there is NOT ENOUGH KNOWLEDGE OUT THERE! There are not enough researchers, because pain is a huge challenge. A challenge for those in it, and a challenge for those trying to help cure it. It is far worse than many cancers, because with pain, chronic pain, you never "see" an end in sight. You know each day there is no "cure" right now, and you must wake up and face the day again, and again, and learn to "cope" the best way possible. We are your everyday faces, your bankers, nurses, lawyers, hard ware store workers, those that wait on you in the restaurants, or in your local retail store.... PAIN does not discriminate other than it seems to strike more WOMEN than men for reasons we still only guess at. So, it is OUR month to once again SPEAK, TELL, SHOW & try to find RESOLVE WITH THIS life altering, life stealing illness!


http://www.apmhealth.com/blog/bid/278353/September-Pain-Awareness-Month-Recap

http://www.healthcentral.com/chronic-pain/c/5949/119382/september/


http://uspainfoundation.org/september-pain-awareness-month.html

http://www.inthefaceofpain.com/take-action/pain-awareness-month/?gclid=CJKMgcmKr7kCFSgS7AodBmUAiQ

http://www.theacpa.org/news/National-Pain-Awareness-Month

http://www.national-awareness-days.com/pain-awareness-month.html

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Last Entry - I FINALLY realized not one soul cares what I write - and I am a FOOL!

It FINALLY after half my life is over, that I am done, over and a damned old fool. I have spent all my life writing crap that not one soul cares about reading. Why I have spent and wasted time on it, I don't know. I guess we all think we should have something "good" we do. Well, I should stick to crocheting or something at least I have to show for it..

I know no body reads this so it does not matter, but I am also closing down both of my books... I will no longer embarrass myself or my family with them being up... so you no longer have to "watch" me be a stupid idiot... and my posts will not be anymore... if I feel some body else has something to say, I will post their stuff, and give them the credit they deserve... and to my dear friend who does have talent and much that people want to hear... I am so proud of you... you are a beautiful talented woman, with a huge career in front of her... I pray the illness bids itself goodbye so you can pursue even more that touch so many..... Rhia