Visit with follow up on my Cervical Neck surgery, and facing Lumbar Sacral Surgery in the near future...

I saw my Neck surgeon yesterday, and I told him that I thought I had "bursitis" in my hips, they both hurt so badly, no matter If I walk, don't walk etc... but he says it is my lumbar/sacral spine, as it has been, just getting worse. 

So, I may try to have my pain meds "upped" just a bit, until at least another 6 weeks. He said my neck is "okay" as far as he sees for now. He said of course he can't tell how "fused" the fusions are, but so far, he told me "I am doing everything right" and to keep doing what I am - 

he told me I could drive with either of the neck braces, and that when I am out in public that I really need to wear one or the other, and to continue to use the bone stimulator, and "hopefully" my neck will fuse, then we MUST take action on my lower back. I've had problems for years, and it is really progressing... the pain is horrible and effects my hips more than anything... they have hurt so badly for the past 4 weeks almost that I just want to scream.... plus I am having other issues that are caused from the lumbar spine issues.... 

So, I know I face that.... but I heard a "little bit" of "hope" yesterday about my neck, yet he is still extra cautious wanting to give it all the time we can to heal properly.

How does one find "hope" when your life feels like the meaning is gone... Chronic Illness, and Chronic Pain how it takes its "toll" on your mind, body, life and soul.

Lots on my mind... I miss "life", I miss what I loved so much, that I feel was lost in "translation" somewhere along the way. I've not had much to say, because I cannot stop the tears from falling. I've been trying to pull myself out of this "funk" but honestly, I cannot find motivation to do much of anything.

Living from surgery to surgery, not knowing from one day to the next what will happen as far as my stupid Lupus, RA and such, not having the love in my life that I had, I feel so adrift, so lost... There is so much to say, but I am so choked up that I cannot even find enough words to type, write, and I feel "useless"... I always had something to look forward to each morning, I always had "plans" dreams, had faith, and all of that has just faded into memories... 

I told a friend this morning that now I know why as much as I love music, I find myself almost unable to listen to it... used to I had the radio on, everywhere, all the time, or the I-pod on walking, and now it's too hurtful to listen to what hurts so deeply in my soul... too many of the very songs I loved, bring back too many memories, and I've lost just about everything that I've ever loved, and held so precious. I used to be able to find a way to pull others out of this kind of horrid emotion, yet I cannot find a way to pull myself out of it... I feel so "forgotten".... and I think that is because I made the mistakes, that made others "forget".... I blame me, for much of that....

All that I "lived for", hoped for, had faith in, over the years the constant concern, over my own health, and my loved ones health... then the surgeries, many, and the severity of pain, sometimes even with medications, it seems it is relentless... and then to think that you may "lose" how far your life has come, fighting to find relief, find great physicians, that understand, and try to help make you more comfortable so you can find greatness in life and love again, could be thrown out by the governmental bodies, that have not one clue what we endure on a daily basis.

If someone would have told me in 2004, that I would lose the love of my life, that I would have to endure so much chronic illness and pain, that I would find myself so lost, and feel as if anything that I was ever "worth" or worthy of, no longer am I worthy or worth anything.... not worthy of being loved, not "worth" the paper either of my published books are on, and that all I hoped to do in the future, to help others, I find I am drowning in so much heartache, that I feel nothing, but pain, loss, and see no way I could help anyone, when I no longer can help myself.

I cannot sleep, I live with severe cold night sweats, and night terrors, ever since my husband left me, just walked out after 13 years, and then my Mom passing away in 2016... I've lost all will to "walk on"... to "look forward"... I stand stagnant, I cannot find the words to express the severity of gloom that deems to cover my heart, my soul with a darkness, that I am not sure I will ever get out of... not a "hole" but just an ever surrounding era of darkness, and each day, I used to think it would get better, things would change, I would find the "light" again. Yet, light only makes it hurt worse.

When i look in the mirror, at myself now... I don't see the "young at heart" 50 plus year old I was... I see the older, lonely broken-hearted woman, that who would want to have any longer? The Sjogren's took all of my teeth nearly 4 years ago... that was one of the things in my life, I never wanted to have to go through... it is a "loss" that makes your reflection in the mirror so different... you feel "older", your feel any "beauty" you had has been suddenly taken away... I used to be overly obsessive because my teeth were pretty crooked, but then when you lose ALL of them... and have to try and endure total dentures, at a young age, they never are "like" anyone says that they are... they are just a total pain, in the mouth, in having to deal with them, in you not wanting anyone to see you without them...


I'm also dealing with a different "medical issue" that I have brought up to my doctors several times, but I've still not really gotten an answer, or what to do about it...


I've been having heck with "nighttime cold clammy sweats"...NOT a "hot flash" but I wake up shivering, my clothes, pillow, and bed sheets completely soaked in sweat. I've also had night mares horribly and have an issue about waking up around 3 to 4 am each morning, and not able to go back to sleep. I had quit drinking coffee because of my GERD, and didn't drink any for about 2 years or more. 

But, recently, even with the heat, I've almost "craved" coffee but only early in the morning. I have mentioned these cold shivering mainly happening night sweats to my doctor several times and really expressing that it concerns me. I don't think it is "hormonal related" because as I said above, it's not like a "hot flash" and 99% of the time they come on in the middle of the night almost at the same time. In fact, the past two nights it's been really bad. I had to get up, get my thick robe last night, and as "warm" as it is, I had to put that robe on and sleep in it, because I was shivering I am so cold. About 2 weeks ago, I had one before I went to bed. I felt it coming on, and it usually starts on the back of my neck or my head becomes suddenly soaked, then the rest of my body follows... so I've done some research and it sounds like "hypoglycemia" but a specific one that usually only happens at night, like this causing a cold clammy sweat that soaks your clothes, sheets blankets and all. Plus the waking up at 3AM is another sign of it, and the night terrors I have can be a symptom. I am a huge fresh fruit eater.

 I try and stay away from high calorie foods, I eat whole grains, and try to stay away from white flour products, but I do love sweets. Yet, I bake my own often using whole wheat flour, canola or coconut oil, Splenda, I've not used very much "sugar" for many years. I've done a great deal of research on different types of flour, and as I said most everything I bake I use whole wheat flour, recently I've tried adding some Coconut flour to a few things, but it is really hard to "adjust" to. You don't have to use very much at all, like a 1/4 of a cup, can take the place of over a cup or more of white flour, or even wheat flour. It gets "thick" very quickly, and I use "egg beaters" mainly. I am not a huge beef or pork eater, but mainly chicken, turkey, fish, beans, peanut butter and even though I love cereal of just about any kind, I usually stick to something like plain cheerios, or some such as that, then add just a tiny bit of some other one that is a bit sweet.... 

What I didn't realize is that "hypoglycemia" can be a precursor to diabetes. With my RA and Lupus, I do have a higher chance of having diabetes, thus I watch the sugar intake, etc... try and walk, exercise daily, of course lately with the neck surgery, it's been rather difficult to do other exercise other than walking, plus I've had so many problems with at first my right hip and thigh the one that was fractured causing pain, and sometimes walking makes it worse, but now both of my hips hurt, and I have to wonder if I have bursitis in both of them. 

I've had it before and had both injected, once or twice at the same time. Since I did not have a "complete hip replacement" after the fractures, but a "gamma nail" and screws i found out I could still have "bursitis" in that hip. I've also noticed especially since the hotter weather arrived, I have a very hard time with my "body temperature" inside. I'm either too "cold" with the A/C on, OR I turn it where it comes on less, then I am too warm... like my body just cannot adjust its temperature.... Has anyone experienced this type of problem with the cold clammy sweats, I mean soaked clothes, sheets, blankets and all... and get up and often my clothes are still damp, even if I got up and changed during the night.... and if so, did you get a diagnosis, or what have you done to try and help it?

The CDC, and others in GOVERNMENT do not KNOW WHAT TRUE SEVERE DAILY CHRONIC PAIN IS LIKE FOR MANY OF US WHO ARE TRUE PATIENTS!!!!!

I am so INFURIATED at the NEWS as well as the CDC, government, and THOSE WHO SO STRONGLY OPPOSE ANYONE NEEDING PRESCRIPTION PAIN MEDICATIONS, that I HAD to get up and turn the channel a bit ago!!! I had turned my computer off earlier in the day due to severe "dry lightening and thunderstorms" BUT AFTER DINNER, I came to turn it back on and state my MIND ABOUT THIS BULL!!! I would LOVE to take ANY ONE of the people from the CDC, from the GOVERNMENT, FROM JUST PLAIN OLD OFF THE STREET folks, AND ALLOW THEM TO HAVE ALL OF MY OWN PAIN, PLUS MANY others PAIN for just ONE WEEK, WITHOUT MEDICATIONS!!!! I don't care how much you "punish" those who need the meds, and there is NOTHING ELSE that helps, THEY WILL FIND SOME WAY, SOME HOW TO GET "HIGH"... whether it is ALCOHOL, OFF THE STREET DRUGS, THAT LORD KNOWS WHAT IS IN THEM, INCLUDING HEROIN, Or anything else they can "use" to get what "WE" the NEED THE MEDS DO NOT GET AND THAT IS SOME KIND OF "HIGH" from them! Other than when I was in my teens and early 20's for sure, AND I COULD NOT GET RELIEF FROM ALMOST 2 OR 3 TIMES A WEEK SEVERE MIGRAINES, that SENT ME TO THE ER MORE TIMES THAN I CARE TO COUNT, and AT THAT TIME, for a while, I felt "something" that was kind of like giving someone an "I don't give a damned" drink, or medication that they may not take very often then YES, you may feel that "high" for a few moments, BUT those LIKE MYSELF, WHO HAVE MULTIPLE ILLNESSES, THAT CAUSE DAILY SOMETIMES SO SEVERE PAIN, THAT MEDICATIONS EVEN DO NOT GET RID OF IT ALL, WE DON'T OR I SHALL SAY I DON'T HAVE A "HIGH" FROM IT! I would GLADLY throw away ALL OF MY MEDS, If somewhere there was a "MIRACULOUS" CURE FOR lupus, RA, DDD, DJD, OSTEOPOROSIS CAUSED BY PREDNISONE, WHICH IS A NECESSARY EVIL, NOT AN OPIOIDS, BUT CAUSES MORE DAMAGE WHICH LED TO MY HIP FRACTURE.... If I could take NSAIDS, or anything else to relieve my pain, I would do it in a "New York minute"... BUT you TAKE AWAY PAIN MEDICATIONS FROM LEGITIMATE PATIENTS, and you will see MORE ALCOHOLISM, THOSE THAT CANNOT WORK, CANNOT TAKE CARE OF THEIR FAMILIES, ARE IN THE ER, HOSPITAL, AND TAKING ILLICIT MEDS THAT LORD KNOWS WHAT THEY CONTAIN... You will see a DRAMATIC RISE IN SUICIDES,, those that LIKE MYSELF, WITH A HEART PROBLEM, IF I WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN, WITHOUT MY MEDS, I WOULD PROBABLY NOT LIVE 6 MONTHS, THE REST OF MY BODY, INCLUDING MY HEART, would NOT be able to take the pain!!! It is a strain not just "where it hurts" but all over, and it effects you mind, the rest of your body and your soul, spirit and takes away all quality of life! One cannot raise their kids, work, or even there would be DAYS, WEEKS, MONTHS SOME WOULD BE COMPLETELY BEDRIDDEN, without RELIEF!!!!! I am SO SICK of BEING PUT IN A STEW POT, AND MIXED IN WITH THOSE WHO "CHOOSE TO ABUSE".... NOT ALL OF US ARE "ADDICTS... I don't take ANY of my medications, NONE FOR SOME KIND OF "ESCAPE OR HIGH" OR WHATEVER those that abuse get... IN FACT, I've NEVER HAD ILLICIT MEDICATIONS, other than at about the age of 23, I smoked a "bit of weed" and I HATED THE FEELING IT GAVE ME, same way with DRINKING ALCOHOL, I don't like the way I feel or that "loss of control" it causes... of course many of us as younger crowds years ago, may have drank too much, or experimented with "not legal things" yet most of my generation did not even know about "illegal drugs" in high school. It was not something MANY OF US HEARD ABOUT OR ESPECIALLY HAD ANYWAY WE WERE AROUND THAT TYPE OF THING".... I fully intend, on when I "SETTLE DOWN" TO GIVE THE CDC, THE GOVERNMENT, BOTH STATE AND FEDERAL, and ANYONE ELSE, a "PIECE OF MY MIND" ABOUT this bull.... you take a couple of states, with doctors who are NOT real doctors, or have "backwards" folks that use everything else also WITH prescriptions, and they with or without those meds would either wind up in the ER overdosed, or would find a way to get what they want, off the internet. or cross borders, IF THEY CHOOSE THAT LIFE, THEN NOTHING ANY ONE ELSE DOES WILL STOP THEM! I AGREE with 'regulation" somewhat, but most CREDIBLE DOCTORS, will NOT cause "harm" to their patients! By any type of medication, etc.... so yes kick out the "bad seeds" but leave those who truly are chronically in daily pain (HELL they were even stating some "SEVERE CANCER PATIENTS" MAY NOT NEED PAIN MEDICATIONS! ... WELL, some may NOT, but I would 'ASSUME" many would never go through chemo, radiation, and continue to want to live if their disease brought them intense, severe, and daily pain!!!!! I am sorry if I OFFEND ANYONE" But I am really perturbed on this subject!

Kratom??? Have YOU heard of it? Used it? Know more about it.

Kratom, it was shown to me by a friend on Facebook, 

 

that swears by it. She said it has totally changed her life, and given her freedom from Chronic Pain, and many of the horrible effects of other medications, she has been able to either cut down on or stop.

There are several "strains" of this "herb"... that is derived from a leaf on plants found in

"Kratom is a plant that takes its origin from several countries belonging to the Southeast Asia. Also, known as Mitragyna speciosa, it is a traditional remedy in Thailand and other nearby countries for several ailments"


The strains are different, and some are used for anxiety, others for pain, stress, to be even a "pep"pill, and give you energy.... each one seems to do something different, and it depends on the type, and how much used for whatever ailment you may deal with...


So, here are a couple of links below and I would LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU!

IF YOU HAVE SEEN THIS PRODUCT, USED IT, KNOW MORE ABOUT IT, PRO'S OR CON'S I REALLY WANTED TO GET INFORMATION FROM THOSE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED IT!

 THESE ARE just a few links and there are many more, and many about the different "strains" and what they are used for....

KRATOM

http://kratomonline.org/maeng-da-kratom/

http://kratomguides.com/positive-negative-effects-kratom/

 

http://www.phytoextractum.com/buy-maeng-da-thai-kratom-capsules

http://www.mitragyna.com/effects

I've been NOMINATED FOR A WEGO HEALTH AWARD for 2017!! Patient Health Hero Award! Please visit my page!

I JUST FOUND OUT I'VE BEEN NOMINATED FOR A WEGO HEALTH AWARD THIS YEAR!!!

 

 

MY PROFILE PAGE IS AT:   https://awards.wegohealth.com/nominees/1998

AND IT IS FOR "PATIENT HEALTH LEADER"!!!!

This is truly a WONDERFUL HONOR!!!!!

 

 

Fourth of July Already here, Time flies by too quickly, Cervical neck ongoing getting well over surgery, lumbat/sacral surgery, osteoporosis,bursitis.RA,osteoarthritis, and living....

SUNDAY ALREADY! SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE HOW THE DAYS, WEEKS AND MONTHS ARE FLYING BY SO QUICKLY. I am so "bored" with everything. I did put up my window "cling" that looks like stained glass. I love it, found it when I first moved into this house and put it on my front windows. It has been there about 10 years or really I guess more like 11 years, and it still looks awesome. So, I decided to put it on more windows, especially those that face where the sun comes in especially in the evenings. It looks wonderful and comes off easily, never fades, and does look like stained glass. I have 3 brand new mini blinds, that I've had for weeks for the office. One of mine was just about to come to pieces so I ordered all three new, so they would be the same. The others were old and getting to where even trying to wash them would be nuts. 

The less expensive ones are much to difficult to try and wash, and it is less hassle and cheaper to just buy new ones, since these have probably also been here 10 years or more. Right now after the rain from day before, and the cloudy weather over the past several days everything is so wet, between rain and dew, it's hard to get outside. I thought about going over to the walkway the city built buy one of the small lakes, not far from me... I broke down and bought new athletic shoes, Sketchers, a couple of weeks ago to walk in. I have some but they were really not enough support to walk very far in, so I broke down and bought better ones since I really need to be walking as much as possible. But, my street is so damned bumpy, and narrow, it's difficult to walk down it, and not get ran over. 

People run the stop sign right here at my corner one house down from me, and it's a wonder someone has not killed someone as fast as they drive down this street, especially with the kids out of school and the ones on their bikes, that are too young to really be riding out there with no parent supervision, but I see it all the time. A week or go, I looked outside and one little girl, about maybe 8 to 10 was riding right down the middle of my front lawn!!!! I was so pissed, and stepped out and told her I had better not see her, nor any of her friends riding through my lawn again! Parents don't watch and don't care, they just let them do as they please. It was so rude, and I told her, don't you know it's rude to go through someone's yard without permission? She just stared at me, and finally rode off. 

Anyway, I am not sure about the whole hip and thigh pain. I am thinking now since "both" hips have pain in them, and almost in the same spot, my left one I can trace the pain in it... and I think I may have either bursitis in both of them (which I have had before I broke the right hip) and have had them injected before, a couple of times. In fact about 4 years ago, I did have severe pain with both of them, and my orthopedic surgeon at that time, did inject the both of them at the same time. A bit later, my new Orthopedic surgeon, who does my neck, and did my right shoulder replacement told me it is my lower back making my hips hurt, and L-5 and S-1 and bursitis may or may not be the problem. I surely don't look forward to any other spinal surgery, especially lower spinal surgery, since so many horror stories come out of back surgery. 

But they have improved their process, the way the do the surgery, and what they have including "artificial discs" they can put in place of discs that have ruptured. That is what they did with my neck in the first surgery. One of the levels, he put a disc in place. The other are "fused" with cage and chips of bone from the bone spurs I had, rather than using artificial materials, or donor bone, they try and use your own, even if they remove it from a hip. I read they can do that, but with me having such severe osteoporosis, I imagine they don't take a chance of getting bone from any place else on me. Of course after the fracture to the right one, they would not touch it, but my issue is after reading, I am wondering down the line if I may have to have a total hip replacement, where he repaired it with the gamma nail and screws. I've read and that maybe what is already happening, that hip is developing arthritis in it, after the fractures and repair. 

So, between bursitis, which can even be "infectious" where they have to drain it, and probable arthritis, that could be what is causing pain in the right one, and my left one maybe effected by either osteoarthritis, or even the RA, which is what my 1st cousin had, RA that caused him to have finally both hips totally replaced. I've been trying to keep up and keep busy, but when you cannot or should not do things where you have to hold anything over your head heavy, etc, it's difficult to find things to do.... after having my neck in the brace for so long, I have come to realize how much you do that effects you having to move your neck up, down, sideways, and every which way, from driving, to putting up these blinds, to even sitting at the computer, potting plants, and even laundry, cooking, cleaning... you name it, even taking a shower, or like me wanting to have my hair cut, she usually has to have me bend my head forward to get it short and cropped in the back, but I need it cut so badly, so I may have to have her improvise, cut it and just do as much as she can without me having to bend my head forward etc... I don't think I can go another week with it as crappy as it looks. 

Honestly, I've almost thought about "razoring" the top and sides myself. I do usually when it is cut very short, and she razors it. So, I've thought about using mine and just get the horrible ends off of it, until I can see her. I just don't want to "chop" on it too much and then she can't cut it like I want. I let it grow out again longer, but now with it so hot, I like it really cut short... where I can put my "goo" on it, spike it up and go... no brushing, hardly no blow drying it, by the time I wash it, towel it off, and run my fingers through it, it's dry and I can put my "goo" in it and go.... no fuss no muss... I love it that way, and the way it is now, I am really better off doing it like that, especially if I am having more surgery in the next few months... I am really not sure what the hell I will do about my lower back... when it gives me so much hell, and I am in so much pain, I want to sit in the floor and scream, cry, and feel as if I am going insane, I want it "fixed"... but the idea of a lower brace, probably much more "time healing, and getting it well enough to do things," then I want to "back off" no pun intended, and say I will just put up with it... but I also know it won't get better over time... it will just get worse....