"MUCH TO YOUNG TO FEEL THIS DAMNED OLD"! Ra, Lupus, Neck Surgery, Osteoporosis, joints falling apart, knee and elbow issues, and it just goes on and on....


I LOVE my home and I LOVE working on my home and in my yard, BUT it is to the point that the "working" should be more of "enjoyment" rather than feeling like it is making my Lupus and RA WORSE! I've also now "tweaked my right knee and yesterday "bumped" my left elbow that already has screws in it from about a surgery done in 1998 and it was already needing to be worked on again, but I must face the Neck surgery... so I CANCELLED my reservation for TOMORROW AT THE CASINO (as I thought about I HAVE NOT HAD ONE NIGHT AWAY AT ALL OTHER THAN BEING IN THE HOSPITAL IN OVER 16 MONTHS, AND I HAVE NOT HAD A "VACATION" SINCE MY Daughter's wedding and then a trip to Vegas in 2005!) THAT IS WAY TOO LONG TO GO AND NOT HAVE A DAMNED BREAK! I feel like all I do, is work inside the house, work outside the house, buy STUFF TO WORK ON THE HOUSE WHICH IS GETTING TOO EXPENSIVE! 
 
Then after BUYING ALL OF THIS STUFF, EVEN THOUGH ALL Rechargeable battery operated, even the lawn mower, I FEAR EVEN WALKING ACROSS MY HOUSE! IF I go outside, it seems i run the risk of fire ants, wasps, yellow jackets, bees, or having a damned accident, although I am SO CAREFUL. In fact even the BREAK OF MY HIP was inside, me stepping over a small gate i had stepped over a 100 times! 
 
So IT IS NOT LIKE I AM ON A 8 FOOT LADDER PAINTING, but stepped too HARD OFF A SMALL LADDER AND TWEAKED THE KNEE A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO, ON THE RIGHT SIDE ALSO, THEN YESTERDAY I HAD THE OLD WINDOW PROPPED UP IN MY OFFICE, PUTTING THE SCREEN INTO THE "STORM WINDOW" ON THE OUTSIDE OF IT, and that window (that I even propped UP MORE than the others because it is more loose and can fall, and dammit it came down on my left ARM, RIGHT AT THAT ELBOW AND THANKFULLY JUST SCRAPED DOWN, BUT STILL LEFT A "GOOSE EGG" KNOT that scared the hell out of me... THEY WENT UP ON MY HOUSE INSURANCE OVER 100.00 A YEAR! MY TAXES ARE GOING UP, The new A/C, the new saw, the stuff for ants, for wasps, for other bugs, ALL OF IT COSTS A FORTUNE, and I CANNOT PAY TO HAVE STUFF DONE! NOT THESE "smaller" daily things like hanging a new mini blind, or cutting a few small tree branches, or putting out fire ant killer... why I would be broke in a year or less, and hell I am going broke just BUYING THE CRAP I NEED! I bet I have spent over 2,500.00 AND I AM SURE MORE, ON JUST STUFF TO WORK ON THE HOUSE WITH INSIDE AND OUT, ..... it is just insane... 
 
If I MOVE INTO AN APARTMENT OR DUPLEX, THEN I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT BUGS, ANTS, IF AN APPLIANCE OR WATER HEATER GOES OUT, A ROOF, THE LAWN, IF SOMETHING BREAKS THEY FIX IT! I do NOT have to have HIGH HOUSE INSURANCE OR PAY TAXES ANYMORE! I know RENT IS EXPENSIVE... BUT I CAN DO WITH A 1 BEDROOM small place and I COULD SELL THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS OF ALL OF THIS NEW STUFF OUT, AND NOT NEED IT ANYMORE.... I made my reservation for EASTER SUNDAY! I know that may sound BAD, BUT my kids will have plans, I know my daughter and them can't come up then from Corpus, and I may as well GO AND HAVE A RELAXING TIME FOR SUNDAY AND MONDAY BEFORE NECK SURGERY! I am just worn completely out from all of it, and I AM MUCH TO YOUNG TO FEEL THIS DAMNED OLD! AS THE SONG GOES...,
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