Sunday, May 29, 2016

Pics of my Home Made Kolaches! NOt as Pretty a my Grandmother's but they Taste Good!

Wishing Our Nation A Happy and United Memorial Day - Nevver Shall We Forget Those Who Keep Us Safe and Free

May We ALL REMEMBER Each and Every Life that is Given and Shall be Given So We Can Continue to Walk in Our Nation and in Our Towns with Freedom's so many do not have. Even though All of the Darkest Times in History, We have Remained FREE! Let's Hope that shall always be for our Children, Their Children and the Others that Shall Follow in Greatness!

Wishing each of you a Happy, Safe, and Wonderful Memorial Day Holiday, From Sea to Shining Sea!

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Hello From Ennis - The Home of this Year's 50th Polka Festival that is an Annual Event!




Czech people know how to celebrate, dance, eat, and enjoy all the realms of what Czech the Lifestyle that continues to come down from one generation to another. People from all over the USA, as well as Internationally come each year to our small community and Celebrate with the BEST Barbeque, Wonderful Klobase' (an awesome sausage spiced with black pepper and hand made by many still in our community), Saurkraut, Kolache' (a special light pastry with sweet dough and fillings in the middle such as Apricot, Cream Cheese, Poppy Seed, and many more choices of fillings, as well as our own special way we do new potatoes and parsley, green beans, and more... and of course we cannot forget the Beer! 


The Polka is known by just about everyone from the time they can walk, and the colorful costumes are a delight... some so very intricate, some hand made here and in the "Old Country" as my Mom would say... It kicks off every year with a huge parade in the center of town, lots of activities for young and old, even dancing in the streets, some of them still the old brick, many hand made crafts to choose from, plus the Halls The KJT, Sokol Hall, and the KC Hall, along with others all have food, dancing music and beer.... 

Home Care for the Elderly, Hospice, Choices that are difficult to make for all of us with elderly parents suffering from all of these types of Dementia's

Here are a couple of links that maybe helpful to some of you also.....

These are the people that are going to help me with Mom and this way I can possibly keep her at home, and not put her anywhere else... I found out thought that they are like an "in home" adult day care not "true" Hospice. When you go into the "true hospice" scenario, then Medicare pays 100% of the bill BUT, no longer can you see "your own doctors", your medications are taken care of by them, and basically they take over all of it, and I can have the choice, say Mom came down with pneumonia, and needed to be in the hospital, I could stop "Hospice" immediately so her own PCP etc can take care of her, then restart it after her being in the hospital. 

I was kind of taken back when the Home Health Nurse told me that they could "no longer" see her if I went to Hospice, when the woman that came and spoke to me about "Home Instead" said that I could keep Home Health and have Home Instead here also. That is because they do not "take over everything", they provide more help as far as staying with her in the home as many hours as I want a week, day etc... 

they will help make sure she eats, has something to drink, does not "fall" again, can change sheets, do light laundry, and even run to the store for her, if something was needed, or say I come down and I am too ill, or when I have surgery, they can fill in and do all of their part staying with her, when I can't go over during that time... which is WHY the woman I talked with from a true "Hospice" ran by Medicare said in the 1st place they would "probably put her" in one of the "homes" NONE of which are even located near me! And basically it is $3,000.00 a MONTH! or more depending on the place, and she was more of a "sales woman" trying to make me spend Mom's money to put her somewhere than trying to do what I want and need at this time, and that need...

... someone to be there a few hours a day, a few days of the week, so she is being seen about, like I feel she gets up and falls when I leave... so sometimes in the late night or early morning, that is when this either falling, or she spills things, does not drink her Ensure, or eat... after I leave... I can pick the times, how many hours a day, how many days of the week, including weekends if need be that I need these people... again all here at her home NOT in some "nursing facility"... and they are very well trained... and have monthly updates and training meetings, so they are very versed in "dementia" Alzheimer's type of care... 

Anyway, I HAVE to get someone in ASAP! After her being on her knees by the bed, wit all of the sheets and everything pulled 
After and then she could not understand I just needed her to put her feet under her and push a bit, and we could have had her up on the potty chair, BUT, she holds onto things like the bed, and then she can't "get" to put her feet under her. I even noticed when I had the fire guys come in with an "assist lift" rather than allow them to just lift her and sit her down, she was trying to hold onto things making it difficult for them to put her where she needed to be.... I am also going to buy a bedrailing... 

I am checking on that today in fact. I believe I can get one that will fit on the bed, and now I am also putting her in the middle of the bed, and not allowing her to stay at one side. Plus I am going to look for a couple of "sippy cups" for her drinks. Then I can put the big tray I have on the bed where she is, and things will not spill... plus then things will be within her reach... I feel she does not even know to "look" at the nightstand and "see" drinks, Ensure etc are there.... I am just exasperated with the entire ordeal.... never in a billion years did I think things would be like this.... Life can deal us a heavy hand of no good cards at times for sure....

OH and by the way, MOM IS RUNNING OUT OF PAIN MEDS FOR HER BACK! She is on an Opioid but not something extremely strong. And she had not been really having to take them all that much, until this dementia has put her more in the bed etc. making her back worse... BUT I CALLED THE PAIN DOCTOR... told them the situation, that Mom cannot barely walk down her hall way, even with her walker, there is no way, I can get her out of the house, down stairs in the car and take her up to Dallas for a check up.... 

I just know I cannot even get her to sit in the living room for the most part, much less put her in a car and have her try to get into the doctors office for a visit! BUT he REFUSES to give her a refill (even though she has not had to have a refill since February) without HER COMING FOR AN OFFICE VISIT!!! It is insane and OUR CDC AND CONGRESS AT WORK DAMMIT!!! So, I told my PCP about it yesterday ( I am still in a very bad Lupus flare with a severe headache, and hurting all over) and even HE will NOT prescribe them and he KNOWS FIRST HAND what is going on!!! She is going to run out by next week and what do I do from there????? She is already unable to "move" without screaming out in pain, if we try to get her up and moving, unless she has a pain pill and it begins to work.... so this is just another bunch of crap to pile upon my shoulders.... and they wonder why "pain patients chronically ill" give up and just die... I feel they want us to... I am just livid about the entire ordeal.... 

Monday, May 23, 2016

Brand New Clnical Trial for Those with Lumbar Lower Back Pain!

Brand New Clinical Trial starting sponsored by Cure Click for Lower Lumbar Back Pain

New Clinical Trial Medication Out for Lumbar/Lower Back Pain! Maybe an alternative to your current medications or maybe an alternative to surgery! Be Sure to Check It Out!


Saturday, May 21, 2016

FINALLY, A Beautiful Day, more Wondrous than I have had in literally months and months!! Family, time away as a caretaker, as a patient, & feeling somewhat "normal" for at least a day or two.....


This has been and is one of the BEST DAYS and BEST WEEKENDS that I've had in a very, very LONG TIME! It is so awesome to have my daughter Amanda  and her hubby Jimbo, as well as my son Jason all together in the same space, and be able to have a wonderful lunch (I ate way too much) and just enjoy one being together.... I surely so NEEDED this, and I know for them it is truly important to them also. Plus, although yesterday was a "rocky" start with Mom, I will explain more later, she did finally EAT, yesterday afternoon, and a bit more than usual. :)) 

She has not eaten in days again, other than drinking the Ensure, so seeing her actually eat and enjoy the food, although a very small amount, it was a blessing. Plus, we know she really does not for the most part know who any of us are, even me, I think she did have some lucid moments over the past day or so, and did understand the three of us were there today and were visiting her. 

The road to getting help is my next feat, I HAVE TO GET HOSPICE in there! I had to turn her mattress completely over due to now we are having "accidents" in the bed, that I did not know about, until yesterday... so I bought some of the "Depends" or as Jim and I used to call them "OOps I crapped my pants" underwear... LOL... right now she sometimes just I think does not realize she needs to get up to pee... that is our issue at the present.... so after buying new covers, pads, waterproof for the mattress, and all plus I put some under pads beneath her, so that way, we don't have her laying in urine, and causing sores... we don't need bed sores for sure.... but again, I am so proud of both my son and daughter, and I hope they know just how much I love them, and every day wished that we could be "closer" as far as our distance away in miles from one another... but sometimes life does not "give us" what WE think WE need, it deals out what for one reason or the other WE NEED, and don't know why.... and I also thank my friends for all of their love and support! Rhia

 LOL!!! For some very Odd reason this just seemed like the photo to publish!

CNN Stigmatizses Chronic Pain Patients in National Pain Report by Paul Gileno

FOR ALL of us that are Chronic Pain Patients, Caretakers, family members of those who suffer from so many different types of Chronic Pain, many of us daily, and without our medications, along with other ways we "fight" against this epidemic, seeing that the CDC and the government is NOT on our side is frightening and down right wrong!

Those that do not understand chronic pain, from so many different types of illnesses, have no clue what happens to our "daily quality" of life. We would not be able to function normally, from taking care of our families, children, working, doing our shopping, going out to eat on a Friday evening, or even sitting with the family at home enjoying a movie. Chronic Pain without medications and treatments put each of us in a place of "NO life"... we would be sofa or bed ridden, we would not be able to cook, clean, do our yard work, shop, take our children to school or participate in the many, many activities that people that do not know what this type of nagging, gnawing, type of horrendous pain is like.

Many of us understand "acute" pain, from a broken bone, broken rib, from surgery, from an accident, which after a few days or week or so, that pain is gone once that heals. But, those of us with Diabetic Neuropathy, severe spinal pain and sciatic nerve pain, pain from the many Autoimmune Illnesses such as RA, Lupus, Sjogren's, Autoimmune arthritic types of pain, osteoarthritis, neck pain, pain from so many different types of problems that does NOT go away, that it stays with us throughout the rest of our lives... THAT IS THE SOMETIMES INTRACTABLE pain I am speaking of.

It always floors me when someone says, "You don't look ill?" Well, I, like most, do not like to go out in public looking like "death warmed over" as the saying goes. We "try" to put on our "best face"... to try and move through the pain, so we can appear to be "normal, even though our lives, our physical, mental and emotional states are far from normal. There is cancer pain, which in all ways is chronic, when it becomes "incurable". There are problems with bladders that can cause horrid pain, and it also an autoimmune illness. Up until I was "diagnosed" formally with RA, Lupus, Sjogren's, Raynaud's, and so forth, I had Migraines, and those were enough to cause me to have to after 25 or more years fighting them, had to quit working. They were so often and so severe, that I missed way too much work due to those. Then came my joints "falling apart" before I was even 35 years old... "arthritis" and people say how can someone so "young" have that had of arthritis that "eats away" at the joints. Well, we now know that infants can have RA, Juvenile RA, and some of them as young as 9 months old! So imagine, an infant so young, and the parents realizing that this hell of a disease shall effect their child or children for the rest of their lives.

I have always said, for anyone especially those in Congress, in the CDC, and so forth, that would like to "walk a week or two" in my or many others shoes with these illnesses would be screaming out for anything to relieve the pain!

So, the article below is just one example of how we still do not have ENOUGH EDUCATION IN OUR GOVERNMENT, in our NATION and around the World about ALL of these diseases that bring on severe, chronic, daily pain!

Friday, May 20, 2016

Thursday, May 19, 2016

May 20th Clinical Trial Day! Know zMore WAbout Clinicl Trials in a Chat Session & Severe Cat Allergies Clinical Trial all sponored by Cure Click

Want to Know More About or Educate Others About Clinical Trials?


#ClinicalTrialsDay #TrialChat #CureClick

Facts About Clinical Trials


#Allergies, #CatAllergies

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

My Mom nd the Physical Toll This Horrid Disease has taken upon her in every way.....

 This photo I took Today May 7th, 2016 of her.

This photo I took at Christmas 2015 of her.

For those that do not know, this lady was able to do her own shopping for the most part, cleaning, cooking, and just getting out of the house when she wanted not but about 7 or 8 months ago... she went from 150 pounds to she weighs around 114 pounds now... so it is not just the mental and cognitive changes, it effects someone in every way possible... it is hard to fathom she is the same person, My Mom.... and that is sad... she usually does not know who I am, nor does she realize she is in her own home.

Brand New Clinical Trial brought to you by Cure Click! Anemia

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Brand New Clnical Trial OUT for MIGRAINES! - sponored by "Cure Click"

I have SO BEEN HERE for years and years of most of my younger adult life! I wished back then we had any type of answer or treatment for these horrid headaches. I recall telling my doctors the "weather" effected them, as well as my other joint issues etc... and they would say I was nuts... and NOW it is PROVEN THAT WEATHER AND OUR BAROMETRIC pressure DOES HAVE AN EFFECT ON MANY CHRONIC ILLNESSES, ESPECIALLY INVOLVING JOINTS, AND THESE TYPES OF HEADACHES....

So, I am PLEASED to present the latest clinical Trial by Cure Click sponsors and HOPE ALL do SEE a dramatic change!

Saturday, May 7, 2016

One "Mixed Emotional" Mother's Day tomorrow.... And A Happy Mother's Day to ALL Mom's everywhere!


Tomorrow, Our Upcoming "Mother's Day" will be one of the most difficult Mother's Days to remember. As the overwhelming realm of mixed feelings, thoughts, emotions, all surround me, I am just at almost a loss for words today. 


My "Mom" once again did not know who I was today, nor yesterday. I got there, and she told me she had "company" yesterday afternoon and I said you did, who? She said " I am not sure" and then I asked her if she let them in the house, and she said, No, they had a key, I guess.... Well, the "company" that visited yesterday afternoon was ME. I brought her some chicken nuggets and fries for dinner around 5PM yesterday, so I asked her if they brought "chicken nuggets and fries"? She said, well, Yes in fact they did... 

I did not now whether to sit in the floor and cry, or sometimes when she "does not know" my as her daughter, I will say, Mom I AM your daughter.... yet it is difficult when I am sitting in the middle of this every day, 7 days a week, and when I am not there for those hours I go, then I worry, maybe I should not leave her, BUT, I am totally drained, exhausted, and my own pain level today is well over any "10" 

I realize my neck and lumbar spine are continuing to get worse, AND all that I am doing is not helping.... BUT she is my MOM, somewhere inside there she is my Mother, and I swore I would always take care of both my parents no matter what... so "Happy Mother's Day" to ALL of the MOM'S, Grandmother's, "Son to be 1st time Mom's" and the many that are "active" in being a Mom in one way or the other... I bid you peace tomorrow, love and hope.... and even when there is just a "shell" of a Mom you once knew, remember SHE is there always in your heart....

Another Week of Horror, severe pain, trying to BE A CARETAKER TO MOM, when I NEED a CARETAKER RIGHT NOW ALMOST MYSELF, LIFE, AND what it decides to pitch at us!

Once again things are not well with my Mom nor Myself. I found her in the floor again yesterday around noon time. I actually think she may have not "fallen" but more just slipped out of that rocker and down onto the floor from the way things looked.... anyway, I FINALLY by getting her to sit up for awhile, and her medications, and then getting her feet under her and her walker "steady" I got her up and into the chair... the lady that is over the PT portion of the Home Health came over and of course I had to tell her about this.... and as I told her, Mom got up, walked with her walker after she was there, she was able to talk fine, she had no bruises, she did NOT hit her head, and I saw no difference from her the day before... she seems to be "fine" one moment, and the next she has no clue where she is or who I am... 
so none of that changed. 

So, after that woman left, I gave her the rest of her regular medications, some Ensure, something to drink and tried to get her to eat, and she of course did not want to eat again. And besides all that she stopped up the damned toliet (I have no clue what she is doing) but she did not tell me until yesterday and claimed it had been that way for a couple of days... well in among the woman being there, me trying to answer questions, trying to plunge the toliet, I finally went and got some MR. Plumber gel, poured it in, tried again, and I got it partially unstopped... but I left it and told Mom NOT to use it at all, to let it sit overnight and use the potty chair by the bed... and today, it may go ahead and unstop...

I have a "small snake" that can go down into the toliet and I know it is not very far, because the sinks work fine, I used the washer etc... and only the toliet seems to be the issue... I may have to call a plumber but I know how much they charge... last time mine was stopped up but down below my "clean out" in the yard, I poured bleach in it for days, and it was tree roots that slowly can "seep" into the pipes and fill them... so little did I know I almost had it when he got there, he basically ran a bit of the hand auger through there, and hell it took him 2 minutes and cost me over 100.00!!! So, that is why unless I just can't get it today, I do not want to call a plumber, especially on a weekend.... So, I was totally exhausted, hurting badly, my own lower spine is worse, and my neck, shoulders, arms and hands throb, burn and hurt so badly, I can barely stand to sit here and type... dammit the hell I am sick of this crap... but I get a call about the time I pulled up to my home from Mom's and it was the "lady" I 'thought" had been at the house earlier... and she was "concerned" that Mom falling out of the chair "worsened" her condition... and as I told her, in the first place both myself, my son feel and the woman that was there, that she really did not take a "hard fall" - it was more she just slipped out of that chair... that I have been TRYING TO GET RID of anyway... she cannot get in and out of it, it rocks and glides... and she needs to not sit it in anymore... 

plus I threw out an old magazine table, that is so wobbly and old, she tried to "push" herself up on it, and I know also is an issue... in fact I threw it outside yesterday and told her it was NOT coming back into the house... anyway, this woman almost acted as if I was "not doing the right thing" with Mom... well maybe I am wrong, but I have been doing everything, and 

if I remotely thought she was hurt, or in any way had hit her head, or was "worse" from this "fall" I would have called the ambulance and took her out to be checked out... but she was NOT injured, not even a bruise and in fact once she was up off the floor, got up and walked around, and so forth, she told the woman she felt "okay" and that was no "pain" at all other than her regular "back pain" that has been there for many months now.,. so I took "offense" to this woman, not knowing what took place, what I see every day of my life, what I know goes on etc... acting as if I am being "cruel" or something... honestly home health care is a "joke"... other than the "aid" helping Mom by showering, washing her hair, and changing her sheets a couple of times a week, the other 2 really do "nothing".... so I am not thrilled... I thought the entire purpose was for them to spend up to 35 hours a week with her, and be there to take some of this off my back, where I don't have to be over there 3 or 4 times every day... it is taking a toll on me badly, especially this past week... I am physically in horrible pain myself now, and when I am complaining, then it is really, really HORRIBLE pain! 

SO, I have a QUESTION? DOES ANYONE KNOW MORE ABOUT "NON TERMINAL HOSPICE" or more of A PERSON THAT COMES IN AND DOES MORE THINGS SUCH AS STAYING THERE A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF HOURS A DAY? I am "wading" through the insurance to see what is covered, and what she "qualifies" for... but I MYSELF NEED A CARETAKER, AND I NO LONGER HAVE ONE, and me trying to be almost a "FULL TIME CARETAKER FOR HER AND MYSELF, IS TAKING ITS TOLL ON ME"... so if anyone knows someone here in Ennis that does that type of thing whether just "personally" or through a company would you let me know?

Thursday, May 5, 2016



Please Share your experiences and information this month on Social Media about Lupus, about new medications, new clinical trials, and all of the new ideas out there about Lupus!

Trying to Contend with a Mom with Dementia and my own Body reeking Havoc over me... ( OH and looking into NURSING HOMES)

IT has been another insane WEEK for me! Mom would NOT really participate in any Physical Therapy, basically did not eat for a couple of days, would NOT get up, would not "speak" when I asked her what she wanted to eat, etc.... and FINALLY YESTERDAY, when she realized she HAD NOT TAKEN ANY MEDICATION for a couple of days, and HER BACK WAS HURTING BADLY, and that she needed to try and get up, let the aid give her a shower, change her sheets, finally woke up enough to eat, take her medications and so forth, so I got all of that taken care of, and I have been there every day, and several days I went twice. But, as I told her, when she lays there, and just ignores me after I have asked her about eating and so on, 4, 5, 6 times, and I continue to get no answer, (she is awake and hears me) she chooses to just not answer or she just says NO,

 I do not want anything.... I finally give up, tell her I need to get home to do my own house work, and my own things and I leave. Well, I got everything done, and said something to her, and she said, "Well, my daughter" has the same problems.. so once again she had NO CLUE who I was... and this "woman" she keeps talking about coming over is ME! She just does not know anymore most of the time that she is even at her own home, she does not know whether it is spring, summer,fall, winter... she has no clue what day it is, what month it is, refused to go to her heart doctor's appt yesterday, refuses to go see her own doctor, she claims she is not "strong enough" even with a walker to get there... 

which NO she is NOT because she stays in the bed most of the time, not moving, not eating, not drinking anything again but diet drinks... and some Ensure... and ALL of us have tried to get her to understand the pain is worse when she continues to not get up, move around, she is weak from laying there, not eating, not taking her medications unless I stand there and force her practically, and it is taking its toll on me in every way.... but I have just had to come to the place this week to realize that is NOT my "MOM" there, but just a "shell" of the person my Mom once was... 

her mind, and all is "not my own Mother anymore" and that is very difficult to deal with. I had to forego my neck surgery, which now my lumbar spine is getting worse, and even sitting here is causing my hips and legs to hurt and my feet to go to sleep from the nerve issues. My pain level just as I told her is HORRIBLE BUT I still HAVE TO GET UP, NO MATTER HOW BADLY IT HURTS AND KEEP MOVING! I cannot have the luxury of lying around, and doing "nothing"..... whom else will do it if I don't? Anyway, I "think" the main woman to evaluate her is supposed to be out today, but I have NO CLUE for sure if or when she is coming. So, I am trying to find that out. I am not rushing over there early this morning if no one is coming, because Mom will NOT be up to even know I am there if I go too early..... so continue to keep your prayers and thoughts coming... Love all of you, Rhia

BY THE WAY, I found out, that a "nursing home" can cost as much as 4160.00 A DAY after the 1st 20 days, so that means $12,000.00 a MONTH for someone to be in a nursing home! how Insane is that??????

Tuesday, May 3, 2016


Did you know that May 3rd is #WorldAsthmaDay? Take action to help the world breathe easier. Join the conversation: #AsthmaChat #cureclick

Monday, May 2, 2016

Hopping Over the Hurdles of a small town, with no shuttle to Dallas to get there for surgery more on the Horrors of Dementia & A Parent

This may sound like a ridiculous question to many people, but what do people do like myself, that live in a small town, and have no really "close" relatives, and need to be taken to somewhere like Dallas to have surgery, or a procedure done, yet they don't have a "spouse", or anyone they can call upon to do so? Sure, if I lived in Dallas, I could probably find some type of shuttle service, or at the very least take a Taxi, etc.... but unless I am just not informed, I gather there is no type of shuttle here in our community that does that type of thing? So, are there people out there that will do something such as that, drive a person for a day surgery, or for a test of some type, or to a doctors office, that for some reason they are not able to drive themselves? We must have someone around here that does that and charges a certain amount to take you and bring you back home. My son can't get off work, due to him having been off himself for an arm injury so he can't get off this next week on Wednesday, of course my daughter is 8 hours away, my Mom, well even if she was OKAY, Mom could not even drive me across town when I had double pneumonia a couple of years ago to Urgent Care...

I was "too sick" to drive alone, so she came over, and I had to drive us there, and then drive myself back home, and I have no other "relatives" or people that can do something such as that. I guess it would be something someone in our area should consider. Because there has to be more people than myself that wind up in this situation. And of course even if I "felt like" I could drive home, there is no way, no how my surgeon would ever, every agree to that, especially it being neck surgery, and I will have a cervical collar on... Any thoughts from any of you? I know there is "Uber" in the larger cities, but I am sure we don't have anyone here that would drive anyone from Ennis to Dallas and then back to Ennis.... I've just about taken all I can...

I've put this surgery off, and thus that means my lower surgery has been put off also, and now my fingers are numb all the time, I can barely turn my head, and my lower back and legs continue to hurt like hell... I guess I am going to have to go and have my pain pump medication increased, which I did not want to do.... and then like today, I go to the market for Mom, I take food over for her to choose what she can eat, well, she never said a word, just mumbled a couple of times, "nothing" I guess it what she said... so I put stuff up, cleaned out the fridge, took out the trash, put up the clothes in the dryer, happened to have ran into the gentleman that does my Mom's lawn work, and found out she did no pay him from last time, so I told him to go ahead and cut the yard again, and I had to pay him for that... then I had to fold laundry, get her medications together for the next week, pick up her scripts from the pharmacy, clean up what she had left out give her a new glass of something to drink, take her an Ensure that was cold, and by that time, I went in 3 or 4 times, and she never said a word...

I had asked like 3 or 4 times about eating... so when I finished, I gathered up my stuff, and just came home. I am totally exhausted, and I got to thinking, I am a main, a cook, a grocery shopper, a car detailer, a trash person, I do laundry, I "exterminate" for ants, I vacuum, dust, sweep, fix her meds, make sure she takes her meds ... and the list just goes on and on,.. a bill payer... an accountant... chief, cook and bottle washer... and you know what... I am totally exhausted.... so I am headed to the sofa to watch a movie, and then will get dinner ready here in a bit... I am just so disenchanted with it all... and I "watch" and see everyone else "living their lives"... and mine seems to "not be of my own"....

Alas, I am just going to have to postpone it again, and I know my Orthopedics Surgeon's office is going to throw a fit. I've had to postpone it twice myself already, and he postponed it once due to some thing that came up for him. So, they also at times suddenly postpone at the last minute. But, I am just going to have to let his assistant know that this time rather than trying to "reschedule" in a month or two weeks etc... to wait, and I will call them back to reschedule once I can "set in stone" find someone to take me to have the surgery and bring me back. I do not want to do this again. It is difficult on them, and it is difficult on me, to feel "rushed and in a panic trying to find someone"...I even looked up in our area some type of "shuttle" service that may take me up there. I know my neighbor across the street goes in a shuttle frequently, but she is on dialysis, and I think they may take her to Dallas, but just a certain area. 

The only one here I can find, just does a shuttle in our county, and if I lived up in DeSoto or in that area, then the Star Transit could take me, but that is about 20 miles away... Anyway, I am going to have to make some very difficult decisions this week about Mother anyway. I am sick this morning, and the weather here is horrible. We were supposed to be "sunny" and no chance of rain... LOL... what a joke, the thunder and lightening woke me up around 6AM, and it is raining, and we have an electrical storm over us still. It is just a terrible day out there right now... I had to get the trash out to the curb and I HATE LIGHTENING... it struck my car one year while we were driving in an unexpected storm on a major highway, and it hit the antenna of our car, knocked it off and it literally FLEW over an 18 wheel tractor trailer, and it "stopped" the brain of my car! We were in a brand new car with dealer plates still on it! 

But it "reset" itself after about 15 minutes or so on the side of the road, but that was one of those "spring storms" that came up so suddenly we did not even have time to find shelter... we were fortunate enough to get under on overpass and had a truck driver in front of us and in back of us... and a tornado literally passed within a quarter mile or less right in front of us over the highway!!!! Cars were stopped for miles on both sides of I-35! It was a total nightmare! So, I am not a "fan" of any type of electrical storm or hail. I've had a roof ruined by that, windows knocked out in fact I still have a window that desperately needs to be replaced because it is just barely holding in with cardboard and duct tape now! But, I need someone to help hold the pane in place so I can get the "pins" in it to hold the glass in so I can put the glazing around it.... so again, until I can find someone to help, I am "SOL" as the saying goes....

 I was so totally upset over this past weekend, between Mom and some of the crap she pulled and said to me, and between not having any way to get to have my surgery, and my neck is getting worse... yesterday my fingers went to "sleep" on both hands and were burning and stinging, then by the time I got through the market, and got what I needed and picked up Mom's stuff, hauled it in her house, put that away, folded clothes and done everything there, put all of her trash out etc... then came home and had to put all of my stuff up, my hips and legs hurt so badly I wanted to cry! Now this morning, I woke up with a sore throat, and my glands are swollen under my neck worse on the left side... so I hope I don't have another infection...

I went over there this morning. She was "up" standing in her living room. No cane, no walker, and no emergency cell phone on her... so if she fell, there would be no way for her to contact me or anyone. So, I asked her what she was doing... and she mumbled "straightening" things up... and I just commented, well Mom everything should be pretty well straight.Then I went through the "laundry" list of things I did. I asked her if she had eaten... her reply of course was "No"... I went to put up some drinks I had gotten her, and there were items again in the fridge that did not belong, and she was just "fiddling" around with things, not really doing anything. 

I went and got her medication, put it in a small little cup, laid it on the table, and mentioned she did not eat yesterday and she replied, NO one brought me anything!...Okay, there I had been there the day before, brought in all of the groceries, asked her numerous times to eat or what she wanted, and I either got no reply or just a "no"... so I explained that I did come, and she did not want to eat, and she said I don't recall anyone being here... and I could tell, she was in "one of those moods"... so I finished putting up the drinks, and told her, her medications were on the table... and I said I see you must have things under control, so I am going home... and she looked at me and said. YOU have NO HOME!!

 I TURNED and replied Well, I guess I do, and that is exactly where I am headed... call me if you need anything. So, I shut the door and left. I am not feeling well today, I woke up with swollen glands under my neck, and a sore throat and the weather is cool today, and I was not about to stand there and allow her to "belittle" all of what I've done, since she just cannot recall what those things are... I called off my surgery and will reschedule a bit later in a month or so, once some things are not so messed up... but for now, as I told my doctor's assistant, until I can get a firm "way" there and back to Dallas for the surgery, and get someone to watch after Mom or see where all of this goes in the coming weeks, I did not want to reschedule, and then find out something is amiss again... Anyway, I am headed for the sofa... I just don't feel very well, and I just need the rest. I sure as heck cannot afford to come down with a "flare" or some type of infection right now.