Saturday, November 28, 2015

"I Hope You Dance" - A Song, Lyrics, & a New Hallmark Channel Special that will bring you to your knees in faith, it will give you wings, & I cannot say enough that it is a MUST to see...

It was late by the time I got to be able to watch this incredible Hallmark Special based upon the song that Lee Ann Womack brings such a warmth, light, faith, hope and love to your heart. If this song does not "touch" you in some way, I am not sure anything can...

I had been eagerly awaiting that show to come out... I had it set to record for weeks from the Hallmark Channel... but little did I know just HOW INCREDIBLE this show is, and what it brought into my heart, how much it has already changed me, my spirit, and given me pure faith, and pure hope... to know that in spite of Lupus, in spite of the Chronic Pain, in spite of ALL that obviously I was not prepared for in my life... that has happened... some I can make a change, or have another chance, and know that love is here deep within my soul, deeper into my heart, than I had felt in a long while... Life as many of my readers know, has not been kind to me... not in several years... and I "lost" and am in the midst of still grieving over more loss than anyone should have to endure....

Today I post this, for in a long time, even before I began to watch this show last night, just hearing the song again, brought "life" and "voice" and I wrote a poem, within moments... I don't want to spoil the show by telling too much, but anyone dealing with Chronic Illnesses, Lupus in particular, or has lived through a horrible accident, and one that may have left you broken up physically, plus mentally and emotionally...

or those that have suffered such a horrid loss... the loss of a child especially, to suicide, or anyone losing a close loved one suddenly... within a moment a life has been taken away.. and the mortal hell one can go through... All of these things, and so much more ... in this show... in this inspirational and motivational song..  so, "I Hope" You Dance....  (from here below until the lyrics of the song is posted, is my own words... my own heart... and just how within a moment, a few lyrics, from a song that has always been one that speaks to my heart....

"Anything in Life that is truly worth something... at times never comes "easily".... Life is a "dance"... a dance in the fires and flames... or a dance beside the ocean's waves... a shuffle across the old hardwood floor, or to glide into an open door... We can sit on the sidelines of life, and watch as everyone else "lives" that two step, waltz, or two in rhythm, or we can give in and take the chance on what we are given... and faith is always Half Full at a glance... often times we tend to ignore our 2nd chance... if I've learned anything in my time here... is to throw away the dark days and the fear... trust in yourself, and give your heart over to that gift of chance, and never forget to just .... Dance.... as I begin to watch this movie I've waited for now several weeks to come on, featuring and based upon the song by Lee Ann Womack... "I Hope You Dance"... again... here are the words, and they should move you to tears..."  - Rhia..

. "I Hope You Dance"
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
Dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance..
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those year

Lee Ann Womack singer....

Here is one link to the Hallmark website... that has the information on this, and how it touched so many, and the people that helped to make this wonderful show, you will enjoy knowing they were an integral part of this...

 More of what I wrote after watching the movie.... 
The "Movie" that this song is based upon, is really not just a "movie" but more about how many lives this song touched, I am still watching, but one of the women that is in this, and had this song help her through losing a job, a long term relationship..DUE TO LUPUS!, and others are telling their heart felt, personal stories... what is written above, before I posted the lyrics, is what I WROTE... myself... Music has always been a huge part of my life... is has brought me to my knees in tears, and it has helped me to climb up the jagged edges of life's mountain, to find the beauty at the top, and shout to the world, I made it... 
yet again, there are times music allowed me to slide down once again, all the way to the sands on the ocean's shores, where only footprints of my life remain... it inspires me to write, it inspires me to "feel"... and I mean "feel"... get in touch with when it hurts so badly, you think your heart is totally breaking into pieces... and there is such thing as having a "heart attack" from a broken heart... 
I had one, and then another.... and that came straight from my cardiologist's mouth... there are times, that the bottled up, mixed up, gaping wounds of my soul... are opened up to drain, bleed... so they can "scar over" much like my body has, so I can regain faith again... so if you NEVER truly "listen" and allow the music to sink in, then you may not find that passion, the strengths, the weaknesses, the elated memories, moments, and the ones you prefer to bury away... 

The U-Tube Video about this above.....

Thursday, November 26, 2015

Being Thankful - Thanksgiving Day, the holiday upon us, and finding true spirit when you least expect it....

First of all Happy Thanksgiving to all of my readers. I am so blessed and thankful for those of you that follow my blog. I know at times, I don't post enough, and since my life has been in a chaotic time in the past several months, I feel as if I have let those down who follow my posts, and writing.

As I had said on Facebook, I am thankful for some things in my life, even though loss and grief have been troubling me now for a bit. So, I have had to really dig deep into my heart, to find out where the truest of blessings lie, and I have done that.

I am so very thankful that my daughter Amanda, her husband Jimbo and my three Grandkids were able to come up and visit, even though it will be short. I got to see them last night for a couple of hours, and as I hugged my daughter's neck, the tears streamed down my face, and I did not want to let her go. It's been over 2 YEARS since I got to see any of them. They live down by Corpus Christi, which is about 8 hours away or so, and with the boys in school and activities, both of them work now, and my Granddaughter is a Senior this year, they stay very busy. So, it was the best thing I could receive is getting to see them after all this time. I also got to visit with my son, who lives closer, but he also stays busy with a job, and his own activities, so he does not get down as much either.

I am thankful that it "appears" the two thigh abscesses on each thigh, the left one seems to be healed and closed in (hopefully this time it stays that way), and the right one, although not well yet, got a good report from the Wound Care Specialist yesterday. He seemed to think it was beginning to heal, he had to debride it again, which hurts like heck, but it seems to not be infected anymore, and the "collagen" Prisma, is helping to heal it and keep it from getting infected again. So, I am thankful to know that those may finally heal, and be behind me very soon. From there of course, I face surgery, to take out this "motor stalled" pain pump, and put a new one in. I was hoping to have that done the end of next week, BUT, I see the wound care specialist next Thursday, so I am not sure my Pain doctor is going to want to do surgery on Friday. It may be until the following week, which sucks... I really wanted to get it over with BEFORE then, so I can be healed for Christmas. Which is not that huge of a deal, as long as I don't develop a "spinal headache" again. Last time, where the catheter attaches to my spine to put the medication into my spinal fluid, did not seal completely and a tiny hole, can cause a leak in the spinal fluid, thus a spinal headache from hell ensues. And they are horrible. I could not even lift my head from the sofa for 5 days. I drank enough caffeine for an army. I was drinking Caffeine drinks left and right, so it would seal itself over. Thank goodness it worked, and I did not have to go back for surgery, to have a "blood patch" put over the hole. Thank you "Star Bucks".... I got to have as many of those as I wanted for a couple of days!

I am thankful to have my Bub's with me. He and I have a small Thanksgiving feast just for us ready to heat up. I made a small portion of stuffing, of broccoli and rice casserole, of sweet potato casserole, & I had a couple of rolls I bought this week. Plus even though I love home made cranberry salad, we shall settle for it out of the can today. And I had made a strawberry cake with a bit of a twist, it has strawberry preserves in the middle of the layers, and then the frosting is whipped in with cool whip, so it is much lighter. And my daughter brought up some of her incredible pumpkin roll. So, I have a couple of slices of it also for dessert..... nothing fancy, and I am not making a huge bowl of anything... now days I can't eat a whole lot at a time, and Bub's does not need to LOL...

Plus, I "suddenly" had a new person appear in my life in the past couple of days. It was a friend request on Facebook, and I said yes... and wow, talk about someone out of the blue, "fitting" the friendship values, that I do. It was totally shocking, and I certainly was not looking nor expecting it. But, we seem to have a great deal in common, even born the same year... ;)

So, as this year starts to wind into the holidays, and then quickly fall into yet another New Year, I hope and pray things are BETTER, for 2016! It is more than time for some happiness and sunshine to reign down upon my shoulders, and others also....

Plus, as I said on Facebook, I intend on finishing my 3rd book in 2016, even if HELL freezes over....

As the days go by, and nothing else to do..( a line from one of Stevie Nicks songs) - so I have the new boots, the jeans are on their way, now if I can just get the courage up to go out, and get the heck out of this house... I am so sick and tired, of being either here, at Mom's or at the doctor's offices...

Thank goodness I am no longer having to "edit" my own conversations here, and posts. I can say what the heck I please, and if it offends someone, then I guess it does... they can get over it, or not... just saying...

Nothing huge here today, other than a new person, hopefully someone that shall turn into a friend as I said "suddenly appeared" out of the "Blue Clear Sky" as George Strait's songs goes...

Alas an email that made me "feel awesome" about myself for a change... honestly, I thought I had lost all of the "want to" of finding friends again... but that is not true... it is just taking awhile to move past the pain, grief and loss... loss of something I knew for 13 years of my life... and suddenly within a day, it all disappeared... almost as if it never existed... and I STILL DO NOT KNOW WHY??? And I have given up asking... I feel it is futile to "beat a dead horse" as the saying goes...

Living in the realms of "why" is no way to live... why did this person leave? why do I have to do chronically ill? why does everything fall on my shoulders?, why can't life just let up and be a bit easier?... why why, and more why's... and they can haunt you like a love that has all but gone and disappeared... and there is no real answer only questions of the heart remain... tis the story of life and love... you either "fall all in it" and hope that it is forever... or you spend your life totally alone and in misery....

Alas, I prefer NOT to live in misery.... not if I can help it.... So, I bid everyone an incredible holiday weekend, be safe, take care, and always look for that shining star to guide you through even the darkest of nights....

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Trying to Live Life In A Moment... And Trying to Find my Way once again alone... to a "new Chaotic abnormal"....

  Once again as the holidays grow near, I find myself struggling for what the true meaning of being Thankful is, what pure love is, and dealing with more heartache than I at times knew possible. I began my Annual Christmas Letter yesterday. I've made it a tradition now for many years to write a letter about life during that year, and share it with the few people, family etc that I send cards to. I always feel it makes even those far away feel "closer" to myself, and family. Yet, I had word this afternoon, a dear friend of mine,
sent me a message, and a spouse of 18 years or so, left. I am not sure of the details, but much like my own situation, not sure of the reasoning behind walking out the door. No truthful explanation, nothing... just walk out and let the door slam... I feel a deep sadness this evening, for my friend, and another friend of mine that also had the same thing happen last year during the holidays. Her husband of 20 plus years, did the same thing, just walked out the door and left... and again, under circumstances of dealing with really severe health problems, and when she needed him the most, he walked out.

When I took my vows in Vegas 10 years ago, and I wrote them myself, I meant every word I said... and for years and years, ever since we had moved into this house and made it "our home" mine, and his he wrote to me, along with our marriage certificate were framed and right here at my desk, plus the bouquet I carried hangs above them. They served as a reminder for me, that I had promised, forever, to grow old together, that we "paralleled one another and then met as one, just like two stars combining and intertwining and I would never allow anything of "life" to break us apart. I almost could say that entire vow, for years... and then, it totally was just "words on paper", "words spoke", mine from the heart I vowed, and I do not give up easily. But, whatever "happened"... I have had to "guess"... was it me, what all did I do to make him walk out the door? We had a few arguments, and both of us would of course in "defense mode" would come out with some terrible and say it to one another. But mine was truly just defending my own self, and not meant in truth. Yet, it was taken that way. But, still, I thought well, it was my surgeries and being chronically ill... not so... I was ALREADY CHRONICALLY ILL AND DEALING WITH CHRONIC PAIN WHEN WE MET! He knew before we moved back to TX, he knew before he proposed... In fact, I had filed for my complete disability about 6 months after we met one another... so "my health issues" although in 2007 through some of 2009 meant lots of surgery... yet, I did not expect to be down for "months" and was usually up and around ASAP... I did not want to be a "burden"...
No different than the accident he was in, March 2014... the 26th day of that month totally changed our lives, in so many, many ways... and even before he came out of the hospital, I told him, we would together find a "new
normal"... and he always talked about us growing old together. and sitting on a porch swing talking and laughing and always being together... Yet, here I sit alone, with Bub's... and he is thousands of miles away, states away... and till yet, I still don't know from him directly WHY? But, I have had to try and put one foot in front of the other, and find another new chaotic abnormal life for me. My Mom really got mad at me, then was in awe that I hung the ceiling fan MYSELF! She knew how badly I was hurting afterward, yet she told me today, she could never be as strong as me, or as intelligent as me, and that as the years pass, I amaze her at all I know, and do, in spite of how badly I hurt every day, and the illnesses try their best to take me down, and I won't let them... I refuse to give into the pain, or Lupus, RA, Sjogren's.. and now I have began to have horrible, terrible headaches again... I fear the migraines maybe back... and they had been gone for years... all but the ones with a Lupus flare... When I told her I put the new "insides" in my kitchen faucet today, she looked at me once again and said, "I would not even know what to do, what I needed or where to get it"... and I just said "Mom, I have lived all my life HAVING TO learn to do things myself.I never had the luxury of getting someone to put up a ceiling fan, or fix my lawnmower, or stop a dripping faucet, or paint the house, and the list goes on and on... change a flat, I just got through charging the battery on her car... and again, she could not believe I knew just what to do.... again, necessity makes you learn to do many things.... Yet, in all of that, I find sadness in the coming weeks. I am trying to get a new fur-kid for Christmas... and the woman that needs to come by for a house visit, will come next I hope and pray that everything she sees is fine, and that Bub's gets along with a pup she is bringing... he always got along with Tazzer's, and with other pups at the Vet, etc... so I think he will be thrilled, I hope, and not jealous... He has became extremely protective of me, since Tazz passed away, and James no longer here... as far as people around me, he is not thrilled at all... So, I may have people judging me, I am trying to find things I can do, while I hopefully still can do them, that I enjoyed for so many years. In fact, I even "banged" on my drums for a bit today! Bless Bub's heart and the neighbors ears....HAHA... but that is why my Xmas present early to myself, the western boots and jeans... I want to go to the new place that opened here and see if I can find a couple of people my age that I can become friends with... and

I joined the church for the same reasons... plus the new pup will give new "life" to my home... yet, my home is in desperate need of so much work.. and since the suit money fell through, (I was going to put whatever bit I may have gotten into fixing my home up)... I still need it painted outside, and some rotten boards off the bottom fixed, I desperately need a new roof, and the floors laid in the kitchen, bath, and laundry room. 
... plus I have new carpet for the music and spare bedroom, but it needs painting first, and ALL of the windows are in terrible shape. I am trying to get around to repairing them with the push pins and glazing, but it takes time and those windows are so brittle, I still have one completely cracked in the back, thank goodness it can't be seen, but it could fall out at any time, and then another one in that same room someone put "caulk" in a crack in it, so it needs to be replaced... then about a month ago... I think something happened but not sure what, I found a crack in one of my bedroom windows too.... I need a new fence all around my back yard, but I have a couple of dead trees in the fence line that need to be cut down... I have done some of it myself... and I am just going to put "hog wire" fencing or something inexpensive up... but again all of it takes time and money. Plus there are some things like laying the flooring, finishing the bathroom lights and fan... putting up the wall boards in my laundry room and so forth, that I can't do by myself... physically some of it I know I cannot do... I can't get in the attic to wire the lights and bath fan... I just would not feel easy doing that big of a job... and I can paint, but in some places outside my home is much taller than I would at my age, and especially with all of my neck, back, and osteoporosis issues, I would not chance falling...

I still face surgery for the new pain pump and I really need the lower back surgery. After this past couple of weeks, I realize I need that repaired too, or it is going to just get worse... and I am still dealing with the "wounds" from the abscesses and that is another thing, I have to drive by myself again up there and deal with that alone... it sucks... not that I can't but it still sucks... so I turn UP the radio and sing every song on the Radio as I drive... and block out the memories that still "haunt me"... kind of like the Brooks and Dunn song... one of their early ones... the Kix sang... Love may "die" but it "never leaves"... it is like "shackles and chains in a ghost like way, when it comes to loves memories... so true... and again it brings me back to what I want on my grave stone... "Here lies a girl who got everything she wanted, and who could ask for more.. Than to be Living in A Moment... You would die for... Ty Herndon was kind of a one hit wonder I think, but his song hit me strong years ago, and never forget those words... "to be living in a moment, loving every minute, living in a moment, you would die for".....

Thus the Lyrics...

Living in A Moment...

Well the world just lost two lonely people
The world just lost two broken hearts
The odds were against it but baby here we are
In our own little place in our own little corner
This old cold world just got a little warmer
For the rest of my life I'm gonna hold you in my arms
And when they carve my stone all they'll need to write on it
Is 'Once lived a man who got all he ever wanted'
Tell me something, who could ask for more?
Than to be living in a moment you would die for
If you never get rich on what money can buy
It don't matter to me, I'll tell you why
I've got it all when I'm holding you this way
I'll live to love you, I'd die to keep you
Safe inside these arms that need you
I'll be loving you with the very last breath I take
And when they carve my stone all they'll need to write on it
Is 'Once lived a man who got all he ever wanted'
Tell me something, who could ask for more?
Than to be living in a moment you would die for
Ashes to ashes
Dust into dust
I'll lay beside you
Forever in love
And when they carve my stone all they'll need to write on it
Is 'Once lived a man who got all he ever wanted'
Tell me something, who could ask for more?
Than to be living in a moment, loving every minute
Tell me something, who could ask for more?
Than to be living in a moment you would die for
Living in a moment you would die for
Oh baby, I'm living in a moment I would die for
Oh, living in a moment I would die for

"Thankfulness" during a World in Chaos, those who do not Value Human Life, and things Life throws our way, chornic illness/pain, yet finding what truly matters most....

As the holiday to be "thankful" grows near, may you find many reasons to be thankful for, from family, friends, to all the beauty life bestows upon us. I realize for many of us, this holiday comes with a very mixed time of emotions. When our world around is so full of hate, terror, harsh, and those that will harm innocent people, trying to look past those actions are very difficult. With the events so fresh in our hearts and minds of those who want to take our freedom away, to scare us so badly, we fear going out and enjoying life... May all of us find that special place within the depths of our souls, to "go forward" and be in reverence of what we do have.... 


As the miles physically are far between us, within our hearts the warmth and joy of family and friends keep us close to one another. As I said on my other page, this is a holiday of thankfulness although with the events that have taken place lately, along with those out there who would rather do us harm than even live themselves, it is difficult to find those reasons why we are truly thankful. I also know that myself and my family included, have experienced some life changing events for 2015. Many of which, we not only unexpected, but turned our lives somewhat into chaos. I certainly know it has for myself and my own family. Thus with those things again, trying to truly find things we are grateful for, can be difficult. We are human, and we at times reach a crossroads that is not what we planned. So, as we come together, whether physically, or mentally and emotionally, may we find those things that bless us, give us reasons to be so thankful for today, tomorrow, and the future ahead of us. May you and your find the peace, love, hope, and faith that shall sustain us... May you be safe, and healthy, and enjoy your family and friends... With Love, and Happy Thanksgiving, Rhia