Simply A Beautiful, But Often Difficult Time of Year for Those With Chronic Illness and Pain (& everyone honestly)

I realize there is all too often a general feeling of "anxiousness" that surrounds the holidays. For many of us, we work, possibly have a family, have a meal to plan or meals, have gifts to buy, to wrap, decorations at home, at work, the "Secret Santa" Gifts, house to clean before "Mom" gets there, relatives or company coming to visit, and the list can be endless for all. It is a very stressful time of year for the entire group, yet when you are dealing with a chronic illness and/or chronic pain to "boot" it can turn into a time of rather than joy and peace to stress, flares, and more pain.
We for the most part are a nation of go-getters.  We never stop, always on the run, and many times do not take care of us first. We eat wrong, we do not get the right sleep, or exercise, we put ourselves right in the middle of shopping during the height of the flu season, as well and may not have even gotten our flu shots anyway.
Chronic Illness patients do these things too. We too forget to eat properly, do overdo and vary away from our usual routines. We also expose ourselves by being out in the public more, just when illnesses from the flu, to stomach bugs, to even some illnesses such as measles, chicken pox, and so forth are out. Kids are out of school, relatives are coming in, and you become exposed to other acute illnesses that can be contagious simply due to being out of your element. We cook differently, we eat differently, often times we sleep off schedule, due to either pain, stress, too many things to do, and not enough time to do them all. So, we lay awake, stay up, or wake much too early not getting the rest we need.
Traveling is another realm that can cause issues with illness and pain. Cramped in a car for hours without getting out and stretching, bad weather that puts you in a state of anxiety, going to homes to stay and not being in your own bed, or even in a hotel, all of those things "throw" you off sync during the holidays.
We stress over "money", from buying for people, how much we should spend, and what we honestly have to spend, whether we "go into" credit card debt, or just understand we do not have it this year, so cut down spending for this holiday, and know possibly next year you can do more. Also, it is sometimes hard to tell relatives that you are just NOT able to exchange gifts. You feel embarrassed or upset. But, telling them, and not putting yourself into a large amount of credit card debt for the next year is far better. I tell my grown kids to NOT buy for us. We have what we need. Put their money on the Grand Kids, and then cut adults down, and if there are kids, then do for them, maybe you can even do something like crochet an blanket for them, make something for their rooms, if you sew well, you may be able to sew them something, or there are lots of very nice but inexpensive items out there now that kids love! You don't have to "break the bank" when it comes to kids. It is true often the little ones play with the boxes after they unwrap a gift, rather than the toys! So, whether it was $5.00 or $50.00 to them is of no consequence.
For those too ill to get out and about, being at home, tied to the sofa or bed is not a great way to spend the holidays. But at times that may be what has to happen. Some may have to schedule surgeries then, due to schedules, or it is just a time that a huge battle with a flare knocks you on your butt. Those are things we must find ways to tell our family and friends. If they love and care about you, they will come to understand, it is not the YOU want it that way, but you are not able to control chronic illness and pain. Often that is exactly when you feel your worst due to the anxiety and stress of the all too busy time of the year.
Then you may not be looking forward to dealing with some "family" or "friends" that are nosy, pushy, arrogant, rub people the wrong way, are ill mannered, don't know when to leave, never help with a thing, and so forth. Those can be the worst. Especially those that can well afford the time and/or money to help out in one way or the other, yet they are selfish enough to NOT think of anyone but themselves.
Those are the very people that can cause some of us the most grief, and also the ones that can almost ruin a holiday with their inability to see others need help and they are not the only "pebble on the beach".
Even though we would love to think our lives especially during the holidays are like those our of a fairy tale movie on Lifetime Television, or out of a beautiful book, life is usually not that way. It is messy, mixed up, turned upside down, and we must learn to make the best of it, even if the cookies crumble, the pumpkin roll cracks, the fudge is too soft, the fruit cake too hard, and the Egg Nog too spiked, turkey overcooked, ham under cooked, and no one remembered to pick up the paper plates and napkins! All seem like horrible disasters when you are in the middle of them, but in a month, I guarantee you will be laughing about it all and wondering why you got all upset, when you found a way around no cranberry salad and opened a couple of cans!
Things for me are in kind of that type of "not so simple" holiday "blueness" right now. With most of my close family either hundreds of miles away, or have passed away, or for some reason not able to be near, it can make it even more difficult. On one hand you feel "off the hook" for entertaining, cooking, and not having to lock up the dogs since no one is coming. But, then you also deal with the fact that your close family is not around, some of the are no longer here, and it can make for a sad time, and be a conundrum of feelings. I always deal with a very mixed emotional realm this time of year. Just a few years ago, before the chronic illness and pain really reared its ugly head, many things proved to be wonderful. After those, and then kids growing up, then you often look for a truly different meaning in the holiday time of the year. You reach out more for the true spirit, you look at your life and your mortality, you prefer to you have more down time, rather than all the hustle and bustle. Black Friday seems to be just another day for you, and a day you AVOID shopping!
There are still "traditions" I keep. I still send out my holiday cards. I always write my "annual Christmas letter" that goes to all of the family that is left in their cards, we order our yearly Wallace Sleigh Bell Ornament (we ordered the 10th one this year!), we usually still cook, but on a scaled down level. We do our "baking" for our neighbors, making home made "family secret" fruit cake, cookies, breads, fudge and so forth, to wrap it all up and give to our 4 closest neighbors each year. There are still traditions that we shall always keep and do as long as health and life permit. But you also develop new traditions that are nice also.
Life is usually quite "messy" through out an entire realm of our being on this Earth. At times we feel it is a little "too" messy, too complicated, too full of sadness, fear, madness (often times I wonder how how much "madness" I have :)), along with every other kind of emotional issue, physical, mental, and just those issues that we have no control over.
We would love to think we can control "our" days, and have ultimate command over our own selves, but as much as we think we might, we truly do not. Just as we cannot predict what some lunatic with guns that don't belong to him can do inside a school, a church, a college, a Mall, a Theater, or driving down a busy highway, we often really don't have control over our own actions either. Not when it comes to some things. WE cannot control illness. Oh, now we can eat better, sleep, take our vitamins, exercise, watch our weight and so forth, but ultimately that does not mean that we are NOT going to get ill with something. And when we do, we have no command over when, how or why. It just happens. So, since we can't control much of what goes on in our own world, it just about impossible to think we can have perfect say so over any one else. We can try. We can lead, guide, teach, and have faith. But, when it boils down to it, we are only HUMAN! so, all of the very things we thought we traditions, would be around forever, what we would always have in life, often times is just some silly prediction in our heads.

In chronic illness, things are often times worse for us because we already can absolutely know much of our life, our control and any thing we choose to do or not do can be changed in a moment, by illness. We can be perfectly "well" at one moment, and in an hour we may be so sick. Thus plans change, life changes, and for whatever reason there is, all of it will make sense later on down the road.
So, as you go through your last minute preparations, wrapping, bows on, cooking, cleaning, Santa, and all of the relatives and good cheer, enjoy what today and tomorrow hold. For just as so many know, often there is only that one last chance... and we are sitting on the threshold of "wishing" we would have hugged someone, told them we loved them, apologized, or just for once, been genuine and kind.
May you be blessed during this holiday and all of the days to come... with the knowledge that one moment at a time is a wonderful way to live life... as if you may not have another ..... moment again....

Trying to Make Sense Out of Something So Horrificly Senseless!

This is even a difficult subject to bring up this morning, but as a writer of feelings, thoughts and emotions, I must share my own views about what has taken place in "small town", "any town" America and just how distraught our nation IS and SHOULD BE over this horror. NO child, NOT ONE, should ever have to endure the deep emotional and mental trauma that these very innocent children did yesterday

. As I watched in absolute disdain, surreal and not even believing what I saw was real on the news in the afternoon yesterday, every thought in my head reeled around questions, that needed answers. My heart felt a heaviness for all of those involved. From the teachers who are true hero's, that helped to protect their kids, to keep them calm and even in the midst of this "demonic" type behavior, held onto their own calmness of sorts in order to possibly save their students lives. Then there are the children. I am sure stories will come out about the braveness of the little kids. How they were worried about their class mates and friends, wanting to go out and help them. I have to wonder what went through their heads as they saw this "mad man,” this total stranger, all in black, with guns of many, ready to fire upon them, and for the most past none had anywhere to truly hide. I heard some got locked in a bathroom for safety. Others were taken into the principal's office and helped to stay quiet and calm, and I am sure the teachers had them huddling together in groups under desks and so forth trying their best to shelter them. Yet when some "maniac" walks into an Elementary School, in class rooms filled with Kindergartener's, innocent lives, that don't for the most part understand guns and the violence that they can induce within a moment's breath space, yet when they began to hear the shots, and hear I am sure screams, moans and cries of these kids as they were hit by bullets undoubtably flying all around them, I am sure in their small heads and big hearts the sheer terror began to sink in. What this "inhumane" animal did was not only to take tiny innocent lives completely away, but he took away the innocence, the child hood, the "care free" lifestyle of children and their own visions of the world. He created a chaotic dramatization of true life horror that is going to haunt these children and adults the rest of their lives. Then he is such a coward he kills himself, rather than hang around to face the consequences of his horrid, unfathomable actions.

I was so amassed in my own disbelief and loathing for this individual, I had to just remove myself from the television and news for a while to be able to truly try to grasp the unrealistic situation, and imagine what must have been happening in the minds and hearts of all of those there at the time. Here at the most wonderful time of the year for a child’s life in particular, now shall never be the same again. Oh, one may forget about it and the hurt lessen over time, but he even in his own “childish” behavior still wins if you even call him that, because what he done to disrupt the lives of these people forever, will stay with them until their last days on Earth. I just cannot fathom as a parent and now Grand Parent anyone wanting to harm a child in anyway, much less in this act of insanity. I just am not able to “step into his boots”, NOR DO I WANT to, other than to want answers why these kids has to be killed in his plan of ridding his life, his Mom’s life, and the lives of so many children that knew not a thing about this idiots on issues. Mom’s and Dad’s all over the world will again be extremely frightened to take their kids back to that school, or any school for that matter. If it happens at one, it could happen again for sure. I feel like first of all, GUNS, guns of any type other than for HUNTING, and you do NOT HUNT WITH HAND GUNS, GLOCKS, AND OTHER HIGH CAPACITY AUTOMATIC 40 ROUND CLIP HOLDING PLUS GUNS. 2nd of all not only should we completely and once and for all banned these guns in the nation, we should be having a much better education into the realms of the minds of these types of very serious maniacs, who have this much mental illness and how they are roaming around in our society and should NOT be! Where was the guys’s Mom all this time he had been mentally ill. It came out immediately when this happened on the news, yet why was this NOT an issue in the days and weeks, perhaps months and years before it came to him mass killing kids? Where there signs that everyone ignored? Was he even being medically taken care of, with therapy and medication? Where were those who somehow knew this guy had a back ground of mental issues that were not good, or the news would not have known this as quickly as they did. Just how was he able to get hold of 4 of these types of weapons???? I would say his Mom DID NOT buy these!! I would assume some how he was able to get hold of them with her ID, but the facts shall unfold over the days to come.
There are so many unanswered questions in our minds and hearts. All over this nation and our world, people with “sense” and their “faculties” (your mind) are trying to remotely fathom what makes a mad man like this?

It is just too difficult for me to continue, and I will try to write more, as it all unfolds. Love one another every day, for you just never know what might happen. I pray as this continues to be a part of our days to come, we will be able to move past the pain yet we may never understand what makes a maniac like this. This will be very difficult when no where is truly safe anymore.

Making Sure Others are "Prepared" for your Chronic Illness During the Holidays...

This is a wonderful article by a great lady and writer, Toni Bernhard. I wanted to share with everyone. It was just on my mind how often others do not really understand that being chronically ill and having chronic pain issues does at times limit us, and it can come on quickly. Stress of having to do too much, be too much, and so forth and so on, can bring on a flare of high magnitude, thus putting you in the bed or worse for the holiday season. So, preparing family and friends is a very important part of getting everyone to understand your possible limitations. It may mean splitting up responsibilities, or making alternate plans. It could be that you must cut down on your "run and go" time and allow someone else to do errands, cooking, and other activities, rather than it be put all on you. I realize it is also difficult for you as the one that is chronically ill, to give up the things you used to do for the holidays. It is hard to give up baking those cookies, or having the entire holiday at your home. It could be you must order presents on line rather than be out shopping at the crack of dawn on "Black Friday". If you cut down on some things, allow others to do things, spend some down time resting, and allow others to help out, your holidays as well as your loved ones can be spent much better and you have your health intact. :)

Here is the link to the article:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/turning-straw-gold/201212/educating-loved-ones-about-your-health-during-the-holidays

My Own Christmas Design and Decor for My Home 2012

My Own "Creation" of Decor for the front of my home. I have two huge "Planters" that my husband custom made on my front porch. I wanted to decorate them for the Holidays but was not quite sure what I wanted. Silk flowers but they are so big I needed something else. So, yesterday I wrapped up several "gifts" in some old wrapping paper, put on bows on them, and put those along with the flowers into both planters. I still have to add some garland today, but last night they looked so good with the lights on and the way the house looked all lit up from the street. I am quite proud of my own little creation:)

Memories Gone By and Don't Remember? Too many Holiday "Have to Do's" and Chronic Illnesses/Pain

Well, a little early, but here is a post from a group I belong to that I wrote in response to the "Do-Allers" for the holidays, and how it is almost impossible for some of us to "pace" much less "breathe"... Here is my post from my FB about pacing, breathing and not feeling guilty for us that are your "Do-Allers" for the holidays:

 It seems it is difficult NOT to go, go go, and then try to NOT feel the guilt behind it all. I am usually baking all kinds of candy, quick breads, cookies etc. to take to 4 of our neighbors around us. Then by now my tree has been up for at least 2 weeks, every decoration (and I make all of them) in place, flowers of graves of my Grandparents and my Dad, my "outfit" ready for Christmas Day, baked my special annual fruitcake, sent out all of the Xmas cards, written my annual Xmas letter to put in the cards, I also send cards "for the troops" for that group to get out and I do at least 25 or more cards, have the house clean from washing curtains to shampooing carpets, have my Xmas comforter, bed ruffle and pillows all out, have ordered our "annual" Wallace Sleigh Bell Ornament (we have 10 this year, so we have been together now for 10 Christmases), decided on exact plans for Xmas Day, and the list goes on.So, how do you "cut back" on things that you love to do? Like My Christmas letter, I almost "forgot" and had to rush to have it ready (this is usually at least a 3 page letter), cut out the neighbors??, now I feel they "look forward" to their treats, not clean??? Wow that would be almost impossible for me, LOL, even when NO ONE is really coming to our home, I still feel I "must" have the house spotless from top to bottom. I used to do all of this, plan for a party or two in between, work, raise two kids, go to college at night, and do all of my shopping NOT on line, but up in Dallas usually on a trip or two up there for Xmas Presents, and gosh the list yet goes on and on. IT is like Kristy said, that is my type of personality, and until a flare hits me like a brick wall and knocks me on my butt, it is so hard to "pace" or half the time "breathe". Then I worry about every bite of food I put in my mouth, because I am such a fanatic about my weight (and I can't seem to really get control of that lately, another "sore" subject for me right now), plus keep up with people online, sending emails, e cards, writing here, writing on my blog, still working on my book "Ramblings of a Seasoned Soul" to get it out and known to the public, plus working on two others.... my personality and Chronic Illnesses and Pain do not MIX!!! As I said, for me I think it is the overwhelming "guilt" that if I leave someone off, or stop doing something, or say NO, I will disappoint others and myself also, so it is extremely hard. I try to start "EARLY" but that is also difficult. The year gets away from you and is over with Xmas here before you can blink an eye. Funny, as kind of sad story from this weekend. My husband and I put up the tree together each year. Our last decor on is the Sleigh Bells Ornaments (10) this year, that we have, one for each year we are together at Xmas. Well, this year I wanted to make it fun...so I decided that each of us had to "tell" something about the year that was on the ornament. That began in 2003 with our first one. Well, for about the first 3 years, both of us could think of all kinds of good stuff we did and that happened, met, engaged, married, moved a couple of times and so forth, but starting about the 4th or 5th one, things got "blurred". We could not remember if this, that or the other happened in one year or the other...the closer we got to this year, the more difficult it got to "remember" what happened, and much of it was not the "good" stuff, but surgeries, doctors, illnesses, disability... I tried to laugh it off and say that it seems kind of a "good thing" if we do not remember. That means NO DRAMA! and life has been more on an even keel this past 6 years or so. I is also sad that life has passed us by that quickly...we honestly cannot remember exactly what happened, good or bad for the most part?!! I got frightened but did not tell my husband. For me is it the Brain Fog, memory loss, too MUCH CRAP in life, too ill, getting older...what makes me forget what happened in the last 5 years, yet I can remember things from our first 5 years perfectly?? IT really hit me hard. Of course he was not remembering very well either, yet still it was an eye opener for me. So, I think I am fearful to "slow down.” I fear I may stop and never get up to go again...