Friday, March 20, 2015

Excited, Thrilled, Disappointed, Upset, Mad At Autoimmune Illnesses, and sometimes just upset with life in general - Not able To go to The Arthritis Summit next week!

I've not said much to anyone about my current situation with the autoimmune illnesses, pain, the severity of pain, a headache now that just won't go away, and all of the stress these autoimmune illnesses have caused me over the past month.

I always know, for ANY of us, plans sometimes change within a day! When you have a chronic illness and/or chronic pain, every day can be a challenge! WE can have our "great days", our "good" days, our "okay" days... and honestly it seems more days that it is SUCKS! These illnesses completely destroy our lives as far as whatever normal is.

They take us by the hand, heart, body and soul, and sling us around to the 4 corners of the Earth. We never know if we will land standing up, or sliding down that damned steep hill, with the rocks, twigs, gravel, and all scarring if not our "bodies".... our minds for sure.

I realize that "autoimmune illnesses" are NOT the ONLY diseases that are chronic and hit us in a haphazard way of life. But, they tend to be really good about waiting until we have some awesome plans scheduled, then totally ripping them to shreds within a breath's space.

I've been fighting with what I have felt was a Lupus flare now for weeks. I've also come to the place I MUST get these bottom teeth, "implanted" and anchored down. It is way overdue, and it is causing me to have all kinds of stomach issues, since there is so much either I can't eat, or I can't chew properly, thus I either avoid those things, or try to eat them, and almost choke, or they go down half chewed which is horrid for my stomach.

So, I knew I was facing a possibility  of not being able to go to the Summit with AF next week, which SUCKS big time, since I am one that made a "Platinum Ambassador" and should be there to represent all of us that had that honor, and be there to do what I am supposed to and that is to get those in Congress, "educated", "on-board" "possibly involved in the Arthritis Caucus" and backing the Congress people that are in the Caucus.

Plus I feel it is also my duty to lay out the "agenda" for AF 2015, and the things we need and hope to accomplish, from the issues involving now our "state" representatives, more on the realms of the DOD and the role in arthritis for our men and women that come home and develop these illnesses, to getting research out there in a more advanced way, and to "teach" ALL, public, government, professionals, the medical world, caretakers, patients, ALL about how "arthritis is NOT ACCEPTABLE" for anyone to have to live with.

So, to NOT be able to carry out what I feel is my duty to do, has really put me in a tailspin of hurt, worry, and let down. I feel I've let down the AF, the Ambassadors, and let down everyone who has stood beside me all last year no matter what helping me to see, even though I felt I was not doing enough, I was doing plenty, even when I felt like I wasn't.

Now I have developed something as of day before yesterday, that came on very sudden and hit me like a brick wall. I am not sure if it is a bad flare, or what. But, between a headache that is the WORST HEADACHE I have ever had in my life, that will NOT GO strength is none, I do well to walk across the house, I am freezing one moment, burning up the next, and I am in extreme pain from my head to my toes.... I feel as if someone has beat the literal hell out of me with a baseball bat, then ran over me with a car a couple of times. From my thumbs, all the way to my head, and all the way to down my toes, I HURT! A very DEEP BONE ACHE, that is relentless! Plus I ran low grade fever all day yesterday, and this morning, I can tell my body is fighting the fever, because I feel so damned lousy... I am hot one moment, chilled the next, cold the next, sweating the next... and our very HIGH Humidity is NOT helping it at all.

Anyway, I honestly am not up to sitting here, so I will close this for now, and explain more over the next couple of days.

But, I DO INTEND on doing EVERYTHING I CAN FOR THE E-SUMMIT!, and posting to social media and so forth as the AF storms Capitol Hill on Monday and Tuesday! I wish all of them luck, and hope it turns out to be an incredibly awesome Summit!!! Go Get Um!!!! I will be there in spirit....

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