Showing posts with label I Hope You Dance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I Hope You Dance. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Sharing Life, Holidays, Up's, Down's, Reality, and Dealing/Coping with Holidays when You are Chronically Ill/Pain & have a broken heart, along with problems that follow....
















First I share some "Good News" and Happenings lately in my life. After Losing my Pug, Tazzy here about 3 months ago, and she was a Christmas Present 14 years ago, from my "husband", (we are now separated) & Bub's and I, (my Chiweenie, who is 5) were really down and out about the holidays. My "body" really would not allow me to climb into the attic for the big tree and decorations, so I bought a small tree, and put 14 years of Sleigh Bell's, one for every year my husband and I had been together.

Then I and Bub's have been fortunate enough to have a brand new "fur-baby" addition to the family just this week! He is only about 3 months old, and his name is "Peanut". I've officially adopted him, so he is getting used to myself and Bub's, and we are learning to adapt to a new baby in the house! But, I think he is really the best "Christmas" present we could ever have, and I am so grateful he came along at just the right time.

I adopted him from a local non-profit here in my area called "Tales of Hope". It is all volunteers, who take the pups into their "foster care" until they find homes and owners for them. I am happy my Vet suggested I adopt from them, and so far it has been a very peaceful and simple thing to go through. He came and had a "house visit" for 4 or 5 days, to see if he and us were all a good fit, and then just a matter of a bit of paperwork, they take care of his puppy boosters, micro-chipping, and then neutering, in a few months when he is old enough... so we are happy he has joined us.


Here are some photo's I've taken, of them, of myself lately, and me trying to put "me" back together again, after my husband no longer here, and then of course we lost the lawsuit over the 18 wheel tractor trailer that RAN OVER HIM WHILE THE DRIVER WAS ON HIS CELL PHONE WITH HIS BROTHER!

Needless to say, I know I have told some of that story, but was kind of under a "gag" order until after the trial, which was the 1st week in November. You can imagine where that left myself, but much more than that my husband, who suffered MANY terrible injuries, of which left him partially paraplegic, without some of his "memory for things such as current", and harmed his concentration levels a great deal. All of that with the pain and suffering, from having his back basically broken in "two", with 9 fusions down the thoracic spine, and wired together... he has more "broken" ribs, that not, and a concussion, that they did not realize how badly it effected him until months and months after the accident. He is a web developer, designer, and has been for 20 years, and that takes a huge amount of concentration, and the ability to "hold onto" information as far as not only long term, but short term... which all suffered from the accident. So, without any settlement funds, he is basically not able to get health insurance, cannot apply for federal disability because he had worked for himself so many years, and made well below the amount to pay in social security. The job he had before then, he did pay in, but as we know, that has to be within so many "months" before you apply and he of course did not have those "units" before, since it has been years since he paid in from a regular job.


The pain and suffering harmed my own health of course, and he had been somewhat my "caretaker" when I had surgeries, or flares with the Lupus/RA, or was too ill. He did some of the cooking, running errands, going to the market, etc... and after the accident, he could not even walk down two steps at our front porch, much less walk in a store, drive, or do anything that required, bending, lifting, carrying and so forth. So, as any spouse would have done, I "negated" my own issues, as far as health, trying to help him heal, both physically and mentally... all the while I started getting ill with more flares, and just have one crisis after the other with my own health, and mentally of course I felt almost as if I had "lost" myself and him... I feel I was "grieving" over losing my own "health" and then to watch him change, I grieved over losing him and us.


I know in MY HEART AND SOUL.... THOSE PEOPLE on THE OTHER END OF THE LAWSUIT FLAT LIED IN DEPOSITIONS, AND ON THE STAND, I BELIEVE THEY "PAID OFF" THESE TWO SO CALLED WITNESSES, THAT I KNOW COULD NOT HAVE POSSIBLY HAD SITE OF THAT BUSY HIGHWAY COMING INTO DOWNTOWN DALLAS, I-45 THAT DAY! But, I KNOW SOMEONE USED THEIR MONEY AND POWER, AND PEOPLE TO LIE, thus we lost the suit...

BUT, WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND.... IT ALWAYS DOES... AND SOMEDAY, they WILL PAY FOR THEIR OWN WAYS, in some form or fashion... we "never" have to take "revenge" for I've seen it happen too many times... THOSE TYPES OF PEOPLE, are taken care of by their own misdeeds. We must just let it go... and "Let God".... I guess would be the proper saying.... How how, some day the "truth" will come out.... it may not "help" us by then, but when it does, it will effect their lives, and then someday they may understand just how horrible our lives have been, and what they have taken away from a marriage, a family, two people, and all we feel we "lost" within those seconds of that accident....


All right, so now I have that part out.... I am taking one step at a time, one breath, one "breath's space", and one moment, day, week... as they come... There is not much else I can do but either "give up"... or move forward... as the song, "too much time to make up, everywhere we turn, time we have wasted on the way, too much water moving underneath the bridge, let the water come and carry us away"  Crosby, Stills, and Young ...


And I have experienced so many wonderful thing in my life, things I felt I would never be able to do... travel by myself to states and states... move to a wonderful city and stay for 5 years, Seattle, snow ski at Wolf Creek Pass CO, see the beauty of Santa Fe, see a baseball game in Phoenix, make a drive all the way to Nebraska to meet a friend, to have many friends that are "miles away" but close at heart... publish not just one but 2 BOOKS, and working on this 3rd one.... dance, sing, play the drums, write music, play the piano and keyboard, go to college and get my Associate Degree, although NOT in the subject I wanted... run a "retail women's store".......see the ocean in FL, in TX (The gulf), the the Sound in Seattle, take a ferry to Bainbridge Island, see the beaches in CA, Go to Vegas, have many vacations I remember as a child with my parents, experience things I thought I may never.... BUT, STILL, I have so many more I want to do, to see, to experience, and of course go to WASHINGTON dc and "stand upon the White House Steps, and tell Congress how I feel about those in need with Lupus, RA,JRA, Osteoarthritis, and many more chronic health conditions....


My "hopes" are that my life gets back on a "new track", in a very good way beginning January 2016. My hope is that I can get back to my writing, and finish my 3rd book, and have it published. I also hope that I can find the "finances" somehow to get my home "finished"... there are so many "small" things that need to be completed, and without lots of cash, that makes it difficult to do. I really don't need a great deal of materials, and what I need is not all that expensive, but it is the "labor", and finding someone to come and do what "I can't do"... I can paint, sand, (have a new idea about my kitchen,bathroom, and laundry room floors that will cost a lot less)... I need some wall boarding put up in the spare bedroom, and in my laundry room. But, the most expensive thing I truly need is a new roof on my house. This one really is in bad shape, and I am very concerned about the Spring and Summer, and stormy weather... plus my entire outside of the house needs painting, which some of that I can do... it is the higher parts, where I have to be up on a ladder higher than I should be that I will need help with. I am going to try and put new "hog wire" fencing up around my back yard, and most of the posts are there, but I need some help getting a couple of dead trees out of the way, and then probably getting the fencing tight enough, plus this back 1/2 acre or so of land that is mine, truly needs to be completely cleaned up. I have a huge pecan tree that died and most of it is down, but it needs to go... plus some other smaller trees be cut down, and trimmed... then I have a piece of an old bus, that was here, when I bought the house, and it needs to be hauled away. It is old, an eye sore, and someone could probably take it with a trailer, and sell it for the scrap metal... so some things are more just time, others I need a bit of cash, and others are in need of assistance, and then of course the roof, that means about 5,000.00 or so....

So, my hopes are that I can stay well enough, to get at least "some" of these projects accomplished as far as the house, I can finish my book and get it published, can get a surgery out of the way I am in need of, and maybe two.... plus just find "myself" a new light, a new path, and follow my heart... go back to dancing, singing, listening to music, and doing what my "body" allows me to do....

My wishes are that YOU, shall also find your path, your light, and your "love" of what ever that may be, whether of the human heart, of a new job, a new place to live, or just doing some of the things in life we tend to put off.... and we never know if "tomorrow" nor the next breath will be here....

I am putting up some pics, and links of some of my "wishes", and my ow hopes for my life the comes with each step I make forward..... Honestly, I've spent way too many years putting everyone else "1st" in life.... and all of what I want, need, or wish always goes on the very back burner... and there shall be some that are not "happy" with this decision... but I am chronically ill, I have many health issues, and I stay in severe pain most days, and I feel like if I do not put my foot down, and begin taking care of ME... I will regret things later as I get older.....


I hope you find the courage to put "you" first... and put the things in life that are important to you, on the "front burner"....




Saturday, November 28, 2015

"I Hope You Dance" - A Song, Lyrics, & a New Hallmark Channel Special that will bring you to your knees in faith, it will give you wings, & I cannot say enough that it is a MUST to see...

It was late by the time I got to be able to watch this incredible Hallmark Special based upon the song that Lee Ann Womack brings such a warmth, light, faith, hope and love to your heart. If this song does not "touch" you in some way, I am not sure anything can...

I had been eagerly awaiting that show to come out... I had it set to record for weeks from the Hallmark Channel... but little did I know just HOW INCREDIBLE this show is, and what it brought into my heart, how much it has already changed me, my spirit, and given me pure faith, and pure hope... to know that in spite of Lupus, in spite of the Chronic Pain, in spite of ALL that obviously I was not prepared for in my life... that has happened... some I can make a change, or have another chance, and know that love is here deep within my soul, deeper into my heart, than I had felt in a long while... Life as many of my readers know, has not been kind to me... not in several years... and I "lost" and am in the midst of still grieving over more loss than anyone should have to endure....

Today I post this, for in a long time, even before I began to watch this show last night, just hearing the song again, brought "life" and "voice" and I wrote a poem, within moments... I don't want to spoil the show by telling too much, but anyone dealing with Chronic Illnesses, Lupus in particular, or has lived through a horrible accident, and one that may have left you broken up physically, plus mentally and emotionally...

or those that have suffered such a horrid loss... the loss of a child especially, to suicide, or anyone losing a close loved one suddenly... within a moment a life has been taken away.. and the mortal hell one can go through... All of these things, and so much more ... in this show... in this inspirational and motivational song..  so, "I Hope" You Dance....  (from here below until the lyrics of the song is posted, is my own words... my own heart... and just how within a moment, a few lyrics, from a song that has always been one that speaks to my heart....

"Anything in Life that is truly worth something... at times never comes "easily".... Life is a "dance"... a dance in the fires and flames... or a dance beside the ocean's waves... a shuffle across the old hardwood floor, or to glide into an open door... We can sit on the sidelines of life, and watch as everyone else "lives" that two step, waltz, or two in rhythm, or we can give in and take the chance on what we are given... and faith is always Half Full at a glance... often times we tend to ignore our 2nd chance... if I've learned anything in my time here... is to throw away the dark days and the fear... trust in yourself, and give your heart over to that gift of chance, and never forget to just .... Dance.... as I begin to watch this movie I've waited for now several weeks to come on, featuring and based upon the song by Lee Ann Womack... "I Hope You Dance"... again... here are the words, and they should move you to tears..."  - Rhia..


. "I Hope You Dance"
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
Dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance..
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those year

Lee Ann Womack singer....


Here is one link to the Hallmark website... that has the information on this, and how it touched so many, and the people that helped to make this wonderful show, you will enjoy knowing they were an integral part of this...

 More of what I wrote after watching the movie.... 
 
The "Movie" that this song is based upon, is really not just a "movie" but more about how many lives this song touched, I am still watching, but one of the women that is in this, and had this song help her through losing a job, a long term relationship..DUE TO LUPUS!, and others are telling their heart felt, personal stories... what is written above, before I posted the lyrics, is what I WROTE... myself... Music has always been a huge part of my life... is has brought me to my knees in tears, and it has helped me to climb up the jagged edges of life's mountain, to find the beauty at the top, and shout to the world, I made it... 
yet again, there are times music allowed me to slide down once again, all the way to the sands on the ocean's shores, where only footprints of my life remain... it inspires me to write, it inspires me to "feel"... and I mean "feel"... get in touch with when it hurts so badly, you think your heart is totally breaking into pieces... and there is such thing as having a "heart attack" from a broken heart... 
I had one, and then another.... and that came straight from my cardiologist's mouth... there are times, that the bottled up, mixed up, gaping wounds of my soul... are opened up to drain, bleed... so they can "scar over" much like my body has, so I can regain faith again... so if you NEVER truly "listen" and allow the music to sink in, then you may not find that passion, the strengths, the weaknesses, the elated memories, moments, and the ones you prefer to bury away...




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UE-JsPV4Sk 


The U-Tube Video about this above.....