Trying to Make Sense Out of Something So Horrificly Senseless!

This is even a difficult subject to bring up this morning, but as a writer of feelings, thoughts and emotions, I must share my own views about what has taken place in "small town", "any town" America and just how distraught our nation IS and SHOULD BE over this horror. NO child, NOT ONE, should ever have to endure the deep emotional and mental trauma that these very innocent children did yesterday

. As I watched in absolute disdain, surreal and not even believing what I saw was real on the news in the afternoon yesterday, every thought in my head reeled around questions, that needed answers. My heart felt a heaviness for all of those involved. From the teachers who are true hero's, that helped to protect their kids, to keep them calm and even in the midst of this "demonic" type behavior, held onto their own calmness of sorts in order to possibly save their students lives. Then there are the children. I am sure stories will come out about the braveness of the little kids. How they were worried about their class mates and friends, wanting to go out and help them. I have to wonder what went through their heads as they saw this "mad man,” this total stranger, all in black, with guns of many, ready to fire upon them, and for the most past none had anywhere to truly hide. I heard some got locked in a bathroom for safety. Others were taken into the principal's office and helped to stay quiet and calm, and I am sure the teachers had them huddling together in groups under desks and so forth trying their best to shelter them. Yet when some "maniac" walks into an Elementary School, in class rooms filled with Kindergartener's, innocent lives, that don't for the most part understand guns and the violence that they can induce within a moment's breath space, yet when they began to hear the shots, and hear I am sure screams, moans and cries of these kids as they were hit by bullets undoubtably flying all around them, I am sure in their small heads and big hearts the sheer terror began to sink in. What this "inhumane" animal did was not only to take tiny innocent lives completely away, but he took away the innocence, the child hood, the "care free" lifestyle of children and their own visions of the world. He created a chaotic dramatization of true life horror that is going to haunt these children and adults the rest of their lives. Then he is such a coward he kills himself, rather than hang around to face the consequences of his horrid, unfathomable actions.

I was so amassed in my own disbelief and loathing for this individual, I had to just remove myself from the television and news for a while to be able to truly try to grasp the unrealistic situation, and imagine what must have been happening in the minds and hearts of all of those there at the time. Here at the most wonderful time of the year for a child’s life in particular, now shall never be the same again. Oh, one may forget about it and the hurt lessen over time, but he even in his own “childish” behavior still wins if you even call him that, because what he done to disrupt the lives of these people forever, will stay with them until their last days on Earth. I just cannot fathom as a parent and now Grand Parent anyone wanting to harm a child in anyway, much less in this act of insanity. I just am not able to “step into his boots”, NOR DO I WANT to, other than to want answers why these kids has to be killed in his plan of ridding his life, his Mom’s life, and the lives of so many children that knew not a thing about this idiots on issues. Mom’s and Dad’s all over the world will again be extremely frightened to take their kids back to that school, or any school for that matter. If it happens at one, it could happen again for sure. I feel like first of all, GUNS, guns of any type other than for HUNTING, and you do NOT HUNT WITH HAND GUNS, GLOCKS, AND OTHER HIGH CAPACITY AUTOMATIC 40 ROUND CLIP HOLDING PLUS GUNS. 2nd of all not only should we completely and once and for all banned these guns in the nation, we should be having a much better education into the realms of the minds of these types of very serious maniacs, who have this much mental illness and how they are roaming around in our society and should NOT be! Where was the guys’s Mom all this time he had been mentally ill. It came out immediately when this happened on the news, yet why was this NOT an issue in the days and weeks, perhaps months and years before it came to him mass killing kids? Where there signs that everyone ignored? Was he even being medically taken care of, with therapy and medication? Where were those who somehow knew this guy had a back ground of mental issues that were not good, or the news would not have known this as quickly as they did. Just how was he able to get hold of 4 of these types of weapons???? I would say his Mom DID NOT buy these!! I would assume some how he was able to get hold of them with her ID, but the facts shall unfold over the days to come.
There are so many unanswered questions in our minds and hearts. All over this nation and our world, people with “sense” and their “faculties” (your mind) are trying to remotely fathom what makes a mad man like this?

It is just too difficult for me to continue, and I will try to write more, as it all unfolds. Love one another every day, for you just never know what might happen. I pray as this continues to be a part of our days to come, we will be able to move past the pain yet we may never understand what makes a maniac like this. This will be very difficult when no where is truly safe anymore.

Making Sure Others are "Prepared" for your Chronic Illness During the Holidays...

This is a wonderful article by a great lady and writer, Toni Bernhard. I wanted to share with everyone. It was just on my mind how often others do not really understand that being chronically ill and having chronic pain issues does at times limit us, and it can come on quickly. Stress of having to do too much, be too much, and so forth and so on, can bring on a flare of high magnitude, thus putting you in the bed or worse for the holiday season. So, preparing family and friends is a very important part of getting everyone to understand your possible limitations. It may mean splitting up responsibilities, or making alternate plans. It could be that you must cut down on your "run and go" time and allow someone else to do errands, cooking, and other activities, rather than it be put all on you. I realize it is also difficult for you as the one that is chronically ill, to give up the things you used to do for the holidays. It is hard to give up baking those cookies, or having the entire holiday at your home. It could be you must order presents on line rather than be out shopping at the crack of dawn on "Black Friday". If you cut down on some things, allow others to do things, spend some down time resting, and allow others to help out, your holidays as well as your loved ones can be spent much better and you have your health intact. :)

Here is the link to the article:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/turning-straw-gold/201212/educating-loved-ones-about-your-health-during-the-holidays

My Own Christmas Design and Decor for My Home 2012

My Own "Creation" of Decor for the front of my home. I have two huge "Planters" that my husband custom made on my front porch. I wanted to decorate them for the Holidays but was not quite sure what I wanted. Silk flowers but they are so big I needed something else. So, yesterday I wrapped up several "gifts" in some old wrapping paper, put on bows on them, and put those along with the flowers into both planters. I still have to add some garland today, but last night they looked so good with the lights on and the way the house looked all lit up from the street. I am quite proud of my own little creation:)

Memories Gone By and Don't Remember? Too many Holiday "Have to Do's" and Chronic Illnesses/Pain

Well, a little early, but here is a post from a group I belong to that I wrote in response to the "Do-Allers" for the holidays, and how it is almost impossible for some of us to "pace" much less "breathe"... Here is my post from my FB about pacing, breathing and not feeling guilty for us that are your "Do-Allers" for the holidays:

 It seems it is difficult NOT to go, go go, and then try to NOT feel the guilt behind it all. I am usually baking all kinds of candy, quick breads, cookies etc. to take to 4 of our neighbors around us. Then by now my tree has been up for at least 2 weeks, every decoration (and I make all of them) in place, flowers of graves of my Grandparents and my Dad, my "outfit" ready for Christmas Day, baked my special annual fruitcake, sent out all of the Xmas cards, written my annual Xmas letter to put in the cards, I also send cards "for the troops" for that group to get out and I do at least 25 or more cards, have the house clean from washing curtains to shampooing carpets, have my Xmas comforter, bed ruffle and pillows all out, have ordered our "annual" Wallace Sleigh Bell Ornament (we have 10 this year, so we have been together now for 10 Christmases), decided on exact plans for Xmas Day, and the list goes on.So, how do you "cut back" on things that you love to do? Like My Christmas letter, I almost "forgot" and had to rush to have it ready (this is usually at least a 3 page letter), cut out the neighbors??, now I feel they "look forward" to their treats, not clean??? Wow that would be almost impossible for me, LOL, even when NO ONE is really coming to our home, I still feel I "must" have the house spotless from top to bottom. I used to do all of this, plan for a party or two in between, work, raise two kids, go to college at night, and do all of my shopping NOT on line, but up in Dallas usually on a trip or two up there for Xmas Presents, and gosh the list yet goes on and on. IT is like Kristy said, that is my type of personality, and until a flare hits me like a brick wall and knocks me on my butt, it is so hard to "pace" or half the time "breathe". Then I worry about every bite of food I put in my mouth, because I am such a fanatic about my weight (and I can't seem to really get control of that lately, another "sore" subject for me right now), plus keep up with people online, sending emails, e cards, writing here, writing on my blog, still working on my book "Ramblings of a Seasoned Soul" to get it out and known to the public, plus working on two others.... my personality and Chronic Illnesses and Pain do not MIX!!! As I said, for me I think it is the overwhelming "guilt" that if I leave someone off, or stop doing something, or say NO, I will disappoint others and myself also, so it is extremely hard. I try to start "EARLY" but that is also difficult. The year gets away from you and is over with Xmas here before you can blink an eye. Funny, as kind of sad story from this weekend. My husband and I put up the tree together each year. Our last decor on is the Sleigh Bells Ornaments (10) this year, that we have, one for each year we are together at Xmas. Well, this year I wanted to make it fun...so I decided that each of us had to "tell" something about the year that was on the ornament. That began in 2003 with our first one. Well, for about the first 3 years, both of us could think of all kinds of good stuff we did and that happened, met, engaged, married, moved a couple of times and so forth, but starting about the 4th or 5th one, things got "blurred". We could not remember if this, that or the other happened in one year or the other...the closer we got to this year, the more difficult it got to "remember" what happened, and much of it was not the "good" stuff, but surgeries, doctors, illnesses, disability... I tried to laugh it off and say that it seems kind of a "good thing" if we do not remember. That means NO DRAMA! and life has been more on an even keel this past 6 years or so. I is also sad that life has passed us by that quickly...we honestly cannot remember exactly what happened, good or bad for the most part?!! I got frightened but did not tell my husband. For me is it the Brain Fog, memory loss, too MUCH CRAP in life, too ill, getting older...what makes me forget what happened in the last 5 years, yet I can remember things from our first 5 years perfectly?? IT really hit me hard. Of course he was not remembering very well either, yet still it was an eye opener for me. So, I think I am fearful to "slow down.” I fear I may stop and never get up to go again...

Memories Linger, As the Times Quickly Change

Another New Poem I wrote this morning... I hope you enjoy

As the Memories Linger, Times Do Change...

As the first truly “cold Days” of our Winter move in,
My memories linger how it was not so long ago; alas back then.
When gifts were came from local shops...
When dolls and toys in town were all you could get.
No so long ago, we knew no internet.

You could not find a million items to put around your tree,
Yet faces all lit up that fateful morn filled with joy and glee.
Santa Claus had found your wishes right along his way.
The gifts the elves “cobbled” at the North Pole were fine,
Yet not a one came from some fancy store online.

There were no computers, Kindles or electronic goods so you could view,
The hundreds of thousands of choices, for in your home town there were only a few.
Our local stores enjoyed our faces and provided items to light up a child’s eyes.
Like toys, games, trees and lights, yet everyone could was satisfied,
How Holidays brought families together without a laptop at everyone’s side.

No email, no cell phone, no texting was on those days,
We sent “snail mail” to our families members who were far away.
Times back then were more simple, as everyone can see.
We were full of joy, and not so stressed out,
About whether we sent all our “friends” on Facebook a Xmas Card out!

Alas, life changes, and memories cherished shall also come to change,
Our children’s lives are different and there thoughts later shall not be the same.
Later as they grow older, and us as the ones “passed away” are a memory.
They may think a I-Pod, Kindle, and all of those things for them have gone aside.
Santa brings things we’ve not dreamed of during those days to come in his sleigh ride.


Life changes, we grow older, children grow up, and they have kids of their own. Just a few short years ago, there was not a “computer” or internet. You bought all of your treasures locally, from the small Mom and Pop shops on Main Street. You may have made an order from the Sears Catalog, if you could not get what you wanted in town. Santa never disappointed, and I can remember fondly all of the beautiful things he brought me. New Barbie Dolls, and a Barbie House (that back then was card board), a table and chairs, tea sets, a high chair for my baby dolls and a small rocking crib. Beautiful dresses, pajama’s, and a pink robe, all were sparkling in my eyes on Christmas morning. I knew not a thing about a ‘Wii”, or “Play Station”. There was not a 4 story Barbie House. Barbie did not yet have a fancy car to drive, and tinker toys were all the rage back then, along with playing “Jax.” Yet the rivers of life flow on, and if we were to hold onto those old times, then we would become stagnant as people, as towns, and as a nation, and world. Thus even though times back then seemed much simpler, less filled with drama, conflict, fear, and hatred, we must move on and try to accept what is good during these current times. If we do not like something, then we do have the option of trying to make changes. I still linger in those times, when my plastic “dressing table” and even an Easy Bake Oven were the very best gifts in the world. I linger in the days when the most worry for me was learning my spelling words, and doing my school work, and watching cartoons. You never know just how great you had it, until those days have gone by... Rhia

New Poem "I Have A Disease"

this is quite different from my much of my poetry and writing. Although my writing is usually about the trials and tribulations of the illnesses and their horror at times, my poetry is more on a positive note. But, this one "arrived" yesterday and I share it with you. A "taste" of what my next book will have in it...

I Have a Disease

I’m floating in the clouds,
Then down on the floor.
I feel settled and content,
Then I want to rush out the door.

One moment I could climb to the mountain top,
In another fall into the sea,
One day I feel like a winner,
Another I can’t recognize me.

I am laughing at this illness,
Then crying in too much pain.
Days I hate the sun to shine,
Yet, others I hate the cold and rain.

Many don’t see it,
They don’t understand.
That the realms of this disease runs so deep,
Often you just don’t feel like making a stand.

You want to be normal,
To be a daughter, wife and Mom,
Yet you are anything but “standard”,
Your life has been robbed.

Of the days of freedom,
To do what you may,
All of those hobbies,
Somehow have drifted away.

No where to turn to,
No one can truly see.
That disdain is your new normal.
Is this how my life must always be?

Rhiannon Steele December 2012
Copyright 2012

Pieces of My Soul - "Stains of Life's Journey" (UPDATE) 2ND BOOK COMING IN MAY 2013!!

I hope everyone will have a good Sunday Morning. for me, I thought it might not be so great just due to thinking I was not going to sleep very well last night. but, as it turns out I did, and actually stayed on the sofa ASLEEP until almost 5:00am! What a miracle! I also want to send a huge hug and Thank you's to everyone who has been so kind to post their feelings about my latest poetry. Like life

e, as a writer your writing always evolves, always changes, it grows as you do. I had not thought much about that until once gain my "voice" came back to me over the past few months. I began to "hear" some of my thoughts about what I felt I needed to write about, and how to go about the way I wrote. It turns out even though there is always a reflection of me in the writing, it has changed with me, just as I have made so many turns, shifts, been over the rocky juts, into the rushing rapids, found the calm waters, and the ever winding of my own journey here. Thus my writing does the same. So, to "change" is always frightening. That means it is also frightening for a writer to realize their own writing has made changes also. Will we still "sound" as we did before? Will our own little "inner" voice continue to be that "musing" of thoughts, feelings and words as it has before? Will our writing still reach out and touch others as it has before? The answer is certainly without doubt "Yes"! In fact, as a writer, you not only keep your "first audience" but you bring in an entire new audience that loves what you say and do. Fr some here, my 1st poetry book Ramblings of A Seasoned Soul" - Brush Strokes of Life in Words, was a first time look at my "heart's work." For others that have experienced my writing for a long while so they already knew it well. So, my book stands in the realms of feelings that have surrounded me in still the future, yet also in the past. My new writing, still all "pieces" of my own soul, a "stain" of my life now is the same, but also different in some ways. As the illnesses and life's times have changed me somewhat, and I have grown and learned from them, my writing reflects those things also. So, as a writer, now I have come to know that my own "style" shall always be. But, the "contents", and the how I put some of those things can sound somewhat different and just be a metamorphic evolution of my inner essence, that shall also gleam in its own right. So, again I bid you a wonderful Sunday, and a smile to those who always know just how to bring brightness to my heart.

(To All who make my life pure when it seems so cluttered with everything that I honestly  wished did not clutter it) Thank you!

higherpowered.com/rhia_steele

Be sure to Check out my 1st Published Book! "Ramblings of A Seasoned Soul - Brush Strokes of Life in Words"

Time to update! (Feb 7th, 2013)

Official! Counting down from today 90 days until my "tentative" release date for my 2nd Poetry book to be published. I am "pushing" myself, because there is still so much work to be done on it, and the last weeks have just been nuts. I have worked on it but NOT like I have wanted to at all. Yesterday, it dawned on me, that May is only about 90 DAYS away!!! I have to get going. I am "sticking" with the name for now. "Time Tattered Musings" - Reflections through the Looking-Glass of Life. Unless something else strikes me for the "2nd part of the title", the Time Tattered Musings does remain for sure. Just wanted to get that out, that May is coming fast, and life seems to be too full, too much to do, and not enough energy in each day to accomplish it all. As the days grow closer, I will probably (and for some they shall be grateful) grow quieter here. I hope to get my butt totally engrossed into this book by the end of next week. My Birthday is coming up on Feb. 15th (almost a Valentine Baby), so after that my plans are to put my heart and head, and time, more into working on it, than other things... I am so thrilled and can't wait to share this 2nd on with all of you. It is going to be a great deal different than the 1st poetry book. There is less "poetry" and many more "prose" and pieces of writing in it. So, I hope that it will also be quite a bit thicker. The 1st one is awesome, and honestly I still need to get it out more and get it marketed. That is just another thing that is on the long list... Hugs, Rhia