A Wreck, that has totally "wrecked" lives and where is the justice???? Now I am no longer "stifled" and can say as I please... Autoimmune Illnesses & the Horror of Life and Dismay

By the way, just got home from Mom's Kidney sonogram, and I FINALLY got a call from my PAIN DOC'S office! My pain pump IS APPROVED, thank goodness, AND they were going to do surgery this coming Friday, BUT due of course to the abscesses, I have to wait, and get a "clearance" from my PCP... and I have to call them to let them know I do not think these antibiotics are working.... and then tell them they HAVE to GET ME WELL ASAP so I can get this surgery over with! Wish me luck, and still "no word" on the other item yet....
and on a FURTHER DISTRESSING NOTE (to say the least) AFTER 20 MONTHS of all we went through, a marriage destroyed, and several lives totally destroyed in so many ways, we LOST! They "ruled" that "neither" our car, NOR the truck driver were "at fault".... needless to say, yes, that ends it, but it sure as hell does not help ALL of the other issues that went along with it. I will say more, but right now I am so upset and disbelief - so I shall tell more later...


I have said from the very beginning, that "something smelled rotten" about this entire thing.... for one these 2 "so-called" witnesses, I've seen where the accident happened, and unless someone was staring at that piece of I-45 all the time, they would never see anything... AND I also feel that both the owner and driver LIED on the stand, in their depositions, and more... I have no way to prove it, and probably never will, but I also had a feeling when I was there Friday, that the "jury" selection was really "biased" - over 70% were the same "nationality" as the driver and owner, and everyone else at that company for that matter.... I am still in shock to say the least, along with of course Jim, my Mom, my daughter... and she KNOWS all of the issues about a CDL License and rules and restrictions of drivers etc... her husband works for an oil field company, and a couple of their drivers have been in accidents, and she said NO WAY no HOW would that business gotten away with this... lots of stuff just not "right"... but as I said... nothing to do but try and move forward.... what a nightmare, over and over, living it every single day since March 26th 2014 and how much is destroyed, lives, a marriage, and a great deal more than that. BUT, it is hard to get something "fair and just" IF another side is playing dirty pool.... and now I can say what the heck I please...

I've felt this from almost the very first moment that we took this and decided to file a suit against them. I "watched" each and every tiny moment of how this company "acted" - how they from the 1st "denied" any wrong doing, and yet admitted he was ON A CELL PHONE, a car in front of him, that had time to get out of the way, and everyone, including experts, and in fact their own "expert" in re-construction of the accident admitted he should have SEEN our car, no matter what, and being a truck driver, if he had his eyes and mind of the road, he had more than plenty of time to stop! Even before Jim was out of surgery in those first hours, I spoke with my insurance adjuster, she she told me the two guys in the Tahoe, had been known for appearing to get hit, thus they cause the accident, but claim otherwise and had been PAID several times by different insurance companies that would "settle" just to shut them up... In fact, the trauma doctor that I spoke with while still in the lobby of the hotel there in Washington DC, when I 1st learned of the accident said two things to me, before he even began telling me about the extent of Jim's injuries, he said JIM WAS NOT AT FAULT AT ALL, HE WAS NOT SPEEDING, and he was driving fine... that an 18 wheel tractor trailer hit him from behind and basically "ran over" our car! Of course due to the fact, I was told this on the phone by the doctor, and my insurance agent had told me this about the guys in the Tahoe, it was "not
admissible" in court, because it would be considered "hear say".... in fact those two tried to get money out of my insurance company, and the woman there basically told them to take a flying leap... they had proof of them causing this type of situation in the past... Also they basically tried to say that my car, the Hyundai was not "road worthy" and that the hood flew up which began the accident... I know for a FACT, MY CAR WAS COMPLETELY ROAD WORTHY! The Monday morning just before Jim drove me to the airport 70 miles away, and back home. The hood on my car, was extremely difficult to even open. The hood was very heavy for a small car, and I had made that statement on several occasions... and it had a "double locking system"... and that was to keep it from being able to "fly up"... you had to unlock the first one, then push further into it, to "open" it, and same way closing... once I closed that hood, it was as secure as any hood could be.... I will always remain stating that they all "flat lied"... that they "paid off witnesses" - these people standing around in their "yards" on the side of I-45 coming into Dallas, and 2 of them "happened" to have witnessed this so called hood issue... I am sorry but that just does NOT add up.... the odds of that are slim to none... and I also feel the jury was "biased"... as I had said above, the company was owned by the same nationality of people as the driver, who basically could NOT even speak English... and way over HALF of the jury was the same nationality... now if that is not biased, I don't know what is... due to my own health issues, these abscesses on both thighs, the pain pump being stalled...and so forth, unfortunately, I was not there to even see the jury picked.. and I was only there briefly on Friday to give my testimony, and then I left and came back home.... I really was not supposed to go then, but my doctors told me if I went, testified, and came home, then it would probably be okay, thus that is what I did... I SAW the HOOD LATCH MYSELF at the impound the net morning, when my son and I went to see the car, and take pictures.. and that LATCH was still fine and in fact, they had pulled the wrinkle out of it enough, they had it "latched" down, I guess the tow truck driver did that... and I took pics of it.. but at the time, I did not realize that I should have taken more photo's and much closer to the latch, yet then I had no idea that anyone thought the hood flew up before the car was hit.... or I would have made double sure, I had more information, and then the Dallas Impound "sold" the car... and that was before we had retained an attorney, thus the hood had basically been removed, and the motor taken out before our attorney found it... fortunately it had not been crushed yet, but still all of that being taken off, did not help, they had removed all of the pieces of the latch on the hood, and the parts on the car that held it, thus that proof was destroyed before we had any photo's etc...anyway, I could sit here, and continue to go over and over and over each and every tiny detail, from that moment I got the 
dreaded phone call, and tell each and every detail of the entire ordeal, but it does me no good, I already have had to "relive" it so many times, and it just causes me more hardship, more pain, more emotional overwhelm, and will not allow me to try and "heal"... not that talking about it is a bad thing, and that is the one thing for me that is cathartic... to be able to "say" or "write" my feelings, thoughts and so forth.. that is what makes me the writer I am... but all of that will not change the outcome, and I can talk until I am blue in the face, and that will not "fix" the damage this has caused to Jim, myself, and my family and friends.... as I told my Mom several times, I feel "cursed", and this is not the first time in my life I felt that way... it is like some dark ominous cloud hangs over me, throughout my entire life, I have felt it and almost seen it - and if anyone says, "Well, everything happens for a reason" to me, I may smack them in the nose!!!! That is what we "say" when we are at a loss for words... and I am sure I have said it too in the past, but trying to "find the good" out of something so outrageously bad... sorry but I just don't see it.... so where to begin - to try and "pick up" the many pieces of a heart broken, a body well riddled by illness and stress, and an emotional realm that as "strong" as everyone claims I am, I am not sure at all, that I have any more "stamina" of mind to sustain me anymore... and even trying to put one foot in front of the other, and move forward... well, that remains to be seen.... my worst concern at this moment is Jim.... he stood the one that had more loss than anyone from this, and for him, this means no help with doctor bills for the future care he needs, no money to sustain him in life and he has lost much of the place in the brain to "hold" a thought process so he can again design and develop websites and so on... the "coding" is something that requires a vast amount of holding onto thoughts, that may have to require coding on several different places and pages within a site... and especially anything complicated as his clients have had, online shopping carts, and the "behind the scenes" information that must detail their sales, inventory and so forth. I "worked" with him on more of the design part for about 4 years or so, and since then, so much has completely changed... it would take me months, if ever for me to even be up to speed again to even do design work... so I know for him this is a devastation that goes far beyond what most even comprehend... again each and every thought and prayer are needed in a continuing way... to help sustain him, as well as myself, and my family..... 

Trying to Remain "Positive" in all of this horrible ordeal... some of it I am unable to talk about at this time, but hope that shall soon end....

At this moment, I am not able to give any details, but I will say for now that the "nightmare" from March 26th 2014, hopefully is coming to an end very soon. My hopes are by the end of today, or at least by the end of the week. It has been a very, very LONG, winding, and life changing road, to say the very least, and it has taken its toll on not just myself, but everyone else, and tore the "life" I knew to shreds.... Let's just hope that it all ends, and ends on a "good note" for this side... People are "fickle"... so I could not "read" the looks on faces last week, but my hopes are that all of the many tears I have cried since that fateful day, and that horrid phone call, have not been in vain... after things are said and done, then I can say more....


By the way, just got home from Mom's Kidney sonogram, and I FINALLY got a call from my PAIN DOC'S office! My pain pump IS APPROVED, thank goodness, AND they were going to do surgery this coming Friday, BUT due of course to the abscesses, I have to wait, and get a "clearance" from my PCP... and I have to call them to let them know I do not think these antibiotics are working.... and then tell them they HAVE to GET ME WELL ASAP so I can get this surgery over with! Wish me luck, and still "no word" on the other item yet....

"ACR15" (American College of Rheumatology) conference 2015 in San Franscisco!

Since I've been away for a couple of days, I didn't get a chance to post about the ACR15 Conference! From the looks of it, they had an incredible turn out. Lots of non-profits like Creaky Joints, the IFAA, the Lupus Foundation and so many more.

Plus The Rheumatology Research Foundation is celebrating their 30th Anniversary this year and launched a brand new website for it! So, there are lots of great things, events, and research, plus more awards and so forth going out for all of the incredible work done by so many, when it comes to the realms of RA, Lupus, and so many, many more diseases.

An Article About the High Cost of Medications for Conditions such as RA, and how frustrating it is for the Doctors also...

http://www.wvgazettemail.com/article/20151017/GZ04/151019600/1455



New Website for their 30th YEAR - American College of Rheumatology!

http://www.rheumatology.org/Advocacy

Abscesses, Catching you Up, and letting you know that I shall be back very soon... please continue to follow me.... the realms of life, autoimmune illnesses, Lupus, Sjogren's, surgeries, pain pumps, & the "trial"...

I apologize for being "MIA".... LOTS of stuff happening here... for one I had BOTH abscesses incised on Monday... the "1st" one got infected again, even though we thought it was okay, then the other lump on the right thigh got horribly abscessed, so the surgeon opened the both of them up on Monday... IN HIS OFFICE!! Do NOT even get me started, I am one tough cookie when it comes to pain, and procedures, but I should have been taken to outpatient and put under sedation... I have pics of them on my FB page, and honestly the right one looks worse today than earlier in the week.... I am on antibiotics, but I do not think they are helping the right one at all... I have been on Rifampin and Bactrim now for weeks and weeks... and they have helped the left thigh, but as I said the right one is swollen "angry red" and HURTS like heck to have to open them both up at least 2 times a day and go inside them with cotton swabs and peroxide to clean them out.... and I fear I am running fever.... and some may know that my "internal pain pump" also went into a motor stall... well they had information the first time it "re-started" itself, and my pain doc reset the meds in it, and that lasted about 5 days... then a week ago yesterday, the Medtronic Rep drove from Dallas down here and met me at the hospital to "turn the flow down to nothing"... so just in case it starts again, I won't get the meds much at all, and then they have me on strong oral pain meds for now... so I face surgery to implant a new one, but no way will they touch me in surgery until these infections are cleared up... and gosh knows when that will be... then the "trial" was this week for my soon to be ex-husbands wreck, in March 2014, when I was in DC with the Arthritis Foundation. I did not go at all until yesterday mid-day. I testified, which meant reliving the entire ordeal again... not fun, but then I drove back home. I did not stay, honestly my doctors would have freaked had they known with my current physical issues, drove 35 miles plus to downtown Dallas, went into a "germ filled" courtroom, etc... but I felt I did need to say my own part of all in this.... in so MANY WAYS this horrid nightmare of a wreck, totally "wrecked" my life, physically, mentally and emotionally, and in some ways even more than Jim's... there is a great deal of the first almost 3 weeks, he does not remember at all... and he does not remember a moment of the wreck in itself... anyway, due to all of that, along with my Mom and her sudden new medical problems, I have either been here just a tiny bit, or not here at all... usually on the sofa when I can be, or taking her to the doc, or myself... and then to the court house yesterday for a couple of hours.... anyway, I wanted to catch everyone up a bit... I have felt badly about not being able to "share" posts, and put things up on my blog over this past at least a week or more... but honestly, I have felt so lousy, and with the trial and all of that... plus I am trying to get well enough to "adopt" a new pup... I still miss my Tazzy so much, it just breaks my heart each time I think about her sweet face.... so hopefully after next week... my hopes are there is a huge load lifted off of our shoulders... and I can "hopefully" try and find some way to put my life back together... anyway, I thought the comment was cute Tiff.... and thanks all... also hope to be back here, posting, sharing, and getting back to what I love to do most... my advocacy and activism...


I am extremely concerned about the right thigh and the abscess... it is so totally red, swollen, and it is just a nail biting horrible pain to have to clean it all inside with peroxide and cotton swabs... but it has to be done, and either I do it, OR I do it!

Anyway, to ALL of my followers here, please forgive my brief absence... and I shall be posting more hopefully from now and forward... by the way, the damned pain pump keeps turning on and then stalling... each time it does that, my "side" starts beeping... that was a real "hoot" yesterday at the trial... everyone would look at me... I had to wonder what they thought... they were supposed to have been told about it, but I think that did not get mentioned, thus it was kind of funny to see people staring at me....

Real Time, Real Life "Gore".... THIS is what I am living with at the moment...

THIS is what happens when your immune system is "Hijacked" by an Autoimmune Disease(s) - both legs with abscesses in them... just as 24 hours from when the surgeon opened these yesterday.... not a "fun" way to even remotely think about the holidays for sure....