Pain Pump Replacement in the wee hours of tomorrow morning,..

IN October 2010 I had the original pain pump put in, which should have lasted 7 years or more... and here we are 5 years and its been in "stall" for months.... LOTS of things have happened between 2012 to 2015... some good, some horrible... and some I am so fed up in dealing with... I am SICK OF BEING SICK, I AM SICK OF SURGERIES, DOCTORS, HOSPITALS, TEST, LAB WORK, MEDS AFTER MEDS... Does it EVER END??? or at least get somewhat better... For some reason I am having one of these "diassociative" realms, where I feel I am here but not here... I've had this a couple of times in the past about 4 years, especially when there is just too much to deal with... and I think that is where I am at... I want this surgery, and the other at least one in my cervical spine taken care of... and I want some kind of freaking normal to exist... Sometimes I guess maybe that is too much to ask for... so my friend Carrie is picking me up at 4:30 AM and I have to be at the outpatient surgery center to check in at 5:30AM I HOPE that means I am "first up" and can get in and get out.... and we don't have to spend a whole lot of time up there, but they will intubate me, and put me under completely due to the type of surgery it is... so keep me in your thoughts and prayers, along with my Mom, who is totally worried, and Jim... and my kids... plus Carrie please prayer that she is able to drive and be safe.... she has also back issues badly, having several surgeries herself... so I am sure this will not be pleasant for her either... I shall post when I can... 


Now here I am facing yet another surgery, and two after this one if my neck and lower back don't improve...