Saturday, November 17, 2012

As time is Fleeting...

It seems each moment we are here, taking a breath, time is just a fleeting "realm" for us. There must be some reason why when we are younger, it seems we have "all the time in the world", or so we think we do. In our younger years we tend to put things off that we probably should do, or choose to do certain activities we want to do rather than really put our noses to the grind stone and get those thing done.
I realize it is a cliche' to say the time gets shorter with age. Yes, that is certainly a fact for us, that a we get up in years our days "seem" more numbered, and the more than likely are than someone young. Even though none of us are "stamped with a guarantee" or "Warranty" of how long our service "Life" is here, we expect those that are younger to have many more years ahead to experience life, than those of us that have already lived for 5 decades, or already past half of their life more than likely. Many things play into the fleeting time for us. Being busy is one. When we are busy times seem to just take wing and fly. Yet for the older ones, even though we may not be "as busy" as someone younger, it takes us longer to accomplish what we do, than it did when we were younger.
I used to be able just a few short years ago, to study my college classes, clean my entire home, do laundry, get the market shopping over with, and be dressed and ready to go out on Saturday night to dance the night away! Now, it takes me three times as long just to do laundry or fold clothes. Cleaning the house may mean a whole day, and part of another one. Whether I am baking something, doing laundry, getting dressed to go out, or whatever task I may be doing at that time, you can bet there is no way I can finish it as quickly as I did just a few years back.
We begin to think about our "mortality" when that "half-century" and damned does that sound old!, mark rolls around. Something else that can hit us right between the eyes is suddenly our own illness coming along that changes our entire quality of life, or taking care of a sick loved one, or the one that had really gotten to me lately is seeing classmates that I went to High School with passing away. That truly is kind of a shock into reality to know we are really getting up to that place things like that are possible, more of course than back when we were "wild and crazy"...
I had spent several of my what I think of as "prime years" in my mid-30's with online groups, lots of online friends, chat rooms, and that whole "new way" to meet people from all over the globe, when it was the 1st time of being a real "hot rage". Now we still have it, but it is different from those first chat rooms we had, on "dial-up" internet at that, but we certainly had fun. There were night I stayed up all night long "policing" mine and talking to friends from all over the world. There are some that I still keep in touch with, and some we still email every once in a while and check on each other. Of course the first ones, like MSN's groups, that were kind of the "original" and I guess "AOL" had theirs also, but I never really got into those. have faded away. But, I had one "group" from a older site that kind of took over after some of those like MSN, Yahoo, AOL, and a few others sold out, closed down, and we were kind of lost out in the array of technology, hoping to meet one another somewhere else one day. And I have done just that. I still run into a person or two on Face Book, or some other blog, etc. and get to ask how they are doing. Amazing what knowing people all over the world feels like. But, this morning as I decided to go log into the old group, I knew it was the very "last blast" at my younger past. IT was a piece of the puzzle of life, that time has changed forever. I will never be that "person" again, for I have evolved and changed. Oh, of course we always keep bits and pieces of our "original" selves around, but we grow, we evolve, we move forward, we make new friends, have new jobs, careers, families, or choose other path ways, that just a few short years back we may never even guessed we would be doing. When I first got to Seattle on October 31 2001,never would I have dreamed how much in the next 10 years my life would change. IF someone would have been able to look into the "crystal ball" of my life and tell me I would be where I am, done what I have done, been through and survived all that I have survived, I believe I would have told them they had to be mistaken. Never in a million dreams did I think I would be back in Texas, in my hometown of all places. The night I made it to Seattle on that bus, and I got off of it, I felt "at home". I cried this morning because even though I have been away from there now since 2005, I still miss it everyday. Life has its own way of taking us where it wants to take us. All too often we may not realize the "why" at the moment. Sometimes it is years before it is "revealed" as to all of the questions to be answered when we find ourselves moving quickly in the opposite direction we really wanted to.
They say if you are "still" too long, just like water, you become stagnant, thus our lives do move as a river, sometimes, slow, winding, and with a small, pleasant breeze. Other times, those waters are like white rapids, rushing us to and fro, jumping over rocks and crevasses, leaping into the air, like salmon on a run up stream, and making us tired of the fight uphill against the currents. Yet, we must continue our climb. We look for faith and love to guide us. Yes< I miss those pieces of my life. I am happy with others that I have now, that I did not have back then. I got accustomed to being "alone" without being lonely. I was liking taking care of myself, all by myself. Even though that did not last for long, there were many lessons learned from that entire experience. From the moment I climbed on the bus in Dallas, made that 3 day ride to Seattle, and arrived at 8pm on Halloween night, 2001 until we climbed into the U-Haul truck from Everett WA, made a short 3 month stay in San Pedro CA, and then got here the 19th day of December 2005, I learned so much more about myself than in all of the other years put together. For that and forever my life is so purely blessed. I would do it all over again if I had the same choices. Although, I still as I have mentioned above, wished at times I was in Seattle, and I miss those times, I realize we don't always understand what is in the works for us, but must accept it with open arms, an open heart, and definitely an open mind.

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