I can't really go into lots of details at the moment, but there are some really life changing things going on at this time for myself, and my family.
When you are chronically ill, and or in chronic pain... at the first you may never have the thought about HOW MUCH your life can change. Then as the doctors visits, medications, tests, surgeries, fatigue.... and so many things change, physically, emotionally, mentally... all aspects of what used to be "normal"... can be gone within a breath's space...
Then you have two people, one that has been "healthier" that could stand in for the other, when illness or flares hit... and all of a sudden that person is also either as ill as you, or even worse. So, that is when nothing is the same... you may think things will improve, we will find a "new normal".... and it just takes time, patience, tenacity... will power, respect, and love to finally find whatever can go on in the future. Yet, a "dam" appears... the river of life that you felt was so awesome, suddenly turns into a raging force, driving one in one direction, a fork you may say, and the other, suddenly winds up in the opposite direction.... and that is when "trying to piece back your life" can either be not really going to happen, might happen, or usually you finally KNOW, things must change... and change drastically, for both of your sakes...
As I said, I can't go into lots of details, and for now, I think those that do know me, and have an understanding of all of the drama, the illnesses, surgeries, doctors, and pain... from the physical, to the emotional, mental, and daily life - has all bundled up into a huge knot, and you just cannot manage to go on that way.
We are NEVER guaranteed anything but to "live" and then to "die".... in between things can be smooth, even, rocky, a landslide, and so often we are left wondering why the hell this happened? All of the questions, why am I being punished? Am I a "bad" person? Why can't I just have a break? Why can't something be "easy" for a change????
None of us know that answer. And throughout my entire life, most EVERYTHING has been a challenge. There are not many things for me, that have came "easy"... I worked, fought, crawled up the mountain, as the stones dug into my knees.... and slid back down again.... and I do know that only through FAITH and HOPE can I continue to one step at a time, moment by moment, then hour by hour, day by day.... week by week... and then months... years... and one day when I am no longer on this Earth... then all shall be revealed.
So, I WILL continue on with my 3rd book... and hope to finish it up on schedule by the end of the year. I WILL continue to be a voice, activist, advocate, and ambassador...
Lord willing, and my health continue to half way act right.... and hopefully the brain fog, pain and suffering may hopefully have something done about soon... either by surgery, by new medications... and so forth...
I shall give more information as the next days go along... so PLEASE continue to come and join in on my blog... and for those who have always been here to support, encourage, provide strength, faith, and prayers... I am so very grateful for all of you....
