Thursday, December 5, 2019
Monday, October 24, 2016
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Saturday, September 17, 2016
Saturday, August 20, 2016
My Daughter's Birthday was the 18th - Such an Awesome Daughter I have! COPING WITH LUPUS, RA PAIN IN MY RIGHT THUMB, HANDS, WRISTS, LOWER BACK NECK, HELL OVER MY ENTIRE BODY! BUT, somehow WE MUST CONTINUE ON... AS I TOLD MY PUPS THIS MORNING, I CANNOT JUST QUIT & TAKE A TIME OUT!
My son, who was 5 years before her, was just a little blonde (cotton headed) as they used t say, and small too. He started Kindergarten like only a week after Amanda's was born. It was amazing to have one beginning school and a brand new one at home! I've always been thrilled they were 5 years apart in so many ways. Amanda and Jason remain close and have as always. He was always the "big brother" who could watch over her, and they later in high school knew a lot of the same people, so when Jason and her left to go out on a weekend night, I knew he would watch over her.
Yet, it seems like just yesterday they induced labor with her. I didn't have the certain "hormone" to cause me to go into labor with either of them, so they had to induce with Jason, and they just planned on it with Amanda. Now this was BEFORE the sonograms, and knowing what the baby was before it was born etc. Sonograms were only done then if they suspect problems, so with a "normal pregnancy" that was just not something they did.
My best friend from High School Carrie and I were expecting within 2 weeks of one another. They told me Amanda would be somewhere around the very last of August, and Carrie's little girl RaeAnn was supposed to be like 2 weeks BEFORE Amanda... but alas Amanda made her entrance into the world a bit early on August 18th, and much to our surprise Carrie's pregnancy went over by two weeks and RaeAnn was born right after Amanda by about 10 days or so. I can recall Carrie being frustrated that hers didn't come as expected and I had Amanda a bit early. Carrier ate enough Mexican Food to feed Ennis back then!!!!LOL!!!!!! She would eat anything Mexican 3 meals a day, every day of the year..... and I really did not have many "real cravings' BUT I could NOT STAND the smell of bacon frying or Joy Lemon Dish Soap, both made me sick to my stomach and even after I had Amanda, for a year or so, I could not stand the smell of bacon frying... and I NEVER got over the Joy dish soap.. I hate that smell even today after 31 years!!!!
I wanted to share that with all of you, and let you know I am still painting on "house #2" trying to get over there daily and paint. I have decided to "try" and move in over there in October... but that probably means me having to hire some people to help me finish up the paint, putting the fence up, & of course the "list" can be endless...mainly finishing the inside painting and getting the floors in "decent shape" which does mean also I have to have new linoleum or something like that laid in the kitchen dining room, small bath and right at the front door entrance.
Right now there is an "industrial type" of carpet in the kitchen and dining rooms that is of course glued down, so trying to save the dining room would be a mess. The kitchen already had linoleum under it at one time, and the bathroom is tiny but I also "may" have to have some plumbing work done in the bathroom. The pipes coming into the bath through the wall to the commode are "rusty" and already leak a tiny bit. I know that even that floor at one time had been wet enough that Dad had to have it enforced when they put in a new commode years and years ago. So, I figure with what water damage might have been there and then when Mom threw a washcloth down the toliet (after she got so "bad" with the dementia) and I had to call a plumber I tried at 1st to unstop it, not knowing it was a cloth in there, but she over ran it twice at least until I finally locked it down enough she could not open that door. By then she could not even walk to the toliet and had a potty chair by the bed, but it also done damage to the hardwood flooring in the hallway by the bathroom... I am going to just do the best with it because I will have a carpet runner to go into that hallway, so it won't be that noticeable anyway... but I also think that old sink needs to go and be replumbed, plus if it CAN BE DONE, I would like to break up that old iron tub (which so many houses built around the early 50's had those iron tubs, with the porcelain over them... so that tub has lost about all of the porcelain, plus I want a shower only, that I could just step into, and have one seat in it... BUT, to break up that old tub with that small bathroom is a freaking chore!!! We did it in this house, and put my "big honkin tub/sauna/shower" in it... and I still love it, BUT hell I use the shower, and nothing else really...
I cannot sit down into the tub really or a may never be able to get out, and with it just being me now, it is really way too large for now how it is used... it really is a shame, because one of my reasons, was to use the whirlpool, sauna etc... for my joints and muscles... but by the time I have had all of the surgeries, the strength it would take me to sit down in it, then try and get back up, well I would fear being here alone, and not able to get out.... I still love that huge shower, tub BUT ALSO, IT is insane to clean... I keep it mostly clean since it is just me now, and I spray it down with the Daily Shower Cleaner, which keeps it dry, and it keeps me from having to scrub the heck out of it so often BUT, it still has to be cleaned, and it's a job....
I have to literally get into it, to be able to clean it properly, then keeping the mold and mildew out of it, I keep diluted bleach that I put around the places because certain spots if they stay wet will get to be a mess to clean.... so it takes work to keep it clean and free from lots of germs and so forth....LOL My DOGS probably enjoy bathing in it more than I do..I can put them in there, they have plenty of room, and I have my shower nozzle that I use so they kind of get a massage, then I can have them almost dryed off completely before letting them out... so that way they don't slip on the hardwood floors when they get out... they used to chase each other after a shower, and one time Tazzy accidentally fell going around a corner, because her feet were still wet and she had a hip that hurt her for weeks... so I have to dry their feet before I let them out of the bathroom...
NOW AS FOR ME........ I AM TIRED, I FEEL LIKE I AM ALWAYS RUNNING BEHIND... I HAVE MORE PINK, BLUE AND YELLOW STICKIES IN FRONT OF ME THAT I CAN EVER GET FINISHED WITH... I AM STILL TRYING TO GET OVER THAT ONE SPRAINED ANKLE... I THOUGHT IT WAS BETTER, BUT OVER THE PAST TWO DAYS, AGAIN IT SWELLS LIKE A HUGE GOOSE EGG ON THE OUTSIDE, DOWN TO MY LITTLE TOE AND UP MY LEG A LITTLE... I thought it was better.... hahahaha...
I should KNOW BETTER!!! I NEED to have my pain pump upped, but I also need to see my Rheumatologist... neither know (well my pain doctor found out yesterday) that Mom has passed away, and that NO I am NOT OKAY, BUT I'VE NOT HAD THE TIME NOR STAMINA TO DRIVE TO DALLAS FOR DOCTORS APPTS~~!!!! While Mom was so sick half the time I "forgot" my 3 boluses a day for my pain pump SO it still has more medication in it than it would have had I been using it as I usually do.... but AFTER WATCHING THE PAIN MY MOM WAS IN.... I kind of WENT NUMB WITH MY OWN PAIN I GUESS... even when I SPRAINED BOTH ANKLES THAT SUNDAY OF HER VISITATION, I REALLY DID NOT "FEEL" THE PAIN.... but I WAS IN SUCH A SURREAL, AND SHOCKING SPOT, I JUST FELT NOTHING... MY PAIN, EVEN THOUGH I HURT LIKE HELL, SEEMED NON IMPORTANT.... Thus my reasoning for putting off my own Pain issues....
I AM BEGINNING AGAIN NOW TO KNOW I NEED SURGERY ON MY NECK, I NEED MY PAIN PUMP UPPED, AND WE NEED TO CHANGE MY RA MEDICATION OR DO SOMETHING BUT I just do NOT have the STRENGTH NOR WHAT I FEEL THE TIME... to spend on those things... like a couple of weeks ago, my Chiweenie, Bubs, broke a front nail on a front paw off below the quick... well it was MY FAULT... I always DREAD TAKING HIM TO THE VET... he usually puts up a fight, and we have had to muzzle him one time before... so I HATE HAVING TO DO THAT... so his nails get longer than most women's before I take him... and again they were way too long, and then he limped around for over a week because of one broken so far down into below the quick.... I finally took him in, and the last two times I've held him, and let the assistant just talk to him, while the Vet cut his nails, and we didn't have to muzzle him and in fact he did great.... so I was grateful and am going to try and keep it up and get them cut before they get TOO LONG!!!!
ANYWAY, LIKE NOW, MY OWN PAIN IS HORRIBLE... BETWEEN MY RIGHT HAND, THUMB, WRIST, AND THOSE JOINTS BEING IS SWOLLEN, I CAN BARELY TYPE, MY FINGERS GO NUMB NOW, THEY HURT LIKE HELL, AND THEN MY NECK SHOULDER AND LOWER BACK JUST HURT SO BADLY... IT IS ALL I CAN DO TO SIT HERE AND TYPE...
YET, as I typed in my Title, we cannot just sit down, and take a "time out" for many reasons... it is up to ME, for things to get done... whether I DO IT MYSELF or I HIRE SOMEONE... somehow all of what needs to be done, are things that have to be done, no matter the illnesses, pain and so forth....
One of the guys that was two years older than me died this past week! He was only 58 years old! By just looking at Sammy, no one would have ever suspected he had any health issues... I'm not sure exactly what happened, but my feeling is that maybe he had some type of cancer....
So, we MUST LIVE EACH DAY, EACH HOUR, AND EACH MOMENT LIKE IT IS OUR LAST!!!!!
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Taking A Moment Away from the Griping and Fussing over illness and pain to say " Happy Mother's Day" to All!
After my husbands accident last year in March, that kind of put a damper on things. In fact he was still in the hospital at Mother's Day last year, and Mom and I went together, just the two of us, and had a wonderful time. We usually have a blast together, whether it be at a Casino, or just a day away for a "window shopping trip".... so not being able for the 3 of us to go right now, kind of changes the scheme of things. Yet, life is like that. We never know when within a breath's space our entire lives can be changed forevermore.
This year is going to be a real challenge for me. Now I face yet another round of tests on my lumbar/sacral spine. They just called to sit up a "discography" to be done in Dallas at Medical City. I chose to wait until the last part of the month, on the 27th, which now I am wondering why I decided to wait that long. Today, I feel like I've been ran over by a train, and then backed over and ran over once more. My back had been feeling "somewhat" better. And of course between our freaky weather, and all I've been doing, my back hurts like hell right now. But, so does the rest of me. So, I figure I've either came down with a slight "bug", or it is a "flare" trying to come on... fatigue, pain, lethargic, nauseated, my head feels like it could explode and our humidity has to be at 100%!!!!
Anyway, I said no "griping" on this post :) So, again below is what I posted to all of the Mom's on Facebook. Thus, here it is for all of you also.
Enjoy your kids!!! They grow up much to quickly. Just turn around once, blink your eyes, and within a breaths space, they are grown, often married, with family's of their own, jobs, and all that life entails for them. So, everyone with little tot's please enjoy every moment of the funny, silly, and sometimes messy things they do... for it won't be long, they will be out of high school, out of college and out into the world all their own....
And you shall be wondering where the time went....
With Love, Honor and Wishing All Mom's out there a very Happy Mother's Day!
I wanted to post a "shout out" there to ALL MOMS! Mothers Day is here on Sunday, and before I get too wrapped up in things I want to make sure to let every Mom, Step-Mom, and so on know just how incredible you are. The many nights we've stayed up with them when they were little, or ill, to the days of school, lunches and parties. From the PTA meetings, cupcakes for the class, all of the special birthday parties, holidays and decorations we put out for our kids to enjoy. From the days of worry over them as they grow a bit older, and pray "we've raised them right... those times we think "they didn't come with an instruction manual, and that pain we endured when they were born, and how quickly it melted away as soon as we heard that first cry. They always remain "Our kids" no matter if they are 3 yrs old or 35 years old... kids still are kids to parents... I am so proud of my two "kids"... although both grown, my son 35 soon to be 36 (I think) and my daughter 31soon to be 32 (I think);) and her awesome husband and my 3 great and wonderful grand kids. I so wished we lived closer, we just don't get to see one another as we would like. Yet, life is life, and sometimes things are not exactly as we would like them to be. So, thank goodness for FB, so she can keep me up to date, with pictures of all of their events, and I have got to watch them "grow up" via Facebook! :):) For that I am elated. I wish each and every Mom out there an incredible Mother's Day! Whatever and wherever you get to go, or stay home, visit, rest, and however you celebrate, may you be well, free from pain, if only for that day, and know in your heart, you are a fantastic Mom!!!!
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Life In A "Goldie Locks" Kind of Cinderella Fashion - Then realizing what was back then was a "view" from a childs eyes...
I've put some things up here, on my blog, along with some posts on Facebook, several "Tweets", and some Pinterest postings along with the entire thing also have kind of brightened up my pages on those places that were beginning to feel more staggered, than normal. Of course I go through sometimes even a week or possible almost two weeks, that living daily life, tends to be erratic, errand filled, running hereth, thereth, and yonder... and feeling too worn for wear, when it comes to being online, or even on the computer to write in my book. It comes with the territory of having some of the chronic illnesses I live with. They at times seems to inhabit more of my body, mind and spirit, than just "my own self".
That may sound a bit crazy, and with the amount of issues lately with brain fog, pain, forgetfulness, and sometimes feeling just beyond the point of lazy thus I see at a breaths space, that without my watchful eye, Lupus, RA, Sjogren's, Raynaud's and the rest can slip up behind you when you least expect it and take over your body, heart, and mind much like some alien force that presented itself from a foreign planet.
As I was taking a shower earlier this afternoon, and thinking about my life, it dawned on me how things are so very different now. When I say that I mean more of my own perspective about my life in a very personal sense. When I was growing up in the 60's and 70's... little did I know how much influence my younger years would have on me, when I was 50 and over.
Back then I never gave thought to "money". Of course I knew my family were not "rich" or even very affluent. I always lived on the "other side of town". The North part of my hometown is where the larger homes were built, mostly brick, and were a great deal much more expensive than the small little 2 bedroom, 1 bath room wooden home I lived in. In fact, I was born, raised there, and my Mom after all these years still resides in that exact house. So, it is truly "home" for me.
Mom was about 25 years old when I was born. I get the impression she never really "dated" all that much before her and Dad met. He happened to be almost 13 years OLDER than her. I guess back then, age like that was not all that huge of a factor. Most women in the 50's and 60's were home makers. They took care of the kids, house, cleaning, cooking and so forth. The Dads, Husbands were the "bread winners". They went out into the world and make a living for the family. We always had two vehicles. We usually had a "good" used car for Mom to drive me to school, to the market and errands. Or if we went on vacation we usually went in the car. Dad just about always had a truck. He began with a Chevrolet and the last one Mom traded in after he passed away was also a Chevrolet. Dad bought a brand new pickup about every 5 to 7 years. Mom had worked until I started school. When I began 1st grade she stayed home and Dad as I said was the provider. Dad and Mom were both born and somewhat remember the very "harsh" times of the Depression. Dad of course, much more than Mom. He was born in 1923. He remembered outhouses, no indoor plumbing, wells, hoeing cotton, having a farm, garden, chickens, cows you milked, flour in huge cotton sacks (Mom remembers that also. Her Mom made them underwear out of the flour sack material)!
As the years went by, of course my entire "adult" life was somewhat different than my parents. I worked almost the entire time, from the day I graduated early from High School, until the day I resigned my last job in Seattle due to health issues, I always worked. If I had relied on money coming in from either of my first two husbands, I would have never financially survived. So, things that my Mom never taught me much of, working outside the home, clothes, makeup, and all of the "girlie-girl" things... having your nails done, having your hair cut differently, even having a bit larger home, a new car, 2 kids, rather than like myself an only child, and then allowing my kids to kind of "learn their own way" around the world. I taught them how to take care of themselves. I wanted my daughter to be able to be "her own woman". Never did I want her to have to rely on some guy to take care of her. I never wanted to feel she had to "stay" in an abusive relationship, or put up with someone not treating her like a woman should be treated, due to thinking she "had to" stay. Of course I wanted both of my kids to learn how to stand up on their own two feet. But, all the time I worked and was out of the house, I also needed them to be responsible enough to come home after school (when they were old enough), do their homework and chores, and be there when I came home from work, college or both.
My Dad never wanted me to "play in the band", or try out for any type of extra things in school. He was so strict, he never allowed me to go to football games like the other kids did on Friday night. And by the time he finally DID allow me to do a few things, he would either have to drive me there, pick me up, and was just so very overprotective of me. How I ever learned anything as far as taking care of myself... was either through an innate nature I was born with, or because I had the dearest next door neighbor who took me under her wing, and taught me so much, from crocheting to being a candy striper at the hospital... all of the things I learned were from her, or from my own trial and error.
I guess I thought life was kind of the way Mom and Dad lived it. He came home from work for dinner (he worked nights for the most part when I was a teenager), and unless he "okayed" me going to my cousins house for the weekend, or her coming over, I was alone with no siblings anywhere near close to my age. I have a half-brother who is 18 years or more older than me. My Dad was 37 when I was born, and my Mom 25 years old. So, I guess they decided that after Mom had a couple of miscarriages after me, that having one child was in their cards.
As I had said in the beginning of this, being "affluent" or having money was something as children we don't think much about. Or back then all of that type of thing was not talked about around me. I raised my kids so much differently. They knew the "value of a dollar" at an early age. I wanted them to be ready when the time came to face the world head on. Not like myself, who was hit right in the face by the time I was 19, had my son, and was paying all the bills myself.
I don't resent that my parents did or did not do things a bit differently. But, I do often wish, they would have given me "eyes" and a "mind" earlier in life to accept so many of the things that life hands us, and if we don't have the understanding, we are not able to deal with it so well.
Dad hated doctors, and hated medications. He just refused with the exception of when he was extremely ill, to see his doctors, and just would not take the medications they gave him. He thought it was all a bunch of bull, and any medication you got on was almost like a sign of weakness. So, when I began to have severe migraines at 17, little did I know just how horrid the next 15 to 20 years of my life would be. From doctor to doctor, from time lost from work, medications that did not work, and Dad never really suffered a "headache" of any kind. So, he could not "get" what a "migraine" was, and why I needed medications for them. He would get almost mad if he knew I was on medication. His Mom back when he was very young, had been ill probably with cancer back then. The only thing they could do in those years was keep someone comfortable, and that usually meant morphine. I those times no one knew that "morphine" was habit forming etc. They knew it helped with pain relief for bad pain, and the doctors gave it out to those that were in bad pain such as cancer. Well, I guess probably my Dad watched his Mom go downhill, and then between the medication and the cancer she was not "lucid" at times. So, he thought that "any" medication could cause you to "lose your mind"... and he definitely did not believe in taking any type of pain medication. So, there were times I just could not even tell him about me being home sick with a severe headache, or the many times I was in the ER with one so bad they had to give me IV medications just to get rid of it.
Even back then, as young as I was, I had joint issues. It began with an accident playing baseball with some of my cousins, and I got used for "2nd base"... and the torn meniscus had to be repaired in that knee. I spent 7 days in the hospital in traction after that surgery at 15. By the time I was 21, I had a 2nd surgery on that knee, and even then I was showing signs of arthritis. Yet, the doctors just didn't put two and two together... to see there was probably much more going on that just a knee injury. After that I began to have various joint problems. Pain, stiffness, severe pain, freezing up, until I had a shoulder, an elbow operated on, and after that, I underwent several more scopes on both shoulders, knees, and then of course replacements of my knees and my right shoulder.
Life for me as a child was days of playing alone outside in the good months, with my dolls, my table and chairs, and as I said, not knowing what really was going on through those years. Even in my teens, I just knew I had an overly strict Dad, that never allowed me to "spread my wings"... he didn't even "encourage" me to go to college... yet I did go and finally got my Associates Degree after years of going at night after work, to get my degree. I am told I am an incredible oil painter, and loved taking those lessons. I took piano for years, and loved that. Even the vacations that my parents took me on, they were nice, and I am glad they took me, but after I was grown I got to go snow skiing, go to Vegas, went to concerts, to Hot Springs, and did many things that my parents never would have tried or done.
We always want to love and "shelter" our kids from the harms of this world. But, if we "shelter them" too much, then they are not prepared for what the world holds later... and all of us know now it just gets worse with each passing year.
My Dad never understood cable TV or Dish, he never understood a cordless phone, or a CD player or DVD player. He certainly did not get a cell phone, computer, or much of anything that was "electronic" in nature at the time all of the digital, cell, and those types of things came out.
I will end this for now, on a note, that I am not upset, nor do I blame my Dad or Mom for where I feel I may have not gotten as far in life as I wanted, when it comes to things I wanted to do, places I wanted to go... and thank goodness I didn't raise my two like that. They "get" the world... but I just hope that people give their kids what they need, that will help them grow into caring, loving, and knowledgeable adults, that can "conquer" anything, and not be scared to do things in life. I felt kind of "shut off" from the real world back then...
Monday, January 11, 2010
My Grandson is ill with the RVS Virus. He had to be hospitalized today, due to complications with his asthma. He is only 7 months old. Please keep him, and my daughter, son-in law and her two other kid in your thoughts and prayers please.
I appreciate your thoughts and prayers so much. It is difficult for me to be this far away. They live about 30 out of Corpus, so they are ove 6 hours away from me. When I find out more, I will post and let you know...
Hugs to All, Rhia
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