How MUCH MORE Can one person stand?! Chronic Illness, Dealing with Life's other issues, & not just losing your mind or collapsing in it all....

Honestly gals and guys... I am concerned that I am either getting "worse" when it comes to the RA,Lupus, and so forth... or I have something else really going on with me... I've just had all kinds of "new" symptoms... first of all, I am having moratl heck with my fingers, worse than ever before. My right hand has a couple of very swollen places between my middle finder and my "pointer" finger next to my thumb. Plus my thumbs are really bad again. Plus, I woke up in such severe pain in my lower back and down my legs this morning, I really thought I had a kidney stone again. It was almost like a "cramp" or what we used to refer to as a "stitch" in your side. But, rather than it kind of working itself out, it went on for a couple of hours, and even now it is not the best .... plus I have this worsening of the "weakness" type o feeling in my legs, almost like they are jello and feel as if they could just "collapse" when I am up walking. I've also had BOTH of my ankles again not so great, but my right one as always, is so swollen and hurts like I sprained it or something... and I still have that "odd" kind of pulling pain underneath my right arm and into my arm pit then kind of a bit around to my back.... my stomach is just a mess... as if I was having or trying to have "spastic" colon issues, but it has been 20 plus years since I had one of those attacks. I used to have them when I was younger and of course they always called it a "nervous stomach" back then. But, it is of course down into my lower intestines, like they are trying to cramp up... and then there is this almost too weird to try and explain, "severe" fog... brain fog, memory fog... and now it is just so bad... I walk around almost as if I am in a daze... and my memory is horrible the past couple of days... but I feel almost "detached" from myself... and I've had that happen a couple of times in the past 10 years or so... where you almost feel like even though "you are here"... you almost feel as if you are looking "down" upon what is going on... and really not "in" the situation,., I know there are terms for it... kind of one of those "fight or flight" responses, that our "mind" uses when we are way overly stressed... and when that "breaking point" begins to be felt... then we seem to "detach" from it all, and become a "quiet observer" because it is just ALL TOO MUCH to deal with... thus it is a mechanism to keep us from going completely bonkers... and my "LISTS of LISTS"   keep getting longer and longer, yet I am further behind more every day.... It seems EVERYTHING right NOW is "priority",.. yet none of us can do 100 things all at once, and really "survive" going nuts....plus the night terrors have been so bad, this place of feeling so totally like a "failure", feeling like I don't "fit in", that people "dislike" me, and they look down on me, because I am not "enough"... Just about every night terror I have has this same theme... either I am "not good enough" for family, or some job, or some group of people I am around, or my "spouse".... hahahaha ..... now you see where I am coming from... I feel that now my life is HALF over or MORE THAN half over and I'VE NOT ACCOMPLISHED  a damned thing I have wanted to... the list of things that my home needs is endless... now many of those that I would LOVE to be able to do... I know are not feasible for me to even give thought to....yet when I get so "bent" as I love Matchbox 20's song, "Bent"  - I feel exactly that way "bent"... I have always thought no matter whether my family, a friend, someone I worked with, associated with... or anyone for that matter, that I am just "not enough", "not worthy",,, I've NOT done, this, that or the other... and that I SHOULD be accomplishing so much more... and the more I try to do, the more BEHIND I feel as if I am..... BUT TWO GREAT THINGS!!!!!! NUMBER1 - I GOT MOM'S INTO PT! And it is here in Ennis AND THEY TAKE THE INSURANCE!!! whew!!!! NUMBER 2 - She is scheduled to go see the pain doctor next Thursday so they can schedule the injections... SO HOOOORRRRAAAAAYYYY!!!!! THAT were two of the things I was most concerned about... so those are good to go.... NOW I MUST being to decide WHAT TO DO ABOUT MY LUMBAR/SACRAL spine fusion!!! I "THOUGHT" I MAYBE able to put if off for a while... but, as badly as the pain has been even worse than before the test was done... I don't think putting it off is an option, well not for long... I think just as my pain doctor said, get it fixed NOW... for it will only get so much worse, and I do not want to wait until I am even worse... then my recovery time OR even (and this may happen anyway) I think when he does surgery, it will be a HUGE worse MESS than any test showed... it never fails for me... it always is like that.... anyway.... I am still knee deep in stuff to do... but it am just totally wiped.... more to come...

Does "RA" along with other "Chronic Illnesses" Harm Relationships?

I could go on and on about this ONE subject. The article itself touched on many aspects. But, the one thing it did not hone in on is all too often WITH RA, comes "other illnesses"... Lupus, Sjogren's, etc... and then it can effect your other bodies parts, your heart, your lungs, your brain... plus as he said it is like the "3rd" wheel of a relationship... then throw in that the OTHER PARTY, the one that was "well" suddenly is totally thrown for a loop physically. The person that "helped" through the flares, surgeries and so on, suddenly is NOT even able to care for themselves in so many ways. Then what? How can "any" person, much less a relationship withstand that kind of stress? I do realize there are many that do... and they get through it, and they are closer, than ever. I always thought that would be "my life".... way before RA, and illness... yet LIFE can turn on you within a breath's space... every plan, every dream, every idea, all of the things you have planned to do as you "grow old" together. are thrown out... NOT just the "bathwater"... but the tub, & yes I guess you could say the "baby"... but I use that at the moment for a lack of a better way to put it.... these illnesses "eat you alive".,. they do break up families, they do cause divorces and separations, they do cause harm to friendships, and they effect each and every aspect of life... they do make you angry, mad, pissed, upset, feel guilty... and feel more guilty and even MORE GUILTY!!!! Much of what will be my in 3rd book, if I ever get finished will probably be on this subject. Lord knows, I have no answers... I only have "the fires" of what life is bestowed upon me to walk through and some of them have freaking "burned" me in a 3rd degree type of way, leaving their scars for sure. I am going to post this on my blog, as well as go into more detail later in the day today or over the weekend. Plus I also have several other things I want to put on my blog that have happened... 


http://www.thebimblers.com/has-rheumatoid-arthritis-ruined-your-relationship/

WEGO - and How they have made OUR Voices Heard!

This is definitely worth watching!!! Way to go ALL and thank you WEGO HEALTH!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyaGZdsJaBI&feature=youtu.be

Incredible and AWESOME News for Patients with Lupus, RA, FM,Sjogren's, Heart disease, Cancer & so much more...

21st Century Cures, has stepped out to amaze and delight so many health activists, advocates and truly help to get our Federal Legislature involved in getting ALL of the research we need in order for so many of us to become "healthier" and hopefully gain some quality of life back.

Here is some information from the Arthritis Foundation about 21st Century Cures...

EnergyCommerceCures ‏@ECcures Jul 10

BREAKING: The House has approved the 21st Century Cures Act by a vote of 344-77 #Cures2015

Doctors Visits, Sleeping Late of course, thoughts on Autoimmune Illnesses, and why some of us tend to get them and others don't....

Well of course... I am supposed to go to my PCp and Mom has an appt also... this morning, hers at 10:15 and mine at 10:30  I had the alarm set even though I am always up early and of course.... I SLEPT LATER than I wanted to and teh damned alarm did not go off.... LOL... tells me what kind of day it is going to be, thank goodness the appt is local and not but about 10 minutes from here... but I wanted to get some things done before showering and getting dressed... guess those will have to wait until later today or over the weekend... I am feeling either like allergies are acting up OR I am coming down with a "summer cold" or something. I've woke up and even last night going to bed with my head kind of plugged up, or feeling like I couldn't breathe as well through my nose, and I had to get up in the night 2 nights snow and use my nasal spray... and of course then over sleep.... I am in the process of getting our Mayor to sign a "Pain Proclamation" for September Pain Awareness Month and they are have "Beautify in Blue" Theme. If I get the city to approve it, I can put up posters around and tie blue ribbons and so forth in September around as long as it is okay with our Mayor and City Counsel. I really want to do this.... I've posted things about Arthritis and the Arthritis Foundation and I've had some Lupus things I've posted off and on... I even have 3 Proclamations from the Mayor 1 and 2 from the Governor of TX signed for Lupus for 3 prior years. So, it would be nice to get my city involved in the Pain Awareness Month. I know we have MANY chronic pain sufferers, lots of people I am sure with autoimmune illnesses, such as a cousin who has RA, and I hear all the time around town about people either with the illnesses, OR they have family with especially Lupus... in fact I've wondered about the Lupus several times. It seems Ennis has more of a tendency to have "Lupus" patients more than RA, or some of the other autoimmune illnesses. I know a couple of girls  went to school with had MS some years back. So, it would be really interesting to find out more from either a "poll" or study of some sort about "why" we have more of one than the others etc... I have my own thoughts that all of these AI illnesses (and I include FM,CFS and ME) in the list... that are partially "heredity" and then also partially caused by something we either eat, breathe, have in our air, water, food etc... that suddenly "awakens" those illnesses in some, and not in others. Of course I am very much the "laymen" when it comes to this, but over the years of my own plight with the illnesses, all of the blood work, when my symptoms seem to be at their worst, why some meds work and some don't etc... all have led me to believe... kind of like cancer... our immune system could be "wired" from birth to have more of a tendency to suddenly have something in life happen to cause them to act up. From stress, which I know for a fact makes me much worse in flares", to having something very dramatic happen to you in life, a very bad illness, an accident, something that puts so much stress on your mentally and then of course effects you in a physical manner also... and then that happens to cause whatever may have been staying "in check" for many years of your life, suddenly just runs "amuck" in your body. What gets me is that for years I was told due to all of the joint problems, that I had DJD and DDD, degenerative joint and disc disease, and at that time usually that meant of course "arthritis". I can recall questioning my doctors even in my 30's as to why I would have this problem so early in life, and their response was usually "genetic" in nature... my Dad had arthritis for many years I recall. He always wore a "copper wire" around both ankles and complained with his knees more years than I can count, even when I was very young. But, also never was it questioned "why" in his I am sure late 40's had that bad of joint problems, especially his knees. His job and when he was young hoeing, pulling and chopping cotton, to move onto working at that time what was known as Ennis Tag... at 16 years old... and then it went onto become Ennis Business Forms... and that was on a concrete floor, years on a printing press, and then he was in management the last 20 years or more, before retiring. So, the doctors blamed his on "environmental" problems. But, back then, I don't think RA, was even anything the doctors knew enough about or anything about to make a diagnosis. So, even though Dad had "symptoms" back very early, his were considered a part of his lifestyle... he also fought in the Korean War, and contracted a very seriously bad case of Malaria. He was in the hospital 3 months, from what I know. Even the whites of his eyes turned yellow from the Malaria Fever. He never could give blood after that. I think that it remains "dormant" even though you recover from it. So, I wondered if him being so ill with such a bad disease back then, may have had something to do with his later joint problems and arthritis.

I've came to the conclusion that the majority of us, have our own "thoughts" about the why's of these illnesses. Many of us are more "experts" about some of them than our own "experts"...

Even though this sound harsh.... Yes, our doctors are the "specialists"... they go through many years of schooling, hard work, studying, and all to become doctors... and then more years to really specialize.

Yet, when you have never "experienced" a "chronic illness" ... whether pain, autoimmune illnesses, arthritic illnesses, FM, CFS and many more... you just cannot "know" all of the in's and out's of those diseases. When you LIVE, EAT, BREATHE, WAKE, SLEEP them every day of the course of your life, you tend to become an "expert"... by having the problems, be researching very specifically certain symptoms, by reading, by the latest news and developments, by websites that provide tons of good information and so forth... so of course doctors are the "experts as far as "knowledge" in schooling, BUT, they cannot possibly "get" what we feel, see, hear, smell, and LIVE with daily.... thus I cannot fathom in these times physicians are still "NOT HEARING" us truly... they may "half listen" but some of them like my own Orthopedic doctor, will flat "dismiss" me and say I am "not the expert"  again. one of the doctors that DOES NOT like an "educated or informed patient"... so this is my take on things for the time being... when I return from the doctors later today, I will add more onto this.... but please post your thoughts....