IN October 2010 I had the original pain pump
put in, which should have lasted 7 years or more... and here we are 5
years and its been in "stall" for months.... LOTS of things have
happened between 2012 to 2015... some good, some horrible... and some I
am so fed up in dealing with... I am SICK OF BEING SICK, I AM SICK OF SURGERIES, DOCTORS, HOSPITALS, TEST, LAB WORK, MEDS AFTER
MEDS... Does it EVER END??? or at least get somewhat better... For some
reason I am having one of these "diassociative" realms, where I feel I
am here but not here... I've had this a couple of times in the past
about 4 years, especially when there is just too much to deal with...
and I think that is where I am at... I want this surgery, and the other
at least one in my cervical spine taken care of... and I want some kind
of freaking normal to exist... Sometimes I guess maybe that is too much
to ask for... so my friend Carrie is picking me up at 4:30 AM and I have
to be at the outpatient surgery center to check in at 5:30AM I HOPE
that means I am "first up" and can get in and get out.... and we don't
have to spend a whole lot of time up there, but they will intubate me,
and put me under completely due to the type of surgery it is... so keep
me in your thoughts and prayers, along with my Mom, who is totally
worried, and Jim... and my kids... plus Carrie please prayer that she is
able to drive and be safe.... she has also back issues badly, having
several surgeries herself... so I am sure this will not be pleasant for
her either... I shall post when I can...
Now here I am facing yet another surgery, and two after this one if my neck and lower back don't improve...
Monday, December 28, 2015
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Garland and Rowlett went through horrid weather last night, 11 confirmed dead in these tornado's
Just unbelievable for this time of year, and then to right now have 11 people dead from these storms, no one would have ever suspected this kind of chaos and this much severity of weather for this time of the year!
Provided by Bass Pro Shops in the Garland Area from last night....
Saturday, December 26, 2015
Chronic Pain Medications, Narcotics, the CDC, Public Comments and More information I feel you need to read...
I have to say, that some of this is very true! I do know just from speaking with my pain specialist, that there are many programs all doctors can attend, that are free, and it gives them the knowledge to give patients with chronic pain issues, the proper diagnosis, and then the proper treatments, including medications if needed.
But WE will NEVER see a CHANGE unless WE as a NATION, as a COMMUNITY, come together as ONE, and demand THINGS CHANGE! I've learned a great deal from my pain doctor about things such as Medicare Advantage Plans, Medicare itself, why many doctors have issues taking some of those policies, or even Medicare... it took my own pain doctor over 2 YEARS and then he had to go in front of a judge JUST TO GET PAIN FOR 2 SURGERIES! Doctors do NOT have time, and they cannot possibly run a practice if they have to wait YEARS to get paid for a procedure... My pain pump surgery alone will be somewhere around 30,000.00 or so... Just the pump in itself, is extremely expensive...
so if I doctor does a few of those, and then has to wait YEARS to get paid??? They can't possibly stay in business like that. Plus I have heard some doctors admit, one reason they do not give out pain medications is because they feel they are not "trained" enough... our newer physicians ARE now being trained in chronic pain, Lupus, RA, autoimmune illnesses, and that is a good thing. ALL physicians should know about these diseases, and about chronic pain... So, I believe that the CDC has some to do with it, but then I feel "Congress" and the likes also have their fingers in it, along with our "insurance, Medicare" and so forth... and the fact that WE have to stop Hiding our heads in the sand, and STAND UP AND TELL OUR STORIES!!!! It is totally imperative that WE STAND TOGETHER and make our voices heard.
We have some great organizations out there, the US Pain Foundation, Power of Pain Foundation just to name two of them, but they also NEED US to HELP them get the word out... that is the ONLY way we as patients, caretakers, family and friends, will get the treatments we need, under the right circumstances, and not have our physicians "frightened" to prescribe the medications their patients need.... many of us cannot AFFORD a "specialist".... And even Finding a "good Pain Doctor" is NOT EASY!
Can you imagine walking into a "Pain Management Doctor's Office" that ALSO IS A TEACHING UNIVERSITY, to find out THEY do NOT "prescribe" pain medications, but they send a 'RECOMMENDATION" TO THE patients PCP to give them the medications??? now how stupid is that!!! Talk about nuts! Then WHY call themselves a PAIN MANAGEMENT CLINIC???? This just happened last week to a friend of mine, and I know of a doctor here, that is a "pain doctor" but he got "reprimanded" so he can prescribe "some medications" but nothing that would be "narcotic" in nature... so you go in, thinking you will get the help you need... and then find out he can give out other medications, BUT he cannot prescribe any type of narcotic, even though he tells you that is what you need!
But WE will NEVER see a CHANGE unless WE as a NATION, as a COMMUNITY, come together as ONE, and demand THINGS CHANGE! I've learned a great deal from my pain doctor about things such as Medicare Advantage Plans, Medicare itself, why many doctors have issues taking some of those policies, or even Medicare... it took my own pain doctor over 2 YEARS and then he had to go in front of a judge JUST TO GET PAIN FOR 2 SURGERIES! Doctors do NOT have time, and they cannot possibly run a practice if they have to wait YEARS to get paid for a procedure... My pain pump surgery alone will be somewhere around 30,000.00 or so... Just the pump in itself, is extremely expensive...
so if I doctor does a few of those, and then has to wait YEARS to get paid??? They can't possibly stay in business like that. Plus I have heard some doctors admit, one reason they do not give out pain medications is because they feel they are not "trained" enough... our newer physicians ARE now being trained in chronic pain, Lupus, RA, autoimmune illnesses, and that is a good thing. ALL physicians should know about these diseases, and about chronic pain... So, I believe that the CDC has some to do with it, but then I feel "Congress" and the likes also have their fingers in it, along with our "insurance, Medicare" and so forth... and the fact that WE have to stop Hiding our heads in the sand, and STAND UP AND TELL OUR STORIES!!!! It is totally imperative that WE STAND TOGETHER and make our voices heard.
We have some great organizations out there, the US Pain Foundation, Power of Pain Foundation just to name two of them, but they also NEED US to HELP them get the word out... that is the ONLY way we as patients, caretakers, family and friends, will get the treatments we need, under the right circumstances, and not have our physicians "frightened" to prescribe the medications their patients need.... many of us cannot AFFORD a "specialist".... And even Finding a "good Pain Doctor" is NOT EASY!
Can you imagine walking into a "Pain Management Doctor's Office" that ALSO IS A TEACHING UNIVERSITY, to find out THEY do NOT "prescribe" pain medications, but they send a 'RECOMMENDATION" TO THE patients PCP to give them the medications??? now how stupid is that!!! Talk about nuts! Then WHY call themselves a PAIN MANAGEMENT CLINIC???? This just happened last week to a friend of mine, and I know of a doctor here, that is a "pain doctor" but he got "reprimanded" so he can prescribe "some medications" but nothing that would be "narcotic" in nature... so you go in, thinking you will get the help you need... and then find out he can give out other medications, BUT he cannot prescribe any type of narcotic, even though he tells you that is what you need!
 |
Don’t Blame CDC for Poor Pain Care — Pain News Network |
Friday, December 25, 2015
Thursday, December 24, 2015
How Music Can Bring you to atop the mountain , knock you down upon your knees
Can't help but post this one again.... it is just too amazing for
words... It still brings me to my knees when I hear it... I am such a
music lover, and have been all my life... and music, much like poetry
and writing, the "poetry" of lyrics can stir up so many emotions...
good, bad, heart warming, heart breaking... but our "hearts" as strong
as they beat... when the "heart of love" has to give way, to watch the
person walk out the door... our hearts are glass and they definitely
"break and shatter like glass"... I "stepped" out of listening to music
for a bit of time... and wondered why... well, "life"... getting so
caught up in life, and not remembering to "listen" not to just the
music, but to the lyrics that "speak" to our shattered and battered
hearts... Love is one of those things that "never leave"... those
memories are always there, no matter if it is a week, a month, or
years... just like a ghost "love" follows with all it gave to us... None
of us are "beyond" suffering... whether it is suffering from a broken
heart, or the loss of someone dear to you, or remembering "how things
used to be"... or the physical realms of illness and chronic pain so
many of us go through... I think that is why I find it so crucial for
ALL of us to "make our marks" to the government does not realize... that
THEY, or SOMEONE THEY LOVE, Could also be "broken" or in pain, or a
chronic illness suddenly plagues their lives... not one of us here on
Earth are capable of "not hurting"... in one way or the other... we have
those who "pretend" at times things go wrong, and it does not matter,
BUT it does... no amount of MONEY can "fix" a broken heart.... there are
not enough years in a lifetime to make that type of pain "mend"... I
said this BEFORE the Trial that would were "prohibited" to talk about
until it was over... THERE WAS NO AMOUNT OF MONEY THOSE PEOPLE THAT OWN
THAT BUSINESS, AND THAT TRUCK DRIVER, THEIR INSURANCE AND SO FORTH, THAT
WILL "REPAIR" OUR SOULS, CAN fix many things that are physically,
mentally and emotionally... yes, I won't say that we "did not need the
money".... of course we NEEDED it... Gosh it was one of the only things
that Jim had hopefully coming in to help get with doctors, medications
and all of the PT he needs to continue... Fortunately, as I "predicted" I
guess you could say, that fateful night they brought him in after a 9
HOUR surgery on his mid spine, he "wiggled" his big toe, just enough I
saw it... from that moment, no one could tell me he would never walk
again, or never be able to work again... I knew at that moment that in
the heavens, "Jim's job here was not done"... and that he would walk,
maybe with a cane, but not be wheelchair all the time, and I knew he
would play the guitar again, thus he is and also writing lyrics again...
which we both LOVE to do together, along with playing music....And all
of that had came through...And he is able to do "some work" again, but
his "temporary" memory is what he has issues with... but again I feel
time will also make that better...
I cannot "predict" why we "lost" the lawsuit... I have given my "thoughts" on it, and feel the Paid off people and also lied on the witness stand... but I have no "proof" just a gut feeling... yet, what goes around comes around... thus I have to do nothing, one day... they will "pay" in some form or fashion, if they did in fact "lie" and pay off people to lie...
As mere humans, we never know what tomorrow holds, yet the prior years, we shall always "retain" in our hearts... I do feel "broken" and although I am trying to NOT been a "grinch" I am a bit agitated about the holidays... Yet I know I am not the only one... so many people that are friends, are going through such a horrible time right now... so if I can remain "healthy" enough to get through the pain pump surgery on Tuesday 29th, and then get my neck surgery, and my lumbar surgery, I think unless something else "breaks" my pain would be more manageable.
New poem below... needs some work, but wanted to post it...
Though There are Miles between us....
Where is that sweetness that found us years ago...
Neither of us expected such a loss or to feel so low.
How can two lovers combine & make plans for a future?
Within the blink of an eye feel as if all we live in is torture.
I won't take "we are over" for an answer after 13 years..
I still feel that fire burning, & I feel you do, yet we have fears...
Yet, stare up in the sky tonight and see the full moon beaming..
Now we can take those small "pieces" of heart with seaming...
Thousands of miles and many states between...
Never shall "rob" two lovers, who souls endless, "Us" a Team.
As sure as my heart beats, I pray the "distance" between us shall be gone...
Where those words we spoke to one another shall be what moves us along..
By Rhia Steele 12/24/2015
I cannot "predict" why we "lost" the lawsuit... I have given my "thoughts" on it, and feel the Paid off people and also lied on the witness stand... but I have no "proof" just a gut feeling... yet, what goes around comes around... thus I have to do nothing, one day... they will "pay" in some form or fashion, if they did in fact "lie" and pay off people to lie...
As mere humans, we never know what tomorrow holds, yet the prior years, we shall always "retain" in our hearts... I do feel "broken" and although I am trying to NOT been a "grinch" I am a bit agitated about the holidays... Yet I know I am not the only one... so many people that are friends, are going through such a horrible time right now... so if I can remain "healthy" enough to get through the pain pump surgery on Tuesday 29th, and then get my neck surgery, and my lumbar surgery, I think unless something else "breaks" my pain would be more manageable.
New poem below... needs some work, but wanted to post it...
Though There are Miles between us....
Where is that sweetness that found us years ago...
Neither of us expected such a loss or to feel so low.
How can two lovers combine & make plans for a future?
Within the blink of an eye feel as if all we live in is torture.
I won't take "we are over" for an answer after 13 years..
I still feel that fire burning, & I feel you do, yet we have fears...
Yet, stare up in the sky tonight and see the full moon beaming..
Now we can take those small "pieces" of heart with seaming...
Thousands of miles and many states between...
Never shall "rob" two lovers, who souls endless, "Us" a Team.
As sure as my heart beats, I pray the "distance" between us shall be gone...
Where those words we spoke to one another shall be what moves us along..
By Rhia Steele 12/24/2015
Break On Me... by Keith Urban
There'll be days your heart don't wanna beat
You pray more than you breathe
And you just wanna fall to pieces
And nights, those 2 AM calls
Where dreams become walls
And you just need a break
Break on me
You pray more than you breathe
And you just wanna fall to pieces
And nights, those 2 AM calls
Where dreams become walls
And you just need a break
Break on me
Shatter like glass
Come apart in my hands
Take as long as it takes, girl
Break on me
Put your head on my chest
Let me help you forget
When your heart needs to break
Just break on me
Come apart in my hands
Take as long as it takes, girl
Break on me
Put your head on my chest
Let me help you forget
When your heart needs to break
Just break on me
There'll be times when someone you know
Becomes someone you knew
But you'd do anything to change it
And words you wanna take back
But you know you can't
When the page just won't turn
And it still hurts
Break on me
Becomes someone you knew
But you'd do anything to change it
And words you wanna take back
But you know you can't
When the page just won't turn
And it still hurts
Break on me
Shatter like glass
Come apart in my hands
Take as long as it takes, girl
Break on me
Put your head on my chest
Let me help you forget
When your heart needs to break
Just break on me
Come apart in my hands
Take as long as it takes, girl
Break on me
Put your head on my chest
Let me help you forget
When your heart needs to break
Just break on me
Oh, when you need somebody
When you need somebody right now
You're where I'll be
Break on me
When you need somebody right now
You're where I'll be
Break on me
Shatter like glass
Come apart in my hands
Take as long as it takes, girl
Break on me
Put your head on my chest
Let me help you forget
When your heart needs to break
Just break on me
Break on me
Break on me, baby
Come apart in my hands
Take as long as it takes, girl
Break on me
Put your head on my chest
Let me help you forget
When your heart needs to break
Just break on me
Break on me
Break on me, baby
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
From My home to Yours May Your Heart be Filled with Hope, Faith, Joy, Comfort, & Overflowing as the "Angels" Surround You....
May the Spirit of this Wondrous Season Bring you Hope, Faith, Joy, and Peace that shall pass all understanding. I wish you a safe journey if you are traveling, much joy with family and friends, and for those, like myself, "celebrating" more or less alone, also know that there are those out there who do love and care...
May the Angels Surround you and Bring to you the Cup of Faith that shall run over, and give to you all of the Tidings and Mysteries, of Christmas Cheer and Magic...
Love, Rhia
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I really have SO MUCH to try & catch up here on, so I am going ton"Post"n some of my ongoing chronic health issues, things abo...
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How can our kids feel safe when WE as adults don't???? I fear Wal-Mart or just walking across the parking lot at HEB in my small lo... -
I finally made a trip to Urgent Care with what I feel is a very bad Lupus and RA flare, but there are several "symptoms" strange t...