Showing posts with label keith urban. Show all posts
Showing posts with label keith urban. Show all posts

Saturday, June 9, 2018

Keith Urban Lyrics, and trying to hold myself together after... 2 years today since Mom passed away, and the loneliness of the loss of her, Dad, Tazzy, Bub's and my love..



Yes, today and yesterday have been difficult for me. Yesterday, things, several things really hit me, right in the gut, literally. By the time I got home from Wally World, I was physically sick to my stomach, and felt horrid all day long. It was so bad, I never ate anything for dinner at all. I fed the pups, and they "knew" "Mommie" was not feeling well. 

They cuddled up with me on the sofa, and would not leave my side. of course today is the 2 year anniversary of my Mom passing away. In my mind, I've played over and over what our doctor we saw, usually had our appts on the same day, used to tell her. He would say that she was going to "outlive" him and I... not that he meant that "badly"... because of course with my health issues, he knew that it was a true statement, but he wanted my Mom to pull herself out of where she would "think she was too old for this, that or the other, so it was his way of telling her at the time "health wise" Mom was much more "healthy" than many of us. Yet, although she was, never did he even believe how quickly she went downhill when the Lewy Body Dementia hit.


 I had seen signs for a while, before she really got so bad. Here and there, being forgetful, losing things, not recalling events, yet of course at 80 years old, heck at 40, 50 and 60 years old many of us are "forgetful"... I blame the "world" we live in for the stress and strain, the toll our minds and bodies take these past 25 years or so... things used to be so much simpler, it seemed the "burdens" we have now, were not as they were back then. 


From the selfish ways many of us have abused our water, land and air, to technology that in ways is wonderful, yet in ways, it has caused families to not spend "time" together... kids and parents on their phones, the computers, playing games, you name it, we tend to "have something else more, better, important, than a family meal together, or a quiet night without a TV, phone, or computer. I realize that NOT everyone has given up what family time is, and it seems that some have tended to "go back" to that time... when everyone was at the dinner table, no TV, no phones, just dinner, and asking one another how their days were. I had those all my younger life... and until my kids were well into being teenagers, for the most part we also spent nights together, around the dinner table, talking to each other, and caring. I know that has carried on to my daughter and her family. Of course we are "busy" but for the most part, her children, husband and her spend their dinner time together, sharing in one another's lives. There is so much that I think about when i think of my Mom... 


Mom never "gave me crap" about tattoo's, belly rings, tongue rings... she may have not agreed, but, she knew that I had my own personal reasons for all of it, and she was never one to put me down for making those choices. Mom spoke her mind though... anyone that knew her, knew that what came out of her mouth, was her personal thoughts, and she expressed them. Not that it was always "in a proper place" or said in a "proper way" but it was Mom, and you had to accept that part of her. So often, she was overly concerned about my health and me. Sometimes to the point I think she worried herself way too much. 


But, she knew the pain and suffering I endured, mentally, physically and emotionally, and many times she told me, she could never "brave" what I went through daily. Yet, I always told her, that she need not worry, I am a survivor, and what is, what happens, why it happens, I don't know but I do know it serves a purpose. She was so proud of me... when I went to college and worked full time, and took care of my home and family, she was my greatest fan! She urged me to oil paint, and especially all of my poetry and writing. When I published my first two books, she cried tears of joy, for she always knew I had something very special, that gave me the words to write, and how much I touched the hearts of those around me. She was always the one to encourage me, whatever it was, she knew I could do it. LOL, so often she told me I should have went to medical school. I would have been such an asset to many as a doctor, or in research. 


When I got to go to Washington DC with the Arthritis Foundation, that was a moment that she also cherished with me. My walls around my desk are covered in the awards, the recognition, the paper clippings when I had an article in our local paper. The Proclamations for Lupus, for RA, signed by our Mayor and some signed by our Governor. Mom was my best friend, after I was alone, she became the one that stood with me, that talked to me, that helped me carry on, even though I was in such a mess after being separated. She understood, because after Dad passed away, Mom was very frightened of what might happen. Coming back to TX was a ver difficult thing for me, I never wanted to leave Seattle, but she needed me, so I came back here to help her. I miss her every day, and even though Dad passed away n 2005, I still miss him. 



Often thinking to myself, that we would be fishing today if he were here. Or I would be visiting, or we may be going to the casino tomorrow if she were here.... all of the things and many many more that I so miss... from the little things to the small things, after the loss of my parents, losing my Pug Tazzy, and then losing Bub's after I broke my hip.... losses that cut right to my core, and then Jim no longer here... my world on some days seems so upside down..... So, Mom, I hope you know how much I miss you and Dad, and there are days it is s struggle... but I put ne foot in front of the other and try to----- carry on



Thursday, December 24, 2015

How Music Can Bring you to atop the mountain , knock you down upon your knees

Can't help but post this one again.... it is just too amazing for words... It still brings me to my knees when I hear it... I am such a music lover, and have been all my life... and music, much like poetry and writing, the "poetry" of lyrics can stir up so many emotions... good, bad, heart warming, heart breaking... but our "hearts" as strong as they beat... when the "heart of love" has to give way, to watch the person walk out the door... our hearts are glass and they definitely "break and shatter like glass"... I "stepped" out of listening to music for a bit of time... and wondered why... well, "life"... getting so caught up in life, and not remembering to "listen" not to just the music, but to the lyrics that "speak" to our shattered and battered hearts... Love is one of those things that "never leave"... those memories are always there, no matter if it is a week, a month, or years... just like a ghost "love" follows with all it gave to us... None of us are "beyond" suffering... whether it is suffering from a broken heart, or the loss of someone dear to you, or remembering "how things used to be"... or the physical realms of illness and chronic pain so many of us go through... I think that is why I find it so crucial for ALL of us to "make our marks" to the government does not realize... that THEY, or SOMEONE THEY LOVE, Could also be "broken" or in pain, or a chronic illness suddenly plagues their lives... not one of us here on Earth are capable of "not hurting"... in one way or the other... we have those who "pretend" at times things go wrong, and it does not matter, BUT it does... no amount of MONEY can "fix" a broken heart.... there are not enough years in a lifetime to make that type of pain "mend"... I said this BEFORE the Trial that would were "prohibited" to talk about until it was over... THERE WAS NO AMOUNT OF MONEY THOSE PEOPLE THAT OWN THAT BUSINESS, AND THAT TRUCK DRIVER, THEIR INSURANCE AND SO FORTH, THAT WILL "REPAIR" OUR SOULS, CAN fix many things that are physically, mentally and emotionally... yes, I won't say that we "did not need the money".... of course we NEEDED it... Gosh it was one of the only things that Jim had hopefully coming in to help get with doctors, medications and all of the PT he needs to continue... Fortunately, as I "predicted" I guess you could say, that fateful night they brought him in after a 9 HOUR surgery on his mid spine, he "wiggled" his big toe, just enough I saw it... from that moment, no one could tell me he would never walk again, or never be able to work again... I knew at that moment that in the heavens, "Jim's job here was not done"... and that he would walk, maybe with a cane, but not be wheelchair all the time, and I knew he would play the guitar again, thus he is and also writing lyrics again... which we both LOVE to do together, along with playing music....And all of that had came through...And he is able to do "some work" again, but his "temporary" memory is what he has issues with... but again I feel time will also make that better...
I cannot "predict" why we "lost" the lawsuit... I have given my "thoughts" on it, and feel the Paid off people and also lied on the witness stand... but I have no "proof" just a gut feeling... yet, what goes around comes around... thus I have to do nothing, one day... they will "pay" in some form or fashion, if they did in fact "lie" and pay off people to lie...
As mere humans, we never know what tomorrow holds, yet the prior years, we shall always "retain" in our hearts... I do feel "broken" and although I am trying to NOT been a "grinch" I am a bit agitated about the holidays... Yet I know I am not the only one... so many people that are friends, are going through such a horrible time right now... so if I can remain "healthy" enough to get through the pain pump surgery on Tuesday 29th, and then get my neck surgery, and my lumbar surgery, I think unless something else "breaks" my pain would be more manageable.
New poem below... needs some work, but wanted to post it...


Though There are Miles between us....
Where is that sweetness that found us years ago...
Neither of us expected such a loss or to feel so low.
How can two lovers combine & make plans for a future?
Within the blink of an eye feel as if all we live in is torture.
I won't take "we are over" for an answer after 13 years..
I still feel that fire burning, & I feel you do, yet we have fears...
Yet, stare up in the sky tonight and see the full moon beaming..
Now we can take those small "pieces" of heart with seaming...
Thousands of miles and many states between...
Never shall "rob" two lovers, who souls endless, "Us" a Team.
As sure as my heart beats, I pray the "distance" between us shall be gone...
Where those words we spoke to one another shall be what moves us along..
By Rhia Steele 12/24/2015


Break On Me... by Keith Urban
There'll be days your heart don't wanna beat
You pray more than you breathe
And you just wanna fall to pieces
And nights, those 2 AM calls
Where dreams become walls
And you just need a break
Break on me
Shatter like glass
Come apart in my hands
Take as long as it takes, girl
Break on me
Put your head on my chest
Let me help you forget
When your heart needs to break
Just break on me
There'll be times when someone you know
Becomes someone you knew
But you'd do anything to change it
And words you wanna take back
But you know you can't
When the page just won't turn
And it still hurts
Break on me
Shatter like glass
Come apart in my hands
Take as long as it takes, girl
Break on me
Put your head on my chest
Let me help you forget
When your heart needs to break
Just break on me
Oh, when you need somebody
When you need somebody right now
You're where I'll be
Break on me
Shatter like glass
Come apart in my hands
Take as long as it takes, girl
Break on me
Put your head on my chest
Let me help you forget
When your heart needs to break
Just break on me
Break on me
Break on me, baby