Happy Valentine's Day to All!!

TO ALL OF MY DEAR FRIENDS, READERS, THOSE WHO LIFT ME UP WHEN LIFE TENDS TO TRY AND KNOCK ME DOWN, TO THOSE WHO LOVE MY POETRY, LOVE ME FOR JUST BEING ME, NO MATTER HOW SCREWED UP I AM AT TIMES, THAT TRUST ME, INSPIRE ME, PUSH ME TO BE MORE OF ME, THOSE WHO THINK I AM TALENTED, SMART, FUNNY, AND THOSE WHO THINK I AM JUST AN INCREDIBLE ASS AT TIMES...

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU!

Finding some kind of "Quiet" in all of the Chaotic Realms of my Own Daily Life, what I want, what I need to do, and why I am NOT doing some of the things I think I "want" to do... as I said "chaotic"

If I sound "off" today, I feel "off".... I've been having so many nightmares, or just plain terrible dreams, I even began waking myself up and writing them down... and my sleep is all off schedule... I get up way earlier than I had been, and by the time 9PM comes around, I am ready to lay down. I try to watch a movie, and sometimes I do, other times I wake up and the movie is over, and the TV is still on... and the weather is really messing with me... although it is warm here, our humidity levels are so high, it appears as if it has rained, and I even Peanut acting a bit "off" ... we did have a full moon, but this has been going on now with me for several weeks. I "think" I am just sick of being in the house so much, and although I have a billion things I can do, for the most part, I just cannot get motivated enough to do them. I've thought it was my diet, so I went back to eating breakfast earlier, like I did while in the hospital...

 so I try to eat by about 8:30AM or so, but then by 2PM, which is too late to eat "lunch" because I eat dinner by about 5:45 for the most part, so I even made some of my own homemade granola... I have to get more stuff to go into it, but it turned out good, and this way I can keep out the nuts and stuff that my dentures just cannot take... I bought some "trail mix" and they have whole almonds in it, and even when I chopped them up more, I still cannot chew or bite on an almond, they are just too hard, and oddly enough, I like the "flavor" of almonds, but I am not crazy about the nuts themselves... I love walnuts, and they are a bit less hard, but I realized while I was looking for granola recipes, you can even put like Cheerios cereal in it, and other things I had not thought about... I used "brown sugar Splenda" in it and a little bit of honey... then put my favorite spices, allspice, cinnamon, cardamon, ginger, and nutmeg... 

and I had a few dried dates, and I took the dried cranberries out of the trail mix, and they had some dried cherries in it... plus I put coconut in it before I put it in the oven... I want to get it a bit "chunkier" though... so probably more honey or brown sugar, so it will "stick together" a bit more... then I need to grab several of my favorite dried fruits to go in it, and those now are easy to find... anyway, I am just having a tough time trying to figure out where to "stick myself"... I came down with a sore throat the last couple of days, and I know everywhere in Ennis I go people are coughing and sneezing, and hoarse, and the flu, and some other viral stuff is going around, plus lots of people are suffering from pneumonia, which I HOPE that new vaccine I took early in the fall helps to keep me away from the pneumonia.. I had it like 2 or 3 years in a row, twice in both lungs, so I don't want any of that if I can stay the heck well. Besides if I come down with something like that it delays my possible new RA medication, and/or my neck surgery... and then this morning, for some odd reason, I was getting up off the sofa, and "hit" the nerve I guess going down my left leg...

 I NEVER usually have issues with that side, but it burned and stung like I was on fire... so I am not sure, if I happened to have "rolled" on it getting up or if my lower back is acting up, but this time on my left side... when I've had kidney stones, my left side usually hurts worse than the right. So, I first thought oh crap, not a kidney stone... but it is more I think all weather related... my hip and right leg have hurt now for about 3 days or so... I even have been getting Peanut on his leash, and the days it is nice outside, we walk 4 or 5 times during the day.... he loves it ... and he got upset with me this morning. I had to go around to the back and get one of the smaller tree limbs that I need to get into the trash, plus I had a whole trash can full of limbs and tomorrow is trash day. I always try and bring the cans up to the side of my house, especially if we have bad weather, so I don't have to go around to the back if it is rainy or cold... so he was upset. I could not hold his leash, and try and bring the limb and the can up to the front... but I had him out for a little while to pick up the newspapers, and it is still damp outside... I figure it will either "cure me" or "kill me: as the saying goes, to get out and walk around for a bit...

 I've got fire ants coming out again, so it is time to get the fire any granules out, but also time to spread the granules out I buy for spring and summer. I have to do it early as of now, since we have basically not "had any real winter weather yet" so the bugs, ants, and every other kind of insect, fleas, will be in the yard if I don't get them under control BEFORE they start.. Anyway, Lots of things I could do, and I need a cabinet, preferably with doors on it. I want to take all of my tools and such I have on two tables in my back bedroom, and get them organized into the cabinet, and off those tables... The room is a damned mess... and although it is my own "controlled chaos" (I KNOW where everything is) still it looks horrible, and I've got to go through some boxes of stuff and throw away some things... but I have so many "hand tools" like pliers, screwdrivers, my cordless drills, and nails and the list of "things" I keep and need the small stuff, just needs to be organized, and put away neatly so I can get that room painted, and get the window repaired that is still broken from hail over 2 YEARS ago,...

 I fear anytime one of these bad winds will come, and it will knock out my "duct taped" window, and I will be up the creek - and mad because I have not fixed it yet... so I have MANY PROJECTS, like my writing, around the house, my advocacy stuff, and my lists go on and on, but my "motivation" is lacking right now.... I just cannot stand to "feel this way"... like I am kind of "lost" in my own sea of "stuff" and can't find which way to get my bearings and "sail" the path that I 1st need to, then go from there... I SWORE TO MYSELF after I got home from the hip fractures, I WOULD WRITE THIS NEXT BOOK... yet I continue to "not be able" to "begin" ... I almost feel like starting at the "back of the book" and work forward, rather than beginning and then coming to an end... the "latest" things to go in there are very fresh in my mind, thus the other stuff is already written down, but i must wade through all of it, and get it in some type of organized chaos, so it will half-assed make sense to whomever reads it...

 I have my drums and keyboard, BUT the right leg, will be the one along with the right foot for the bass... and the type of exercise I would get from "banging" on the drums maybe actually good for my hip and foot... it may help to strengthen those muscles both in my upper leg and in the foot also... My crap with the writing also has to do with my shoulder, and neck... and actually my lower back also, and might as well admit it my hands and wrists... When I sit here for very long, typing etc. my shoulders, neck, wrists, fingers and lower back begin to just burn... from the impinged nerves... and now the RA has gotten to the place my thumbs, wrists, and portions between my fingers are swollen, and stiff and it hurts to type for very long... I THINK IT IS TIME FOR ME TO GET THE HECK OUT OF THE HOUSE OVERNIGHT, THEN GET MY NEW PUPPY... AND try to take all of the chaotic crap, I "feel" I need to do, and sit down to re-organize my priorities again... I've drifted again between those things I "want" to do, and those things I feel I NEED to do... and what lies in between is a bunch of stuff, that keeps me in knots half the time....

FINALLY MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT TO MYSELF, Had it since before I fell on Dec. 13th, and my two new rugs, office and living room & now it is looking Much better around here.

Finally, NEW RUGS, My Office back together, my new sofa/chaise/futon in and OUT with the funky sofa, and new rug in place also... have had the sofa in my hallway, since BEFORE I FELL ON DECEMBER 13TH, sitting in boxes, for my "Christmas present" to myself.... so finally with the help of my son, we got the living room put back together... the sofa is a grayish/blue i guess...

It goes well when you see it, in person... and I am so PROUD to have it all in order and now I hope to go get my new puppy, well he will be about 5 or more months old... but I wanted to get the old sofa, and both rugs out, and be able to get everything in place before bringing a new puppy in....

so I think although I still have LOTS of work to do around here, I now at least have this part finished!

 Of course my pup Peanut in the way when I try to take pics... he is a "ham" when it comes to getting his photo made..

Talking about our own Advocacy work, activism, the GOOD you TRULY DO, & What makes "us tick" - all of us differ one to the other... and Chronic Illnesses and pain can create and reek havoc on us, as well as age....

I have a "surprise" for everyone, but I wanted to wait until our newspaper publishes it here locally, then I will post it on Facebook, in my personal newspaper and on my blog. I have a "Press Release" from a project, that is really a vital program for research in many different realms of chronic illnesses and/or pain. I've participated two times so far, after they "found" me. 

The 1st time, I guess we did not do a news release, but they have this time. I was so thrilled about it, because I always have to sign a NDA (non-disclosure affidavit) each year they ask me to do my part. I want to share it, not just because if it being "me" but MORE to show ALL OF YOU, HOW YOUR INPUT, YOUR ADVOCACY, WHETHER ONLINE, emails, a blog, Facebook, Twitter, or however you may help out when it comes to activism DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE! I've done advocacy and activist items now for about 5 years, for different organizations and in different realms. Some of them, really in depth, like getting to go to Congress in Washington DC with the Arthritis Foundation, or posting blog articles, or my Facebook things that I read, post, and try to help provide viable and possible solutions for so many of us, that truly need to be helped, whether through knowledge (which believe me KNOWLEDGE IS POWER, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR OWN HEALTH, ILLNESSES, PHYSICIANS, SURGERIES, and all types of medical needs we step into during life.) I found out that although "some doctors do not like "educated" patients' MANY OF THEM are extremely happy to see patients taking an initiative to reach out, look for answers, make lists, ask questions, and not sit back and just rely on what our physicians tell us. 

LIFE and PATIENTS are too many and too busy, and our medical people NEED us to know all we can... so it saves lives, even our own. If you KNOW your medications, what you take, what you are allergic to, or have an idea about all of your medical issues, your surgeries and symptoms that are due to either a chronic medical illness such as RA or Lupus. Or if you are diabetic, you KNOW your own body, what you CAN eat, how to keep your blood sugar evened out, or other medications, know the side effects, understand when you NEED to call your doctor, OR when that side effect may not HURT you or even after a few days go away, rather than trying to call a doctor's office, and either stop the medication or go on taking it when something may not be right about it. I can almost go in when one of my joints, or my spine, or my muscles, or tendons (since MUSCLES CAN BE TIGHTENED BY EXERCISE) and TENDONS HAVE TO BE SURGICALLY REPAIRED OFTEN TIMES BECAUSE THEY DO NOT GET TIGHT AGAIN, LIKE A MUSCLE MIGHT...

That is why when you have a "torn rotator cuff" in a shoulder, you "may" strengthen the muscles, but if those "tendons" that make up the rotator cuff are too lax, or torn completely away from the bone itself, surgery may be the only option to get back mobility, strength, get rid of pain or much of it, and then strengthen the muscles after the tendons are repaired. You would be shocked and I know even ...

I recently began to totally "understand" the true difference between tendons and muscles. I "asked" the question, and my foot specialist explained it to me... like a rubber band may "stretch" like a muscle... but if it is attached to a board, and you actually tear it away from that board, no amount of exercise will give you back the loss from a tear. I now also realize WHY when someone TEARS TENDONS in their foot, or leg, it takes MONTHS AND MONTHS EVEN WITH SURGERY, to get that tendon "healed". It has to "attach" back to that bone. So, like my shoulders, or my left elbow the "severe tennis elbow" I had was "torn" away from the bone. My orthopedic surgeon attached the tendons back to my bones, with screws, nuts etc... BUT it took a long time for that tendon to actually "grow itself" back to the elbow, and often times, they don't attach back themselves, that is why, so often you never can do some of what you did with that shoulder, elbow, ankle, and so forth as you could at one time.

Before I broke the hip, I had just about made up my mind to try and snow ski one more time in my life. That used to be my "birthday present" the week of my birthday for many years.... but after the replaced knees, and the shoulder replacement, I felt maybe I should not chance "wrecking" one of them again. But, I had decided I would give it a try once more... and thought about making a trip to Santa Fe NM, I've skied there as well as Wolf Creek Pass that I LOVED! 

But Santa Fe has lots of new courses, and much more to offer than they once did, and it is about 7 hours closer than Pagosa Springs, CO where you stay to ski Wolf Creek. But, once the hip was fractured, I then knew there would be no way I would try to ski... not really because of the break of the hip BUT a fear now since my bones are so severely taken away with osteoporosis, my fear would be to "break" more bones, or another hip, or injure my back worse, thus my days of skiing are over with. I have great memories... and in fact yesterday when I was going through looking for the photo's with the fish, deer etc... I started to scan a pic of me, when the "big hair" craze was in... Gosh I wished I still looked that young.... ;) Alas time has become somewhat of an enemy when it comes to skin, aging, and how our lines, wrinkles and so forth seem to develop out of nowhere.....

I was given a "press release" that I am very proud of ;)m- Goes to show ANY Advocacy Work is well worth doing especially for Chronic Pain and Illnesses

I've really been down and out lately at the numbers that are coming to my blog. Used to I would have at least 75-100 and sometimes 300 or over. But, over the past 4 months, even before I went into the hospital I noticed a huge drop in those coming to my blog.

I know "Google" have changed a great deal of their SEO stuff, BUT, I have many of their ideas and recommendations that I use. I've not went through the entire "book" of recommendations, BUT, I usually post everyday, sometimes more than once. I do miss sometimes, such as when I was "out of pocket" due to the hip fracture, but even then I still posted once I was feeling a bit better and had my laptop to post to all of my social media places.

The one thing that I have not done "much" and continue to try and not do, is get too deep into the "political" issues that are invading our lives DAILY! I know many are like myself and HOPED that AFTER THE ELECTION some of the DAILY CRAP WOULD STOP!

Well, I should have known much better than that. With the "Donald Duck" elected LOL, there is NO way to SHUT HIM UP NOR the NEWS. Everything he does, tweets, says, posts, and probably what he eats for his 3 meals a day are NOW LARGER ISSUES ON THE NEWS, THAN THE ELECTION!!!!!

I am SICK TO the point of NAUSEA hearing about "The Duck" this, that and the other.... I cannot even "type his name" it makes me so ill to see or hear about one damned thing he does.

I was a "voter" and I've voted for many years, without missing many. Of course I feel if we "vote" then we do have a right to GRIPE! But, for those WHO DO NOT VOTE, then you do not have the RIGHT TO FUSS because you did not allow YOUR VOICE TO BE HEARD!


I KNOW that my "typical" daily life may not interest you. thus I "try" my best, to put something useful, fun, information that you can use, new items from The Arthritis Foundation, to WEGO, to other health and human information especially for us that remain all too ill, from Chronic Pain and/or illnesses.

I am HAPPY that although I had TWO HIP FRACTURES, now in 3 days it will be 90 days since that 1st surgery, and I am doing very well. Even without a cane, and in fact, I left it at home yesterday and did not even take it with me.

I realize at times, I am still leery about being almost too cautious, in fear that another fall could even be worse. I also am in fear that if I don't try and do all I can to "never cure" the osteoporosis, BUT try and build "muscle" and "put protein" back into my body, I have a far better chance of not being a "fall victim".

The woman that was in the room at the Rehab place with me for part of the time, had already been in the hospital like 3 times BEFORE CHRISTMAS, IN LIKE 3 MONTHS! She had pneumonia a couple of times and was put in for that. She has also been a "Diabetes 1" victim since being a teenager, which I watched even after all these years, especially without a proper diet like she should have had in Rehab, she was always having way too many problems with her Diabetes. Then she had fallen and been in Rehab before Christmas I guess in August or September, then fell broke her pelvis, WHICH SURGERY OFTEN CANNOT REPAIR A BROKEN PELVIS, thus you have to spend WEEKS AND WEEKS IN BED TO ALLOW IT TO HEAL ON ITS OWN! Her pain had to be horrible. I know HOW MUCH PAIN I WAS IN WITH THE FRACTURES TO MY HIP, and I was yelling, screaming, cussing, bitching, crying and my entire neighborhood probably thought someone was attacking me, or I had just lost the rest of my mind. MANY of them came when they saw my son's vehicle here to ask what happened, that I was SCREAMING AND CRYING SO MUCH, they could not imagine what had happened. No one I guess heard me screaming and yelling and crying, while I was still in the house for over 3 hours, being too stubborn to call the ambulance. I "hoped" I had a "bad bruise" NOT a damned brake to my hip. But, alas dammit the news was worse, because I had TWO breaks in it.

I cannot begin to even express "ALL I LOST" in those weeks and weeks, through the surgery, through being an inpatient in a Rehab Center, from my own self-esteem, pride, I felt unworthy, useless, a burden, and just a totally screwed up person to be going through this and making my kids go through this also.

LOTS played into my issues with the entire thing, because of losing Mom to Lewy Bodies Dementia in June of last year, and having to take care of her, the 6 months prior, I was already more than behind on "caring for me"... I cancelled neck surgery at least 4 times, and just put my RA medication on hold, since I just felt I COULD NOT leave and go to Dallas for a few hours.

I AM STILL trying to "clean up" everything that needs to be done, and actually am totally confused, because I feel I did not "grieve" enough before trying to begin taking care of other affairs once she past away, that now I get to a place I am not sure what, what not, which, how, is done, not done, and my own "Christmas Present" to myself, is still sitting in my hallway, along with the new rug for my living room. But, now with the hip thing, I fear trying to turn the old sofa over in order to get the backs off of it. That is what has to be done, before it can be taken out of the house. Once that is gone, I can once again clean the hardwood floor very well, put the rug down and get my new sofa/futon/chaise lounge finally put up and using it.

So, NO the political issues I speak of are usually tied into "medical things".... whether clinical trials, or laws, or trying to get the government to fund certain research projects, and so forth, my "own personal beliefs" in whom should be or not be President, and so on down the agenda, I feel I did my part, I can now bitch all I want, AND then go on with my life and pray we have NO ALLIES by the time one YEAR has gone by with the "Donald Duck"....



P.S. I WILL POST THAT PRESS RELEASE AS SOON AS MY NEWSPAPER PUTS IT OUT.