I've been going through a really "odd" (pr what I felt was odd) kind of
issue since Mom passed away in June. I kept telling others that I almost
feel as if I am "still in shock" rather than in the "grieving process"
and all these weeks and weeks, I kept "waiting" for those signs to
appear, and they have in some ways...
yet I have felt angry and almost
ashamed of myself, for "not showing" grief in losing Mom... daily now
for weeks, I keep wanting to "call her" or run over to tell
her something, and even though I am there almost everyday doing the
remodeling, this feels different... then of course I realize no longer
can I "talk with her here", call to see if she is okay, and usually have
my own set of "life's issues" that I could talk to her about...
well
after much thought about it all, right now I am dealing with a great
deal of almost feeling like "her life was dropped in my lap" kind of
thing, but, I looked it up, and as I've mentioned, I had been "grieving"
the loss of my Mom for months and months way before she was
"bedridden"...
and didn't know me, nor even where she was or who she
was... I had that "grief" daily, from moment to moment, it was every
changing, depending on what was going on at that time, or on that day...
thus although it still sounds horrid, when she took that last breath, I
felt at that moment "relief" for HER... no more suffering, hurting,
crying, diapers, and lying in bed, she was finally "home" with Dad, and
her family....
so here is one article I just read and decided I would
post it...for weeks now I have felt like I am just "insane" yet what
I've been through and am going through is all a part of the process...
https://www.agingcare.com/Articles/grieving-before-death-terminally-ill-116037.htm