Primary or Secondary Sjogren's - Not getting enough attention, research, medications and answers!

 http://www.ehow.com/about_5515797_sjogrens-lung-disease.html

http://www.ehow.com/about_5501450_stages-sjogrens-syndrome.html

 

http://www.sjogrens.org/

I REALLY have been pushing about Sjogren's now for a long while. It seems I never REALLY had ANY of my doctors take it all that seriously, even as many times as I brought up the dry mouth, dry eyes, all of the mouth lesions I had and so forth. Then when only about a year ago, I began having my teeth literally rot off at the gum line and fall out, I began to see them a little more concerned. YET, I am STILL THE ONE who really pushed for the medication, which for Sjogren's there is only two. I tried both and am on Pilocarpine and have been for a long while. I spent several years chewing gum with no sugar and the Xilytol or however it is spelled in it, because it was supposed to HELP with moisture in the mouth, used eye drops and still felt like I cannot talk very long without being hoarse and sometimes losing my voice, or if I go anywhere, I have to talk something to drink... not even to the Wally World, and if I am going to shop, that means picking up a bottle of diet Sunkist, or green tea or something, so I can drink it as I shop. If I get in the car to go anywhere very far away from home, I go with a drink and gum. Well, of course ALL of what the few teeth I had left, by the time we finally found out how much damage was done, did make little difference. The "complete surround kind of special X-Ray" of my mouth, teeth, and jawbone, showed 99 percent of my teeth already going to rot out anyway. Thus as many of you know I went through the torture of having the rest pulled, fitted with dentures, of which AGAIN due to the Sjogren's, the bottom ones won't "hold" at all. You also need some "moisture" to help keep them in... the top ones do fairly well. I guess I have enough with the "suction" of them, along with the powdered Fixodent that goes on them, for the most part they stay in fairly well. So, I had to wait at the very least 90 days after they were all extracted before we could even think about the "mini implanted" little pins that my bottom ones will be fitted on, after they are implanted down into my jawbones in 4 places. Then my dentures will be "modified" to fit down on those pins which should hold them into place. I also found out, that the top ones they "usually" don't pin, which I thought they did. BUT, if mine won't stay in as well as they should then I look at putting 4 MORE on the top!!! Which will be ANOTHER OVER $600.00 FOR EACH PIN!!! Of course I still have the "oral/maxillary fissure" which sounds horrid, but a small hole as I have said before between my mouth and sinus passage caused by a root to pull a hole in it, when the tooth was extracted. So, that also is contributing to the top one coming a bit loose at times. Air can get in underneath it from that hole and then it makes the "grip" it has to the pallet of my mouth break loose. Anyway, back to my issues with Sjogren's. I REALLY feel as much as I PUSH for RA, Lupus, Raynaud's, Sjogren's, MS, FM... and other autoimmune illnesses and/or rheumatic and arthritic diseases, that Sjogren's needs to truly be addressed much further also. When it can truly cause as much damage to vital organs, eyes, mouth, teeth, stomach lining, the esophagus, swallowing, drying any "form" of mucous membrane, plus now I read that there is about a 50% CHANCE OF DEVELOPING NON-HODGINS LYMPHOMA, if you have Sjogren's! Women, of course tend to me at much higher risk due to the Sjogren's being Autoimmune in Nature. So, as I begin to think about my new book that I shall be writing on over the next year or so, and doing my part as far as helping to be a voice, to advocate, to be an activist, volunteer and Ambassador, for I feel ALL of those are very crucial also, I am going to be trying to learn a great deal more about Sjogren's, both primary and secondary. I also would love to hear from any of you that have it in either way. I am going to post this on my blog (by the way I am waiting to see some comments and posts from you guys and gals also)... and would love to have some of you jump on the band wagon about Sjogren's. It can be a highly dangerous, and sometimes deadly illness in itself. Plus you can also have Celiac Disease due to Sjogren's too.

How "Serious" Do you Take Your Autoimmune Diseases and Diagnosis?

I had thought about this question last night, for some unknown reason. I knew last night I needed to sit down and write about this ASAP, before the brain fog kicked in and I forgot what I wanted to say or even write about.

Yesterday, was one of those days that I had or needed to play catch-up. I needed to pick a few things up from the market, needed to make a trip over my Mom's, and as the 2 days previously, since I had gotten little to nothing done, I felt I needed to get some stuff done. Last Wednesday I had felt "fine", or well enough to dress, put my makeup on, dressed a bit more decent, and get errands completely. All of what I needed to do, meant running and trying to get everything caught up. So, off to the bank, to the cemetery, to put gas in the car (it is 2.67 here!!!!!!!  YEAH!!).. air up the tires on the car, take some magazines to the library, run into get some prescriptions of mine picked up, then to Wally World, for a few items I can't get anywhere else. I did get it all done, Then I had to come home, put all of that stuff up, get Jim, and take him to drop off some paperwork to a potential pain physician and he also needed to sign a document in front a Notary. So, we also made a 2nd trip to the bank to get that done. From there Jim needed his flu vaccine, so we headed for CVS. Well. that turned into all for naught because in the 1st place his insurance WILL NOT even pay for the flu shot, which has gone up now from about 23.00 a few years back to well over 32.00 this year!!! Yes, I know, I know - everything has gone up but damned... also there are several strains in this vaccine than used to be, but I don't buy all of that, because the pharmacies and pharmaceutical companies are RICH!   Honestly, my belief is that ALL people should be able to get the flu shot at NO COST, if they make below a certain amount of money... NOT allowing those that want the vaccine to get it, just causes more people out there that have the capacity to get sick, and run up a much higher bill that a darned flu vaccine. So, I am not sure I get that 32.00 ordeal. I just saw on the news last night how MUCH MONEY OUR COUNTRY LOSES during flu season, for those especially that DO NOT get the flu shot... and you can believe many of them WOULD had they been able to pay $5.00 for it, or whatever they feel than afford.   

All right, back on the subject that I began this entire blog post about. I have had a couple of "epiphanies" about my own chronic illnesses and chronic pain issues over the past about almost 8 months or so. I always "felt" as if I had accepted the fact that I DID have RA, Lupus, Sjögren's, and so on... along with several what I would call "sub illnesses" that have followed right along with the natural progression of these autoimmune diseases.

As I have come to figure out lately though, I really HAD NOT met these illnesses actually face to face, nor had I truly down deeply that I had not accepted that I am chronically ill, with diseases that at this time have no cures, and even though we have some medications that certainly due help to slow down the progression of some of them. I think the very first time I truly felt I was "ill" was the day my very first tooth just fell out of my mouth coming loose at the tooth/gum line for no good or practical reason. Of course I've tried to be prepared for the day I would begin to have dental issues due to the Sjogren's BUT... never was I prepared for it to happen this soon, nor that fast. From the moment the first tooth fell out, within three weeks 2 more had basically done the same. I was at the dentist more in a month than I had been all my life!!! By the time 6 months rolled around I was missing at least 7 teeth, and I believe at that time in my life, struggling with the teeth, the thought of dentures that I SWORE I WOULD NEVER have... was almost more than I could handle. Little did I know it COULD AND WOULD get worse before things would get "better"... Christmas 2013 was not the most memorable... money was very tight, I seemed to have been ill with one flare after the other, bronchitis and it did not want to go away, and even New Years came and my Birthday fell in February, and the upcoming Arthritis Foundation Summit was coming so soon in March. Yet, I had not been able to get my biologic infusion of the Rituxan (that is AFTER WE FOUGHT to get it paid for, because my insurance refused to pay all of it, thus the infusion clinic had gotten the infusions approved through their private charity program. ) But, I had had way too many issues with infections, bronchitis, & a large dose of step prednidone due to the flares, I was just down and out until the very last right--I at the last moment made a trip to our urgent care center to get some last minute treatment for a Lupus flare that had just had me down and I couldn't go (this was Friday evening and my plane was due to take off MONDAY at 6:00AM). so this was the last straw in the box per se'.

Well, someone much more MIGHTY than myself handling things. By Sunday, I was able to pack, still not feeling like jumping over the moon, but compared to the week before. So come VERY very early Monday morning. Even up until I was getting my luggage out of the car, and checking my bags it has not hit me, that I was headed for Washington DC. Once I was on the plane, settled in and on my way, it hit me, I truly WAS HEADED FOR THE SUMMIT IN D.C.!!!

After the accident on March 26th, 2014 - everything went to hell in a hand basket. I believe the night I first came home from him having that massive back surgery, it hit me square in the face, that I had CHRONIC AUTOIMMUNE ILLNESSES, and I had better get hold of myself, or I would lose it completely.

 So, for the very first time rather than this frivolous thought of "yes, I have autoimmune illnesses" that I take medications for daily. MTX, Plaquenil, and usually a biologic, now we have added Orencia in, it will be here Tuesday and Sulfasalazine. It hit me so hard, that I literally had to sit down on my chair in front of my computer. Here I was, even being a voice, an advocate, blogging about them, Facebook page and posts about them, seeing how many others suffer with these illnesses, yet, I had never really settled into the mere facts of DAMMIT the hell, I have Lupus, RA, and autoimmune illnesses... which mean forever unless someone happens to invent a cure in the next few years. My mind was spinning, my head full of thoughts... how would I survive, how will I ever be able to help Jim, how can I keep on writing my book, my blog, doing my advocacy, my activist, my Ambassador work. Will I still be able to help Mom??? Question after question rattled through my brain... and with each question, the "other side" of my thought process had an answer... and that was YES! The "answer" was much simpler than the questions were. Inside, somewhere, somehow, I knew I would be able to "handle it all"... that may mean a change in all kinds of things, and especially letting go of what "normal" used to be and begin to accept what "normal" will be as the next days, weeks, and months go by. I was more in fear of the "change in normality I believe" than I was the illnesses, or Jim's physical situation after the wreck or any of that. Change is something that is frightening to most of man and woman kind... WE are truly creatures of habit. I realize very often we don't seem to be when we are younger. But, for the most part as we age, we don't do as well with change, uprooting your roots you have put down for so long, chopping them down, and learning a new "normal" is almost impossible for some people.

I could no longer sit there trying to figure it all out in my head at the moment, because so much "unknown" lie ahead... how long will Jim be in the hospital?, and all of his physical, mental and emotional changes, it will take time. So, I "picked myself up", and I got busy with notes of what needed to be done, when, where, how and so forth. I also had a couple of things I HAD TO DO FOR ME! #1 was at the time I needed to get my Rituxan injection. I was well for a change, even though worn to nothing due to all of the drama surrounding the car accident and Jim, but I did one day go and spend about 7 hours getting the first infusion. In two weeks, I was to go back and for the 2nd round. Then I should be good to go for about 5 months.

Little did I know, before two weeks rolled around, about 5 days after the 1st infusion, I began to have the strangest things going on. I "heard" voices, I was almost to the place of hallucinating, I was not sure if I was in my own "home" or not... I could not write, barely type legibly. I was talking to the voices, all around the house and walking the floor. I paced up and down the living room through the office and into the kitchen at least 50 times maybe more. But, I could not put a finger on what was wrong. I felt "sick" in some ways, but again, I was not quite sure how. I was not really coughing, but in ways I felt a bit feverish. Finally, for some strange reason, due to the fact no matter how ill I AM I don't run fever, but I decided to check it anyway. To my surprise I was running almost 103 degree fever!!! Well, that explained the strange voices, and the oddness I was feeling but where all of it was coming from I was not sure. This was a Sunday afternoon, and that meant no doctor would be able to be contacted. I certainly did NOT want to go to the ER, too much hassle, but I did know that we have an Urgent Care Clinic here now, but whether they were open on Sundays was a stretch.

Another thing, I honestly knew I should not be driving alone. I feared having a seizure. Even though I was taking aspirin, the fever was staying fairly high. And they strange things I heard, saw and felt would and could mean I very well with fever that high have one. Thus, the alternative was to call my Mom, Which I really did NOT want to do, but there was really no other way, unless I call 911, which was ridiculous, unless I did either get the fever higher and I felt I needed medical attention extremely. Well, as the story goes on, my Mom takes me, they are open thank goodness, and I have double pneumonia... of which the physician that saw me happens to also be an ER physician at the hospital. Which was good and bad. Because I was so ill, and had all of these autoimmune issues, he felt I needed to be seen by them, and evaluated to make sure I didn't need IV antibiotics... I begged him to try anything else first, but don't send me there. After I told him about Jim, and all that was going on with everything, he reluctantly allowed me to go home with high powered antibiotics, complete sofa rest, for at least 7 days, hydrate, watch mt temp several times a day. AND if I FELT ANY WORSE or could NOT get the fever down, I was to go immediately to the ER! So, I promised I would have my meds filled, go home, and not move off the sofa for at least a week. Basically that is what I did, other than having to take out trash and changing the dogs food, water and paper... I stayed at home, watched movies, took my medication and drank loads of green tea, juice, and ate very light stuff... and it took me almost a MONTH to truly get over it all. I never developed a cough but some people don't with pneumonia. I am sure between being so ill, then going to DC on a load of prednisone, then suddenly the accident happened and I am rushed on a plane before I think I really realized it. I had been in the very cold, snowy, but not dry snow, very wet snow in DC all day long, for 2 days walking in it for hours... and to put icing on the cake all of that happened... then I took the Rituxan, so that make the cherry on the top.

That also slammed me in the gut, with a punch... if I had not had the autoimmune Illnesses I "may" not have gotten that ill. But, it could be that no matter AI or not, I still could have contracted the pneumonia. That was in early April and went on for weeks honestly, As I said above, I was not sure I would ever get over the fatigue, tiredness, dizziness, the feeling like hammered crud every morning... I ached and I was sore... and stiff... but I did ... slowly I recovered and by the Grace of God, I did without going to the hospital which was an excellent thing and a miracle.

So, twice within a month, I had been really slapped hard in the face that I had chronic illnesses, that would NEVER go away.
                                                                       
Lately, the "dreaded" head of the Wolf popped it's head up when I got to thinking about how much medication it takes to keep me well. Then I go to get the flu and pneumonia vaccines, and become suddenly "ill" for no real reason. I cannot really say that is was either one of the vaccines. I've had the flu vaccine now for years, and I had taken a pneumonia injection 5 years ago and I don't having that could possibly cause me to feel as if I did have pneumonia and the flu at the same time. But, that is how these illnesses go. What may happen to you one time, may never happen again. Or something that has never reared it head, suddenly shows up out of the clear blue ocean, leaving you to wonder why the hell it came from.

I've learned as difficult as it is each day of my life, to try and not stress over the "little" things... and try to make best of the good things... also... when these AI illnesses decide to act up, flare, be in commission, or however you want to say they are "active"... to allow my body to "tell me" what it needs. Whether that is rest, or not, whether it is a certain thing to eat, or whatever needs my body, mind and spirit needs at that time, to try and slow down, and allow it to work itself out. Sometimes it may mean just a day of rest and movies. Another time it might mean a full blown flare and a trip to my doctor for a shot and prednisone. Others may put me on the sofa for days, until it is going away. It is never easy to "slow down". Each of us know that life seems to be moving more quickly than we can keep up with when we have a chronic illness, or deal with chronic pain.

The very last moment I had lately of "Hey, stupid, you DO have an autoimmune (bunch) of illnesses, that are REAL, and nothing it "in your mind" and if it is then it needs to be there so I will "listen" to my own body. I was just going through my home room to room, looking at what we need to "finish" the whole house inside and out needed to be completed. We ran out of time and money when remodeling at purchase time, thus we still have thing that really need to be completed. So, I was throwing thing out, knowing some things are just not anything we will use anymore. My "Motto" is if we have not talked about, looked at, worn, used... something in the past 9 months, then out it goes ... and as I gazed around at ALL we need to achieve it truly once again knocked me almost to my knees... I am ILL with diseases that have taken away my ability to "run like the wind" as I did a few years ago.

When did you first have a "reality check" about your autoimmune illnesses or chronic illness/pain issues? Was it as the very first part of a diagnosis, or did it really hit you hard later on, months or even really years later, that they or it is for REAL!!! You weren't living in some kind of night mare...????

Rhia
 

                                                               
                         

More Incredible News on the Homefront of the Fight Against Lupus

http://uthscsa.edu/hscnews/singleformat2.asp?newID=4908

$1.12 million to fine-tune the body’s “Homeland Security”

Posted on Wednesday, October 08, 2014
Contact: Elizabeth Allen, CTRC, 210-450-2020; allenea@uthscsa.edu

Physician searches for better lupus therapy and clues to ovarian cancer treatment at the same time....

PLEASE Start COMMENTING!!!!

I have lots to catch you up on over the next couple of weeks. I promise I will. I am on a new RA/Lupus medication, that is not a biologic. I will explain what my Rheumatologist told me, and how he has come to the conclusion, that if I can, maybe trying to stay away from a biologic, other than trying Orencia, would help to possibly reduce the number of infections I continue to get. I had been ill from way before Christmas last year, and was ill when I went to D.C. at the end of March! I was having a flare, but I was also I believe even then developing bronchitis that turned into double pneumonia. But, until I was running 104.5 degree temperature and almost out of my mind hallucinating from the high fever (I NEVER have a fever)... thus now I certainly know what to look for if I expect I might be having a new infection coming along.

I am so grateful to ALL of you who come here and read my blog posts. I know you do, and I see who comments and who does not. I will say that up until the last couple of weeks, there was not a good way I could see the comment if there was one, and I certainly had not a good way to see who commented at all, and what they said.

Now Blogger has made some much needed revisions in the Blogger software, and I just have to catch up as to what they have changed, and how I can use what they have done to make my blog even much, much better.

We have a few more things to work out with doctors, finding a "good" pain specialist for Jim and a Neurologist who will take his insurance and take care of problems as they arise. We think we may FINALLY have a couple of good referrals, but we shall see. When it comes to doctors, tests, hospitals, insurance companies, and pharmacies, you never know what the outcome will be.

I am still working on getting my jawbones strong and well enough to withstand the little mini implants that my dentures will snap down on those and be able to let me eat with them in and they not especially the bottom one coming falling out, I am getting there, but it is just taking patience to allow those all to fill in and heal before he can put those implants in and they stay strong enough, and my jawbone strong enough to hold them in. So, I still have at least until November to do X-rays and see where we stand.

I have just completed being a "Consumer Reviewer" that I had been nominated to do and then was asked if I wanted to do it, and of course I said yes. It was a true learning experience but it has provided me with lots of new avenues of advocacy, ambassador, and activist can mean, and how much my opinion and all of our opinions Do MATTER!!!!

On Monday, Jim's birthday.... the 22nd we have an appointment at our lawyers office to go over what will be going on for the depositions. Then on Tuesday we go back in and give our depositions.  Since it is in Ft. Worth, our plans are to stay the night, and possibly go out to eat or something in celebration of Jim's birthday... and who knows... we maybe also celebrating the nightmare of this wreck stuff to finally be coming close to an end... and it coming out in our favor in a very huge way!!!

It is a bit nerve racking, thus I have not talked about it much. I just felt until we are close enough to possibly know when we will know the outcome. So keep us in your thoughts and prayers, as Monday and Tuesday are very significant for us in regard to possibly getting favorable results from the law suit.

I shall put on more tomorrow... as I get some of my other
chores out of my face...


Hugs, Rhia and by the way.. once and again, thank you my dear friend for taking a moment to post here :)                                                                              

"See NEWS" Page for the New Post! Exciting News for All Wanting to Speak To Your Congress Members!

BE SURE TO SEE THE LATEST IN NEWS TODAY!!! I JUST POSTED UNDER "NEWS" ABOUT THE UPCOMING CONGRESSIONAL BREAK... SO THEY MAY BE AVAILABLE TO YOU  - WE MUST SPEAK OUT TO GET THINGS DONE... RHIA

Bio-Medical Research, Congress, and Lupus Research Institute

 

Urge Your Senator to Co-sponsor Bill Supporting Biomedical Research at the National Institutes of Health

To continue our national commitment to research and fighting lupus and other diseases, we ask U.S. Senators to co-sponsor and support ''Accelerating Biomedical Research Act"introduced by Senator Tom Harkin (D-IA) July 24, 2014.  The Bill aims to prioritize funding for the National Institutes of Health to discover treatments and cures, maintain global leadership in medical innovation, and to provide consistent, reliable source for biomedical research. Lately, the NIH budget has been flat lined because of the budget battles in Washington. We need more federal funding for biomedical research on all diseases, especially lupus. The much-needed advances in lupus treatment of tomorrow depend on investment in NIH-funded research today.

Click the button below to write your legislator or click here to call your legislator.

 

http://www.congressweb.com/LRI/12

 

We Advocate on the Hill. Each year the LRI mobilizes representatives from the National Coalition to visit legislators on behalf of the lupus community throughout the country.  Learn how you can be a Virtual Advocate without ever leaving home!

Sjogren's - Heart Attack? Severe Dental Caries!

      Sjogren's Heart Attacks & Severe Dental Problems 

 This is something that really shocked me this morning. Due to having Sjogren's as well as already having not just 1 but 2!, Heart attacks I truly wondered WHY there is NEVER much talked out, put in the news about, or for the most part NONE of my PC doctors RARELY if EVER mention it during a visit. I began being very concerned as to why, since I have some really "severe" symptoms, that honestly I feel have been "swept' under the carpet by the medical profession! So, I have been the one who "researches" about Sjogren's, how it effects us that have it, and sometimes having it as a "primary" autoimmune arthritis illness, rather than a "2nd" that goes along with another AI such as Lupus, RA, and the like.

Know the Facts:   http://www.sjogrens.org/

I ALWAYS go in with the "latest" on medications of I have it, from the RA, Lupus, Sjogren's... and so forth. And believe it or not, several of my "suggestions" on what my "research" tells me, I may very well get some positive results from something. IT is the TRUTH, that had it not been for my "Own" research, and "self-education" I would never have been on the Latest medications called "Forteo" which is for osteoporosis. Mine is so BAD, my numbers are practically "off the scale". When I told my Rheumy about it, he immediately said you are a perfect patient that will get benefit from this. It actually does not just "strengthen" what "bone" you may have left BUT it actually helps your body to "re-generate bone"!!!

I have several including this Sjogren's mess. I began to dig, Google, read, ask questions, and try to fine out about it. SJOGREN"S'S si NOT just a case of "dry eyes and mouth"! IT causes your body to NOT be able at all to retain moisture of the mucus membranes throughout the body. So, this is not just a "dry eye and mouth" issue, it can turn into a very serious autoimmune disease issue, causing fatigue, low grade fevers, severe dental caries (rapidly) that must be removed because of the way it effects the teeth. Rather than like a "regular" cavity that begins on the outside of your tooth, Sjogren's begins deep inside the tooth. So, by the time you really know there is a problem that tooth or those teeth are already too far gone to be "repaired". I went with this diagnosis, as 2nd to Lupus, RA, Raynaud's, & a whole host of possible AI illnesses, yet u until about 9 months ago did I begin to suddenly have very severe cavities, that were already bad enough to have eaten holes too large to fill! Many of them would break off at the gum line even if I were not eating anything you might think would cause this. It started with one, and within 6 WEEKS, I had 3 pulled! It just kept getting worse. My fear was that there would more to follow, Just as I expected, after a "panoramic" X-ray of my entire mouth, MOST of my teeth are already too far gone to "repair". The very "few" left, could also begin at any moment, leaving me with NO teeth! It has literally frightened the hell out of me. Here I am, 54, and that is not that old, and my teeth are breaking off & having to be pulled frequently! So, I began asking my own dentist about alternatives, especially with the Sjogren's, and I was told by several, along with my own research, that regular "dentures" would probably not do well, due to the dryness of my mouth. The dentures would not be able to make a kind of "bond" well & they may not stay in place. So, I found out about the "mini implants", of which I am supposed to begin having put in. The procedure takes several months. First of all, it means pulling ALL of your teeth, then making sure the jawbone is healthy enough, and that you have enough of it to "hold" the little "gripper like" metal stubs they put in usually in 4 places, two upper and two lower, that will "snap" the final dentures into place and hold them securely. But, this takes months to accomplish AND it is certainly NOT CHEAP!!!!!

I have went to three dentists, and the estimates vary greatly. I had one that told me it would be something like $15,000!!!! I had another that was a couple thousand less, depending on the bone etc. Then another one told me $8,000,00. Well even that is astronomical, as far as "cash" pay out of pocket! Even though I could fight with my insurance to pay possibly to pay 60%! But that still leaves me 40%! And in order to have my health insurance pay for this, it takes the dentists helping to get something in writing, with diagnosis codes that indicate this is a "health related chronic issue" NOT a dental problem in itself. It is caused by the disease in other words. Well, it also means finding a "true" ORAL SURGEON! This is where I ran into all kinds of red tape and dispute. I come to find MANY dentists now "call themselves" oral surgeons. They take special classes over and above some dentists regular schooling. Those types of classes give them a "certificate" of being able to "do" oral surgery, thus the implants and so forth they can do. BUT, if they are not "fully licensed, fully fledged Oral and Max licensed by the state, before they are considered a "full Oral & Max MD". Of course I have found both, and many I find are the "1st kind". The "say" on the phone, on their websites & in their ad's they do these procedures" BUT they cannot help to give you a form that you can file with your insurance company to get that 60% paid back to you. I've been through phone calls, "so called free" consultations (watch that, it can come back to bite you in the butt), & I saw the "words Oral Surgeon/Surgery" & it is NOT what you need in order for this "chronic medical condition" to get considered a "health problem". Without that or without any type of dental insurance or health insurance. So, you are stuck holding that very outrageous bill, knowing your choices are not many, & trying to figure out how the heck you are going to suddenly pull anywhere from (I even read $25,000.00) yesterday - to $8,000.00 and so forth out of your butt to pay for this!

Fortunately, there is now a "medical/dental" Credit Card, called "CARE CREDIT" that is just like any other credit card. You apply, if they accept, they send you a credit card to use especially for medical/dental issues. And if you pay the procedure out by that allotted time. IF not, you pay monthly payments with interest just like any other credit card. Now, this is definitely a "God Send" for many people. For one, I believe it being something that your dentist can help with, as far as getting you enough "credit" to get a procedure placed on the card. And it is strictly for medical/dental purposes... and I "think I found out things like elective types of stuff such as face lifts, breast augmentations, and so on.

Still even though this "pays" your dentist, you are still going to have to shell out the money in big chunks or monthly installments.   

As you read at the URL below, about Sjogren's and think about just how it, as an Autoimmune Arthritic Illness has been shoved under the rug as I said earlier, I will say for myself, it has been a very "earth shattering" experience for me. I am terrified of having ALL of my teeth pulled!!!!!! YET!, they are cracking, breaking, chipping and falling out a a rapid rate anyway, my choices are slim to none!

AND trust ME, I surely do NOT have that kind of "cash" laying around to just jump into that reclining chair, have a bit of "laughing gas" put on & get all of your teeth jerked out... then spend another 120 PLUS days awaiting for those implanted posts in the jaw bone to properly heal enough so the dentures can be attached and unattached and remain strong in the jawbone.

I urge all with Sjogren's whether primary or 2nd to one of the other AI illnesses, to do your homework on this. I feel many of us have been "left in the dark" way to long on this chronic disease. AND NOW what is EVEN WORSE, we find out that this illness can also have a HIGH chance of causing us heart attacks on top of everything else.

Below is the MedPage URL:        

http://www.medpagetoday.com/MeetingCoverage/EULAR/46302?utm_source=cardio-meetings&utm_medium=email&utm_content=mpt&utm_campaign=DCH

Some Updates on the Wreck, Jim's Progress, My own Illness, with the pneumonia, teeth etc. and life

As you can tell, we are still reeling in many ways from everything over the past several months. Jim is home, and he is doing quite well. Honestly, much better than I, Him and I think even his doctors thought he would by now. He still is suffering from some abdominal pain, but more when he eats, and all of that pushes against those ribs. He had about 19 broken, at least on in two places. So, as he drinks water during the day, eats and so on, it seems due to the "lack" of nerve feeling, and then the "SOMEWHAT" odd places he right now has no feeling, the pain is better, but he is still dealing with some, especially when he is very tired, or after outpatient Rehab a couple of times a week.

Anyway, it seems I have been able to kind of "open up" for the first time in a very long time today and "hear" my own "voice" again... as far as my writing goes. Honestly, I truly felt I had lost all of it this time. For many reasons... first of all, my mind was not here, just the shock of the wreck, the plight of my own fall, my teeth, or lack of them, a continuous flare, not knowing where Jim would be, whether he would even walk again was a huge question right after all of the damage, the surgery, and everything there... more spinal cord damage was there, than initially thought... so there were many things holding me back from being able to truly "write" what I was concerned about. I even was ashamed of myself about feeling not up to truly doing my volunteer and advocacy work, which I love. But, I realized that will and is coming back now... it was just everything going on that those things were temporary. I am already putting a foot forward, baby steps, in trying to get myself settled back in my duties of volunteering, advocacy, and ambassador things.

but, since there have been a few more updates over the past week or so, I thought after posting to Facebook, I would also post here... I HAVE t get myself back into my blogging. It is so very important to me... and I feel my blog will continue to be somewhat the same, but I feel I will be adding more things in the realms of spinal cord injuries, rehab, and I will be adding more information about things such as Baclofen, which they use for SCI's and MS also. I have also been dealing with more other realms of medical issues, that also will tie into the autoimmune illnesses too. So, if you see me taking a bit of a different track, know I am "adding in" not taking away at all.

So, I will "paste" a couple of my FB posts below from today. They have updated information that some of you maybe interested in.... much more to come (this has not taken all of my will power yet)... even though it such made a dent in it this time.....


Facebook posts below from today and yesterday.....

Hello all..I've been trying to get here to update everyone on Jim's homecoming and first f/u with his back surgeon, and then my situation. But it seems too much to do, too little time to do it, and feel like hell... all three make for some frustration. The back surgeon was VERY pleased with Jim's recovery process! In fact, I think he was almost overwhelmed at that fact, that since they have NOT gotten Jim's wheelchair out to us yet, that he walked the entire way all day on Thursday with his cane!!!! :):) The wheelchair is actually just for LONGER walks, like through a huge store, or to the doctors where like Baylor it is a nightmare sometimes to walk to where your doctor is, etc. He is going over to Rehab twice weekly in Waxahachie, then doing his other exercises etc, walking here at home. He has now began to have some spasticity issues, which usually show up about 8 to 10 weeks after a spinal cord injury. So, we had asked about Baclofen, and he said absolutely. He thought he might already have been put on it, while in Rehab. But the symptoms of it did not really begin until about a day or so before he was to come home. So, we were not sure at the time if that was what it was or not. But, it is and just like someone with MS... it should help immensely. From there we had to go have my pain pump refilled. Which now they can do in their office, thus not the nightmare of outpatient at the hospital, much quicker and much LESS expensive. My lung X-ray last week on Thursday came back and appears the pneumonia is gone, even though I am still wheezing, and rattling. But. they thought it was more of an asthma development, and put me on another inhaler, and I am already on Singular, plus a huge 60mg dose for 5 days of Prednisone once again. But the next day, of course never happens while you are AT the doctor, I got up to about 4 massive ulcers on the bottom of my mouth and something in my throat that hurts like hell. I have a tooth (more than one) that HAVE to be pulled, but no way he could work in my mouth as it was, thus I am trying to get some of it healed up for Monday, so I can get the ball on the roll. I am thinking having these rotten teeth, what few I have left, could be also causing me to have the other issues, almost like a constant flare. Also, I still have not gotten to have my 2nd round of Rituxan due to the pneumonia, thus one ankle the right one swells up horribly, and the pain is back in my fingers, thumbs, toes, ankles and feet with a vengeance .... but I also run the risk of having further mouth infection, if I am on it, when having 5 teeth at a time pulled, and going through all of that, and trying to not have a flare, BUT moreover NOT getting dry sockets and infections. So, I am in between a rock and a hard place. The pump is filled through September, yet my pain over the past week has been terrible. I think just ALL going on, and as I said I seem to be in a constant flare... anyway, so between the two of us, lots going on. We kind of have to grin about it, because it seems both of us are dealing somewhat with the same issues now when it comes to our physical bodies.... We saw the Xray of the surgery, right after it was done that night. He has a set of 7 fusion bars, so he beats me by 4...LOL! funny but not, talk about looking odd though... I know when I saw mine, it was like WOW, that looks like something I would work on the house with, nuts, bolts, screws and bars. So, for all of you that have been with us through every step of the way, I again and Jim too, appreciates every one of you.... we also both ask for your continued thoughts, well wishes and prayers. We have a long way to go for both of us.... but as I told him yesterday, from what I watched about 6 weeks ago when he was at the hospital, versus what I see now at home.... I now see much of the "normal" parts of Jim more and more each day! :):) He is still in pain, but he is determined to be able to walk without the cane, which may or may not happen. But even if the cane stays, honestly he is a walking miracle. Between the both of us and all we've been through, my pain doctor was almost in tears. He did not know how badly things had been since he was me earlier in the year for my pump refill. And I had forgot to mention I had fallen that same night of Jim's surgery also... We are truly blessed, but I admit these last few weeks, sometimes I have to truly "hunt" for those blessings... the pneumonia and all of my own weakness, pain, my mouth, the ulcers, my throat, a huge swollen ankle.... I have to make myself STOP every once in a while, and truly THINK just what a blessing we do have.


AWESOME NEWS!!! OUR LAWYER FILED SUIT AGAINST THE 18 WHEELER COMPANY THAT RAN OVER JIM. It was official yesterday! And THEY LOCATED THE CAR! We thought it may have already been crushed, BUT the company that bought it from the auction, still HAS IT! So even better! OUR PICS were GREAT BUT NOW they have their own Professional inspector that can see it up close and personal!!!!!! :):) This is truly incredible news....

I so appreciate all of the "Thumbs up" and support.... as things began, you really do not think in the "monetary" terms of something such as this. But, now as we see the bills coming in, we think about having to buy the car, time lost for his work, time and money on Rehab, traveling, doctors, medications, pain and suffering, the issues of me "losing" my care taker in many ways, modifications to the house, you name it... now this part begins to set in.... and even though I am NOT ONE for believing in "suing" as some do... under these circumstances, I truly believe if all is as we have seen and heard, this company should be responsible for ALL of it. They have refused to even speak to our insurance company or our lawyer. Even turned away certified letters, or even allowing the lawyers to speak .... they have told "lies" as far as we know about the happenings of that event... as far as even having the driver of the 18 wheeler say he was NOT in a wreck, and he was not driving that truck that day. It was also picked up and towed away by guess who? Their own company, very quickly, even before the investigation got underway after the accident... thus they are refusing to cooperate in any fashion at all. That tells me... they are hiding something, or they would be out telling the story as "they" saw it.... as far as the two (without a driver's license due to NO INSURANCE anyway) in that Tahoe they are already out of the scene. They also would not cooperate at all, and basically "disappeared" along with the so called "witness" that just happened to walk out on his porch about the time our car went sailing under the Tahoe, (due to the 18 wheeler shoving the car under it)... anyway, that person suddenly disappeared also. My insurance refused to pay them a dime... and closed that part of this weeks ago. So, the portion now is the 18 wheeler tractor trailer business who owns the vehicle... As I said I do NOT believe in suing ... and honestly, probably may honestly think about having a "side suit" in for my own losses due to losing Jim as my caretaker. It has caused my own health, mental and emotional status harm... and our lawyer is the one who even mentioned it. He said that it may take longer to try and get that all in order and settled, but we should think about it due to my own pain and suffering, health issues, and the fact that now we may both be facing totally disability... and "no" outside caretaker. My Mom sure can't... bless her heart, she is doing more than she should right now at home I think because she hates to ask me... yet she should allow me to do some of what she is trying to do before she winds up accidentally hurting herself. Thus, it is up to the both of us, possibly later on some in home health care... and like I told Jim, I don't know where my own health issues may take me... I may face being on a cane, etc... in the future... the progression of the Lupus, Sjogren's, RA..... etc. has been extremely bad in the past 6 months.... so we both maybe having to use assistance to walk etc... anyway, just another "piece of the pie" of life... when things like this happen. You don't want to face these parts, but there comes a time you have to.... it sucks... but it is one of those "necessary evils"...


Question for those of you on "daily prednisone"? What dose do you take if you are on a daily dose of it? I have been on a maintenance dose of 2.5 daily, which honestly I cut down, it is supposed to be 5 mg. daily.... but the doctor told me as long as I was feeling okay, the lower the better... BUT when the doctor put me on the 60 mg tablets (2 20's daily) for 5 days... the swelling in my ankle is almost gone, and I've noticed some of the fatigue better, and anywhere I have any type of inflammation going on, even with the "asthma" issue, that is so much better. BUT we know that another "necessary" evil, is this "wonder drug", prednisone, or the "corticosteroids" .... they do magic... but they also can freaking wreck your body at larger doses for an extended time if taken. So, now I face another dilemma... do I ask to have an "increase" of like 10 mg daily.. or so ... I fear I will blow up like a balloon and have MORE issues caused from the prednisone... gosh this crap sucks. 

World Autoimmune Arthritis Day!!!

World Autoimmune Arthritis Day Are YOU ready for World Autoimmune Arthritis Day 2014? WE ARE!Tomorrow we will launch a GLOBAL VIRTUAL WAVE to kick off the official registration, so make sure to join us and dozens of other organizations as we ignite the world in excitement about the countdown to May 20th!But first, the "Best of the Best" 2014 Nominations are OPEN! Please use this link to nominate the Best Bloggers, Support Groups, and Rheumatologists around the world. All nominees will be posted as resources for WAAD14.To learn more about WAAD14 and to nominate someone, visit:  http://www.worldautoimmunearthritisday.org/Nominate__BEST_of_2014.html

Where Do You "Turn" When you are already "Char-Broiled" by Illnesses, the Insurance companies & Our Medical "Entity"?

How To Turn Over And Change A World of "Not "for" the People, but for The People's Money?

There was a time that I felt "age" and technology moving so very rapidly caused many to not "get the drift" of insurance, medical charges, medical information, & all that goes with that. Well, I am here to tell you right now "age" has nothing to do with any of those things being "confusing". I've found out quite recently, even the medical facilities, doctors offices and insurance companies themselves have no clue as to what they are doing! I've had to get a "crash education" in "diagnosis codes", in the "technical parts" of insurance, medical billing and coding just to get my bills coded, and paid correctly. Two of which I had dealt with since LAST AUGUST~ After 3 APPEALS including myself, my husband, and 5 other people at the University Hospital, working on these, WE NEVER did get Humana to pay those 2 infusions correctly! They continued to try to bill the "Rituxan" as "Part D", which is NOT CORRECT, and then they billed again, and Humana tried to code it strictly as if it were for Cancer, not RA, so that screwed everything up. Alas finally last week, after resorting to ALL avenues even the hospital threw in the towel. They helped me with financial aid for those two bills totaling over $3,000.00!!! They also have me "approved" NOW for the Rituxan infusions until August of this year. After Humana pays all they are going to the hospital will pick up the balance for me. :) Which is awesome news! BUT, in the mean time I was 7 weeks or more late with any biologic! I came down totally ill with two different flares, RA and LUPUS! Along with all of this serious dental stuff that is going to require a Dental Surgeon to probably have to pull all of my teeth, put in a couple of implants, and then put the teeth onto those implants! I go tomorrow to the dentist, but I know just from what I feel and see, I doubt there is anymore "patching". My teeth literally one day seem fine, the next they are breaking off at the gum line, splitting into halves,   and they are almost like coming apart, pieces sloughing off, and it just happens. No rhyme, nor reason. It is the Sjögren's, but all of that was discovered too late. My teeth were already headed down that road probably before 2008, when I first was diagnosed with these Autoimmune illnesses. Plus there is "little" they can do for Sjögren's. There are two pills, I've tried them both. I am still on one of them, but it is not helping really. I constantly have to sip on green tea or something, and I have to constantly chew gum (sugar free and with xylitol" in it) or my mouth is so dry, I cannot swallow, talk, nothing... plus I am constantly having ulcers, sores, sore throats, you name it... . I've already lost 4 teeth in just about 6 months, and I know right now, if these cannot be fixed tomorrow, I could lose at least 4 again, if not more. Now to find an Oral Surgeon, that can "file" this as a medical condition, which it is and it is well documented with ALL of my doctors and now two dentists, that Sjögren's is the issue, and I did have a woman at Humana TELL ME yes they will cover this IF it is a medical condition... and I even got so far as to having them send me a letter stating they will... I may still face having all of my teeth pulled, two implants put in top and bottom, then they almost "snap" the plates in on those to hold them. Regular "dentures" are not the answer for anyone with Sjögren's. Due to no saliva they will not hold in place, and would make my mouth probably less wet, etc. I also have osteoporosis, and it is in the "severe" range. So, that will also be a factor as to how they fix the problem. I could have to have "bone grafts" or some way to fix the bone, if I have lost enough that the implants may not be able to be put in! This is a living nightmare! And the sad damned thing is NOT ONE doctor, or really dentist until I began to discuss it, has tried or talked to me about this horrid disease. Yes, I have it. Yes, it is reeking havoc with my mouth, teeth, bone and gums, but till this moment has anyone offered a "real solution". The ONLY person who has even attempted to find out what HAS to be done, is ME! Plus, this is like major surgery. I am sure the oral surgeon has to put me to sleep, pull those teeth, and then I am not sure about the implants from there, and putting the teeth in. That all depends on my bones in my jaws, as to how it all plays out.... and now I face a major trip 4 weeks away to DC! I certainly cannot go with my teeth literally falling out of my mouth daily now a piece at a time! But, trying to get ALL of this done... no way, no how in 4 weeks! Plus, if things are not bad enough, I have this flare, I was put on steroids again, after an injection, the PA thought I have a sinus infection, which has been wheezing. So, she put me on "Omnicef" but a generic form of it. Well, I have not had any of the "Keflex" type of medications for many years. So, I am on it since Thursday. Friday I noticed my stomach not "right"... but it has not been anyway with the flare mess. So, I take the antibiotics, and by yesterday I have such a horrible, horrible scary case of the big "D" word, I cannot stay out of the bathroom! So, I get concerned, look it up and come to find out, this is probably a "form" of colitis, a secondary infection in my colon, due to it allowing other bacteria to take away too much of my "good bacteria" out of my intestines! I was not that concerned, but it kept getting worse and worse... and it is just I won't even go there... but BAD!!! So, I had already taken some Imodium a couple of times, then read this morning it is better to "talk to the doctor" BEFORE taking any of the anti-diareall's !!! Well what another mess we have here "Sherlock"! I certainly can't even leave the house like this, and now I have another problem on top of everything else. My Enbrel came in Thursday and I took it. But now I woke up yesterday feeling like someone literally knocked me on the ground, and took a baseball bat and beat every muscle in my body. There is NOT ONE place I can touch myself, that does not "hurt"... it is insanity! And who knows, is it one of the flares, medications, something new I am developing???? No biologic for too long, then a new one that I've never had??? I can guarantee "my guess" is probably better than the doctors as this point! That does not include everything that is on the "books" for me this coming month! I honestly fear I will be having to miss the DC fly in. I just don't think with my mouth situation, the flares as bad as they are, and everything else going on with me, I can take a chance to fly to a strange city, going through a 3 day seminar, then stay on through the following Sunday to see Jim's Step Mom. Hell, I can't even go to the store as I am this morning, much less drive to even Dallas! These diseases can really make your life a living hell. When you add on top ALL of the STRESS, with insurance, bills, just having surgery 5 weeks ago, and a few other things going on with "family", that I just found out yesterday, and that I am extremely upset about, my brain is at either go insane completely, throw in the towel, and cover me up for good. And NONE of this includes Jim's ENTIRE ORDEAL with a neck that probably needs surgery, a lower back problem that is not much better, and NO INSURANCE! And don't get me started on the "Indigent" Health help in our county!!! Talk about a joke! That is another complete chapter for my book, if not two chapters. SO!!! IN A NUT SHELL NANCY! You are correct, and it is even WORSE than many know. I just read yesterday afternoon, that "Obama Care" due to the "new insurance crap" may even make getting anything paid through Medicare, and especially Medicare Advantage Plans (i.e. Humana, and the others) even more difficult. They are planning to pay the providers "less"! Well hell, they don't "pay" them as it is. That is why our doctors are starting to not accept them! Because they bill for a 100.00 office visit, and the insurance pays them $3.00!!! or something ridiculous! I realize the medical system is screwed, doctors, facilities all of that is WAY< WAY over priced. BUT it is because the insurance companies PAY NOTHING, thus the circle begins, round and round. And who is stuck in the middle of it? Well us for one as patients! BUT who is it FUELING THE FIRE??? THE GOVERNMENT, MEDICARE! Absolutefrickinly! Yes new word... we have our dear CONGRESS and our Centers for Human Services (not Humane", but Human) to thank for this bill pile of bureaucratic bull red tape. And then it all falls on our shoulders, and we bear the scars all over us where they have just "shredded" humans out of any kind of true health care! It is a total fly over the planet, into another universe, complicated, ridiculous, "corporation greed" let's make money, NOT HOW WE CAN HELP PEOPLE! Thank you to ALL of our Congress, and I mean all of them... local, state, federal.... we vote them in and they vote us as "null and void"....

IFAA Blog Leader "Rhia Steele" & Her Featured Interview - I Would LOVE to See you there!

I am so totally amazed and thrilled at the turnout "WE", meaning IFAA has had on introducing all of our Blog Leaders with Interviews over the past couple of weeks! We still have many more to do, and my hopes are is that you will stop in, say hello, learn some wonderful things about these ladies, their own personal stories, and how they began blogging for "Autoimmune Arthritis Illnesses" of one kind or another! I have learned a great deal about these illnesses, along with the wonderful bloggers themselves. They come from all over the nation, all walks of life, some even "caretakers" for their own children; yet one thing in common, these women blog to help get Autoimmune Arthritic Illnesses information out there, so we can do more research, find educate and aggressive physicians quickly, who know and understand these life altering illnesses. We are wanting to CHANGE that on the average of 4.7 YEARS before many get properly diagnosed!

So, I hope you shall stop by on the (19th, which is the coming Sunday) - this maybe on Monday evening but I will give you a definite day (Whether Sunday or Monday) later in the week!

Introducing! - "Systemically Connected" the Official Blog for the International Foundation for Autoimmune Arthritis' Blog Leader - Rhia Steele!!!!

IFAA's Facebook Page" https:www.facebook.com/IFAutoimmuneArthritis

Now if she looks "familiar" (which I hope so) I do so hope you will drop by IFAA's Facebook page and say Hello!

I am more than honored to be a Blog Leader and an Active Volunteer for the International Foundation for Autoimmune Arthritis! Plus I am even more honored to be a "Guest" Blogger on the 19th!

"Unwell" ... and if you stay long enough, you shall find and see a very different side of me...

....Right Now I know I am a bit IMPAIRED....

cont. from FB post.

...    for me it is worth mentioning. I became a HUGE" Matchbox 20 “  fan when I was living in Seattle. I had bought their first two CD’s(and yes then CD’s were still a huge market) LOL! Both of them really had some songs on their that “not only touched me back then” BUT it was as if every word they had written, sang, and played music to spoke to this very inner core of my being. I recall walking on Alki (West Seattle looking over the Sound back to the City) Beach, and I played those two CD’s and could walk for hours. There is something un EVERY song, that Rod Thomas sings that just expresses (even now and especially back then) in which sounded like many of my poems and short prose. My live at that time was such an incredibly  wondrous, almost esoteric tempo to it, thus something about most of those lyrics, just reached out and “grabbed” me. Anyone that is a Matchbox Twenty fan, knows the song, “Unwell”. It seemed to be the “theme” of my life at that time! Now, I’m not saying “illness” as far as being physically sick, I really was not “mentally” or “emotionally” challenged either. Yet, for some of those looking outside to within me, may have thought to themselves, she seems a little “Unwell”! The fact was those years in Seattle, especially the last three, were the years that taught me SO MUCH in regards to my strength in all ways, my courage to venture out, to a HUGE city, thousands of miles from any family, or anyone I really “knew” that well; in more ways than I can count, I felt each day, I was “Less” “UNWELL”. Not only all of the above, but I rented my own apartment all by myself (may sound silly to some but for me it was a first; I bought my “own” first “very good” used Honda & knew without any help I could pay my car payment, living expenses, and so on all by myself. I “gained” an independence in my those years more than any other in a lifetime! I interviewed all through the downtown part of the city (LOL! anyone who knows Seattle, knows it has some HUGE hills to go up and down in with very busy city traffic), and in fact had taken two previous jobs I had loved being an apartment manager at both! This new one was at a banking institute and at that time it was MEGA busy due to ALL the interest rates, and the “Fannie May” and all of that boon at that time. I got hired on to help be the assistant to the lady that did all of the last paperwork for home loans. I had to know everything from what a Title Policy needed and looked for, the note, the deed of trust, insurance, flood insurance, all of the truth in lending information….. I was responsible for making sure we had ALL of that paperwork and it was correct before they could “close” on the home loan. We also “sold” off “blocks” of them. Of course that was to have more funds that would ultimately turn into more blocks of loans that were sold off also. You get the picture. My salary was MORE money that I had ever made at any job in my life! Now even though was was a fact, I still had those rent, car and living expenses to think about. But I had figured all of that out and knew I would be fine. :) I got insurance coverage, I kind of worked my “own” hours. I was a morning person. So, I would come in at 7 am, way before any of the rest of them showed up. My direct boss, bless her heart had a young son, she was single, or about to be, and she usually showed up about 9:45 or so. LOL!! That mattered not, because as soon as 8 hours rolled around, I could leave. So, I went home early most days also. )BY THE WAY this is PRE AUTOIMMUNE ILLNESSES DIAGNOSIS) days… I did suffer from severe migraines, did all my life, and they put me down at least 2 days when I had one. Anyway, dream life for me… not rich by no means at all. But, I saved a bit here and there and would buy a new outfit, or treat myself to something like a little TV I bought for my apartment back then, etc. Anyway, I am sure many people that “knew” me then, often wondered if I didn’t have a “screw or two loose”, or was missing a few cards from the deck, a brick or two out of the wall etc… because I was “eccentric”. I “danced” life to my own tunes playing in my head. I wrote more poetry and short prose there than ever. I didn’t have “friends” per se, other than some online that we had known one another for a long time. I dressed as I wanted (at that time I only weighed like 118 pounds and had a waistline that was tiny like Dolly Parton’s… BUT not the “TOP” of the hour glass like she did” HAHAHA!!… I loved clothes and shoes… yet with it just me, and my bills, I bargain hunted on the weekends at the Mall nearby, and bought one thing etc… as I could afford it. Yet, even though I felt “business” dressed, and I was… I honestly believe the supervisor OVER my own supervisor was quite jealous! Never did figure that one out… the ONLY thing I DID figure out is that she was a “backstabbing, manipulating, ladder climbing, crush the persons under you, and a plain “witch” of a boss and a woman. Okay, now to pull all of this “insanity” together… Hey good word for this “insanity” …….LOL!!! That song by Rob Thomas” “ Unwell” was the theme of my life… I even would quote some of it at times when it was appropriate, “Oh, no, I not crazy, I’m just a little “Unwell”… and if you stay you will see a different side of me”. I still “dance to my own “weird” tune inside my head”…. I am NOT one to “go along” with the crowds, and I REFUSE to HURT< BACKSTAB, MANIPULATE …. and all of those other “nasty words” to ANYONE! I am NOT a Ladder climber! And if I did NOT get the “promotion” or raise for some reason, as far as I was concerned, then I needed to do a “better” job… and those things like more money, a further up position, more responsibility… all would come in good time. I remain the same. I will “take up” for the guy or gal being stomped on, I think that is why I just about HATE politics, I am NOT a “used car sale man” (even hough I did do that for a few months in my twenties), … you get the picture… if MY OWN SKILLS, personality, aura, …. does not put me in that place, then I need to “turn my sails” a different direction and get with the winds of change that shall make my sail into my own smooth river happen. There are so many days, that I say just this… I’m not Crazy, I’m just a little Unwell, and if you will stay long enough, you shall see a different side of me…. and it is very true… even here in Facebook, a few of those who have gotten to really “know” ME, not just the illnesses me, etc… but this complex, but simple, conundrum, and dichotomy that makes up the wholeness that I am… of course the “autoimmune illnesses” and age have “changed” me in many ways… yet that creative, tend to flow on a different rivers path “me” is still very much alive and “Well”!!!!  “She” does not show up as much as far as to others outside my very personal life very much, yet, if you “stay” a while… you shall see that “different side” of me… … And to “honor” that song… Here are the lyrics… and they just tell a story that was a piece of my lifetime….

 "UnWell" 

           Lyrics  written by Rob Thomas off of Matchbox Twenty 

"More Than You Think You Are CD"

All day staring at the ceiling

Making friends with shadows on my wall

All night hearing voices telling me

That I should get some sleep

Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on

Feeling like Im headed for a breakdown

And I don't know why

[chorus]

But Im not crazy, Im just a little unwell

I know right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

Im not crazy, Im just a little impaired

I know right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be...me

Im talking to myself in public

Dodging glances on the train

And I know, I know they've all been talking about me

I can hear them whisper

And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me

Out of all the hours thinking

Somehow Ive lost my mind

[chorus]

But Im not crazy, Im just a little unwell

I know right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

Im not crazy, Im just a little impaired

I know right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be

Ive been talking in my sleep

Pretty soon they'll come to get me

Yeah, they're taking me away

[chorus]

But Im not crazy, Im just a little unwell

I know right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

Im not crazy, Im just a little impaired

I know right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be

Yeah, how I used to be

How I used to be

Well, Im just a little unwell

How I used to be

How I used to be

Im just a little unwell