Thoughts as I ponder my own Health, Lupus, RA, Sjogren's, those that "harm" us, those that have all disregard for human life.. the nation and world in vast and deep trouble...

I put up a couple of new pics earlier on Facebook and I wanted to post them here, and then write about some stuff I've been wanting to write about... lots to do with my own life journey, this river of all too often the "unknown"... we  ... none of us know what the next moment holds... we are not meant to... thus each breath leads to another "surprise" of life... this below is about dealing with illnesses, chronic in nature... Lupus, RA, Heart problems, Sjogrens' the severe pain of them, they tend to try and consume your life, mind, heart and soul... and how then a relationship, although we never know either can literally "suck" the life out of you... before you even know what has happened.... So, I wish each of you, a good life, be safe, love one another every day, every moment... do NOT let a moment pass by that you don't try and make someone else, yourself, or even your "four legged" friends... (I speak of my pups) that you don't love them, and tell them often... 

We never know if we will be shot going down an Interstate, or bombed and terrorized in a church, place to eat, on a job.,, in a market... WE have MANY, MANY Horrible people that spend their life "killing others" and never bat an eye doing it... it is all around, and we hear, read and see is way too much... our NATION and OUR WORLD are in much need of PRAYER, PEACE, AND HARMONY!!! ... YET, too many do not have any regard for human life... I just don't and cannot fathom that they do that in the name of their "god" or whomever they worship.... 

After the SEVERAL what feels like MONTHS the past weeks... I needed to hear something "positive" 　 I have been so totally frustrated with "life" in general... mainly of course illnesses and medical issues. I am still not "completely convinced about this leg being "not infected... but the surgeon I went to has been practicing for many, many years... so I must have faith that he knows what he is looking at. I learned a few things from him by asking questions, especially about MRSA, and what to look for and so on. I am not sure why that even though this lump was "abscessed" is it not "grow" anything. You would assume it being "infected, which is what I "assume" abscess is, that there would be some type of staph, strep, or something that would grow out of that culture. He took two... because I actually had two pockets of abscess from what he said, one not very deep, but the other quite deep into the thigh. I am still taking extremely good care of it, and not going anywhere without it covered and I am still actually covering it with gauze. For one, with the two pups, and then jumping to see me, especially when I sit down in the evenings on the sofa to watch a = movie with the, they both are pawing at me, or putting their heads on my legs etc.. vying for my attention,.... talk about UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!! That is what I get from Bub's and Tazzy.... they love me in spite of being ill so much, being not able to sit with them every moment of the day LOL, if I have my makeup on or not, no matter how I am dressed... they love me... too bad I never found a "spouse" that was so committed to me... Yes, I did say that...I am so "fed up" at the moment with people that "commit" themselves supposedly 110% and vow to be there no matter what, yet when the tough times roll around, guess what... GONE... on 60 SECONDS! I was totally "committed" to each and every relationship where I said and vowed to do that. But, as we know it takes TWO!!! I could not do "all the work" and the other party not want to work at it at all... and in fact at the moment I am quite livid in the fact, that I've been deceived, lied to, cheated on, and you name it, and I know that even my neighbors who have known me now 8 years must have been "told" I was the problem!!! They barely even "look" at me... and they were here all the time "before" the other party left for Seattle... so I can't help but think someone said things that make them think I "threw" it all away etc... when I never did such... but after trying to work on it for almost 13 YEARS... between my own health, my Mom, and ALL that I need to do... things that I gave up, in order to make a relationship last, I am SICK of GIVING, and someone else doing all of the TAKING!!!! Plus I am TOO OLD and TOO much water has flown under the bridge, that I shall NEVER "beg" anyone to be with me, or stay, and so forth... I am too disgusted with all of it, to even truly have the stamina to "fight" for someone to be here. I am just as well off, even though I am lonely at times, the pups as I said love me, no matter what... and I've vowed to NEVER again get into any "long term" anything... And no one say "Oh, you will feel differently later..." NO! I won't... I am going to spend the time that I "wasted" on committing to someone who just took full advantage of my tenacity... and put all of that COMMTMENT back into getting myself as well as possible, writing my (or may I say finishing") my 3rd book and getting it published, along with more much more energy into my blog... which is doing fairly well... and into my activist and advocacy work... those things are where my true nature, my passion, my love, and what I feel my life is truly about... and no more will I forego those things to try and make someone else happy.. if they cannot be happy themselves, then I certainly can't make them happy .... I am off to post this on my blog... do a few things I've got to catch up on... I spent yesterday outside a great deal... washed and got most of my car waxed... and got some of the dead limbs and trees down that my neighbor "left" rather than take down as he said he would before he built that UGLY HUGE MONSTROUS WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE A GARAGE... it is bigger than my house! So, I've got lots of things I have to do for my home and I am already too vested in it to not finish what I began... so as the next moment, hour, day, week, and hopefully YEARS flow... my hopes are to "do" exactly what I feel my true "calling and purpose" here is.....

Medicare, Disabilities, Chronic Illnesses, Chronic Pain... and going through the "hoops" to get the help we need...

Morning gals and guys... or guys and gals, however you want to put it. I realize I've been almost "quiet" the past couple of days, which is not like me.

I've been doing several things, from continuing on my spring/summer "cleaning"... believe me when I get into one of these moods, if it is not "nailed down" it may just get thrown away, given away, or whatever... but it will not stay in this house for sure.

I do this about 2 - 3 times a year. I guess we all have a certain "time" that we decide it is time to "junk away"... I am not a "hoarder" by no means. But, I do believe in hanging on to some items, knowing there will come a time, I will decide I need a certain item.

So, like many, I have a "guide" I go by. If I have not needed it, thought about it, worn it, looked at it... for OVER a year or a bit more... then it's time to either get rid of it, or decide to use it in whatever way I intended.

I don't like to be one of those who hangs onto every plastic butter bowl, or every coffee can, or old towels, sheets, or even clothes. Usually on my clothes, I have a few tops I wear around the house daily. They are probably not really fit to run to town in, but okay enough for around the house. Then I have some I wear for everyday errands. Those I wear to run errands in, to the market, to Wally World... and when they get to the place, they are looking kind of "not all that great", I use those around the house, and by then it is more than time to "chunk" away the other old house tops. You can bet by then, they are stained, probably are beginning to have a few tiny holes in them and so on.

As far as my "dressy"... more go to the Casino, out to eat, or something else ... that I feel I need to dress up for... again, I go through them a couple of times a year. If I have not put it on, thought about it, even remotely considered doing anything in it, then usually it goes to Good Will, if it is still in good shape. I try my best NOT to have LOTS of stuff, that is totally NOT going to be worn here in my closets. Thus, a couple of times a year during the season changes is a great opportunity to take them and let someone else get some use out of them. I do the same with magazines, books, and the like. If I can "reuse", then I do... if I can give it to others to recycle, reuse, etc... I do... If none of those sound feasible, then usually it goes over to "Soul's Harbor"... which is a store, that everyone does the same. Whether clothes, furniture, dishes, you name it... and you don't really want to throw it out, then we take them there. You can get a receipt for a tax write off, but I don't even worry over that. I always tell them, if you can sell it, or whatever... great, if you cannot... the get rid of it however you do....

Okay, so I've been in the middle of all of that stuff, along with getting rid of 2 old computers, an old desk, some speakers, and just some "general" stuff that rather than let me hauled off in the trash... we have a couple of people that come around and pick up some items, especially if there is any metal in them... they sell it to one of our "steel" businesses here. That way those thing get recycled, the guys can get a few bucks out of them, and that means less waste in our landfills for sure.

I know my family gets tickled at me. I can find some real "odd" uses for some stuff, but when I finish, they are totally amazed. A few years back, we had a pretty good sized tree limb come down. IT was pretty straight, and fairly thick. It was also long enough, in my head, I could see it cut into about 18 inch long pieces, and make flower arrangements with them. So, we cut them in a couple of different lengths. I went around my house and found some of my silk flowers, then went to our "Dollar Tree" and picked up a few more, and 'voila', I had three beautiful flower arrangements, at that time for Christmas!!!

I had one for my table, one of the office and one for the living room! Between some left over ribbon, and lace, a few silk flowers, some floral wire... and a bit of imagination, they appeared to be something you may buy at one of these "DIY" sales, where people sell their items they make. Then I got the idea, I would change them for the different holidays. So I had some flowers and things for Valentine's Day, Memorial Day, Easter... Thanksgiving, and one year even St. Patrick's Day! I found some "green silk flowers" and I had some white ones, and with a bit of green and white ribbon, that made a cute centerpiece on a table or on the desk, or sitting in the living room.

OF course, here I go again, taking the "back way" around what I wanted to write about in the beginning of this.

I read an article this morning about an extremely "lucrative" (for the crooks) scam that took place all over this nation, in regard to "false claims" from Medicare. This is such a horrid thing, ANY PHYSICIAN is NOT a true doctor, if they are ripping off their patients. That is called greed, and any one in the medical profession and others are no professional if they take advantage of something as "fragile" as Medicare is. It just burns me to NO END, that the very people that NEED to be seen by physicians, that cannot AFFORD for our Medicare system to go "belly up" are the ones that suffer from this unspeakable crime. Even though they took down the largest fraud ring ever in this, I am sure there are others out there doing it also... and it appears that Medicare has tightened up and is paying more attention to these kind of schemes. Florida of course is a huge one, but there were several states including Texas involved in this.

Due to migraines, chronic pain, fatigue an  ALL THAT GOES along with disabilities also, NEED there disability (Medicare) also to help keep their health hopefully in check. I know of course some of you are not thrilled about the idea of those on disability... but I PAIN into my Social Security and Medicare for over 25 years before I had to file for my disability. So, I don't feel that I've taken advantage of anyone or anything. I just could not work anymore due to all of my health issues, and I've had to accept the fact, they are NOT MY FAULT! The Lupus, Sjogren's, RA, and so on... "just happened"... I've done nothing as far as I know to cause them....


IT took me a long time to understand, I am not to blame... I didn't go and do something within my life, as far as I know to "cause" me to become ill. You would be surprised though how many of us want to blame ourselves for it,

No chronic illness and/or chronic pain issue is FUN! They are all serious, and they change your entire life and your quality of life in many instances is truly sunken into the depths of the unknown... losing friends, spouses, family... to those horrid diseases, that we have little or no control over.

All we can do is take one step in front of the other, one moment at a time... and continue to hold on to what we can do, have, and hope for in the future.....

I've not disappeared at all... just been extremely busy... for one, fighting of two flares, making changes around my home, as you see above, and trying to fit some of the pieces of me, that seemed to have gotten lost in all of the drama... of daily life....


http://www.medpagetoday.com/PublicHealthPolicy/Medicare/52207

Dealing with Aging, Chronic Illness and Another Birthday today!

All of us have to deal with aging. It is just a fact of life. If we are here on this Earth, we naturally are a tad bit older each day.

I am dealing with my 55th birthday tomorrow, Sunday the 15th (almost a Valentine's Baby). I always have a difficult time dealing with how quickly these birthdays seem to come around. It feels like I just celebrated one, and here is another one popping up.

When you have a chronic illness (es) and/or are living with chronic pain, I feel you have more of a feeling of "desperation" as the days go by. It is of course a known fact, if you are chronically ill, with just about any type of disease, that can lessen your life span depending on which illness, and how well it can be managed.

So, with someone such as myself, dealing with Lupus, RA, Sjogren's, already having two heart attacks, etc. the possibility of me living my life out to my 90's or less can be something that you have to admit may not happen. No one wants to think about growing older, and then passing away. We have so much LIFE to live, none of us want to check out of the life hotel, before we have completed all of the things we want to. Maybe it is to see your kids, grandkids, and great grand children grow up. Maybe you have things like myself, a blog, a book to write, people to see, family that you of course don't want to leave, and hobbies, activism, volunteer work, traveling, just the daily parts of life such as they are. with Autoimmune Illnesses, days may not be the greatest. You have some that are full of pain, and you would prefer not to deal with. Yet, you usually would rather deal with the pitfalls of chronic illness, than the opposite, which would be to pass onto another life.

I didn't get to finish this post yesterday, so I will finish it off for now with what I have written on Facebook this morning. I am so fortunate to have so many people around the globe that lift me up in faith, hope, and prayer... and I want all of them to know how much they mean to me.

This has been such a wonderful day so far. Other than waking up early this morning with a freaking horrid headache, that then upset my stomach as usual, I am having an incredible birthday! I went yesterday and got 3 shirts and a purse at Beall's for less than the price of the purse itself! I had a gift card from them for my birthday, plus some other good coupons. Then Mom and I stopped at the Dairy Queen and got burgers and fries. I brought ours home, so that was Jim and I's Valentine Day special. :):) Mom gave me a beautiful card, and what she wrote in it brought tears to my eyes. She has always been here for myself and for Jim, especially after the accident. Then Jim's Mom also sent me a card, and money! :) I had ordered something on Amazon that usually I never would have even tried, but it came in yesterday and they fit perfectly! I got 5 new bra's in the colors I needed for like 25.00! Plus Jim gave me a beautiful new robe this morning!!! I needed it so badly. I was ashamed to even wear my old one, it was definitely worn out.... then I got a call from Amanda Batson- Matheny​ and a bit later from my son Jason Harber​ which made my day to hear their voices and have them call was a wonderful treat... I also went and got us "no-no's" as I call donuts... we have a place just a few blocks away, and I could sit there and make myself sick, eating them. They are so good!!! :):) We were supposed to head to Winstar today. But, the weather is supposed to begin getting lousy today, and it is already really cloudy, and we are expecting a high chance of rain today and tomorrow, plus colder temperatures. So, we decided to wait to go the the Casino when the weather is a bit better. Driving in rain does not bother me if it is not too far away, but being with the idiots going through Dallas in the pouring rain, is not my biggest thrilling adventure! So, the rest of my day will probably be just relaxing with the pups and Jim. Probably going to watch a movie or two, and other than that, try and put all of the "everyday" worries aside today and not think about all there is to do, errands, running here, there and yonder... but just have a day of peace with these 3 I have so much joy with ... the pups can make us laugh no matter how lousy we feel, or how badly the day goes. Bubba Gump will raise up on his hind legs, with his front paws down in front of his face... and those big eyes just saying Mommy, rub my tummy... or the way he loves to watch television and movies. Tazzy, bless her heart, can still do some things to make me laugh... but she is really beginning to get a bit "feeble" in so many ways. She is I believe 11 years old. Jim gave her to me as a Christmas present while we were living in Seattle. That was the Christmas of 2004, because she was a year old when we got to TX. So, time has also flown by with her. It seems just yesterday, I was visiting her, with her brothers and sisters, trying to decide which puppy I wanted. She came running to me, not bigger than my hand... then ran over to Jim and began to give him kisses. From there we knew she was the one!!!! :):) She was not even old enough for me to bring home. I had to wait a week, and she got her last puppy shots, then we picked her up the next Friday night, just before Xmas. Life has just passed by so extremely fast. Day will have passed away 10 years ago on the 27th of March. Mom will be 80 in August. And Jim and I have been together now for 12 years, and will be married in April 10 years. I would not have missed one moment ever so far in my life, and I am so very fortunate to have family, a spouse, two pups, and so many friends to keep me from going insane at times. You each bring something special to my life, and even if we never were to meet in person, which of course many of us might not, you are still as much a part of my life, as if you were right next door... thank you... each and every one of you, for giving me strength, courage, hope, faith, and on the right path in life... I am blessed and overflowing... Rhia