Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts

Friday, December 29, 2017

May The New Year of 2018, bring a renewed peace, better health, less stress, added hope, and a feeling of "life worth living" to all....

My hopes are that everyone had a wonderful Christmas holiday, and everyone got to where they needed to be both going and coming, without delays from weather, illness or anything else...
I also bid you a very Precious and Special 2018! My heart has hope, that we find Tranquility, A Faith to withstand and to triumph over evil and those who wish harm upon others. May there be a LIGHT that adds warmth to your soul, and may we all find the beauty in all things....

I realize that MANY of us had yet again, a "terrible" 2017, whether it be family, loss, health, jobs, finances, or "harm" from others, most of us will try and find that renewal of faith come midnight 2017/2018...


Wishing each and every one of you a SAFE, HAPPY, and GRAND New Year! My hopes and prayers are that WE as a person, as families, as friends, as workers, and as a state and nation find more hope, more peace, less stress, and a brand new outlook on our lives. 


I "try" to always find "hope" deep down inside this time of year. I am not "one" to have a "New Years Resolution" list, but a I usually have a "few things" down that I might like to "try" if I haven't done it before, "OR" change an old habit, find a new friend, or a new hobby, pray that my health gets no worse, and wish for peace most of all, in these times of trials, tribulations and suffering we see or hear about almost daily... May we be blessed with a New Outlook...


Wishing you much in blessings, hope, strength, better health, family, friends, jobs and so much more....


Saturday, July 9, 2016

YEAH!!! A bit "different type of post" Guess I just "needed this" right now!

I was SO PROUD & I THANK MY DAUGHTER AMANDA FOR THE SUGGESTION! I thought I would NEVER be Able to put on a swim suit, much less a 2 piece again…. not after the pain pump, all the surgeries, scars and so forth… I used to love the 2 or 3 I had and wore the tops all the time with my shorts in the Summer mowing… but alas, due to age, and illnesses, and multiple  surgeries, I had thrown those away finally… but she had mentioned the other day these kind! And sure enough I ordered this one from Beall’s and to just came in… I so NEEDED something to feel “good about” especially myself right now… after all that has happened even from the past couple of years, until these past months and all that went on with my Mom, I needed “something” to give me a smile and restore some kind of faith in “me” again… so as silly as that sounds, here are some pics… LOL… I look like “hell” because my hair and no makeup… I had been painting all morning… etc… so for now just the “bottom” part and when I am “cleaned up” with my hair correct and makeup on, I will make more… So, again I thank my dear daughter for the suggestion… NO it is NOT a bikini… but it is so much more than that for me right now….







Friday, July 8, 2016

Texas - And Violence too Close for Comfort just up the road, and an Officer from a Neighboring Town

It seems that no matter where we turn there is little peace on this Earth anymore. We continue to see more violence, more rage, more terrorism, whether from afar or from "home grown" people that sometimes I feel "give up" on the faith of humanity. I realize that ALL of us have a place in us that can "get to the place we have had more than we can take"... I've been there as far as illness, chronic pain, and then watching my own Mom pass away of something horrible that took her within just a few short months... actually weeks honestly. Yet, somewhere we MUST reach DEEPER within ourselves, and FARTHER into our own faith to know, that violence and harm to others is NOT the answer, it just makes things worse for everyone.... it's hard to fathom that "humans" can take the lives of other "humans" yet it is all around us, from small towns like mine to huge towns like Dallas and all over this nation and the world. Answers? None of us have really have "answers" other than trying to "hold onto" what we feel is right from wrong, and what we have been promised by our own "Higherpower"... Lord bless and look down upon all of those families, friends, and co-workers that have lost so much... this will impact many, many right here in our own community, as well as others.... May they find some "peace and understanding" through the wake of such horrific violence.


Saturday, March 26, 2016

May The True Meaning of Easter Bring Faith, Hope, and a Renewed Spirit to you in Celebration of that Stone Rolled Away.....

As we reflect on the true meaning of Easter Sunday, and all of the hope, faith and trust it represents to those who believe, I bid you love, peace within and without, and the joy that the "stone" was rolled away in 3 days. Our very reason for this blessed celebration. We too have our own "stone's that shall be rolled away" and we have that gift of being set free one fine day from all of the pain, hurt, conflict, and what our "human kind" brings... and shall be in a new and glorious body, and where as "Our Father" promised will walk on the streets of gold, and share everything good in that land far away. May you find all of that peace and comfort this Easter Weekend, and walk in a new light knowing in your heart that you too will be set free from our hurt, pain and suffering...

Our world has become such a place of horror, too judgemental, too oppressed again, too full of hate, of cruelty, with lack of respect for any "life". We have so many that lack any type of morality when it comes to the very sanctity of what human life means. Our world has become a place that many of us feel terror, rather than feel freedom to be and do what we feel our lives are here for.... Even though we try and walk in the light knowing none of what here will matter someday, it is difficult NOT to be frightened each day of what some of these hate mongers may do....  

#meaningofEaster  

#stonerolledaway

#Dad2005

So, with hope and a place of peace inside I wish you an Easter filled with all things good... Rhia  

By the way my other thought for tomorrow....

Easter Sunday 2005, was the day my Dad passed away. This is a photo of some of my family at the cemetery. I felt this was an appropriate time to share this once again. Oddly enough, that particular Easter also fell on March 27th, 2005. Miss you and Love you Dad! I know that You and all of the family, along with Tazzy, friends and others await there with open arms for all of us. As much as I wished you were still here, honestly, you are in such a better place. I am thankful that you are not suffering, and  you are not suffering, nor having to witness all of the horrid things of this Earth now.... Love you, "Pammy"

 

 

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

A Happy New year as we Welcome in 2016 - and New Pain pump is now in


WISHING YOU AND YOURS A VERY HAPPY, SAFE, HEALTHY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR! MAY 2016 BRING PEACE, HOPE, FAITH, AND LOVE TO OUR NATION AND TO OUR WORLD!!! MY HOPE IS FOR ALL OF US WHO HAVE SUFFERED THROUGH SO MUCH FROM PAIN AND ILLNESSES, TO LOSS OF LOVED ONES, HOMES, MOTHER'S NATURE'S WRATH AT TIMES, AND MORE... MAY WE FIND A RENEWED PLACE IN OUR LIVES FOR THE COMING YEAR. LET'S PUT 2015 BEHIND AND LOOK FORWARD TO SOMETHING THAT SHALL BE SO MUCH BETTER, FULL AND OVERFLOWING WITH GOODNESS, AND LOVE...


RHIA


p.s. New Pain pump is new... surgery went well... I am hurting like hell today, but I am okay... have a call in to my doctor before he also is out for the holidays to check to see about my medications orally until I see him after the 1st of the year next week, when he will up the meds back closer to what I was used to....

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

New Poem - A Long Time since my "Voice" visited me....

I knew in a few days after first writing this, I would "change it".... some of what I wanted to say, didn't come out the way I really wanted it to... so this morning I "heard" my "voice" calling, thus I made some changes. Still I feel like all of those incredible poems, all of the wondrous writing I did for so many years, is still a "faded memory".... and that frightens me... All I've ever held onto, no matter what is my ability to tell my heart, and speak how I feel through the "written word"... again all of that seemed to walk out the door about 8 months ago or more... so again I try.... and hope one day those "words" that used to ring so vibrantly shall do that once again...
I've not really "written a word in I am not sure how long...
I felt I no longer held the "words" to say, and my "voice" left me also, on that May 2015 Day. So, this is the first poem I have written in a very long time... not sure that it is "right' yet... but wanted to post it
not even sure about the title yet either but here it is....



Two Hearts Intertwined In A Stained Glass Hue...


One fateful morning April, 2005,
Two came together, to be united as one.
Vows written, and saying "I Do!
Feeling I was a princess, & my Prince finally came true....
We vowed to each other to softly combine...
We stood in the soft hew of stained glass in "sync" a perfect time.
We talked of our future,
All of our plans, hopes and dreams..
Knowing that never would life, pull us apart at the seams.
Suddenly you turn around and it is years, not just a day.
Time captured some memories, all along the way
To the top of that mountain to show we never feared.
Life's crazy "schemes", throws a curve ball straight to the heart.
We vowed each day forward, life would never burst us apart...
Even with as much love as was here,my race never to be won.
Two heart combined together, beating only as one...
Two pieces held together by one, torn from whole into two.
And the only was to "fix" it, is the memory of that stained glass hue...
Rhia Steele copyright December 2015

Friday, December 18, 2015

Life, Pain, Lots of "Stuff" and living with "what we are given".....

Got Mom through the lumbar ESI injections early this morning in Dallas.... 3 different places, and hoping her back pain improves... our Pain Specialist seems to think they will help a good deal...

My "surgery" for the new pain pump (replacement) is on December 29th!!! One heck of a way to end 2015...

My severe pain, in my shoulder blades, down in my elbows, and even into my wrists and thumbs, NOT my other surgeries, thank goodness... BUT, I need another cervical neck disc replacement... I believe he said C-4 ?? is 80% COLLAPSED and has to be fixed...

Good news, the abscesses, one gone all the way, the other about 90% closed also... :)

Bad news the pain is horrible... and I still need the lumbar/sacral back surgery also... ALL of course postponed for at least 4 months now due to the cellulitis/abscesses on both top thighs....

Got the puppy, got his 2nd boosters... and got my hair cut, that was yesterday! I love it, or I will in about a week, once it grows out just a tiny bit... then it is really better, than when 1st cut... and it is SHORT!

Holidays, well suck... my kids will be not around... busy, plus my daughter 8 hours away or so...

And I've had an EXTREMELY ROUGH WEEK, EMOTIONALLY... I AM SURE DUE TO MANY THINGS, AND THE HOLIDAYS, after losing my Tazzy who was an Xmas present 12 or so years ago... plus Jim not here and in Seattle...

Just so much going on, and by the time I "think" I may have time to write or do something else different, something else happens, like I had to put a new flapper in Mom's toliet this week, in among everything else....

Seen some awesome Christmas Movies, I love Hallmark Channel... and other movies as well... the "Coat of Many Colors" about Dolly Parton's young years, was amazing!

So, here is a new pic of me....

 Happy Holidays to All - May we have Peace, Comfort, Joy, Hope and Faith throughout the rest of 2015 and into 2016 - to Eternity!







Friday, December 4, 2015

Busy Time and Trying to Keep my Head on Straight, Keep the Brain Fog from setting in, getting closer to the pain pump reclacement surgery, the horrid, almost Unbearable Pain with my RA/Lupus, Holidays a NEW Fur-baby! and so much more....

New Direction for my Next Book below...

I have LOTS of things that are on a "deadline" in the next couple of days, but I wanted to share that a very dear long-time friend of mine and I were talking earlier this week, and we were talking about our lives, the younger years, and so forth. As I began to kind of "catch her up" on some things I really have never spoke about much, as far as how my "home life" was, I have an extremely controlling Dad, and I love him, and always will, and miss him even after 10 years since he passed away... but in many ways he, "stifled" me from "being ALL I wanted to BE"... his age, the times he was brought up in, his "views" on women, as far as college, careers... and as we talked, my friend said something that
inspired me about my 3rd book! 

I do NEED to tell my "story" about my life, even during my much younger years... especially as a teenager, and how much I was "kept" from doing all the things that the other kids in High School were doing.... he was more than overprotective"... and in many ways, it truly has "molded" my adult life at times... and it is a integral part of my life, and all that I've endured.... even the abuse later from an Ex-Husband (not my present one, Jim has never hurt me as far as abuse), but my daughters Father... anyway... all of that and more is a story that I should tell... for I am sure many others have dealt with the same things, yet they may not speak of it either... so I do have a NEW DIRECTION, AND A NEW VOICE, whispering me to make some additions, and/or changes where my 3rd book shall go... I think it will be something that many will want to read... Thank YOU, and you know who you are... I am so grateful that you have became once again a very dear friend.... whom I trust, and I admire...



The New Addition to our family - "my new fur-baby" Dennis!

 

 

Wanted to share a few pics of the new “fur-kid” addition Dennis, and Bub’s! I got Dennis yesterday evening, and brought him home for a “weekend trial”… but it appears they are already best friends… that is the most I’ve seen Bub’s play in a very long time! I think “if Mommy” me, can keep up with the both of them, I have my “Christmas puppy”….


Latest Addition of My Newspaper "All Things Autoimmune" - great article from pain, Lupus, and so much more!

https://paper.li/ravishingrhia/1438808814#!headlines 


 


 A latest Pic of Rhia!!!!



Much other things going on... but I must run out for a bit... PLEASE keep an eye out thought... I have an EXTREMELY important post for everyone that I will put up later today or tomorrow!

 

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Coping with Loss - Life changed by Autoimmune Illnesses, & all kind of other health ailments, complications, & the thought of a chronic illness taking your very life away...

Over the past several years the subject of having autoimmune illnesses, along with my other health issues.... many of them due to the AIs... a voice sometimes brings up the loss we suffer when the very life we have made is jerked out from under you.

You begin to research, to see specialists, to try medications that can have as bad of side effects as the disease themselves do... you know that once you find out that your total immune system has been hijacked by these horrid diseases, your chances of survival becomes less.

We ALL have times we think about dying... passing away to move from this world into another, whatever you think that may be for you...

Whether you have a brush with death from a bad accident, from another disease, such as cancer, diabetes, or possibly some other issue from Mother Natures storms, to those who choose to walk into a public place and open fire on unsuspecting individuals, or crash planes into buildings, that would just as soon blow themselves up in the name of their religion... there are many ways that some of us may face whether our time is up on Earth, and feel that near death experience is often a wake up call, for us to do something different in our lives.

I have encountered more of these, than I care to admit actually. A 4-wheeler accident at 25 years old, nearly within inches as I centered the front of a car, and I went completely over the top of that car, after my mouth hitting the hood ornament, and for fortunately the momentum threw me completely on the black top behind it and not through the windshield... or I would have never made it...

Then at age 40, I suffered a heart attack, that at first the doctors thought caused severe damage to my heart muscle, and it was not until I was transported to Dallas and had an angiogram, was I told I was extremely lucky, that there was very little damage to my heart... and


in 2010 after a night of being suddenly so extremely ill that I literally could not walk, and throwing up green bile... having a gallbladder removed, which something went terribly wrong and I had to spend 6 weeks in a hospital in Dallas, and at the time again, they were not sure exactly what was wrong.. I was in and out of surgeries several times, and supposedly one issue with a cut in one of my bile ducts. It was allowing toxins to pour into my abdominal cavity, thus again I was just meant to still be here, because I finally did get well, yet before I left that hospital I suffered a 2nd heart attack. Due to all of the stress emotionally and the toll my body had been through, the felt it was more from an artery in spasms, and I have so far not had to have any type of stent etc... all so far is being treated with medications, for which I am grateful.


Till this day, even my own Primary Care Doctor tells me, that I certainly was meant to be here, because he feared for my life when all of that went down. Now, with the Lupus, RA, Sjogrens and so forth, along with medications such as Predisone, Biologics, and my other health factors, if I allowed myself to, I could bury myself under neath my bed, and not face life daily.

So, a couple of days ago, I was listening to the radio while running errands and Tim McGraw and his song, Live like You were Dying ... came on... I have always loved that song and it hit me after the ordeal recently with the cellulitis, so many antibiotics, the stomach and intestinal whoa s I have been through, along with the concern over my own need for lower lumbar/sacral surgery... and of course knowing these AI illnesses, along with my other health issues leaves me many times over of becoming ill with something that could take my life in an instant... my Rheumatologist has reminded me more than once my chances just due to the RA of having a heart attack are like 50% more than a person without RA.

I have a dear friend, and she is suffering after being cancer free for over 30 years (she had cancer while we were still in high school and beat it), it has case back and has truly shook her to the core...  things for her truly have been a great deal like my own, with those people you had come to county on, suddenly just walk out on you... when you need them the very most.... and even with someone there you still feel frightened by the what if this, that or the other...

I also find myself, as well as many others, not wanting to talk about the subject - of course it is human nature to hide those feelings and try to surpress those horrible thoughts, yet they have a way of creeping in and I have found my own best way is when it comes up in thought to myself, I must work it all out and not try and ignore the facts... facing all of the possibilities for me has been a long road, but it has truly helped me to learn to deal with those nights I wake up drenched in sweat, crying out, and jumping up for night terrors.. plus for myself the more I try to keep it under wraps the more I find myself overly stressed and making myself almost ore physically ill.


So, what is the point of this post? For one, due to the complications of myself at the moment, and all that those medical issues cause, along with the concern over my Mom her back problems, and getting her the doctors and proper treatments to relieve the pain is has... I do better putting either pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard I guess you could say and writing about it... it helps to purge those feelings, of course they certainly will pop up again in the future...

Plus I DO WANT others to realize being frightened of dying, or feeling like your life could be taken away - way to QUICKLY when you still have so much more life to live is difficult to deal with.... so by my own posting of this, I hope to help others to get in touch with the reality of one of these and/or other chronic illnesses taking you away for good from your loved ones... and working through those feelings...


Here are the lyrics to Tim McGraws song....

"Live Like You Were Dyin'"


He said I was in my early 40's,
With a lot of life before me,
And a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
I spent most of the next days, lookin' at the x-rays,
Talkin' 'bout the options and talkin' 'bout sweet time.
Asked him when it sank in, that this might really be the real end.
How's it hit ya, when you get that kind of news.
Man what ya do.
And he says,

[Chorus]

I went sky divin',
I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fumanchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I gave forgiveness I've been denying,
And he said someday I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'.

He said I was finally the husband,
That most the time I wasn't.
And I became a friend a friend would like to have.
And all the sudden goin' fishing,
Wasn't such an imposition.
And I went three times that year I lost my dad.
Well I finally read the good book,
And I took a good long hard look at what I'd do
If I could do it all again.
And then.

[Chorus]

Like tomorrow was a gift and you've got eternity
To think about what you do with it,
What could you do with it, what can
I do with with it, what would I do with it.

[Chorus]
Sky divin',
I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fumanchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I watched an eagle as it was flyin'.
And he said someday I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'.

To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.




I am not quote sure exactly what point, if any that I am making as far as my readers. At the moment, a part of this posting is for myself... facing my own mortality issues, facing that my last living Aunt, could pass away at any moment, yet that is with all of us... we could be in a horrible accident, or be struck down by an emergent health problem, a stroke a heart attack, an embolism...

We could walk into a shopping mall, or a movie theater, or into your local Wally World, and someone decide to bomb it, or open fire on us, the innocent ones, even at church, it seems no one is safe anywhere, anymore... Our world is and had been tested, our nation tested and tested again... from strange and new diseases, from MSRA and bacteria that are resistant to all medications we have now... we could be gassed by something dropped into our air, or in our water... we could have a plane fall out of the sky, or a local lethal business, such as a chemical warehouse, or other flammable place catch fire and explode to rock a small town or a huge city... each day we face the fact that something could happen and so many horrible, unspeakable acts have happened over the last several years... and they will continue to happen... those who should NEVER ever own a gun, having them in their hands and putting us at their mercy...

kSo, my point for myself.. is to do the very best I can to live my life, like the next week, the next day, the next hour... the next moments could be my last... to feel prepared for the unknown... for the time, I am called upon... for the moment, I have completed my visit here, and move onto a place perfect, without hatred, without stress, without want or need, without greed, without hunger, where everyone is totally happy, and everyone loves everyone else... so for you.... and me.... think of things you might do to Live this Life as we know it, Like we were dying....





















Sunday, February 15, 2015

Dealing with Aging, Chronic Illness and Another Birthday today!

All of us have to deal with aging. It is just a fact of life. If we are here on this Earth, we naturally are a tad bit older each day.

I am dealing with my 55th birthday tomorrow, Sunday the 15th (almost a Valentine's Baby). I always have a difficult time dealing with how quickly these birthdays seem to come around. It feels like I just celebrated one, and here is another one popping up.

When you have a chronic illness (es) and/or are living with chronic pain, I feel you have more of a feeling of "desperation" as the days go by. It is of course a known fact, if you are chronically ill, with just about any type of disease, that can lessen your life span depending on which illness, and how well it can be managed.

So, with someone such as myself, dealing with Lupus, RA, Sjogren's, already having two heart attacks, etc. the possibility of me living my life out to my 90's or less can be something that you have to admit may not happen. No one wants to think about growing older, and then passing away. We have so much LIFE to live, none of us want to check out of the life hotel, before we have completed all of the things we want to. Maybe it is to see your kids, grandkids, and great grand children grow up. Maybe you have things like myself, a blog, a book to write, people to see, family that you of course don't want to leave, and hobbies, activism, volunteer work, traveling, just the daily parts of life such as they are. with Autoimmune Illnesses, days may not be the greatest. You have some that are full of pain, and you would prefer not to deal with. Yet, you usually would rather deal with the pitfalls of chronic illness, than the opposite, which would be to pass onto another life.

I didn't get to finish this post yesterday, so I will finish it off for now with what I have written on Facebook this morning. I am so fortunate to have so many people around the globe that lift me up in faith, hope, and prayer... and I want all of them to know how much they mean to me.

This has been such a wonderful day so far. Other than waking up early this morning with a freaking horrid headache, that then upset my stomach as usual, I am having an incredible birthday! I went yesterday and got 3 shirts and a purse at Beall's for less than the price of the purse itself! I had a gift card from them for my birthday, plus some other good coupons. Then Mom and I stopped at the Dairy Queen and got burgers and fries. I brought ours home, so that was Jim and I's Valentine Day special. :):) Mom gave me a beautiful card, and what she wrote in it brought tears to my eyes. She has always been here for myself and for Jim, especially after the accident. Then Jim's Mom also sent me a card, and money! :) I had ordered something on Amazon that usually I never would have even tried, but it came in yesterday and they fit perfectly! I got 5 new bra's in the colors I needed for like 25.00! Plus Jim gave me a beautiful new robe this morning!!! I needed it so badly. I was ashamed to even wear my old one, it was definitely worn out.... then I got a call from Amanda Batson- Matheny​ and a bit later from my son Jason Harber​ which made my day to hear their voices and have them call was a wonderful treat... I also went and got us "no-no's" as I call donuts... we have a place just a few blocks away, and I could sit there and make myself sick, eating them. They are so good!!! :):) We were supposed to head to Winstar today. But, the weather is supposed to begin getting lousy today, and it is already really cloudy, and we are expecting a high chance of rain today and tomorrow, plus colder temperatures. So, we decided to wait to go the the Casino when the weather is a bit better. Driving in rain does not bother me if it is not too far away, but being with the idiots going through Dallas in the pouring rain, is not my biggest thrilling adventure! So, the rest of my day will probably be just relaxing with the pups and Jim. Probably going to watch a movie or two, and other than that, try and put all of the "everyday" worries aside today and not think about all there is to do, errands, running here, there and yonder... but just have a day of peace with these 3 I have so much joy with ... the pups can make us laugh no matter how lousy we feel, or how badly the day goes. Bubba Gump will raise up on his hind legs, with his front paws down in front of his face... and those big eyes just saying Mommy, rub my tummy... or the way he loves to watch television and movies. Tazzy, bless her heart, can still do some things to make me laugh... but she is really beginning to get a bit "feeble" in so many ways. She is I believe 11 years old. Jim gave her to me as a Christmas present while we were living in Seattle. That was the Christmas of 2004, because she was a year old when we got to TX. So, time has also flown by with her. It seems just yesterday, I was visiting her, with her brothers and sisters, trying to decide which puppy I wanted. She came running to me, not bigger than my hand... then ran over to Jim and began to give him kisses. From there we knew she was the one!!!! :):) She was not even old enough for me to bring home. I had to wait a week, and she got her last puppy shots, then we picked her up the next Friday night, just before Xmas. Life has just passed by so extremely fast. Day will have passed away 10 years ago on the 27th of March. Mom will be 80 in August. And Jim and I have been together now for 12 years, and will be married in April 10 years. I would not have missed one moment ever so far in my life, and I am so very fortunate to have family, a spouse, two pups, and so many friends to keep me from going insane at times. You each bring something special to my life, and even if we never were to meet in person, which of course many of us might not, you are still as much a part of my life, as if you were right next door... thank you... each and every one of you, for giving me strength, courage, hope, faith, and on the right path in life... I am blessed and overflowing... Rhia