"Empowerment" When All of Life "Strength" that had Sustained You - Suddenly is Gone - as I Thief in the Night

Honestly, I am here to write, yet I am not sure the words shall even come. The other day I had posted on Facebook and one of my friends there mentioned "I wished I had the knowledge and know how to write things, and say things as you do, Rhia".
I have given thought to that over the past week, and tried to also allow that place, that suddenly was so engrained in me, to be jerked right out from underneath me. The very core of my world was shaken on March 26th 2014.
As many of us, we have events that come into our world "that shake us down into that deep dark cavern" of where we just don't really heed was is going on or not. As the days have gone by, and I have tried to reach into my very soul, and pull out all of the things that are so precious to me, and I mean within myself, I realized even more so that a happening such as the catastrophe like my husbands car crash, not only shook me off my foundation, it has left me in a place of "shock" that I have yet to come out of, I am not sure that anyone else "caught it" or not, but his accident fell exactly one day before my Dad passed away in 2005. If my memory serves me right ( and I cannot say that is does at all) I believe Dad passed away on Easter Sunday, March 27th 2005. It hit me that very evening when we first arrived at Baylor Hospital in Dallas, that it was almost 9 years to the day of these two things happening. In a way, and maybe they also remembered but chose to not say anything either due to the circumstances that were happening at that moment. thus some of my family may have recalled it also. I just have not brought it up, for why at this time pour salt into an open wound, as the saying goes.
In such a very short span of time SO MANY things can change. Until you are thrown into the situation yourself, whatever the circumstances might be, you really cannot imagine ALL of the complexities something like this causes. From me not having my head on straight, and accidentally moving more money from an account than I intended to, so I did not realize that one of my bills that goes through bill pay had not cleared. So, here I was thinking things were fine, then I find out I did too much of a transfer into an account, and then that bill payment came through that I thought already had, so I overdrew my acct. by $.21... I felt so ashamed I was just going to bite the bullet and let it stay and me make it up, but one of the sweetest ladies there happen to have seen it, and asked me what happened. And as I told her, just all of that going on, and I took some money thinking I was good, and put it over into an acct... yet it was more than I really wanted to move, then the bill comes through I thought had been paid days and days before. She as she is, she went to the bank manager and got it reversed for me. But, still, you just don't realize how many things in your life are totally "wrecked" within the wreck I guess you could say, I catch myself looking for my car to go wash it, or now I have a very hard time sitting her at the computer. I was so used to him and I being here across from one another. Even though we may not utter a word to each other for hours, it was just the fact, we were here together. I find myself wandering through this tiny house, and wandering around in the yard, thinking I should just mow it myself. I should be able to mow those basically weeds down... and I need to spread the granules out for the fleas, and spray around the porches, and put ot fire bait, and now I have our bedroom, the ridiculous bathroom, and more over that stupid back room junk catch all room is all going to go. I am going to pitch about 90 percent of it out in trash can bags. I have stuff back there that I will NEVER use what so ever... and I know just from cleaning the windows and laundering the curtains in the other rooms, it just looked and smelled so much more fresh this morning. So, I know allow that pile of crap to go out of there, will again, give me a "new" lease on life.

I just can tell there are some thing that my brain is not quite comprehending... or if I don't have a note or a list (which was already an issue for me) then I am just not on "target".


May 1st, 2014


Ah, the "sounds", Sights", smells, and renewed feelings that come with the rebirth of Spring. The trees opening up their green leaves, as the wildflowers start to pop open. Of course the birds where we are and all of their "voices".... just an amazing sound on a Spring morning just as dawn breaks... and like a silent whisper into a rather loud victory march, the sun comes forth to warm us up once more. Assuredly we can't say that weather has been "odd".... odd, hell, down right insane. I had golf ball sized hail just last week pounding down up us, and you have to wonder are they all practicing with balls of ice for "T-Ball" season... they can absolutely do damage,that is for sure.

although just as quickly as that "rogue" storm marched in, it left us, only to leave a path of destruction from Louisiana to the Florida Panhandle. Yet, on the other side of the nation, California dealing with their the Santa Anna winds and the driving force in fires that burn thousands of acres and hundreds of homes... and they have just barely started.

I've I had tough go of it this past two weeks once again. I have felt lousy and not quite myself, since before I left for DC the last of March. And even half joked about us all going to have pneumonia on the Tuesday we went to the Capitol. It was snowing huge, very wet flakes and it was cold.... even with an umbrella, coat and wrap it was not very pleasant weather to say the least.

What was to follow on that fated trip... came as a shock wave... a tidal of disbelief, and every kind of emotion you could be possibly dream of. I have tried my best to not question, "why"... because if I need to know then it will be revealed to me. I still believe we have the "will" to take our own paths, yet we are somewhat predestend as to what those paths are. I have began to already realize things about me, that I did not know existed, until that day of the accident. And I also realized for the 1st time in my life, it was okay to say "no", I can't. I never thought about me ever "refusing" to help someone, or do something for someone, but I have to had to make those choices these past weeks. I can't be in three places at once, I cannot run on 3 hours of sleep for long, I have to have time to decompress, or I will and am ill. You can throw in the Lupus, Sjogren's, RA, and all of the other issues physically but the point it that I allowed myself to say, yes, yes, yes when I should have been politely saying not this time, but on the next go round I hope to have some sanity back in my life. I continue to find it difficult to even write here... even though I have a billion things to talk about... my new car, which is awesome, the progress Jim has made which is fantastic, Spring coming out, and hopefully getting an oral surgeon closer to begin the journey about my teeth. I can say eventually I will have the prettiest smile I've ever had for sure. I am wide awake, yet I honestly don't want to do this either, and coming from me that is terrible.... I once again have misplaced that inner voice, that keeps me coming back to write over and over again... it has hidden itself now for awhile, and when it finally reveals itself it will have much to do to make up on.

May 26th 2014

It has been awhile... too long really. I've not even truly been here but glad I have come in to see that many people had been following along on my blog lately. I am not sure if they is due to the horrible accident, my wanting to go and then enjoying DC so very much (and I apologize) I WILL talk about it soon. I've just not had the strength to "face" that very last hour or so of that fateful day. Thus trying to tell about ALL of the very incredible things I learned in DC and moreover how many wondrous people I met... it has truly been one of the greatest trips in my life. I surely hope I get "picked" or get into the "platinum status" for Ambassador before next Summit, so I maybe able to go again. I certainly will if the chance arises again.

I've been trying mentally and emotionally with my "reasoning" behind why I am having suck a difficult time of putting words and sentences together.... I am so embarrassed by it, that I have almost am in fear to post anything I write, because my fear is it will not make much sense. I know when I had the pneumonia, I had not been able to type anything that made any sense what so ever. I was terrified the day that happened. That is one say that I was probably more in fear for what was going on with me then any other day I can think of as far as my own self. I was trying to type out an email... I continued over and over to misspell, to type incorrectly, to use the wrong words for what I was trying to say... and as I stood up and realized I was hallucinating so badly... I felt faint but I was hearing things and seeing things. that were not there... I was just walking around the house like a crazy person! I just could not imagine what was happening to me. I had not taken any new meds, I had felt lousy, but I had been fighting a kind of like sore throat thing off and on and felt so drained of energy, but what was causing this so extremely unusual feeling... like I my faint, dizzy, my brain just not "working".... my first thought was to take myself to the Urgent Care Clinic across town. So, Happened Mom had her car that day back so she could go to church that morning, so I called her and let her know something was not right... Thus she came and got me and took me to Urgent Care... Thank goodness, the doctor that saw me happened to also be one of our ER physicians, so that worked out well. He was concerned enough to really send me to ER but then after we saw the lung XRays and he knew I really did not feel like going to ER and further being poked, stuck, blood drawn etc put through another battery of tests, the sent home with probably the say thing he gave me... high powered antibiotics, cough medication, an inhaler, and other pills for my breathing... so fortunately I got home, got on the sofa with my meds and the puppies and we were there all except for the very necessary done... all other stuff was put off until I felt better. Then both my cardiac doctor and my PCP BOTH still here the pneumonia in my lungs. So, I had another round of antibiotics, also my 2nd infusion of Rituxan has been postponed until my lungs are completely clear on an X-ray.... and in the mean time I am hurting like hell due to the lack of a biologic...I t has been a very rouogh 3 or 4 days... Jim is home and he is of course working much harder not having the wheelchair and relying solely on the cane... and me just trying to get used to all of the things that are different now as he takes over a new "home" and new ways to discover how to do things. So, we are "okay" he does to Outpatient Therapy on Wednesday, tomorrow... in Waxahachie..... and for me I am working on getting these teeth all pulled and the "mini implants" put in ... along with insurance to hopefully pay 60 percent of it! Again we take a step forward daily and learn to adapt to this new course... this new pathway of life.....

An Autoimmune Arthritic Systemic Life: More on the Continuing Saga of "Rhia's Law" If it ...

An Autoimmune Arthritic Systemic Life: More on the Continuing Saga of "Rhia's Law" If it Will Happen Then It Will Be Rhia...Honestly, when I go back and read some of the things that I've been through, put up with, did do, did not do... and all of the "happen to me... it seems impossible that ONE person could have gone through so much in just 8 years! Of course there were other things well before all of the autoimmune illnesses began, and I thought those were horrible. I had moved several times. From Lancaster CA (Whish I loved and still do), back to TX to have a knee surgery, then from Ennis to Austin TX, where I rehabbed the knee an was ready to take a job, then something happened and I came back to Ft. Worth TX. Well that is when 9/11 happened. So, I quickly got back to Ennis (as quickly as I could at that time), and within 6 weeks was headed for Seattle WA. That is where my entire life changed "for the good". I got somewhat "healthy" ... I had a job a loved!!! .. I was making decent money... had a "man" in my life that I was not really sure of, but I did make good friends with his family, and other people around so by the time he pulled a stunt, went to Florida to see another "friend" who turned out to be a woman he had bought a cell phone to talk to every night. He Thought I did NOT know, but I found all of the bag, box and everything in the trunk of the car when I went o get groceries ... PLUS I KNEW E woULD NECER go through the halls for hours normally each night. He done a quick run through usually that took about 25 minutes and he was back. When it started to be an hour, more than an hour, 2 hours, 3 hours and I confronted him with cell phone box and bag in hand... he admitted he was "planning" to go to FL to "see" his friend... Well hell I am NOT stupid! So, he went all right... but I TOOK MY MONEY out of the acct... and left him ONLY WHAT WAS HIS... (He had already taken some out so he was screwed when he got there, and she really was WEIRD. and kind of not interested in him.... anyway... I thought after having to be "on the run" from a "husband" at that time I was trying to "divorce". The ONLY way I could keep him from abusing me physically, mentally and emotionally, was to GET out of TX! He still FOUND ME twice or three times! Each time I thought I was "safe", someone would tell him, and the next thing I know he is around "haunting" me again. Even after I had been in Seattle for over 4 years, divorced him, he got hold of my phone number and began calling and threatening myself and my "finance" then, Jim. Even when we came back to Texas for my daughters' wedding (his daughter) he had told everyone he would "take care" of both of us while we were there. Finally, some of my daughter's new husbands' "buddies" removed him from the premises and told him to stay the hell away. He had almost killed me several times in the past. I put up and "hid" the abuse for many years. I was scared he would hurt me worse, or the kids, or do something terrible. So, I kept my mouth shut to everyone. No body, but my kids knew it, and I would not allow them to tell anyone. I kept them away at the worst times with their friends. Little did I know he was not only "addicted" to Meth.... I knew he was an alcoholic.... but he had "meth" hidden under our shed in my back yard... lots of it there at the last I was told... I did not find out about the drug abuse until just a few months before I moved back to TX, in 2005! Dad had passed away, and even though I never wanted to leave Seattle I had to come back to help my Mom. By this time the "ex", had not only been "caught" and arrested, but was in jail for a LONG time! So, when we first got here, there was about a year or more we never had to be concerned about him. But, I STILL to this DAY have "night terrors" that I wake up screaming, scared to death he is hurting me and JIM, or hurting me somewhere in town.... I carry mace with me everywhere I go. And I still find myself looking over my shoulders, for him even though I have been away from him since 2001, he still "haunts me"....

But, ALL of that, as HORRIBLE and as bad as it was.... and it was bad... still does NOT compare with what these immune illnesses have done to me.... they have also turned my life inside out, they have caused me to be unable to do SO MANY things, I've so wanted to do... EVEN just EVERYDAY. ordinary things... I am always either dealing with a flare, or a surgery, or getting over an infection, or my mouth full of ulcers and knots, or my throat so sore I cannot stand to drink anything. We make plans and I get ill so we have to cancel them. I am supposed to be taking care of my Mom. And I feel as If sometimes "She" is having to "take care" of me!!! NOW these teeth.... and my vision again being so bad!!! Yet, if I go to the physicians most of them are no further along, so their answers are it is the Lupus, RA, Sjogren's, Raynaud's the medications, like the prednisone, which my own PCP calls it a "necessary evil"... if I have a flare, it is the only thing to help get it kind of under control... THEN when my Rheumatologist FINALLY gets hold of the ONE medication a biologic, that finally "HELPS' with the morning stiffness, the pain in my legs and feet, the stiff and swollen fingers and thumbs, my wrists swollen and joints, the INSURANCE gives me A MAJOR SCREW UP, SO I GO 7 WEEKS WITHOUT MY MEDICATION! Which sent me into 2 MAJOR flares! Along with something that was a bacterial lung infection, which I though I was over, the flares came on, they gave me more antibiotics that caused me to have certain type of "colitis" caused by certain antibiotics, thus it was a nightmare because then my husband gets ill, and it seems we may have also contracted a stomach virus, but we could not find out because it took them A WEEK to get back lab work, rather than go ahead and treat me. Well, they finally "looked" at my lab work and said "nothing was wrong". THIS WAS ON A FRIDAY WHEN I CALLED THEM myself. So, the "FOLLOWING" TUESDAY I get a Call from the same doctors office, and the nurse says " the PA looked at your labs and you DO have a "BACTERIAL YEAST INFECTION IN YOUR COLON" AND they have "called in" medication for it!!!! There is MORE to the story about them, but you can be assured that I am Looking for another PCP!!!

Then of course is the entire matter of my teeth...

All of this is EFFECTING MY invitation to go to Washington DC for the Arthritis Foundation after I was invited to go. Now as I get ready, I am ill again, so I am not sure I will get to go Monday Morning!!!! I am totally devastated over the entire thing... and these are just "pieces" of what is happening... the "book" if I ever get to where I can write it will Tell ALL OF IT for sure!

Thank Goodness I have people praying for me all over the world! Wishing me positive thoughts That I will be "well enough" to go!!!!

What can I Say.. but I am so appreciative of those that are standing beside me holding my hand!!!!


Rhia

IFAA Blog Leader "Rhia Steele" & Her Featured Interview - I Would LOVE to See you there!

I am so totally amazed and thrilled at the turnout "WE", meaning IFAA has had on introducing all of our Blog Leaders with Interviews over the past couple of weeks! We still have many more to do, and my hopes are is that you will stop in, say hello, learn some wonderful things about these ladies, their own personal stories, and how they began blogging for "Autoimmune Arthritis Illnesses" of one kind or another! I have learned a great deal about these illnesses, along with the wonderful bloggers themselves. They come from all over the nation, all walks of life, some even "caretakers" for their own children; yet one thing in common, these women blog to help get Autoimmune Arthritic Illnesses information out there, so we can do more research, find educate and aggressive physicians quickly, who know and understand these life altering illnesses. We are wanting to CHANGE that on the average of 4.7 YEARS before many get properly diagnosed!

So, I hope you shall stop by on the (19th, which is the coming Sunday) - this maybe on Monday evening but I will give you a definite day (Whether Sunday or Monday) later in the week!

Introducing! - "Systemically Connected" the Official Blog for the International Foundation for Autoimmune Arthritis' Blog Leader - Rhia Steele!!!!

IFAA's Facebook Page" https:www.facebook.com/IFAutoimmuneArthritis

Now if she looks "familiar" (which I hope so) I do so hope you will drop by IFAA's Facebook page and say Hello!

I am more than honored to be a Blog Leader and an Active Volunteer for the International Foundation for Autoimmune Arthritis! Plus I am even more honored to be a "Guest" Blogger on the 19th!

Come to IFAA & Meet Our Bloggers for a Live Chat!

IFAA is excited to announce that their blog site "Systemically Connected", will be hosting live chats for everyone to attend! There will be different ones at different times and dates, so keep watching for updates.

The first LIVE CHAT FB Blogger is Kristin! Please the her "poster" below tells the time, the date, and a bit about her and what she will be talking about when it comes to her blog, her role & her life.

Here is the link for the FB page for IFAA!

I will follow up a reminder next week so you won't forget! We are so looking forward to having each of you there!

WEGO Health Activist Awards - International Foundation for Autoimmune Arthritis - A Winning Team!!!!

Truly We are a Winning Team! I am incredibly overwhelmed that I can be a part of this "voice" for Patients with Autoimmune Arthritis!!!!

Below are the words from Tiffany Westrich Robertson, Founder and CEO of IFAA!!! 

With the 2013 WEGO Health Advocacy Awards right around the corner, we are SO PROUD to announce that collectively IFAA and some of our own Active Volunteers-who also perform their own advocacy efforts in the community-have SEVENTEEN NOMINATIONS in a variety of categories!

Some of our AMAZING Volunteers who are recognized for their work outside of IFAA are:

Wendy Koski, with her Friends and Family of Autoimmune Diseases Facebook Group is up for Best in Show Community/Forum, Facebook Page, AND Google +

Lorna Krump, blogger who writes Life with RA is a Pain, has been nominated for Best in Show-Blog, Best Kept Secret, Rookie of the Year, AND Healthcare Hero. Lorna also helps run our IFAA Blog Leader program.

Rhia Steele, recognized for her blog, An Autoimmune Arthritic Systemic Life

Therese Freeman Humphrey for her dedication to advocacy through Twitter and Anthony, "our first boy", for his work advocating via Facebook.

Co-Founder, Amanda John, nominated for Best in Show: Blog for All Flared Up!

And for their work WITH IFAA:

Co-Founder, Kelly Conway, & Co-Founder/CEO, Tiffany Westrich, both also up for Health Hero

and Co-Founder Tami Brown has the nod for Health Hero, Advocating for Another, & Best Kept Secret

We even have a current volunteer-in-training, Rheumagram Melissa for her work with a nomination for Best in Show: Community/Forum

AND

IFAA as an organization is up for Best in Show: Community, an award nomination earned collectively for ALL 40+ active volunteers (those who donate on average 30 minutes a week) and additional dozen+ general volunteers (who have donated their time at some point through the year). We are a TEAM, a FAMILY, and yes, we believe BEST IN SHOW: COMMUNITY, whether we win or not 

Volunteers who are nominated outside of IFAA, we are so very proud of you!!! Way to go!

Thank you Tiffany!!! We would not be here if it were not for a young woman, a "diagnosis" FINALLY after a time of not knowing what was wrong, and the "idea" that came from a few pieces of leather, a belt buckle, a few colored beads, and some silver wire! She knew she had to find a way to get an earlier diagnosis, for earlier treatments, and to STOP so much damage BEFORE it was too late. The "Buckle Me Up" program came alive! And here just a couple of years later, this her ALL of her accomplishments unfolding!!! 

WEGO Health Activists -- You can STILL ENDORSE Nominee's Until January 31st!

I did not realize you can still go into WEGO Health and "ENDORSE" those that have been chose as "NOMINEES!!!! I was not aware of it until early this morning, so I did want to let everyone know you still have a "voice" in the 14 categories of awards to give your favorite Health Advocates a "Thumbs Up"!!!!!

My link is:
    https://awards.wegohealth.com/nominees/rhia-s-autoimmune-arthritic-systemic-life-1998

http://www.wegohealth.com

Now, of course I would LOVE YOUR "Endorsement" for "Best in Show - Blog", but I wanted all the Nominee's to have a chance to be endorsed!

Time to "Empower The PATIENT"! IFAA Shall Move Mountains of Obstacles to "Clear" Paths for the Patient!!!

This is THE YEAR to EMPOWER the PATIENT

International Foundation of Autoimmune Arthritis- "Moving Mountains of Obstacles in 2014 so PATIENTS have a CLEAR Path to EMPOWERMENT!!!!

Only a Couple Days Left to Nominate for WEGO Activist Awards!!!!!

Please be sure you "run" over to WEGO Health and Nominate your favorite Activists!!! From the "best blog", to best health "activist" geek, there is an "award" for many that you may feel that deserve the "accolades" for their vast efforts in the realms of Health and how they give themselves willingly helping to show more people about different illnesses, make others more aware of illnesses, provide enough "pull and push" to get more research, more medications, more doctors, and more activists on board the "WEGO Health Train" and help to try and give more attention to so many health issues that definitely need to be looked into so much further!!!! 

Take a look at the link below and see which of your favorite health volunteers/activists may fit one or more of these Awards! The 31st of December is the Deadline so don't delay!!!!!

Below are only THREE of the 14 Health Activist Awards being given out by WEGO Health for the year's annual awards event!

https://awards.wegohealth.com

https://awards.wegohealth.com

                                                          https://awards.wegohealth.com

https://awards.wegohealth.com