The Memories of Life BEFORE Chronic Pain & Illnesse"S", thoughts of simpler times, knowing one should NEVER be "complacent" & not share your feelings, all too often "we" lose out

In The World We Now Live In, All Too Often Many Of Us Remember Times that were Simpler, Many of Us Without Chronic Pain and Suffering, not Fighting to Get Into See Physicians, or Fighting to Get Insurance Companies to Pay the Bills. We also Were Not "Surrounded by A Sea of Specialists" Parents and Kids Never had to Be Concerned Over "kids Abusing Drugs", we could Leave Our Windows Open, Our Doors Unlocked, Those Time When a "Mean World" did not exist. You Could Walk down The Street, You could Drive down The Highway, Kids could Play in Their Yards, We were not a Country, And World filled with Violence, Hatred, Bigotry, None a few years ago would have been a "Suicide Bombers" or 'Home Grown" Terrorists; in fact any type" of Terrorists

 

 

Time were filled with good memories, vacations with families, getting together with the Neighbors, Having a "treat" of a Hamburger and Fries on Paydays. Deer Hunting, Fishing, and Our Minds Filled with The Promise of a Brighter Future... now WE LONG for those times that gas was .50 a gallon, and $10.00 would buy enough groceries for a month. We have such gratefulness and I know for myself, a "Longing" to live in "that World" again...

 

I had been "going over" all kinds of memories, good times. lousy times, and all of the "quickness" of how time goes by. My daughter and I were talking on the phone yesterday. She had taken the boys to get school shoes and clothes. She was saying that of course Logan, the youngest, still has a "school supply" list, yet James, who it just dawned on me, my oldest Grandson is going into JR. HIGH SCHOOL this year. So, of course they wait for many of the supplies because the teachers will want different things. That got me to thinking and remembering what seems like just yesterday, that Amanda and Jimbo brought James up from Corpus, he was only about 6 WEEKS old, born on December 6th, 2005. I had really just moved back to Texas, after being in Seattle for almost 5 years, and only had been back myself for about 2 weeks or so.

 

I got to looking at all of the photo's over the years, how little James was, then Logan, who is almost 5 years younger than James, is also getting much older, growing like a weed, and is now I believe 7 and going into the 2nd grade! Heather my Granddaughter, who was only 2 years old when Amanda and Jimbo began seeing one another, is now been out of high school over a year, and is starting on her 2nd year in college, working, and getting ready to go to nursing school probably next spring. As I thought about my years, my hopes, dreams, possibilities, the things I accomplished, things I wished I had accomplished, and that "list of deals, times, events, and yet dreams" of what we "hope" we get to do, before we are "no longer here" on this "plain" and have stepped into another realm. I've been blessed with the incredible children, grown, never was into loads of trouble, drugs, causing problems, both have the high school diploma's and have some college, certificates and so forth. I had a son in law that is that is the most caring, nurturing, loving, comforting, care taking husband, son and Father I believe I've ever known.

 

 My daughter and him met when she was about 15 years old, and as of today, and what will probably be the rest of their lives, that have a stable, happy, loving home, with three incredible kids, and they are blessed, and I am blessed and a better person for my daughter, son and son in law. When I think about how much I "missed out on" from my personal ideology that I so wanted to accomplish, I began pondering that first of all, when I was in school, and for the most part when my kids were in school, there was NOT a great deal of "meanness" of drugs, of those who choose to terrify other kids... life honestly was much simpler, especially when i was in high school. Yet, the very things I felt I would either "do" etc in my own personal life, much I never accomplished. I wanted to be a nurse, and in the medical profession, from the time I was about 13. I began my "writing" at 14, and felt I would be compelled to be a very accomplished author in the time to come. I wanted to travel much more, even overseas to many of the European countries, yet I've only been out of "the states" once, and that was to Mexico. I never even got the chance to go up to British Columbia when I was in Seattle.

 

It happened that I went shortly after 9/11, and things at the borders had really changed. In fact, I never owned a passport. I've seen many of our states, had many vacation from those with my parents, to those that I took my kids on, to those I've been with someone else, and then even by myself, to Austin TX, to Lancaster CA, to Phoenix AZ, been snow skiing, and have had many great experiences, even though I also "missed out" on many, that for one reason or the other, life turned me a new direction, thus I did something else, other than what I "thought I would".... at 57 years old, and suffering from several chronic and severe illnesses and pain, it makes it more difficult that when I was younger and in better health to jump up and spend a weekend in San Antonio, or go to Dallas dancing, or just for a night out on the town...

 

 I still have "some of those dreams" on a list, I don't really like the term "bucket list"... for some reason that just does not sound correct to me... but I have come to see that life is a challenge and LIFE FLIES BY TOO QUICKLY, you blink and you are in college, and you blink again, and you are over 50... pondering over where the time went, and why you did or didn't do some of the things you did. I've had many people over the years ask me how I "withstand" the illnesses and pain... 

 

well "faith" and "hope" along with what little bit of family I have, along with my "fur babies" keep me trudging forward even when i feel like throwing in the towel. So, tell everyone you love, that you love them, every chance you get, never take one moment for "granted" for the next one may not be there, never pass up an opportunity, if you can, to do something you have always wanted to do, be kind to those around you, be courteous to the elderly, those who are suffering, and even if you don't "give financially" giving FROM THE HEART, and with NO expectations, other than it made you feel good to do something... for coming from the heart and soul, is truly blessing someone else. I sit here today, alone, well Peanut is here, but no other "human" - and I do get lonely, I do at times feel that I've "failed" at marriage more than once. But, in my heart of hearts, i do cherish the "love" I've had, have and maybe someday have again.... Thanks to each and everyone of you, that give me a "lift" when this life seems to "weigh me down".... for you are a true blessing yourself....