Grieving the Loss of a Loved One BEFORE they are no longer gone but you are a caretaker due to a chronic terminal illness...

I've been going through a really "odd" (pr what I felt was odd) kind of issue since Mom passed away in June. I kept telling others that I almost feel as if I am "still in shock" rather than in the "grieving process" and all these weeks and weeks, I kept "waiting" for those signs to appear, and they have in some ways...

yet I have felt angry and almost ashamed of myself, for "not showing" grief in losing Mom... daily now for weeks, I keep wanting to "call her" or run over to tell her something, and even though I am there almost everyday doing the remodeling, this feels different... then of course I realize no longer can I "talk with her here", call to see if she is okay, and usually have my own set of "life's issues" that I could talk to her about... 

well after much thought about it all, right now I am dealing with a great deal of almost feeling like "her life was dropped in my lap" kind of thing, but, I looked it up, and as I've mentioned, I had been "grieving" the loss of my Mom for months and months way before she was "bedridden"... 

and didn't know me, nor even where she was or who she was... I had that "grief" daily, from moment to moment, it was every changing, depending on what was going on at that time, or on that day... thus although it still sounds horrid, when she took that last breath, I felt at that moment "relief" for HER... no more suffering, hurting, crying, diapers, and lying in bed, she was finally "home" with Dad, and her family.... 

so here is one article I just read and decided I would post it...for weeks now I have felt like I am just "insane" yet what I've been through and am going through is all a part of the process... 


https://www.agingcare.com/Articles/grieving-before-death-terminally-ill-116037.htm

FINALLY after MANY YEARS THEY SAY THE WEATHER EFFECTS PAIN, JOINTS, MUSCLES, BONES AND MORE.... CHRONIC PAIN!

This is NO NEW NEWS to me - I've told doctors since I was about 17 years old, with the start of migraines THE WEATHER HAD LOTS TO DO WITH THEM, and as the years went by and I developed so many issues with Lupus, RA, joints needing surgeries and anything joint, bone related, the weather DOES PLAY A PART in the pain, swelling and inflammation.

 FINALLY THEY ADMIT WEATHER DOES EFFECT JOINT, MUSCLE, BONE, AND OTHER TYPES OF CHRONIC PAIN!

http://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-37301579

Knowing After all these years, that I should have been born a few years later, and I know I would be my dream job...

It has taken me 56 years, well guess a bit less than that since as in infant I would not have known this - :) to FINALLY KNOW why I WAS put on this Earth, and what my "calling" was - that I missed! It just "hit" me yesterday while in the quiet over at house #2 I painted.... first of all, I was born about 10 years or so too early. Had I been born in probably the 70's or so, then our knowledge about technology, computers, the advanced sciences we have now, from medicine, to phones, and you name it, I was a "bit early" on the scene to have those things readily available to me, unlike if I was about 30 years old or so right now. Or even out of High School a few years and then headed to college.

 I should have been AN FBI part of a team that does the "profiling" for our worst criminals, serial rapists, people that in their minds (and you must "get into their minds) to be able to capture why, where, how, when, and so forth they do what they do... their is always or usually a methodology to their "madness"... whether it be just pure evil, or having been abused, causing irreprible damage to their psyche, or they have multiple personality disorders, psychopaths, and so many other things that they either may have been born with, taught, brainwashed, or a numerous specific reasons why some do as they do harm to others and themselves.

 I know that may sound ridiculous, but I of course knew I would always be a writer, yet my true "profession" had life been a bit different, and I had been young enough for the technology that is now available to be here so I could learn about all of these, I surely would love to be one of these types of "profilers" that could help protect innocent victims from the harming of such horrific others. I am too "old" now, and with all of my own personal health issues, I would even if trained, not be eligible to serve at the FBI or such...BUT, I DO KNOW that LIFE gives you WHAT you NEED.. we are born for certain reasons, at certain times... and there is a reason I was born in 1960 - and at that time they did not even know much about "DNA" and the like.... 


http://www.apa.org/monitor/julaug04/criminal.aspx


http://www.forensicscolleges.com/blog/htb/how-to-become-criminal-profiler

 

2016 Flu Vaccine and the New Pneumonia Vaccine - Lupus and those with other Chronic Illnesses..,

http://www.lupus.org/answers/entry/are-flu-and-pneumonia-vaccines-safe-if-I-have-lupus

 

 

 

I know some of us question if we SHOULD or SHOULD NOT get these vaccines....I get mine, and I also got my new Pneumonia vaccine, because it provides coverage for hopefully 23 types or pneumonia - the 1st day after I had them both (in the same arm due to my right shoulder being completely replaced, so my muscles are not very big on that arm) my arm itched and felt like it was burning. BUT, the next day, all of that stopped, and my arm is sore, but it does many of us that way. 

 

My pharmacist as well as my Rheumatologist recommended I get BOTH! Although we with chronic illnesses may not get "as much protection" as those without chronic illnesses, we still get SOME... since I have had "double pneumonia" at least 2 times in the past year or so, and then twice before, I decided I had better at least try and give myself a bit more immunity if possible.

National Network of #Depression Centers presents the #DefeatDepressionDash 5K "Virtual" Run/Walk to support #MentalHealth awareness

The National Network of #Depression Centers presents the #DefeatDepressionDash 5K Run/Walk to support #MentalHealth awareness. Join us to support mental health fitness and help #DefeatDepression. Learn more about the event here:

http://curec.lk/2citSDa 

Although WE have come SO FAR in the understanding f "Depression" and how it is not some type of issue that means we are for the most part NOT CRAZY, but is a chemical imbalance within the body, just like Diabetes, and many other illnesses, and chronic illnesses. YET, There is still such a STIGMA for some when it comes to talking with family, with counselors, in getting to groups that can help, going to get the proper medications, and not feeling as if you are nuts. 

I know I "hid" much of my own depression from my Father when I was in my very early 20's. He was born in 1923, and had watched his Mom (she was probably ill with cancer at the time or something terminal) on probably Morphine, which is all they had for pain control back then, and also did not know about it being possibly harmful as far as addiction... act "crazy" like "seeing things", or "talking about things that did not make sense and so on. Thus he even had her put in the Terrell State Mental Home I guess to "take the cravings" from her...what he was too young and at that time did not comprehend, she needed that medication to keep her out of severe pain.

My Dad NEVER got over the ordeal. He usually almost REFUSED TO SEE A DOCTOR, did NOT want or think he needed things like Blood Pressure Medication, and even tried to say that is was NOT DIABETIC, would not stay on the diet at all, and just about refused the tablets he needed. Thus he went into a Diabetic Shock several times and had to be taken to the ER... but when you look back at how different times were then, I guess it made sense.

No matter how much I tried to explain, he just had his mindset on NOT needing medications. I so wished we could have gotten through to him, but it was what it was... and he lived about 83 years... So, he always said he had lived and done all he wanted to do in life. 

Hashtags to use:

#DefeatDepressionDash, #MentalHealth, #Depression, #DepressionHurts

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