Sjogren's, Dentures and the Ordeal of the nightmare money wise and pain wise to get "new teeth"...

Some Photo's of Me Recently after getting my dentures - I had never been one to smile in any photo's. I always hated my front teeth. I had "genetically" inherited my top two front teeth being "large". My Dad, my half-brother, I, and my son... and I am sure some of the other family on Dad's side all had the same. Plus my bottom teeth were not straight, and I had a 4 wheeler accident at 25 yrs old, that snapped the bottom half of one of those top front teeth off. I had it "built onto" and it stayed like that until earlier last years 2014, when Sjogren's took my teeth, quickly and quietly. It seemed it quietly came into my mouth, and within 4 months literally rotted about 8 of my teeth from the inside out, just leaving a "shell" that then broke off at the gum line. After having that happen about 4 times within 2 months, I went to see another dentist, who did a "surround" type of X-ray that showed just about every tooth I still had were also going to do the same thing. It was just a matter of a brief few months, and all of them would be falling out at the gum line, leaving me to have to have them pulled. So, I began to "weigh" my options that honestly, were slim to none. Even though it is an "illness" that literally rotted my teeth, and had nothing to do with my own dental hygiene etc... I could not get my insurance to pay one red cent on any of the massively expensive and time consuming work it would take to get me over the "Sjogren's rotting teeth" out of my mouth.

You are talking about somewhere in the neighborhood of 10,000.00 to actually more like 15 to 2o THOUSAND DOLLARS of dental work. I had to have ALL of the rest of my teeth pulled. Then due to my bone structure , the Sjogren's, the medications I have to take for the RA, Lupus and so forth, had also had its finger in the loss of every tooth in my mouth. That began about February 2014, and I still am not completely finished with the entire ordeal. After pulling sets of 5 to 7 teeth at one sitting, then they made my dentures, and pulled every last one in the top and bottom that had been left up front and visible. So, that was 11 TEETH in ONE sitting, and then they put the DENTURES RIGHT IN OVER THE TOP OF ALL OF THOSE STITCHES AND PULLED TEETH!! Surprisingly, it was not as painful as I thought, but for weeks and weeks and weeks, and even now I struggle about eating. There are certain things that in no way can I bite into or eat. Most everything has to be finely chopped up, even tomato and lettuce. I have to tear most things apart  in extremely tiny pieces. With the dentures I also don't have as much room in my mouth as I used to. Plus, I still lack going back and having "mini implanted little screw like devices" put into my lower jaw in four places, so that my bottom dentures will fit securely on those and not be moving around all the time. There is no way, I can keep them in place, without having those put in. So, that is another at least 3,500.00 for the four little pins and then adjusting the bottom dentures to fit down over those pins when all is finished. It is pure insanity, money wise, time wise, pain wise and the amount and length of time it takes to complete the entire ordeal. So, now after so many years of wishing for "beautiful teeth" so I can smile, I have them. I just never figured it would be because of some disease that ruined my own, and I would have to deal with a full set of "false teeth" or dentures. So, when you "ask" for something, you may get that "wish" fulfilled someday. BUT, remember it may NOT BE the WAY YOU HOPED for IT TO BE! So, here are a few new pics since my dentures have been put in.   

LOL!!!! Notice I STILL have a difficult time "smiling"... so many years of not because I hated my teeth... so breaking the habit is hard to do.  Rhia













                                                  

WEGO Health Awards Judging, Chronic Illnesses, Pain & The Brave People That Find the Strength and Courage to Talk, Blog & Write about it

As I worked on my WEGO Judging over the past couple of weeks, I've found that there are some incredibly strong women (and men) out there living their lives everyday, with one, two, three and more chronic illnesses, syndrome, and pain. They have also been through the HELL of hospitalizations that lasted for months, endless surgeries, transfusions, being not even able to eat and being fed through an IV (as I did in 2010), and some of them like myself, at that time the doctors really DID NOT KNOW what was wrong with me. My own PCP has made the statement since then on several occasions that he was extremely concerned back then I was going to die. Endless numbers of specialists came to see me... most of them were of a foreign decent, and frankly I could not understand what they were saying to me. Many of them at the time, didn't really know what the hell "Lupus" was. They blamed some of my illness on the Lupus, yet, they also were treating me for what they told us later was a "collapsed" bile duct. It was literally leaking poison into my abdominal cavity, rather than it going out of my system and being filtered out by my intestines, and out as it should. I had several "tubes" running outside of my right side. Later I had to even come home with them still in place, and we had to watch the fluid that came out into the bag, to make sure it was becoming more "clear" and not bloody etc. I went through that for several weeks. For at least 6 weeks I never put a drop of food or anything to drink in my mouth. There was a huge bag of "nutrients" that was white, and I was told it was a certain concoction mixed up by the pharmacy for me. I went through nights that I barely knew where I was. In fact, I spent mt 50th birthday having yet another surgery. Jim, my son, and my Mom were there because they had told me to "call my family" in, "just in case".... "Just in Case"???? I had at least 8 or 9 other IV bags hanging and pouring into me, pain medications that I watched the clock for and begged each moment I knew I could have more.... I really have never "told" this entire story, from start to finish, here or on my blog. I have put bits and pieces about it over the years on both, as well as it will be in my book. It took my system weeks to even be able to withstand a regular sip of "Coca-Cola in it. It would put my entire stomach and intestines into a "tailspin" and the next thing I knew nurses had to come in and change my entire bed, put me into the shower (dammit they never warmed it up enough and this was the middle of February and one of the coldest Winters in TX since I had been back).... any thing that was "food" "stunk" to me. Jim would go and try to find something I could stand to even remotely put into my stomach, and even certain kinds of bread smelled so bad to me there was no way I could take even a bite. Why I am telling this now here, I am not sure. Probably due to one of the blogs I read over the past few days, and her own battle with what later was diagnosed properly as Crohn's. But, more than that, it seems each year that February rolls around, which my Dad's birthday was on the 2nd, Ground hogs day, and mine of course just passed on the 15th, almost a Valentine Baby.. and it brings all of those weeks and weeks, and honestly months back into my memory. How ill I really was, and how it truly it is a miracle I am here today to type about this.... so ALL of you... everyone of you that have the stamina, bravery, the "guts" (no pun intended), the wear with all, strength... and many more descriptive words to say how incredible you are to tell "your" story. Whether it be autoimmune in nature, arthritic, FM, MS, and all of the other Chronic Illness and Pain so many of us endure... so WE can go out and tell others "it is okay"... you are still you.... you are not "less than", that life can be full, and fun... you just have to sometimes decide upon a "new kind of normal"... that is what I have to do, and even now... "normal" can change at any given time... I am THANKFUL, to be here this morning and able to tell a portion of my story... and I am thankful for my family, my spouse, kids and Mom, that support and love me, even though I feel like I disappoint them at times... and my true friends here that also love me for me... sick, well, mad, depressed, happy, or whatever I maybe at that moment, those out there know I mean you... that support and love me unconditionally, with Lupus, with Sjogren's, now with dentures and not my teeth, with the joints replaced, and the pain pump hanging from my right side... I am still "me"... and I feel blessed.... thank all of you for accepting me no matter whether brain fog hits, or I find myself on the sofa for the day, or I am up cleaning and doing "normal" things.... I am blessed.

How to find "Center" - Deal with "Disappointment" - and Feel Like You are "contributing" to Life, when AI illnesses try and take over...

Not overly thrilled this morning. My Pug woke us up about 4:00am sneezing! I bet she sneezed 25 times. I got her over to me, and pinched her nose really softly, covered her up and started rubbing her head and neck. She finally stopped sneezing for a bit, then began again. I decided to just wrap her up and put her out on the sofa, and I would stay out there with her. Then of course my other one Bubba, was crying, he wanted out there with us. So, I got him, and wrapped him up in the bends of my knees like he sleeps all the time, and FINALLY they both went back to sleep. I tried to, but then I thought it appeared to be getting light outside, so I went to get up. Then headache and nausea hit me all over again. So, I went and got the last little drink of "coke' (the original full Coke will most of the time help my headache and also settle my stomach some). I didn't have much left, so then I poured me a glass of green tea, and debated about getting back on the sofa. I had been on the run yesterday part of the day, and it was also my Orencia day. Not sure if some of that made me fatigued and not feeling well or what. Anyway, I went in the afternoon around 3:30 om and had my hair trimmed back up so it would style correctly. And she sprayed a bit of some kind of hair spray on it. I don't use much hairspray and the one I have I use mostly because I love the way it smells. But, whatever she used, really got to me. Even though she didn't put much on, right away I began to feel the headache and of course then the nausea coming. There are certain smells, even in really good perfumes and so forth, that just don't settle well with me. I guess due to having migraines all my life, and now that my stomach really acts up so much, the combination of the two just put me in a fluster last night. Then the dogs, didn't help.... having to tend to them... just like kids at times, I was up a couple of hours getting them settled back down. Now today I feel like I am paying for it. For some reason, and I am not really sure exactly why, I am just having a heck of a time "dealing" with life in general. Not feeling well makes it worse of course, but I am not really depressed, but I am just not really thrilled over anything at this moment. I think I got bummed a bit about the weather being so crappy and we didn't get to go to the Casino last Sunday, may be part of it. Plus I just feel as if everything I attempt to do, either takes me forever, or like a shower, sometimes by the time I take one, get out, dry my hair and get dressed, I feel worn out and it seemed to take 8 times longer than it used to. I think I was hoping for 2015 to be so much better than the past year. And for sure, it is nothing like 2014 at this moment. But, I believe I thought I would have MORE GOOD days, and less bad ones. I think I was wishing for the entire ordeal with the wreck to be over and done with. The thought of having to drag out this "lawsuit" crap another almost year, really is not settling well either. Even though it does not actually in many ways effect our "daily" lives, it does in others. I feel we are in a "holding pattern" not knowing what will happen if anything, wanting to get the mess over with and not have to even remotely think about dealing with a trial... that could drag things out even longer, and the longer that drags out, the less our lives feel any type of "normal" to me. Even though it has probably been more of the "economic state" of our nation that has effected Jim's clients, in many ways, I know we are losing a couple of clients more than likely due to some ways all of this effected how Jim tries to work. With all of his own pain, and dealing with his balance, he can't drive, and who knows when he might, if ever, along with all that faces us both, it just feels like we are totally unsettled every day that dawns. I REALLY wanted us to go to Vegas for our wedding anniversary. That will be in April on the 6th. It will also be 10 years of Dad's passing away on March 27th. Time flying by also really is getting to me. Each day that I don't feel well, means another day I don't get to live my life to the fullest I want to... (wow, I just have this eerie feeling of deja-vue) like I've written those exact lines before, in the exact place... wow that is a strange feeling for sure... each and every element of our lives have been ripped, torn, mangled, and we try every day to find some kind of "normal" again. Yet, there is not one thing normal about life for us really whatsoever. I am truly pissed at myself, because of all the things I've wanted to do in 2015 the number one was to finish writing my 3rd book. I find myself, either not having the time, getting interrupted with other stuff, then it takes me forever to get to where I left off, and when I finally do get to write, either I feel what I am saying is boring as hell, it's not how I want it to come out, or I am all over the place, rather than focused, or I am either too tired and fatigued, or I have a bad headache, or a flare going on... the list is endless. What makes that worse, it ALL of it sounds like an "excuse" for not getting the book written. But, when I look around at our home, all the things we need to finish, that we have not been able to, from painting the outside to finishing the floors in the bath and kitchen, to completely doing the laundry room walls, to remodeling the music room... a billion and one things we want to do, yet one or both of us physically are no longer able to do.

Just as we find ourselves in a rut, in the same old place we have tried NOT to be in, to break old habits, like for me, POSTING HERE, and just putting a link from here to Facebook. Not writing it all in Facebook. That is not how I want to do things, yet old habits just don't go away overnight. Plus "this" also is something I need to put in my book. It is how every aspect of daily life is totally surrounding, or surrounded by something to do with autoimmune illnesses. Either physically, mentally, emotionally, somehow, someway, I feel these diseases rule over my way of living. People can say, "just put that aside", do some Yoga, don't worry as much, blah, blah blah... you can bet that is all wonderful advice, but not easily followed when you have chronic illnesses and chronic pain. They are like a "plague"... they just don't "shoo" away like flies off of a pie. They mix you up in a blender, or roll you around like dice, then spill you out all over the floor and you are trying to pick up the pieces and put them back together again. Believe me, Humpty-Dumpty has an easier shot at it, than the majority of us with any type of autoimmune disorder.

I can go from feeling like a thousand bucks, to feeling like a penny in the middle of a busy road. Ran over time and time again. Worse? Not even knowing why? The illnesses, medications, new symptoms, your mind playing tricks on you? Maybe you are finally just going crazy, and insanity will be the "new black" (or possibly going to the "nuts house" in your little black dress!)

Often times I want to act as if certain things in life don't really upset me, or make me feel disappointed. Yet, inside I realize that is not true at all. I am totally disappointed with so many small things in life, that I would feel as if all I did was whine, mope, fuss, gripe and bitch if I was show to how I truly feel in regard to our daily living.

I find myself disgusted with our world in general. I am also very sure I am NOT THE ONLY one either! All over this nation, and our globe something horrible is happening. People are more disgusting everyday. When you turn on the nightly news, and 90% of it is "bad", how can you not be effected by those things? I know that as population grows, of course it seems that we have more bad than good in life. The needless shootings, looting, those taking advantage of our elderly, poor, and people that may lack the education... war, let's face it, whether (and I am to the point of being sick of hearing "boots on the ground") but if they are or not, we are still very much in a constant state of "war". Hell, we are at war all too often with our very own nation. Rather than work together for the common decency of everyone, the greed, the power hungry, non caring, lack of any morals, and horrid attitude many have for their own kind, humans, is purely disgusting. We wage war right here in our streets... What makes that even worse, is often times it is family members that take their own flesh and blood, then kill themselves. I have heard suicide defined as being a very "selfish act". I didn't understand that until over the past twenty years or so of my life. Or course it is a very selfish thing to do. If you have parent's, spouses, friends, brothers, sisters, and other family members that love you; then you decide not to deal with life anymore, and you "leave" this world in a manner of taking your own life, you have now cheated all of those that love you. No longer can they see you, talk to you, be around you... you have taken away something that was so precious to them, YOU! So, it is a very horrible way to do those that love you. I know with suicide victims, often times those people are not considering that they are being selfish, they just want to end what pain they are in.

Dealing with Aging, Chronic Illness and Another Birthday today!

All of us have to deal with aging. It is just a fact of life. If we are here on this Earth, we naturally are a tad bit older each day.

I am dealing with my 55th birthday tomorrow, Sunday the 15th (almost a Valentine's Baby). I always have a difficult time dealing with how quickly these birthdays seem to come around. It feels like I just celebrated one, and here is another one popping up.

When you have a chronic illness (es) and/or are living with chronic pain, I feel you have more of a feeling of "desperation" as the days go by. It is of course a known fact, if you are chronically ill, with just about any type of disease, that can lessen your life span depending on which illness, and how well it can be managed.

So, with someone such as myself, dealing with Lupus, RA, Sjogren's, already having two heart attacks, etc. the possibility of me living my life out to my 90's or less can be something that you have to admit may not happen. No one wants to think about growing older, and then passing away. We have so much LIFE to live, none of us want to check out of the life hotel, before we have completed all of the things we want to. Maybe it is to see your kids, grandkids, and great grand children grow up. Maybe you have things like myself, a blog, a book to write, people to see, family that you of course don't want to leave, and hobbies, activism, volunteer work, traveling, just the daily parts of life such as they are. with Autoimmune Illnesses, days may not be the greatest. You have some that are full of pain, and you would prefer not to deal with. Yet, you usually would rather deal with the pitfalls of chronic illness, than the opposite, which would be to pass onto another life.

I didn't get to finish this post yesterday, so I will finish it off for now with what I have written on Facebook this morning. I am so fortunate to have so many people around the globe that lift me up in faith, hope, and prayer... and I want all of them to know how much they mean to me.

This has been such a wonderful day so far. Other than waking up early this morning with a freaking horrid headache, that then upset my stomach as usual, I am having an incredible birthday! I went yesterday and got 3 shirts and a purse at Beall's for less than the price of the purse itself! I had a gift card from them for my birthday, plus some other good coupons. Then Mom and I stopped at the Dairy Queen and got burgers and fries. I brought ours home, so that was Jim and I's Valentine Day special. :):) Mom gave me a beautiful card, and what she wrote in it brought tears to my eyes. She has always been here for myself and for Jim, especially after the accident. Then Jim's Mom also sent me a card, and money! :) I had ordered something on Amazon that usually I never would have even tried, but it came in yesterday and they fit perfectly! I got 5 new bra's in the colors I needed for like 25.00! Plus Jim gave me a beautiful new robe this morning!!! I needed it so badly. I was ashamed to even wear my old one, it was definitely worn out.... then I got a call from Amanda Batson- Matheny​ and a bit later from my son Jason Harber​ which made my day to hear their voices and have them call was a wonderful treat... I also went and got us "no-no's" as I call donuts... we have a place just a few blocks away, and I could sit there and make myself sick, eating them. They are so good!!! :):) We were supposed to head to Winstar today. But, the weather is supposed to begin getting lousy today, and it is already really cloudy, and we are expecting a high chance of rain today and tomorrow, plus colder temperatures. So, we decided to wait to go the the Casino when the weather is a bit better. Driving in rain does not bother me if it is not too far away, but being with the idiots going through Dallas in the pouring rain, is not my biggest thrilling adventure! So, the rest of my day will probably be just relaxing with the pups and Jim. Probably going to watch a movie or two, and other than that, try and put all of the "everyday" worries aside today and not think about all there is to do, errands, running here, there and yonder... but just have a day of peace with these 3 I have so much joy with ... the pups can make us laugh no matter how lousy we feel, or how badly the day goes. Bubba Gump will raise up on his hind legs, with his front paws down in front of his face... and those big eyes just saying Mommy, rub my tummy... or the way he loves to watch television and movies. Tazzy, bless her heart, can still do some things to make me laugh... but she is really beginning to get a bit "feeble" in so many ways. She is I believe 11 years old. Jim gave her to me as a Christmas present while we were living in Seattle. That was the Christmas of 2004, because she was a year old when we got to TX. So, time has also flown by with her. It seems just yesterday, I was visiting her, with her brothers and sisters, trying to decide which puppy I wanted. She came running to me, not bigger than my hand... then ran over to Jim and began to give him kisses. From there we knew she was the one!!!! :):) She was not even old enough for me to bring home. I had to wait a week, and she got her last puppy shots, then we picked her up the next Friday night, just before Xmas. Life has just passed by so extremely fast. Day will have passed away 10 years ago on the 27th of March. Mom will be 80 in August. And Jim and I have been together now for 12 years, and will be married in April 10 years. I would not have missed one moment ever so far in my life, and I am so very fortunate to have family, a spouse, two pups, and so many friends to keep me from going insane at times. You each bring something special to my life, and even if we never were to meet in person, which of course many of us might not, you are still as much a part of my life, as if you were right next door... thank you... each and every one of you, for giving me strength, courage, hope, faith, and on the right path in life... I am blessed and overflowing... Rhia

The Ever Spinning World of Lupus, RA, Sjogren's and All of the Hectic Life Things to be Done

Today, like many others I have so many decisions to make, things to do or not do and put off, things I want to do, albeit before our weather goes to heck in a hand basket as the saying goes, and so forth.

I feel here it is another Friday, the weekend almost here... by the way
                     HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO ALL TOMORROW!

Hope you and your sweetheart have a wonderful day! Even if at the moment you may not have someone special to share the day with, share it with yourself and do something nice for YOU!

I have just found out that I have an opportunity to meet several of the ladies of the IFAA that I am also an Active Volunteer!They are going to DC also the same time I am for another non-profit. So, we are thinking rather than me fly out on Tuesday, which was going to be hard on me anyway by the time I land back in Dallas, then drive 70 miles home, and it will be around 10 pm ... and my night vision is not all that great. So, I could be more rested, plus come back earlier in the daytime, just after rush hour, so that would be awesome also!!! So, that is one of my decisions and I really need to make the change TODAY as far as my flight. We were thinking about going to the Casino on Sunday and maybe even spend the night. But, the weather is supposed to be just hideous. 100% chance of rain all the way there, and then even if we spent the night, the same on Monday. So, we may postpone that and go the following weekend, although it does not look much better right now.

I wanted to stay here at home today, and in fact gave up a chance to go ahead and have my hair trimmed, but I was a bit worn out, plus have my head spinning in about 30 directions. I NEED to begin getting more and more writing on my book completed. It seems there is something everyday that takes my mind away, so I am either gone physically doing something or I am mentally too tired by the time I can even get to the computer.

So, life goes on and on...  here is a post from Facebook I wrote talking about time, and just how quickly it passes you by....

Before things get to hectic! I have about 25 "irons in the fire" right now!:) I wanted to wish everyone a very nice Valentine's Day tomorrow! I happened to have "almost" been a Valentine's Baby. My birthday is Sunday on the 15th! Not really loving the fact I am "half-way" to 60... yuck that sounds old! Yet, I feel my "work" here is not completed thus I must accept the fact, the only way to be "here" on Earth and do what I love is to try my best to accept that each year will make me a bit older. I also hope that in with that age, I continue to "learn something new" every day, and my hopes are that I will be able to somewhat have a bit relief with the right medications from the Lupus, RA, Sjogren's and so forth. Even if it means surgery down the road on a couple of joints, if it keeps me up and on my feet, then I will be a happy camper. These years seem to have just flown by too quickly. Jim & I celebrate 10 years of marriage in April! It seems like yesterday we met on Alki across from Seattle, overlooking the "Sound" and all of the beauty that is there. I still miss it and always will. I seemed to be "healthier" there than any other place I've been to. Not sure if that was due to the weather and climate, or if I just had not gotten into the horrid symptoms of the autoimmune illnesses. Unfortunately, I had lost my job, right after Jim and I met. Actually I resigned. And that was really due to ongoing health problems, mainly Migraines and severe conjunctivitis. I could not get rid of the eye problems. Each time I would heal up, in a couple of days it would re-appear, and since it is so contagious, plus I would not have been able to do the type of work I was doing at the bank there, I began to miss lots of work due to health. Honestly, it was the STRESS of that job, and the two "supervisors" who were "witches" and that is putting it mildly. The stress each day of dealing with those two, along with the tedious realms of dealing with Real Estate Files, and all of the paperwork in them, the job was very, very stressful without having to deal with two backstabbing, back biting, lying women. They had been "friends" for many years, and had both worked there many years, thus they spent their time covering one another's butts... But that is past, I am back in TX now, in my hometown... and I've let go of the anger and bitterness that I first had right after having to resign. Later, in fact, I've become online friends with one of them. She was my direct supervisor, and since then she had a very bad car accident and bless her heart, dealing with lots of pain from the accident.... and the bank actually closed since I left I found out. Anyway, time has gone by much too quickly. My 1st Grandson was only about 5 weeks old when we arrived back here. He and now his younger brother are both in school. When I think about just how quickly life passes us by, it makes me want to make sure those I love, and I care for dearly, whether family, spouse, and friends... that I let them know. So, if you have a "special someone" then I wish you a very beautiful Valentine's Day together. If you are alone right now, then do something very special for yourself tomorrow!!! You can "love" yourself and show how much you do. Whether that means a special cup of coffee, a walk if it is pretty, buying that "something" that you've wanted and so forth... Enjoy! Don't let life pass you by.... as one of the songs in the country songs lists.... "No Time to Kill" by Clint Black... and then another one is about how quickly your child grows up, becomes a parent themselves, and goes on to have their own family, all within a breath's space... in the blink of a eye... time can pass you by... and as my favorite saying out of a song in fact goes... (the chorus that reads "When They Carve My Stone All They Need to Write on it... Living in A Moment You Would Die For" that is what I want on my Head Stone someday - the chorus of this song....
sung by

Ty Herndon

Living in A Moment

Well the world just lost two lonely people
The world just lost two broken hearts
The odds were against it but baby here we are
In our own little place in our own little corner
This old cold world just got a little warmer
For the rest of my life I'm gonna hold you in my arms
And when they carve my stone all they'll need to write on it
Is 'Once lived a man who got all he ever wanted'
Tell me something, who could ask for more?
Than to be living in a moment you would die for
If you never get rich on what money can buy
It don't matter to me, I'll tell you why
I've got it all when I'm holding you this way
I'll live to love you, I'd die to keep you
Safe inside these arms that need you
I'll be loving you with the very last breath I take
And when they carve my stone all they'll need to write on it
Is 'Once lived a man who got all he ever wanted'
Tell me something, who could ask for more?
Than to be living in a moment you would die for
Ashes to ashes
Dust into dust
I'll lay beside you
Forever in love
And when they carve my stone all they'll need to write on it
Is 'Once lived a man who got all he ever wanted'
Tell me something, who could ask for more?
Than to be living in a moment, loving every minute
Tell me something, who could ask for more?
Than to be living in a moment you would die for
Living in a moment you would die for
Oh baby, I'm living in a moment I would die for
Oh, living in a moment I would die for

Always Looking for the Sunny Days even though the Cloudiness and Fog hang Around... dealing with symptoms...

Okay, well I've missed out a couple of days dammit with this stomach mess. Not sure what is gong on. But, I do KNOW I am SICK of it! I am a bit better today so far. I've tried to not drink or eat anything I think might be causing it so badly. The vertigo just has to run its course usually then gets better. What I am concerned about, is why this time it is so bad, and why the meds I take for it are not calming it down as usual. I am still doing some research myself and I am sure since I am honestly WAY OVER DUE for A scope to check out my esophagus and stomach, that will probably be where I am headed. I know I have Barrett's Esophagus. I really should have had it scoped again over a year or more ago. But, with everything else, I keep having to postpone it. Now with all of the problems I have, I am concerned if the dysplasia, where my actual stomach lining grows out of the stomach and into the bottom part of the esophagus, and can cause cancer. But, I just dread any other "surgeries" etc> I am so literally sick of doctors, medications, insurance, pharmacies, no one can get their crap together. I've had an ulcer before thus one of the reasons I am on Nexium, plus of course GERD. but even the Meclazine I take for nausea and the motion vertigo. It just seems what ever is going on, still to me is totally separate from the Lupus, Sjogrens and RA. One good piece of news! MY ORENCIA FINALLY CAME IN today! After being off of it for at least three weeks, I feel may have some to do with how I've felt this past couple of weeks. When you begin to research Lupus, Sjogren's, RA, FM, ME CFS. and any and all of the other AI illnesses from MS to Diabetes 1, there can be a million symptoms, all of them similar, and they may or may not have to do with the autoimmune illnesses. Of course the problem I can already tell from that is patients (meaning us) and our doctors, whether PCP, Rheumatologists, or other specialists, tend to get "lackadaisy" and "automatically" no pun intended blame it on Lupus, RA, and so forth. So, each time a new "symptom" arises, all too often I feel it is kind of "'blown off" as to whether there is something "new" causing the new symptoms, or is it indeed the AI's. I realize that is is very difficult, and in some cases probably almost impossible to defer one from the other. Even with many types of tests, lab work, studies, and so on, still there may not be an "answer" other than due to one of the AI. That is scary though. What if, and I am just "saying" what if myself, or anyone with stomach issues and the nausea, vertigo and so forth left it unchecked, and went on either with the doctor knowing or just figuring on our own, it was "just the AI" and more symptoms, and it was something worse? What if it were stomach cancer, or some type of other cancer such as leukemia, or the GERD had really done a number on my esophagus and that dysplasia is much worse than it was. Or what if it is yet another autoimmune illness, or any number of other chronic diseases that can start out with the exact same types of symptoms. So, even though none of us want to jump the gun per se', running off to our doctors each time one little thing pops up or changes, plus we are all in the place that, oh well, they will blame it on the Lupus anyway, yet something else that may need other treatment, surgery etc done. A great for instance was my double hernia's early last year. I was told by three different doctors those "lumps" were nothing to be concerned about, and they more than likely were not hernia's. Then I still feel uneasy, so I go to a surgeon, who sure enough says right off it is not just one hernia, but I had two... one on each side...So, had I listened to those first 2 or 3 medical doctors who just seemed to not want to really find out for sure, they blew me off. Then I do find out I have hernia's just as I had suspected all along. We for the most part, have a "gut" feeling, again no pun intended, about our bodies. For those of us with chronic illnesses, we especially tend to watch out like a hawk for any type of new symptom, or something that seems to be "off" and not quite right. Yet, often times I know for myself, I go into the physician's office, and I just feel like if I am going to get the same old answer, it is the "Lupus", "RA" etc... then why... and if it isn't or they feel it may not be, then here goes the 50 "shades of Testing" that runs up expenses, and takes away our precious time. Even with many new tests, there still may not be any "one" answer, if one at all. I have found that even with the double vision, that started so suddenly out of no where, and has gotten to where I have it all the time, unless I wear my corrective glasses with the prisms in them, I have constant double vision. Some of you may recall the entire ordeal I went through for at least 6 to 9 months or more. I saw 2 or 3 different eye specialists, a couple of different neurologists, my Rheumy, my PCP, and in between I am sure probably someone else. I also went through exam after exam, test after test, loads of blood work and even a "biopsy" on my temporal artery. The specialist felt I had temporal arteritis, and it did make sense. But, the very treatment for it was something I was already taking, just not in as high of a dose as they use on that illness. So, I also found out the biopsy comes back all too often "inconclusive" thus I may have had it, but they didn't really get the exact YES, but it was not "negative" either. It took months and months, a couple of different pair of glasses, and just all kinds of neurological testing. One of the Neurologists said he felt I had Myasthenia Gravis which is another autoimmune disorder, and that will cause the symptoms I had and also explain where and why they were showing up at that time. Yet, still there is no one exact science about Myasthenia Gravis either. Just like MS, which I could have also, still there is one test that they can do, and again it is not always "exact"... It might be negative, and I still have MS, or I may show up positive, and be negative in reality. So, as we hold hands, together one next to the other, remember for one, you are never alone... there is someone out here, that can empathize with you, and totally understands because they are also experiencing some of the same things, whether it be illnesses, or any other number of other explanations. You can bet money on that there are one or usually many more of us with the same situation. Gosh, I can count on my hands, toes, 50 times over at the number of people who have been down almost the same road as I and the rest of us have. I've managed to feel "well enough" today to get some cleaning done, baked a lemon pound cake, did some other cleaning here there and yonder, vacuumed, and even colored my hair (of which I am not thrilled, it is way much darker than the last time I did it with the red).... but I also know it will fade out pretty quickly, and then won't be so very deep red... the color I used before came from Avon, and they quit making the product line! Plus I didn't keep the number or part of the box so I could try and match it up and I picked what I thought would be close, but it is still much deeper reddish/almost maroon than I expected.... so I hope maybe, my stomach is settling down, along with the stupid headache. I need to run errands and get to the market tomorrow, so I need all of the "wellness" I can get hold of for tomorrow. It will be one of those busy days. Anytime I head to the market and have a "list"... a long list, and then coupons, that means a longer trip that runs into hours if I have lots to stock up on and to use coupons on....