Life Ongoing and Fleeting, Memories of a Time that seems like a blink of an Eye ago, dealing with AI's, Lupus, RA, Friends or lack of them, & All we are thrown daily to contend with....

WOW! I bet a few of you are saying! It has been a long while since I posted so early. I used to be up by 5AM, and that all changed several months back. I began to stay up much later than I did, thus I find myself not getting up before the dawn appears. I am honestly not looking forward to cold weather. It at one time was almost my favorite time of year, especially around the 2-3 weeks of February. Not due to my birthday BUT that is when we always planned and went on our annual snow skiing trip... it happened to fall right around my birthday, and WOW, I planned for that all year long... before we even finished getting home good from one trip, I was already setting up a "Christmas fund" at the bank where I used to work, and that money was always for the trip & Christmas also. I watched the weather all the way up to that last moment, just thrilled to be going back to Wolf Creek Pass, and Pagosa Springs CO... and also Santa Fe NM... Some of my most incredible memories are wrapped around that time in my life and I would give anything to be able to go again... I am not so sure about the skiing anymore even though I would love to try once more... but that was long before knee replacements shoulder replacements, cervical neck surgery and autoimmune illnesses.... so it would also mean in order to snow ski, back to walking that 5 miles a day I did for the entire year before we went.... and even at that, it still wore me out to ski especially if we skied 4 days rather than 3... I did have several video's of us, we took a camera and taped us a couple of years, and right now I am not even sure where those are... since then with all of the moving etc... they have been placed gosh knows where, but I still can replay each moment in my mind... my favorite part which was like a half open pipe, the sides way high up so when I skied, I went up one side, down into the "pipe" and back up the other... everyone knew if I was difficult to find that was where I would be LOL....then there was the time, and I had a pair of NEON GREEN snow pants/snow suit - and it was a pretty sunny day and I had been headed through some trees, and as I made one last little jump, one of my skies decided to stay behind, so here I was sliding through the trees on my stomach flat and just laughing... some guy and his wife were behind me and saw it, and he yelled at me "Looks good from behind here"! OMG - His wife hit him.... LOL! another one of those "moments" that get etched in our minds, and something that I will never forget... like the outdoor hot tub and it snowing on you when your were in it, and the indoor pool we ran and got in as soon as we got out of the hot tub... and the place we ate breakfast each morning, where the Elk came came a hill on the other side of the road and we watched them each morning, or the Mexican Food place we ate at when we got back from skiing - and they would fix me a "hot toddy" because I would always come in with a sore throat... LOL!!!! and how Pagosa Spings (which was like "Hot Springs Arkansas) due to the hot springs there the entire town smelled like rotten eggs.... LOL... you just got used to it after a day or so... and it did not matter because.... I WAS SNOW SKIING! I could sit here and almost write a novelette about my experiences going skiing for many years there during my 30's I believe.... and why that came to mind this morning, I am not sure, maybe the Winter/Fall chill in the air, or the fact, that rather than think about ALL I need to get done, I would much rather think of just how incredible those years were for myself, friends and my kids even went a couple of times... that was when Amanda my daughter was probably about 8 or so and the first time I sent her for "lessons"... she came walking down the hill with one ski in her hand... and I thought she was hurt... no, but the tree she ran into was bruised and her ski broken! LOL! She decided she did not need lessons, so off she went on the "bunny slope" herself, ran into a tree and busted the boot off of her ski first rattle out of the box! Thank goodness they were rented and insured so we got a new one right away! :) Those years have come and gone, but the memories made will remain brightly lit in my mind forever.... (or I hope they will).... Lately, life has been nothing more than one big ball of knotted, tied up, strung out, a mess of a ball of thread... it seems everywhere I turn there is something I need to do, somewhere I need to be, or an errand to run, medication to pick up, and now I have to all a plumber today... I thought I had remedied my problem but I have not, thus now I plumber has to be called and I don't look forward to that... it does not take long for a bill to get large when you have to call in a professional... in all of my undertakings, as FINALLY I FIXED A LAMP that my Mom had and it quit working. It is a pretty lamp, nothing wrong but I knew the "socket" had gone bad in it... well I bought the kit, with even a new cord in it, just so I would make sure ALL was new... it took me about 5 days in all to figure it out, and even though it was not difficult, in my head I had a portion that I was seeing to be more difficult than it was... so on Friday, it dawned on me what I was doing wrong, and sure enough, I got it all together and working! So, my DIY skills can work still, sometimes it just takes longer than it used to... same way with anything now days... I find myself yesterday in need of needing to sweep well (Swiffer), then "Wet Swiffer" my hardwood floors and mop my kitchen... and then I needed to vacuum, dust, etc... BUT, it took me so long to just get the hardwood floors done, in between all of the other "little" things I had to do, that by the time I was ready to vacuum, it was already after 4PM, I had told Mom I would drop by an lite her heater again, so I had to stop, decide to vacuum "tomorrow" so today, and then I wondered why it took me so long to do those floors??? I used to have been able to clean the bathroom, do all of that vacuuming, dusting, mopping the hardwood flooring, and so on, and still have plenty of time... but not anymore... for one, my energy is not what it used to be... I am much slower about things now... I had not been to church in 2 Sundays to do being sick, so I wanted to make sure I went yesterday. So, even though I knew I would come home to "chores" I got dressed and went to church first...yet by the time I ran home, changed clothes, went and picked up a couple of things from 2 stores, got home, and done that cleaning, it was already 4PM! By the time I got over to Mom's, lit her heater, visited for a bit, and got home it was already almost 5:30 and I had no clue what I wanted to have for dinner... and Bub's was looking at me like, "Hey, you have to feed us!" LOL!!! I almost settled for PBJ Sandwich, but I had some leftovers I managed to warm up and add a bit to, so he and I had a good dinner.... I guess he did he was not really even wanting dessert later in the evening when we watched a movie! Now, once again it is Monday - another ONE OF THOSE! I am sure that sounds silly for someone who is disabled, and does not have to "leave home" for work any more... but you know, I still have as much if NOT MORE to do now, and a lot less energy to deal with it all... so "Monday" is also one of those "Mondays" for myself also... it is trash day, and the beginning of usually errands, doctors, meds, running, phone calls and "stuff" to take care of... and that is exactly right... I have a list on a smaller yellow pad BUT it is 2 PAGES long! So, just because I am no longer "employed" outside of the house, I still have a ton of stuff to take care of... I need to have some of my meds refilled, and call to schedule an appt for my Mom at one of her doctors, and take Bub's to the Vet in the next couple of days, he needs his rabies shot and his back toenails cut which I DREAD! Neither of my dogs liked their feet touched... and he actually "nipped" at the Vet's assistant last time I had him in, so that means I have to "muzzle" him and I hate that!!! Thus of course his nails are way too long and no matter how I try he will not let me cut them... I have tried every thing in my power to get him to let me cut his nails, but him and Tazzy hated their feet messed with... ONE THING I WILL do differently with a new pup.... CUT THEIR NAILS RIGHT OFF MYSELF... and avoid having to take them in, have to muzzle one, like Bub's, and it saves a great deal of time and heart ache for me, because I just hate having to put that thing on him....and I even tried at home at one time to muzzle him, but he is so strong with his front paws, that he can pull it off, if I don't have anyone to help hold his feet down while I do muzzle him... so to the Vet we go, and I know she will faint, because most women would envy how long my dogs nails got and get... it is just nuts... but since they are in the house, they don't wear them down like outside dogs do....

I've been in such a tangled mess with my life in the past several months... I feel as if I am NEVER "caught up" - I always feel like I am 5 steps behind what I need to be doing, I am so slow at everything... I even had my hair cut all off short, so I don't have to take time with it because I feel as if I can spend that time doing something else other than messing with my hair...but the sad thing is I bought color for it gosh, 3 or 4 weeks ago I guess, and I STILL HAVE NOT found the time to color it! Something else always seems to take priority or by the time I may find a moment to do it, I am too tired to fool with it, so here it sits on my desk, as a reminder of one of the MANY things that need to be done....

As I stopped a moment to make out a Birthday Card for My Granddaughter, Heather, who will be 18 on the 30th of this month, again memories flood my heart, she met me when she was only 2 years old, and "Nana Pam" now is what her and both of her brothers call me. I've been able to "watch" them grow up through here, Facebook, - my daughter has been so great about posting all of their vacations, school functions, prom, homecoming, football season, Heather being a cheerleader, in volleyball, their vacations, the boys and all of the excursions they go on with their Dad and their Mom, my daughter Amanda, and again, how time has flown by so quickly just makes me wonder how life can go by within the beat of a heart, within a breaths space.. it seems I just met her - a tiny little thing, and here she is all grown up about to be 18 and off to college! My how life can truly rush by... at times I am sad because I am far enough away that I have not been there physically to witness all of their triumphs, but as I said my daughter blesses me with so many photo's of all of their special times that I feel like a piece of me is always there - watching as they grow into young guys and soon Heather a young woman off to college to follow her own dreams.

I often "feel" for our kids now days. This world has truly changed so much, and in many ways, NOT GOOD! There is so much more rivalry, rather than chivalry out there now... where there used to be goodness and gratefulness, has been moved to being greedy and just down right hateful and mean.... people are "bitter" about so many things, and of course in some ways, they have the right to be bitter. When you stop a moment, and think of all the horror daily not just in other countries but right here on our own soil, in our schools, colleges, Malls, everywhere there are "people" there seems to be a "person" which is is difficult to call someone a "person" when they want to do harm to other innocent people... but it is all around us... NONE of us "immune" from that fact.

Yet, there are still "good people" those who are kind and generous. They do for others, and not because they have to, but because they "want to".... I have a dear friend who is really going through a very tough time .... she is fighting the big "C" word, after having it back a first time while we were basically still in High School - and then here it is 30 plus years later, and again she is battling it... trying to work, never has a bad thing to say about anyone else, an is always so very grateful for those around her that do all they can to help, out of the kindness of their hearts, not because they "have to", but because they "want to"....

And I partially because most of my family is gone, My Dad and all of his siblings, parents and so forth passed away, and even some of his cousins and so on also gone. I was basically an only child, and have a "half brother" but he was at least 15 years plus older than me, went into the Air Force and spent 20 years much of it overseas in England. He retired from the service years ago and then they settled in North Richland Hills in the Dallas area and he was working for one of the big helicopter flight simulator places I believe. So, my Mom's parents have both passed away, she has lost both siblings, an older brother and his wife, and lately her younger sister to cancer... so when it comes to "family" especially close family, I really only have Mom and my two kids and of course my daughter's family. Even at that they are hours and hours away, and my son, also at least an hour or so away, with a job of his own, and life to also deal with.

So, last week when it came time to try and "adopt" a pup I did not realize the entire realm of red tape involved. It has been years since the last time I actually adopted a cat or dog... my last two, Tazz was a Christmas present and we bought her in Seattle, and Bub's I also bought him when he was just a puppy.... so when I get this email wanted ALL of this stuff and THREE references - asking ALL about my home, yard, how I was with my past animals etc... I was like I don't have that many people that are here close enough to give me 3 of them... but Jim was gracious enough to fill one out and my Mom helped me out, and hopefully with those, and everything I've told them, along with Vet records from my current one, whom is just a sweetheart and I am so happy she is back in town also... we went to school together... and then my other Vet that took care of them for years before Venetia Shafer at BlueBonnet Vet Clinic came back... I am hoping that is enough .... I've been racking my brain to think of someone else... of course my daughter could help out or my son, but they are so busy, taking to time fill out a long form for them is difficult... with kids, jobs, home and so on, I can't believe they keep up with everything as it is....

I guess that is the one thing I hope "joining the Methodist Church" would help me with... now that it is just myself and Bub's... I have Mom, but really no one that is a "close friend"... and a couple of people "close to me" but not like we do things together etc... so I was hoping by getting involved back in Church, and hoping to find some other things to participate in, I would find some "friends"... and we all know with the autoimmune illnesses, the Lupus, RA and so forth... my life "daily schedule" varies from one moment to the next... depending on how I feel, or how Mom is doing...

I also realized that if it were not for my Mom, I have no one to "assist" me with anything, say this plumbing issue... or anything like that... I don't "know" enough people well enough in town, even though I have been here for all my life for the most part, I guess due to my "life when married" I kept myself more at home, almost locked away, busy with those things, I did not get out in the community to meet others... and here I am 55 years old... and unlike a couple of my friends, or like my neighbor, they have "friends" that are helping them building a two car HUGE GARAGE that is as big as my home! I "Lack" that type of support system... I am "new" to the church, been going now for about 3 months, but sick some of that time... I have not gotten out and about to meetings, or even to the Saturday Farmer's Market and so forth, so I must find the "funds" to pay for my plumber, or have work that is so in need on my home, or any and everything that comes up, there is not anyone I can have that could help out... and you know, that frightens me honestly... of course I have my Mom... and my daughter and son, but they are as I said hours away, and have their own jobs, lives, and so on... so I am upset with myself... that I have allowed myself to stay "almost too alone" to have any kind of support system... my neighbors have "helped" some, but I have been quite honestly upset with one in particular... he used to always be here asking if we needed anything... when Jim was here, he constantly was mowing the lawn, and I usually paid him, even when he said he did not want it... but I knew they needed the money at that time... and my other neighbors have a very ill Mom they take care of and another one is up in age, and she needs help herself... so it gets to this spot in life, that you begin to think, what would I do if I needed this, that or the other... I can guarantee my Social Security Check pays the bills barely, and that is all... in fact I am very upset with my car insurance, it seems every time they bill me, that bill is higher, even though my car is older... and now I must spend Lord knows how much time trying to find a "new" and hopefully better Medicare Advantage Plan... the one I chose for this year has sucked more than I can say, and they are someone I would NEVER ever recommend to anyone! I am extremely disappointed in AARP for even "sponsoring them" - they have done some really horrible things this year to their patients, and I am just mad as hell honestly, because now I must spend days trying to find another plan that will cover ALL of my doctors, my medications and that is a hard thing to do now days... our doctors are all shy of even Medicare and a supplement these days... they DO NOT get paid for months and sometimes a year or more, thus they are leery.... Well, I need to get busy on other stuff as you can see, but I wanted to take time to first tell those who do help THANK YOU! Whether a kind word, or support of my advocacy etc.... I appreciate all of you.... and to let you know there are many things right now in my own life that are frightening.... I am going through a great deal of emotional distress... and "losing" a relationship after 13 years and then losing Tazzy after 3 years, have really put me in a place of even more distress.... there are other things playing into this but, I shall stay quiet for now about those.... but to all, remember the great memories and hold them close... remember time is fleeting, and before you know it, you are in your mid 50's and wonder what the heck you really have done in this life.... and to hold on to whom and what is dear to you.... Rhia

Distressed, Disgusted, Distraught, Disturbed... AND MANY Other "Realms" of Distaste I Feel With Our Nation, Our News, Our World & All Who Choose to Bury Their Heads in the Sand...

If YOU are trying to figure out exactly "why" the name of this post is "OFF" from my usual, that is because IT IS, "Off the Beaten Path"...

You can say that this involves "physical", illness, pain, destruction, devastation and moreover, I am totally DISGUSTED with many of us, and I must say I include myself in that "us"....

ow the "news" can sit around and bring about MORE "crap" about "email servers, emails that are eons old, Trump and his debauchery,, along with each and every other "Nominee" - whether "Red" or "Blue" is beyond and above what I comprehend!!!

When just here in our own nation, we have thousands upon thousands of acres of precious land, homes, trees, earth, that first has suffered immeasurable damage from drought, and then to be completed brought down to its knees with wildfires above and beyond any one's imagination act as if it is just another day. W have "EVIL" doers on one of our main Highways through Arizona, SHOOTING arbitrarily at any and every thing they in their warped minds they see.

What about all of the flooding, the horrible and completed demolishing of many of our states in the past months with water, MUCH, MUCH MORE water, drowning people, again demolishing everything in its path, leaving people once again homeless, without jobs, and the loss of everything that they ever worked for and cherish.

The EVIL out there that lurks in movie theaters, in Malls, on Highways, on our own city streets, that think no more about shooting people and killing them than they do breathing air... the morality, the greed, the power hungry, the people that have NO care for "human life"... and what makes that even worse, is OUR YOUNG PEOPLE... are many of these horrid, evil filled "humans". How can someone so very young get to be so very wicked in a few short years of life?

How can the "educated" ones that have knowledge at their fingertips, families that love them, take off to some "foreign" nation that literally HATES all Americans, and "join forces" with those who intend to not just harm us, but kill us, and then they strap on "bombs", blowing themselves up, in the name of "a higherpower"????


NEVER have I ever thought not one moment about me taking my own life in the name of the "Lord and Savior" that protects and saves me. Not only would I disobey one commandment, but I would disobey the very fiber He made me from!!!

It makes me literally SICK to watch the news be filled with all of the "junk" about a new President!!!!  Yes, the upcoming election is important to all of us in the USA!! BUT, at this moment it is NOT above the sick, the dying, the starving, those running for their lives from war, killers, that kill not just men, but women, children - it matters NOT who it is, they kill them... People are literally running from fires that are engulfing their homes, and from flood waters that are washing away their lives...


I "rarely" discuss politics... I feel ALL are entitled to their own views... BUT, I sure as heck right now am not concerned what so ever about a Hillary Clinton "private server" and emails that probably don't have a darned thing to do with her being a Nation Changing President!!!! But, I can tell you, if we allow that LOUD MOUTHED "satan tongued" Trump to be over us as a "Leader" of the FREE WORLD... well he will have us blown up within the first year by someone he has opened his foul mouth to in some other nation, and makes them hate us even more than they already do....

And whether you are a "Republican", "Democrat", OLD, YOUNG, MIDDLE AGED, MALE, FEMALE... or of any race... NONE of that matters either!!!! I want the President to be someone who can take the reigns and reign in CONGRESS... and STOP CONGRESS from being a bunch of Kindergarten's and bickering, mud slinging, name calling, and just being plain bull headed and only want what is best" for them... WE "elect" people that are supposed to take care of our nation.... what email they sent 4 years ago, to a friend in Florida, who cares?????

But, you can bet, whether a Congress Person, a banker, lawyer, doctor, or Indian Chief, MOST are OUT for the OWN GAIN!!! GREED, CORRUPTION, LIABLE, SLANDER... all bull... which has gotten us no where over the last 16 or MORE years, but deeper in debt, while the "few" with that "power" get richer and the middle class struggle to keep a job, put food on the table and a home over their families heads....

So, rather than going on and on and on.... about who said what to whom on their "Blueberry - Blackberry - Raspberry" or these "Smart phones" that are surely "dumb" to me, I don't care.... ALL of us fall short of perfection... ALL... and SOME of us have never even thought to strive for being "perfect" - Yet, we try to be the moral, upstanding, truthful, loyal, and honest as we can be....

So, to HECK with 16 or whatever "Republican Nominees" - ridiculous - and thank goodness PERRY quit!!!! Good news for the nation.. and now TX is rid of him also...


And whomever can stand up, and tell ME, how they intend to try and turn this country around... our stock market reeling - one day up and the other the "worst" down in history... people's life savings not making a dime, and Social Security and Medicare... OH HELL that is another BOOK, not just a post... someday, after I finish including my thoughts on those, my book may be much THICKER than anyone thought I could ever write.....

So, when you bow your heads this evening at a meal, or with your kids as they go to sleep - or if you do as the Lord tells us, "hide in your closet" and pray... then you have a direct line to WHOM can turn this country around.....

Thoughts as I ponder my own Health, Lupus, RA, Sjogren's, those that "harm" us, those that have all disregard for human life.. the nation and world in vast and deep trouble...

I put up a couple of new pics earlier on Facebook and I wanted to post them here, and then write about some stuff I've been wanting to write about... lots to do with my own life journey, this river of all too often the "unknown"... we  ... none of us know what the next moment holds... we are not meant to... thus each breath leads to another "surprise" of life... this below is about dealing with illnesses, chronic in nature... Lupus, RA, Heart problems, Sjogrens' the severe pain of them, they tend to try and consume your life, mind, heart and soul... and how then a relationship, although we never know either can literally "suck" the life out of you... before you even know what has happened.... So, I wish each of you, a good life, be safe, love one another every day, every moment... do NOT let a moment pass by that you don't try and make someone else, yourself, or even your "four legged" friends... (I speak of my pups) that you don't love them, and tell them often... 

We never know if we will be shot going down an Interstate, or bombed and terrorized in a church, place to eat, on a job.,, in a market... WE have MANY, MANY Horrible people that spend their life "killing others" and never bat an eye doing it... it is all around, and we hear, read and see is way too much... our NATION and OUR WORLD are in much need of PRAYER, PEACE, AND HARMONY!!! ... YET, too many do not have any regard for human life... I just don't and cannot fathom that they do that in the name of their "god" or whomever they worship.... 

After the SEVERAL what feels like MONTHS the past weeks... I needed to hear something "positive" 　 I have been so totally frustrated with "life" in general... mainly of course illnesses and medical issues. I am still not "completely convinced about this leg being "not infected... but the surgeon I went to has been practicing for many, many years... so I must have faith that he knows what he is looking at. I learned a few things from him by asking questions, especially about MRSA, and what to look for and so on. I am not sure why that even though this lump was "abscessed" is it not "grow" anything. You would assume it being "infected, which is what I "assume" abscess is, that there would be some type of staph, strep, or something that would grow out of that culture. He took two... because I actually had two pockets of abscess from what he said, one not very deep, but the other quite deep into the thigh. I am still taking extremely good care of it, and not going anywhere without it covered and I am still actually covering it with gauze. For one, with the two pups, and then jumping to see me, especially when I sit down in the evenings on the sofa to watch a = movie with the, they both are pawing at me, or putting their heads on my legs etc.. vying for my attention,.... talk about UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!! That is what I get from Bub's and Tazzy.... they love me in spite of being ill so much, being not able to sit with them every moment of the day LOL, if I have my makeup on or not, no matter how I am dressed... they love me... too bad I never found a "spouse" that was so committed to me... Yes, I did say that...I am so "fed up" at the moment with people that "commit" themselves supposedly 110% and vow to be there no matter what, yet when the tough times roll around, guess what... GONE... on 60 SECONDS! I was totally "committed" to each and every relationship where I said and vowed to do that. But, as we know it takes TWO!!! I could not do "all the work" and the other party not want to work at it at all... and in fact at the moment I am quite livid in the fact, that I've been deceived, lied to, cheated on, and you name it, and I know that even my neighbors who have known me now 8 years must have been "told" I was the problem!!! They barely even "look" at me... and they were here all the time "before" the other party left for Seattle... so I can't help but think someone said things that make them think I "threw" it all away etc... when I never did such... but after trying to work on it for almost 13 YEARS... between my own health, my Mom, and ALL that I need to do... things that I gave up, in order to make a relationship last, I am SICK of GIVING, and someone else doing all of the TAKING!!!! Plus I am TOO OLD and TOO much water has flown under the bridge, that I shall NEVER "beg" anyone to be with me, or stay, and so forth... I am too disgusted with all of it, to even truly have the stamina to "fight" for someone to be here. I am just as well off, even though I am lonely at times, the pups as I said love me, no matter what... and I've vowed to NEVER again get into any "long term" anything... And no one say "Oh, you will feel differently later..." NO! I won't... I am going to spend the time that I "wasted" on committing to someone who just took full advantage of my tenacity... and put all of that COMMTMENT back into getting myself as well as possible, writing my (or may I say finishing") my 3rd book and getting it published, along with more much more energy into my blog... which is doing fairly well... and into my activist and advocacy work... those things are where my true nature, my passion, my love, and what I feel my life is truly about... and no more will I forego those things to try and make someone else happy.. if they cannot be happy themselves, then I certainly can't make them happy .... I am off to post this on my blog... do a few things I've got to catch up on... I spent yesterday outside a great deal... washed and got most of my car waxed... and got some of the dead limbs and trees down that my neighbor "left" rather than take down as he said he would before he built that UGLY HUGE MONSTROUS WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE A GARAGE... it is bigger than my house! So, I've got lots of things I have to do for my home and I am already too vested in it to not finish what I began... so as the next moment, hour, day, week, and hopefully YEARS flow... my hopes are to "do" exactly what I feel my true "calling and purpose" here is.....

More on the "Abscess, Cellulitis, autoimmune complications, does our water contain something making us sick, Biologicals, stomach upsets, RA, Lupus and when do it EVER END???!

Thanks Denise Tekell and Yes Nancy Hershelman Gipson this "thing" that began as a lump on my thigh has turned into yet another one of my difficult situations, that sometimes even the doctors are not sure the "why", when or how of it all. What makes it worse is that I have not really said much to the doctors that is, about the "lump" on the other thigh... I cannot fathom how I would have "two" abscesses, in almost the same location, yet one on each thigh... unless as I had suspected, it has something to do with my biologic Orencia injections. I take them at just about where these lumps originated. So, some where I have this gut feeling, those needles from that batch of Orencia, were contaminated... I "thought" originally that this one that now has turned into an abscess... I had gotten a very tiny sliver of wood in it. I had a very small kind of gray looking spot come up, that kind of appeared to be like what you see after something such as a splinter gets in to your skin... it seemed to be a tiny bit of trying to get infected... I kept working with it, keeping it clean, and finally I thought got out a very, very tiny almost little sticker out of it. At that time, there was just a very little bit of stuff that was a bit yellow that also came out with it. But, I cleaned it up put Neosporin on it, covered it with a band aid, and in a couple of days, it seemed to close over and be well. It was about 7 days or so before this other "lump" began to form, and it was actually a bit above where that sticker was... not really right on that area. I did not give it much mind, until I noticed not only did the lump get "sore" it was getting larger. By the time I finally decided it needed to be seen about... it was just a lump, no redness or anything visible on the outside of the skin, just the lump that was then about the size of a silver dollar or maybe a bit larger. I went into my PCP, he took one look at it, and knowing my health issues, said it was cellulitis, and he immediately started me on TWO different antibiotics... I found out one for staph and one for strep... which would be the way to do it, especially with my immune system so compromised. ell, I took those for 7 days, and even though it got smaller, it left almost harder, so I called him, and he put me on a 2nd round of the same antibiotics... well 7 days later, the lump did not shrink anymore, plus it began to be sore, to the touch, so I went in that time, he said, of course my immune system still was not able to fight it off enough, so he did one more rounds of the same antibiotics, and said if there was no improvement, he wanted a surgeon to remove that lump and have it tested to see exactly what we were dealing with. Well, I went through hell and back trying to find a surgeon fairly close that took my insurance. I finally did, but he could not see me for like 10 days, and by now the lump began to show OUTER problems, with redness on it, even more sore, and seemed to be almost "swollen" around the lump.. So, that was a week ago last Friday... again I called me PCP told him that now it was showing outward signs of infection, and told him the surgeon would not be able to see him for another week, and I was very concerned... so he put me on one more round of antibiotics until last Friday, when I went to the surgeon. He came in took one look at it, and said it was an "abscess" that needed to be "cut open" to drain, and sure enough, after I almost fainted from the pain of the damned Lidocaine injections to just deaden it, which they hurt and stung like HELL!! Then even with the deadening, I could feel it when he was putting Q-tips inside of that opening to clean out all he could get out... he then proceeded to tell me he was going to "pack" it, and I needed to remove the packing the next day, and at least twice daily remove the bandages, clean it with Q-tips dipped in peroxide and he said I could just put a large band aid on it... on heck no... it is still so sore, I don't dare NOT cover it was gauze pads and medical paper tape... I can have pain with it, just walking, much less if I were to accidentally hit it etc... Of course you saw the photo's I took those yesterday.... and today it almost looks "worse" to be than better... but I really am not sure, so I've been doing exactly as he told me... and it still has a huge hole in there, that is as wide as the top portion of my little finger, and is at least that deep... and the length is almost1 1/2 inches or more... enough that I can get 3 Q-tips or 4 in it at once, and I still almost feel as if I am hitting "bone" at the bottom... I see him Wednesday... to hopefully find out "what" was in it, and maybe why... but also figure out if this other one is the same thing, or something entirely different... Needless to say, between that stupid thing, my Tazz, my Pug has been sick to her stomach, I've had to cut her down to eating a bit of white rice, a bit of yogurt, and drink....and I got sick before going to church yesterday morning and have no cue why... I "felt" fine, I thought, got dressed, did my makeup, had my hair looking okay, and just about 10 minutes before I walked out of the house, it was like my stomach "flipped" 2 or 3 times... and I was running for the bathroom, sick to my stomach, almost got my dress messed up and wound up taking meds for my stomach and staying at home yesterday... in fact I needed to run out quickly, grab some more gauze pads for my leg, and get a "coke" which settles my stomach, and I thought again I was fine, but about the time I was pulling onto my street to get to my house, I almost did not make it.... I ran in and again was sick to my stomach... just insane ... and my Mom has been having the same issues off and on now for weeks too... I've even changed over to bottled purified water for now, thinking it is a bacteria in the water... it can happen this time of year, and in fact there must be something going on with our water... because there was an article in our local paper Saturday, about they were going to do some "testing" and it may have a "bleach type of smell" and for those who put it into medical devices, may want to use bottled water for a few days, like dialysis machines and so forth.... So, now my RA etc is acting up, due to fearing to even attempt to take my Biologic - plus my Rheumy is trying to get me switched over to Xeljanz, so I would not be able to take it and the Orencia... it is just a living hellish nightmare, all ofit....

Cellulitis, Antibiotics, MRSA, Catching Up, and what "normal" is when you battle with autoimmune illnesses

Gosh Lord knows I need all of the prayers I can get for sure... I did find out yesterday that this stomach mess that began last Friday maybe a "stomach bug" going around. I spoke to my pharmacist about a medication, and they told me that lots of people had been in over the past week or so, with the same thing... really nauseated, feeling lousy, and be "sick" to their stomach... I kind of thought that maybe what it was after I spoke with Mom Sunday over the phone and she was sick Sunday morning with about the same thing. I believe mine was a bit worse just due to the fact, I had already had such severe intestinal issues from the antibiotics, and I am just "worn down" from the cellulitis, not sleeping, the heat does not help and so forth... hopefully I will NOT encounter any more of that mess for awhile. I am still NOT at 100% though. Yet, at least I am COMPLETELY THRU with the antibiotics. I officially took the last 2, yesterday evening. Although the "lump" is still not completely gone away, I think I will just see what happens over the next couple of days. I certainly do not want another round of antibiotics, especially since they are some they use to fight really, really tough cases of infection. I do not want to become "immune" to them and then not get what I may need, if so happened I did come down with some type of very bad infection... MRSA always remains in the background when I think about having to take antibiotics. Although my PCP does not just hand them out for anything, but with me being more prone to having an infection, I have had to take more than I really want to over these past few years. I GO TO the Cardiologist this morning. Just a routine follow up, but her appts are always too EARLY... this one is at 11AM so not too bad, but I always prefer to have appts. very early afternoon about 1PM... that way I have all morning to do things and get caught up on stuff, and I don't waste time having to get ready for a doctor in an appt that is way early... Then the rest of the week is actually pretty quiet as far as going to doctors etc. I STILL NEED to go have the damned Chest X-ray done... I got sick and had to postpone it again... and I know my Rheumatologist is really wondering what the heck is going on. Anyway, I will be playing catch up on lots of stuff over the next few days... so I appreciate everyone and your well wishes and prayers... and I hope things "settle" a bit now, and I will feel better over the next few days, get my strength somewhat back, and be able to get back to "life" rather than a sofa and movies 24/7... Hugs to all... Me

It SUCKS big time, when you feel your life is totally out of your own control, and you have no way to "fix" things... you just have to succumb to the sofa, resting, and putting a whatever you could call "life" on hold.

This past 6 weeks or so have been a total nightmare. Combine all of the issues with the lump on my thigh, cellulitis, high powered antibiotics, my own lower back, pain, stiffness, and a seemingly "worsening" of RA symptoms. My hands and wrists, along with fingers and thumbs are really bothering me worse than they ever had. My right hand has several swollen joints and even the cartilage between my fingers seems to be swollen, puffy and very stiff.

I have actually missed my Orencia now for the 3rd week (in fact I usually take it on Tuesdaus - but after all of the issues with cellulitis on the top of my left thigh in a place that seems where I usually do the Orencia Injections, first of all, with the infection I feared taking it, and 2nd of all, I am not through researching it, but I feel I may have gotten a "contaminated" needle giving myself the injections... I am a stickler for the skin being very clean, and make sure that the alcohol swabs get all in the area, and I always have clean hands, and usually put a bandaid over that spot at least for a day... and I realize with any type of autoimmune issue, I am more apt, more prone, to have these types of issues, but when you get so ill, that your entire life goes on hold for several weeks, it is surely difficult to deal with. 

Anyway, I just completed two 7 day rounds of Rifampin and Bactrim - I hope and pray after 14 days total of these two powerful antibiotics, this cellulitis is gone, and what small "lump" that is left, will just take a bit of time for my body to "absorb" it. I've never had to deal with cellulitis before. So, what portion I do know about it, is what my doctors, my pharmacist and my own research has told me.

I don't want to have to take anymore antibiotics if I can avoid it. I already have infections at times like pneumonia twice in the past year or so that require them. Thus, I worry so much about getting "immune" or something mutating to where the antibiotics do not work. Actually that scares the hell out of me.

But, I must be sure that all signs of infection are gone. I can't take a chance for sure. Plus I feel if this does not do the trick, I will have to be hospitalized and put on IV antibiotics, which I don't have time for, and is surely NOT a convenient situation for me financial wise, time wise, and due to me being here, with the pups, and no longer having another person here to help out, I just can't be gone several days to the hospital. Of anything that sucks about being alone, to me is just that. I can deal with "alone", like many of us do. What I can't deal with is the times I need to be gone for more than a day... then that requires so much change. I must find someone to watch after the pups, and that is not an easy thing... fortunately there is a young woman, along with her sister and Mom that do come to your home and watch after them. But, mine are both so totally ruined, they have a hard time with a stranger, or with me being gone for any time over a day, or a day and a night... so it is like having kids... you can't just leave them at the house for a few days, run off to the hospital... you must have them watched over... My Pug, is really get very stiff herself... she is up in age and has a difficult time getting around... can't jump up on the sofa anymore by herself... and she requires a bit of extra attention, plus I give them both medications daily and so forth...

Even though some may not comprehend how an animal or animals can be so much of your life, but they are... anyone that is an animal lover, and has or had a dog(s), cats and do forth totally "get it"... they become a part of your family and for me right now, they are my family...

Even though I think I should have "more time" now, I feel as if somewhere my time is being "sucked" away... the days feel shorter, and the number of things that need to be done, longer... and I never seem to be able to find enough energy to complete the tasks that I should be able to... I've tried everything... lists, organizing, I multi-task, although not as well as I used to be able to... but it is like life goes into overdrive... and rather than slowing down, and things getting "less" all needs are more... whether it is my own health, my Mom's, the house, the pups, everything seems to suck time away... I spent over a week more or less on the sofa... so I have all of this stuff piled up... and all of it important in its own way... but it is impossible for me to handle it all anymore... the age, the autoimmune illnesses, along with everything they bring and take away... my body feels "worn" out rather than better....





















 

Trying something new - A "daily" Online "Paper" about Autoimmune Illnesses, Writing, Chronic Pain, Family, Coping, Surgeries & more

https://paper.li/ravishingrhia/1438808814#

Autoimmune Arthritic Systemic Life Daily – Rhia

 

A "Daily online Newspaper"  I am "Customizing"  for my own interests, advocacy, activism,Ambassadors, Illnesses, Family and Coping...

This is new for me.. not sure if I will keep it.. it depends upon time, and all in between. I don't want to begin yet another "tool" since I really need to put my efforts into finishing my 3rd book and my blog, advocacy etc. But I thought for the moment I might give this a try.

WEGO Health Awards Judging, Chronic Illnesses, Pain & The Brave People That Find the Strength and Courage to Talk, Blog & Write about it

As I worked on my WEGO Judging over the past couple of weeks, I've found that there are some incredibly strong women (and men) out there living their lives everyday, with one, two, three and more chronic illnesses, syndrome, and pain. They have also been through the HELL of hospitalizations that lasted for months, endless surgeries, transfusions, being not even able to eat and being fed through an IV (as I did in 2010), and some of them like myself, at that time the doctors really DID NOT KNOW what was wrong with me. My own PCP has made the statement since then on several occasions that he was extremely concerned back then I was going to die. Endless numbers of specialists came to see me... most of them were of a foreign decent, and frankly I could not understand what they were saying to me. Many of them at the time, didn't really know what the hell "Lupus" was. They blamed some of my illness on the Lupus, yet, they also were treating me for what they told us later was a "collapsed" bile duct. It was literally leaking poison into my abdominal cavity, rather than it going out of my system and being filtered out by my intestines, and out as it should. I had several "tubes" running outside of my right side. Later I had to even come home with them still in place, and we had to watch the fluid that came out into the bag, to make sure it was becoming more "clear" and not bloody etc. I went through that for several weeks. For at least 6 weeks I never put a drop of food or anything to drink in my mouth. There was a huge bag of "nutrients" that was white, and I was told it was a certain concoction mixed up by the pharmacy for me. I went through nights that I barely knew where I was. In fact, I spent mt 50th birthday having yet another surgery. Jim, my son, and my Mom were there because they had told me to "call my family" in, "just in case".... "Just in Case"???? I had at least 8 or 9 other IV bags hanging and pouring into me, pain medications that I watched the clock for and begged each moment I knew I could have more.... I really have never "told" this entire story, from start to finish, here or on my blog. I have put bits and pieces about it over the years on both, as well as it will be in my book. It took my system weeks to even be able to withstand a regular sip of "Coca-Cola in it. It would put my entire stomach and intestines into a "tailspin" and the next thing I knew nurses had to come in and change my entire bed, put me into the shower (dammit they never warmed it up enough and this was the middle of February and one of the coldest Winters in TX since I had been back).... any thing that was "food" "stunk" to me. Jim would go and try to find something I could stand to even remotely put into my stomach, and even certain kinds of bread smelled so bad to me there was no way I could take even a bite. Why I am telling this now here, I am not sure. Probably due to one of the blogs I read over the past few days, and her own battle with what later was diagnosed properly as Crohn's. But, more than that, it seems each year that February rolls around, which my Dad's birthday was on the 2nd, Ground hogs day, and mine of course just passed on the 15th, almost a Valentine Baby.. and it brings all of those weeks and weeks, and honestly months back into my memory. How ill I really was, and how it truly it is a miracle I am here today to type about this.... so ALL of you... everyone of you that have the stamina, bravery, the "guts" (no pun intended), the wear with all, strength... and many more descriptive words to say how incredible you are to tell "your" story. Whether it be autoimmune in nature, arthritic, FM, MS, and all of the other Chronic Illness and Pain so many of us endure... so WE can go out and tell others "it is okay"... you are still you.... you are not "less than", that life can be full, and fun... you just have to sometimes decide upon a "new kind of normal"... that is what I have to do, and even now... "normal" can change at any given time... I am THANKFUL, to be here this morning and able to tell a portion of my story... and I am thankful for my family, my spouse, kids and Mom, that support and love me, even though I feel like I disappoint them at times... and my true friends here that also love me for me... sick, well, mad, depressed, happy, or whatever I maybe at that moment, those out there know I mean you... that support and love me unconditionally, with Lupus, with Sjogren's, now with dentures and not my teeth, with the joints replaced, and the pain pump hanging from my right side... I am still "me"... and I feel blessed.... thank all of you for accepting me no matter whether brain fog hits, or I find myself on the sofa for the day, or I am up cleaning and doing "normal" things.... I am blessed.

WEGO Health Awards Annual Event!!! Please go by and "Endorse" me!

Things have been hectic with everything going on from the holidays, to my own issues with going for check ups, getting my pain pump refilled, getting Jim to a decent, reputable pain doctor (MINE)... and hopefully getting him the medications he needs in order to be able to get up and function without so much horrid pain.

  https://awards.wegohealth.com/nominees/1998

Jim's pain of course, like mine and many others is a complicated situation. After the car accident, he has lots of damage to nerves, to the spinal cord, to muscles, and so forth. So, it takes a combination of medications, not just the "standard" pain meds, to help him. Things like Baclofen, Zanaflex, Gabapentin, are three of the others he needs in order to get the pain of nerve damage, muscle issues like spasticity, under control. Then some regular pain medication for other pain. So, going to the specialist enabled him to get ALL of the meds needed, rather than just "pain meds".

I am still reeling also from the ridiculously stupid incident in Corsicana that I would NOT TAKE my dog to .... the so-called "Oral Surgeon", more like a money hungry greedy, jack ass, that practically ran out the back door, when he heard the lady in the front asking me for MONEY!!! It was "supposed" to be a "free consultation", or at the very least, NO other costs of Xrays. Oh hell no, of course he had to do his OWN freaking Xray, in which my dentist had just done not 3 weeks ago to show the HOLE between my sinus cavity (Maxillary Sinus Cavity) and my mouth. As I've said that was caused due to a very difficult root in an upper molar that was so close to the "boney part" between the mouth and sinus cavity that it actually pulled a hole in between them. It appears in my mouth to be only about like the thickness of a small toothpick. But in the X-ray, it does show a larger "communication" as they call it in technical terms, maybe a 1/2 inch or possibly longer between them. Well, I went down there prepared to set up a "more aggressive plan to fix it" which would entail probably bone implant. I have already had it "sewn" closed initially, then my own dentist did a less invasive procedure that I wished I would have asked for "gas" like I had been with the rest. He had to literally "cut" a flap of my gum and try and put it over the tiny hole, then suture that into place. Hopes were it would "seal" itself over and we would be done... but IT IS COMPLICATED RHIA!!! So "Rhia's Law" NOThING is "simple" with me... always has to be complicated as hell and stubborn, and cost more... and. and, and .... and ... and then more... but the jackass down there basically as far as I am concerned ripped me off of 130.00 and DID NOTHING for me... in fact he was even "wishy washy" ABOUT ME having it "fixed"!!!! How stupid is that, plus he wanted to do the "same thing" that had already been tried and failed... and charge me $2,400.00!!!!!!!... YES Two Thousand Four Hundred Dollars and was going to do it under a "local" and not even gas!!! He is nuts. I watched on U-Tube what "needs" to be done... and I NEED TO BE KNOCKED OUT to do it!!!! It is insanity now days to get anyone to do their damned job as far as physicians, pharmacists etc...

Yesterday, I went to 3 DIFFERENT PHARMACIES, to get Jim's meds filled... and used to if they did not have it, they could order and have it the next day... NOT ANY MORE.... now like WG's told me they only ORDER MEDICATIONS ON THE WEEKEND!!! Excuse me???? No wonder they never have anything in stock... that is crazy!!! Hell not all that long ago, I could go into my pharmacy in Corsicana, my Pharmacist, would GO OUT OF HIS WAY, AND even call around to other pharmacies if need be to get my meds if they did not have them at the moment!!! And this was not a "small" pharmacy, but it was actually Wal-Marts pharmacy in Corsicana!!! He was amazing.

RARELY DID THEY NOT HAVE MY MEDS... and if they did. 99% of the time, they got them that day, if not the next for sure......

Well, I finally had to just get up, get a few things done around the house, that I REALLY DID NOT feel like doing, but I did them anyway... and now I think I may sit down and watch a movie with my puppies....

I am seriously considering writing yet a 4th book. This one will be "fun" for myself and everyone who loves the "colloquialisms" of different states, even different places within a state... accents, the "sayings" we have heard from our child hoo years and so forth. My husband has been on me to actually put ALL that I have and say all the time together and publish a book of them. Thus, I've been putting down many, many of the sayings as I've went through the years. Now, I am trying to think of a really great name for the book!!!! Then I can "register" the title, start on the cover of it, and then it gives me something very "tangible" I can work with. Wish me luck as a venture on out yet into another realm of my life... many good times wrapped around lots of those "sayings" I've heard since I was a young child... this time I think Dad will be (would have been) proud... :):) It will be dedicated to him, because he is the one that filled my head full of them for so many years... :):) More to come..... 

Holidays Upon Us - Feeling Lousy - But trying to "Put on a Happy Face"

Just about every one of us know this dilemma. We try our best to make the holidays a special time of year. Whether it be the upcoming Thanksgiving and Christmas Holidays, or the others during the year; none of us want to "ruin" our family and friends holiday season.

So, we often put on that "Happy Face", and try to hide behind the mask of pain, fatigue, stiffness, swelling, and all of the other horrid issues we put up with physically, mentally and emotionally during the year and especially during the holidays.

I am headed out for now to have my pain pump refilled, so I shall finish this later this evening. But, I do want to say I pray everyone will have a safe, Happy and a reprieve from illness for the holidays.....

Rhia

Have a Wonderful Holiday!  

 

 

SECOND PART!!!!!!!!

As promised I am "here", just a bit later than I thought I would be. It has already been one helluva week. Between 2 days of doctors appointments, getting ready for whatever kind of Thanksgiving we are having (not in a bad way, just seems thing keep getting changed around), the entire ordeal about Jim, the accident, all of the ongoing and going and going about doctors for him that either are just NOT accessible, OR they are total jerks and quacks. Talk about some "scheming". I found out quite a bit more on this whole thing of getting things taken care of with doctors that are NOT on the up and up. 

Speaking of... the up and up.... Something happened today while I was at my pain doctors office in Dallas having the pain pump refilled. Of course it is NO secret that I have been in an insurmountable over 5 to 7 days of unrelenting pain. I of course mentioned it to him, and thought he might take the "hint" to either up the pain med in my pump (which can be done) OR just allow me to take my "breakthrough" medication a bit closer together, at least until I am over this damned hump of pain. It is just insanity and it is driving me over the insanity brink for sure. I did get a huge shot of Solu-Medrol yesterday while I was at my PCP office for a recheck. After telling him and then I asked about going to the corticosteroid injection at the office, and then a 14 day step down dose of prednisone, he said yes, most certainly we can try... thus we did. I seemed to have been a bit better this morning. I was able to stand on my feet almost without wincing in pain. But, as the day wore on, between the drive to Dallas, not getting to really eat, then going through the entire refill crap, and of course driving home... Then a "hog for punishment"... I decide to go out after getting home, and do a bit of my "coupon/sales" shopping, which I knew was probably a mistake and really stupid honestly. It was already almost 4pm, I was exhausted in every way from mental, physical, emotional... you name it... but I did manage to make my way down to our local Dollar General and pick up a few things that were "crazy" on sale. By the time I got home, I was just totally wiped. I had to let CVS and Wal-Greens go until maybe tomorrow, and I may try for Family Dollar, but I am not so sure yet. 

I will NOT shop on Thanksgiving, sorry but I think that stinks to the high heavens, that anyone in retail makes employees work on a major holiday!!! If everyone does not get what they need by Wednesday, then they can just do without it for one day!!!! It irks me to the ends of the Earth that they open those stores on a holiday like this one. Anyway, of course "people" will go, and if they come, of course that is money in their pockets, so open they are.

And you can certainly forget me getting out on "Pitch Black Friday"... I am pretty "hair brained" at times, but being out at 2am in the morning to shop, is just not what I call "fun"... Now IF we were headed for WINSTAR, now that I WOULD GET UP FOR! :):):)

Plus in all honesty, I don't have a huge family to buy for anymore... and sometimes it has become easier as the kids have grown up, and like my daughter, has a family of her own, to just send them money, and let them get what they want, need, and like. I swore when I saw my parents do that, I would NEVER ... I always believed in getting a present for everyone... that is partly what made the holiday, Christmas. But, as I have aged, and the kids grow so quickly, it now makes sense as to why my parents, and their parents did it. 

I really should be writing some words of wisdom for those of you who are looking and searching for "answers" in how to "survive and thrive" during the holidays. I am speaking of course at the moment about those of us with chronic illnesses, and chronic pain... from the autoimmune diseases, to chronic pain, migraines, CFS, FM, and the entire gamut of these that cause us grief most every day of our lives. I think I have truly discovered why I love to make a trip to the casino every once in a while. It is because once I step into those doors, until I step out and get in the car to come home, "illness" flies out the door, and stays out until I leave. It is the people, the noise, the lights, and most of all, your mind or for me, my mind is "clear" for a while. I am NOT thinking about medications, doctors, tests, prescriptions, pharmacies, people that are just plain stupid, lazy and don't give a damned that don't need to be in the business of health care at all, if they DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE!!!  I hear it and see it constantly... they either just don't give a damned about us as patients, or they don't really want to be there, ... but I see it more and more from all walks of what the medical profession is supposed to be... greed, laziness, no training, not doing their jobs, and we do it for them... it just makes my blood boil, when I hear that "tone" on the phone. You know, that one on the other end who could care less about my needs as a patient and what THEY should BE doing and they DON'T!!!! 

Anyway, so to step into that huge building that has NOT ONE WINDOW in it... NO CLOCKS, and every kind of sound, feeling, sight, and emotion rolls into those slot machines while I am there... so it is not really the "gambling"... Lord knows I DO NOT have "gambling money"... but it is the get a way from it all. Even if it is just Sunday, and we don't stay the night, still it is a rest from the daily mess. I should "coin" that phrase, "It is a rest, from the daily mess." to put it lightly.

So, for me, honestly, I am in so much pain, even as I type this I am wondering why the hell I am!!! My wrists, fingers, elbows, shoulders and neck hurt so badly all I want to do is sit in the floor and cry, cry, cry, cry.... but then I would have a Migraine, thus that is not a help, maybe a release, but certainly not a cure.

I have "lots" of advise about how to "help" your holiday run smoother, but everyone has their own way to handle it. Some just say NO... some stay home, some go out to eat, or to a movie, or to the casino... for some it is being alone and for others it is being with family and/or friends. For some it is "giving" of oneself, and serving at a homeless center, or church to others not as fortunate as many of us. So, you have to "dig deeper" within yourself to figure out "how to survive the holidays". 

Lately, I will say for me, I have been extremely fortunate, and found some incredibly super bargains on a few outfits, a pair of shoes, some leg warmers I found today, and also racked up some savings on some new eye shadow, mascara, eye liner and I even bought some "false lashes".. but it has been years since I tried to put them on, so I have not braved it yet. So, for me, between reading some really great "beauty" tips, especially those that are truly inexpensive etc... and get a few clothes for a tiny bit of nothing... (I've probably spent about 50.00 on ALL of it)!!!! Between "mega-markdowns", super sales, cashing in on coupons, I got a pair of 80.00 shoes for like 10.00, bought about 7 or 8 tops for about 15.00 or so, makeup around 10.00 leg warmers 2.00!!, plus a few other odds and ends... but I have not spent hardly anything for all of it! So, that has kind of been a "new release" for me... finding ways to have "nice" stuff, without breaking the bank... the better the bargain, the happier I am honestly. So, when things are too much to bear, I open up an email from Total Beauty, or a couple of others I get newsletters from... and even do a great deal of DIY, skin, hands, feet, nail treatments... gosh sometimes we do not realize how many things we already have in our home that work great on skin, hair, nails and so on... so I look for those, and give them a try... if they suck... they suck... if not I am not out anything... 

Okay well, it is midnight, and it's been forever since I've stayed up late like this to write... I am hoping it will help me, and if we are lucky, maybe you might get a kick out of reading it....

Happy Thanksgiving, Rhia, Jim and the family

Annual Family Christmas Letter for 2013....

                   How Can It Be Christmas 2013 Already?

I’ve been contemplating over writing this “annual Christmas Letter” for weeks. Although it is a tradition, and I am not one for altering traditions; life in itself gives you no choice BUT to alter, change, move, forward, backward, and sometimes even upside down, as far as the traditional sense goes.

I do just sit here in wonderment of just how quickly this year has flown by. It seems each February that rolls around (my birthday month), makes that year fly by swifter than the one before. As kids we fuss that it takes such a long time for holidays, a new school year, Summer to arrive, time for us to have our driver’s license, time to graduate… 
After you are out of school, in a job, possibly have a spouse, a family, and all of the hustle and bustle that goes with those things, time seems to “turn a page” in a greater way than the years before. Marriages seem to go by more quickly, kids grow up just all too fast, and then you are again by yourselves, with an occasional visit from the kids and the Grand kids. 

As I watch my own Grand kids grow, they are also growing from one stage in childhood so fast, and the next thing you know, they are like my Grand Daughter Heather. Here she is a teenager and getting her driver’s license as they turn 16 in the blink of an eye. My oldest Grand son James jut turned 8 on the 6th of December. As I looked at all of his  birthday pictures on Facebook earlier this morning, my memories were of him, just practically a newborn a few weeks after we moved back to Texas in 2005. I am amazed as I think about them visiting at that time, with their first newborn son together; yet now their is the 2nd one Logan, who is sure not a baby anymore either. It was so cute to see Logan right beside James every step he made in those pictures! He follows his “big brother” around everywhere he goes. Then again I see Heather, the oldest as a young woman, not the tiny 2 year old child she was when I first met her. Time has flown by, and it does just seem to fly more quickly with each turn of a page in life. 

We tend to take “time” for granted. So, rather than spend this moment of time fussing about how time flies by, I’ll spend these few moments to let you know a bit about the homes of our families.

Mom is doing well. In fact, she is doing much better than the rest of us in many ways. Her health is good. But, she did go through a bit of a scare with her heart earlier in the year. She had been a bit short of breath, but she called me one morning to say she could not even walk to the mail box without being very winded. So, I called, got her into the doctor, and they thought it was her heart. They wheeled her over to the ER at the hospital next door. Her EKG, blood work, and all indicated she did not have a heart attack, so that was a good thing. In fact her doctor kept her overnight, and monitored her heart, along with doing labs every few hours to make sure nothing was awry. He wanted her to see a cardiologist just for the sake of making sure all was okay. in fact I took her to my own cardiologist, who is just wonderful. Dr. Meg Sullivan put Mom with a couple of other tests, and one was an echocardiogram. There was a “severe” abnormality of her mitral valve, which would not have been caught on an EKG or blood work. It was “sloppy” and loose, thus blood with oxygen is not all getting where it needs to be, thus causing her to be out of breath. The first “echo” was showing this in the “severe” range. That usually means open heart surgery, the only way to repair that valve. I think they have some doctors doing it with a scope, but I am not sure just how well that is going yet. Anyway, I asked Dr. Meg if we could do something “else” before we consider going through a huge surgical procedure. Mom was of course stunned and certainly NOT ready to even think about open heart surgery and I was also quite stunned myself. I think our cardiologist saw that neither of us were exactly thrilled and in fact both of us, Mom and I were in shock. That was the last thing we expected to hear. So, the doctor did suggest that Mom could “increase” one of her medications, Lasix, so it would take MORE fluid from her body. With that, even less sodium intake, adding more Potassium to her schedule, and “decreasing” the amount of fluids she drank daily. Believe it or not, it worked! The Lord was certainly on her side and all of ours. Two weeks after she began this routine, they did another ultrasound on her heart. Not only did the issue go from “severe”, but decreased that “sloppiness” so much, that her mitral valve was almost “normal”, rather than appearing diseased! Talk about miracles! That was a miracle. So far, that was at the first of the year, she has not had any real issues again. I am sure it may come to give problems some day, but for now, she had a 6 month check up about a month ago, and all appears to be well. I was extremely thankful. Mom has been so very fortunate health wise, that I am not sure she would stand to go through something that dramatic as far as a surgical procedure. She is having some horrible pain issues with her right shoulder. It has gotten so bad she is unable to even comb her hair. I’ve been fussing for her to see our Orthopedic surgeon. I feel it could be her neck, since I went through much of the same with mine. After having a shoulder replacement on the right, then also having cervical neck surgery due to continued pain in my right shoulder blade, I fear her issues could be cervical neck related also. Other than this issue with her shoulder, and of course she is having more problems with arthritis, and a bit “feeble” like having to watch going up and down stairs, holding onto rails more, and that kind of thing, she is doing very well to be 78 years old. She sends her love to all.

Both Jason and Amanda; along with Amanda’s husband and three children are all doing okay. Jason recently took a job not far from where Amanda and her family live; about 30 minutes out of Corpus Christi. So, he spends quite a bit of time with her and her family. I  am happy that they have one another close now. They have been close to each other, ever since they grew out of that “kid sister - older brother” stage years ago. It is wonderful to see them enjoy one another and have a good relationship. She stays on the go as usual. Never a dull moment with the three kids and their friends and families. She just doesn’t know “yet” how to sit still very long! Reminds me of “me” when I was her age. 

Jason decided to change a few things in his life. He is out of the career for now of any type of law enforcement, and is now working for a company out of Corpus Christi in the oil business. He seems to like it, and it seems to be less stressful, of course than the law enforcement jobs. Jason has some issues health wise with what seems to be symptoms of Fibromyalgia. He has had “aches and pains” with his joints for several years now. As of this past year it seems that some other symptoms have cropped up. These newer symptoms seem to exemplify more in the range of “FM” (Fibromyalgia)/“CFS/ME” (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). He has been taking some medication that seems to be helping and our hopes are that he shall continue to see improvement, and be able to continue on with all of his dreams and plans for the future. 

Well, “our home”. Actually things have been not nearly as “upside down” on the health front as the past few years had been. In saying that, I have had “new symptoms” and side effects from the Autoimmune Arthritic Illnesses. They have not been the most pleasant to say the least. I suddenly developed “double vision” the first part of this year. We first thought it was because I was not getting much sleep. So, I was overly tired most of the time, thus it was effecting my eye sight. I went through several doctors/specialists, lots of tests, including a “temporal artery biopsy”, and in the end, one of the best specialists in the field told me, “Frankly, he thinks it’s the Lupus, but is not sure exactly why it is”. He put a totally different type of glasses on me, with spheres in both lenses. They do a great job correcting the double vision, while I am wearing them. With them off, I still see “double”. Although we are still a bit baffled by it all, we also know when it comes to these autoimmune illnesses that have kind of “taken” over; there sometimes it just “not” a “diagnosis” or “explanation” but to say it is one of those. 
I have made change in the RA medication. I am taking “infusions” every 4 to 6 months. The hope is that this medication will somewhat control the RA pain AND our greatest hope is that it will slow down the progression of the damage to my joints. I have my thumbs that are just in terrible shape. The use of my hands continues to get worse each year. Until I have just about lost all use, or the doctors insist on “fusing” the thumb joints or replacing them, I just do things to help assist me in opening things, buttoning, holding and so on. My only other “oddity” is that I recently developed an “oval lump” on my lower left abdomen. I was at three doctors, had a sonogram, and no one could figure it out! (what’s new)… Finally, one of my regular physicians’, PA (assistant) saw me again, and “bingo” she found the problem right away. Of all things I have a “hernia”, actually I now have 2 hernia’s, one on each side; left and right. Only me! From all I have read and been told, hernia’s (inguinal hernia’s) are EXTREMELY difficult to find in females. Plus, they are usually “genetic” in nature. When we are in the womb, well before even “sex” is determined there are two tubes that form, and after that then the “sex” of the baby happens. But, those “tubes” especially in females can be “weak”. That weakness tends to run in families. So, as my PA told me, my own daughter could be subject to having a hernia or hernia’s also. It is only genetic as far as they know, more on the female side. Even though male babies, often have a hernia(s) when they are born, or very small. But those in themselves, supposedly are not “genetic”. I thought it was “wild” but I did some research and that is exactly what I found. I guess we learn something new no matter how old we are. Life to me stays absolutely fascinating for that reason! No matter how lousy I feel, or what is going on, I still love learning something new all the time! Especially when it comes to the “medical realms” of life. 

Jim, is also having one heck of a time with a shoulder/neck problem. He recently had an MRI, and in fact we have not gotten the results as of the time I am writing this letter. Our hopes are, and fingers crossed, that he is not facing surgery. But, it just does not look good. He stays in a tremendous amount of pain, and of all things, the pain is almost unbearable each time he sits down at the computer to work. Well, being the he designs and develops web sites as a career makes it a bad situation all the way around. I pray that rather than be some that needs surgery, that it may be something that is a “chronic inflammatory” process, which possibly corticosteroids in a larger dose, for an extended length of time, and some powerful NSAID”s maybe the answer. Surgery is just not something he wants to face at all. Plus he is without health insurance at the time. As anyone knows that works for themselves, with things in a mess as they are in our country with the health insurance situation, we are not sure how we will face something surgical in nature. But, I know that our “Higher Power” is watching over us, and “He” will make everything happen as it should be. 

I swore I wouldn’t make this long, but here it is, long as usual. I’ll just say a couple more things. I did have my 2nd PUBLISHED book go out earlier this year. I now have TWO books published, and they are on amazon.com   …   I use the “pen” name of “Rhia” or “Rhiannon” Steele. Both are Poetry/short Prose books, and are named “Ramblings of A Seasoned Soul” and the other is “Time Tattered Musings”. If you want to and have a moment look them up and you can “Look Inside the book” on Amazon, on both and read a couple of pages in them. My hope was to have a “3rd” book out by now. My “dream” to  be a “published” author has came true twice! Yet, my ultimate dream is to have the journey of my life in a book published. I have the entire “story” in bits and pieces all over my computer as well as in my blog online, and dozens of “handwritten” journals I’ve kept since I was around 14 years old. Every time I try to “begin” the book though, I just never quite come up with how I want that very first paragraph, page; the first chapter to sound. All of us have “a book” in us, is what I had a dear friend say to me. In a way that is so true. We “all” have a story about our lives, and how we got from point “a” as a youngster to point “b” in our present, plus we have ideas about point “c” where we hope to be in the future. But, some just never write it. I want to take that step and tell my story. Much of it, I’ve never shared with anyone. Much of it, I have shared but with only those I felt could totally understood where I came from. Yet, everyone that knows me well, especially Mom and Jim, have continued to encourage me to write “the” book, book… as I call it. 

I hope to accomplish that “dream” and write the “ultimate”, “Book, Book”, this year. That is if the “Lord willing and the creek don’t rise”, as the saying goes. As far as the “rest” of our family, “Tazzy” and “Bubba Gump”, our two “fur kids” are just as spoiled rotten as ever. They are getting older also as we can tell. Tazz, our Pug, is the oldest. She came with us from Seattle. That was in 2005. She was about a year old then. Bubba, is a
“Chi-Weenie”, and he is a character. They both keep us laughing, and talk about “separation anxiety”. They “cry” if I or Jim leave to go to the store! Bless their hearts, they are so accustomed to the both of us being with them. But, they are a joy, even though they can aggravate the heck out of us as times also. Just like 2 kids for sure!

My “projects” are many. It seems I always have my “fingers” in a different pie. I recently became an “Active Volunteer” for a non-profit Foundation that is trying to help bring awareness to Autoimmune Arthritic Illnesses. I just “graduated” from a several month class learning about the Foundation, and all they are accomplishing. It is truly an amazing story. The “founder” began about 4 years ago, after she was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. She wanted to make a difference and she has truly already done “miracles” through what started out as a “Buckle Me Up Movement” and a bracelet she made with a “belt buckle” at her apartment in San Francisco. From there it has grown to her and 4 “co-founders”, became an official non-profit foundation, and is about 35 volunteers strong and growing quickly. She has honestly accomplished things in 4 short years that many would never accomplish in a life time. And ALL of us have one or more Autoimmune Arthritic Illnesses. The Foundation is International Foundation for Autoimmune Arthritis. I would love it if you have a moment to take a look at their website. Even it does not really tell just how incredible this truly is and how many lives she and all of us as a team shall touch! You can visit the website at: 
http://www.ifautoimmunearthritis.org  …
Also, I will be doing some blogging on their own blog, which is called “Systemically Connected”. Plus my own personal blog, “Gaze Thru Pain - Lupus/RA & This Foggy Brain” is the name of it, and the URL to my blog is :  
http://rhiannonsrisetodreamstate.blogspot.com  …
I have to laugh, of course, as I say every year; I’m not going to make my “Annual Christmas Letter” so long! Of course it is always long, and probably longer than usual. I find as I write, there is lots more that went on during the year, than I think did. 

My hope… Our Hope is the you and your families are healthy, happy, and enjoying one another throughout the holidays. May you find peace, joy, and most of all love throughout 2014 and beyond. Know that we think of you often; even though we aren’t close physically, in our hearts and spirit we are always right there.

Much Love, Merry Christmas and A 2014 that shall be Wonderful!  Rhia,Jim, Tazz, Bubba… and All of Our Family!!!!