I must say, as silly as this may sound, trying to truly tell someone when I feel "my best" is a bit more difficult than you might think. We all have our "moments" where exactly as the "prompt" says, when we feel we could take on the world. Yet, when you are dealing day to day, even moment to moment with chronic illnesses, pain, doctors, medications, insurance, pharmacies, those moments seem to be few and far between.
I hardly mean to sound "depressed". That is not what I meant. But, I often feel disillusioned by the progress I see in my health matters, as far as how my medications and physicians are helping me to "feel better". We all too often see these ads on television, all of those ads we are bombarded with online and via email where this, that or the other is supposed to be the "break of the century". The medication is thought to be the "answered prayer" for all of us with one chronic illness or the other.
Then I read about how this diet, or that exercise may make me feel better. I am not knocking down all of those out there trying to find ways to help us, but even after 8 or more years of medications and doctors, I am not much better physically, and more certain at times not emotionally.
That be said, I will move on to the subject at hand. I feel best when "I can get in my car, pick up my Mom and leave for an overnight girl's trip". At that moment I feel so very "free" from the mundane and often "controlling" life lead when you are chronically ill. When I get an unexpected very nice comment, about something I wrote, that gives me a feeling also of that I AM accomplishing something. Much of my advocacy work has a tendency to make me feel "useful", that I have a purpose in life. I am not just out here "disabled", unable to work a job, and just "flounder" around, with no direct reason to be. So, anytime I do advocacy, activist, or volunteer work, I feel like I am on top of that "mountain" I use to describe in my own writing, and at those moments when whether it be a "blog post, or a Facebook post, or some other action such as going to an event that is about some of my advocacy work, I do get those "endorphins" moving a bit, that makes one feel as if they have truly gone that extra mile.
Both times, (especially the first time), my very first poetry book was actually published, and I pulled one out of the box and was able to hold it in my hand, was one of the very best moments in my life! It had been a dream of mine since I was about 13 years old, to be a "published author/writer". So, when I was able to pull the 2nd one together in about 5 months and it became published, again that moment of holding something "tangible" that you can see your own name on, and know that your words are now around the globe for whomever wishes to read. That times of glory I feel then, are definitely monumental.
At one time I was fortunate enough to have another author publish some of my poetry on his website. He came out with a new addition every month. So, sometimes I would send in a poem, or a piece of writing that I felt was truly something to "inspire" others. Several months down the road, I had an email from a couple who were about to be married. They wanted to know if I minded them having my poem read during their ceremony! Talk about elated! First of all, they had actually "read" my poetry, and it meant enough to them that they wanted to share it with their own family and friends during one of the most important days in your life. I was stunned, but also felt like I had truly "touched" someone. That is an awesome feeling to have for sure.
When my husband bought my set of drums and surprised me several years back with them, I was so thrilled. At that time, my chronic illnesses were not really known about and we did spend a great deal of time practicing together. Him on the guitar and me on the drums. When we would get a song written, have the music that went with it, and could put it all together to be recorded, that was always a time that I and him of course felt so very "accomplished". Of course we knew we were not "rockers", or would ever be "famous". But, the ability to take all of the steps needed and come up with a great piece of music, is like writing an incredible poem, or a prose.
My "foundation" as far as what gives me courage to get out of bed each day, is absolutely the HOPE, that I can touch someone's else life. There is no greater feeling as far as for myself, than when not only have I helped a person or persons, and made a difference in a life. So, feeling on top of the mountain, and wanting to shout out, "Here I am World" I have accomplished it"... comes from those moments that I know I have helped another or others find something to smile about, to make them feel good about, and feel that each day, giving a piece of myself, is what my life is all about.
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