Monday, April 13, 2015

Perfect comeback #HAWMC Wego Health Writers Challenge April 13th 2016

I have to say for the most part, I don't have many people that are "on my back" about what I do, don't do, should or should not do, when it comes to my chronic health conditions, RA, Lupus, Sjogren's, Raynauds, heart problems and the list continues.

There is one exception to that although. Mothers have a tendency to be "overprotective. It matter not if the kids are 2 years old or 52 years old. For them, a Mother is always the protector. So, my Mom I must say would be the person that I am constantly having to give a "perfect comeback" to when I want or do something, and she feels it is harmful to me, or could make my conditions worsen.

So, when the subject comes up about I should not do something such as do light yard work, or gardening. Or a good one is always how upset she gets when I must drive to Dallas to see some of the physicians there. She feels I should not "drive" that far (35 miles one way), and of course he concern is more about the high amount of traffic in the larger city, than the mileage.

My "perfect comeback" for many of her needless worries is that "if I don't drive there, or I don't do the light law work, or go wherever she feels I should not especially "alone" I ask her who will? She is 80 or going to be in August, and in all honesty, she can't even put gas in her own car. My husband is parpalegic and he is not allowed to drive at all, and would not be able to if he even thought he could. Both of my grown kids are a very long distance away. Especially my daughter. She is about 8 hours away. My son, although closer is still far enough away, that he can't simply drive down here anytime I need something, or need to go somewhere, he has his own life to deal with. We have no "friends" that can do any of these things. So, if I don't clean, cook, take us to doctor's appointments, pick up medications, make sure clothes are clean, the trash is out, and the list of course is endless, then it would not get done at all. Do I like it that way? Of course not. Before my husbands accident a year ago, he was "my caretaker". He did some of the dinner cooking, could run to the market if I was not feeling well, and even though I still did many things, when it came down to it, errands, groceries, some of the cooking, etc. he could do. Which took a huge load off of my own shoulders. Now, it is no longer that way. He can walk, but not far, and not without a cane. He is not able to drive, he can't bend over, his balance is very impaired, and so forth, so "me" is the only "person" I have to depend upon.

So, usually whenever my Mom, or anyone that knows me well enough to ask me "how I manage it", or "should I not be doing a certain thing"; my answer is usually just as I've said. "If I don't take care of all of these things, then how do they get done, and who shall be able to do them?"

For others in general, I let them know, yes, I have several very "silent" but serious illnesses. But, I do listen to my physicians who all know the massive amount of "stress" related things I have to take care of. If it comes to a place that I get too ill, then I am just on the sofa, for however long that is (last time while my husband was still in the hospital I had double pneumonia) and was down for about 8 to 10 days. I've had pneumonia again since that one, and still I was down for about 5 days. Those are the times, that some things just don't get done. So, I let people know that I am fully capable of taking care of things for the most part, and those that either feel I should "not" do what I do, or those that feel since I am doing everything, that maybe "I am not all that ill"... I give them a quick reminder about the "spoon theory" also. That is one of the best ways to also explain to people about how much you do, why you do things in the manner you do, and when that days "spoons" or whatever you may want to use as an example run over, then I may have to "borrow" from the next days. Then I "catch up" when things are smoother.

It is never easy to explain your "invisible illnesses". But, for those that truly know just how ill you are, it is never easy to explain to them, you also can't just sit down on the sofa, and allow yourself to "wallow" in pity and despair. Life moves forward, and that means I must do so also, even on those days that I may feel I just can't take another step.

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